Chapter 21
ALEXEI
When I stir the next morning, it takes me a moment to remember where I am. Not in my own bed, that’s for sure. The sunlight comes in from a window on the wrong side of the room, and the covers are different to the ones I normally sleep under...
And then, I look around, and see the woman sprawled out on the bed next to me. And everything that happened yesterday comes flooding back into my mind. I realize that I must have spent the night with Cara at my side.
I turn to face her, reaching out to brush my fingertips along her jaw; she is fast asleep, no doubt exhausted from the chaos of the last few days, her hair fluttered around her head on the pillow and her eyes shut. Her lips are slightly parted, as though she is about to say something.
And she sure as hell had plenty to say to me the day before, when the two of us clashed in the kitchen.
The way she talked to me, the edge to her voice as she told me just how unwilling she was to give in to the level of control and security that I keep in my house and on my family.
It had turned into something else the moment she had kissed me, but I know that all the weight of those words is not forgotten, not by a long shot.
But now, it’s hard to remember what we were arguing about in the first place.
Because, as she sleeps, she looks so peaceful, so pliant.
I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her in closer, and she lets out a small noise in her sleep, snuggling into me as if she doesn’t want to be anywhere else but in my arms.
And lucky for her, that’s exactly where I want her too. I can’t remember the last time I woke up next to someone; the majority of my hook-ups since I was last with her have been quick, dirty, and somewhere outside of the house, the women taking off as soon as they get what they want from me.
And that’s been just fine for me, because I need my privacy and my space. I’ve never really wanted anyone closer than that as it is.
But here she is, right at my side, and it doesn’t feel wrong.
No, it feels like the most natural thing in the world, as though it’s ridiculous to think that she could be anywhere else right now.
Her hair brushes against my neck, and I watch her as she rests, this woman who has changed so much about my life. ..
And this woman who the rest of the world knows about now, whether I like it or not.
I can try to spin it any way I can in my head, but the truth is, I doubt Vinski kept his fat mouth shut about what he had done when he attacked the house.
I can already imagine how he must have been boasting to anyone and everyone he could, that he had managed to make it into my house and steal away Cara and Nina.
Even if he doesn’t entirely know who they are to me, I’m sure he can put the pieces together, fit them into something that makes sense so he can prove to himself that he is the one calling the shots here.
Even if he is dead, the threat remains. Which means that I need to be even more careful now. Bring in even more protection. She might have bucked against the rules I tried to put into place, but now, they need to be even more intense than they were before, even more certain.
It’s why I’ve kept myself single for so long; Max is one thing, my son, not a choice I made but a responsibility I carry.
But having a woman in my life like this, involving her in my world, that puts her at risk in all the ways my mother was.
People saw her as my father’s weakness, and it was ultimately what killed him, even if he would never have admitted it.
Sometimes, you don’t need to come out and say it; the truth is written all over your face, and it’s the only thing that matters.
I can do it differently. I know I can. I just need to be smart in all the ways my father was naive for so long. A stir of resolve squeezes in my chest, insistent and powerful.
I sit up in bed, running a hand through my hair as I look around her room.
I’m going to need to be even more careful than before, and that starts here, with her quarters, the home that she has made for our children.
Max and Nina might be safe now, thank God, but I don’t even want to think what might be waiting for them on the other side of that door if someone else tries to make some kind of move against them…
I feel a hand resting against the small of my back, and her sleepy, throaty voice rises from the other side of the bed.
“Hey,” she murmurs. “Everything okay…?”
I look around at her, and, for a moment, I see the woman who I was with last night—the woman I crave more than anything, the woman who stirs emotion in me deeper than anyone else I’ve ever met.
But, when I blink, it’s like she vanishes, and is replaced instead by a liability I’ve to do everything in my power to protect.
“Fine,” I reply, rising to my feet. “I need to talk to the guards, get more security on this wing of the house.”
Her face falls, and I know it’s the very last thing that she expected to hear.
After last night, though, can it really come as that much of a surprise?
I told her straight-up that there was nothing I wouldn’t do to keep her and the children safe, and that’s not going to change just because there is a part of her that still craves her freedom.
“What we talked about last night,” she remarks, broaching the subject carefully, making sure not to overstep the line and piss me off any more than she already has. “You don’t think… you don’t think, with Vinski gone, you could ease up a little? It’s not like there is anyone out for your business…”
“You really think it just goes away like that?” I reply quietly, not even looking back at her. “People saw a crack in my defenses. That shit doesn’t just go away because I want it to.”
“Yeah, but—”
“There’s no arguing,” I snap back. “The choice is made. I’m not letting anyone look at me and see vulnerability-”
“There are more guards here than there are people to protect,” she points out, shaking her head. “Any more, and you won’t be able to move in this place for them. How much harder do you want to make life for Maxim and Nina? They’re going to be tripping over people—”
“They’re going to be safe,” I mutter. “And that’s all that fucking matters.”
I’m surprised by the harshness in my own tone, but I make no attempt to apologize for it.
After what happened, after she was taken, she must see more clearly than anyone that there is something deeply and profoundly threatening lurking just out of sight, that there are those out there who would take it all from me if they could.
“You really aren’t going to listen to me on this?” she asks, sounding crestfallen.
I sigh and sit at the edge of the bed, finally looking at her properly. I can see her hurt written all over her face, how much she wants me to actually hear what she is saying to me. And I do, but that doesn’t mean I can just wind back the weight of everything that has happened these last few days.
“You hired me to help give your son a more normal life,” she continues, sensing that she has managed to reach at least some small part of me as she carefully touches my hand. “And I think this is how you can start to do it. Give him a little more freedom, let him out into the world.”
“I know what’s best for my son.”
She bites the inside of her cheek, clearly trying to contain a sharper comment.
“I’m not saying you don’t,” she replies.
“I’m just saying, now he’s getting older, now he’s been exposed to all of that anyway because of the attack, you could take this as a chance to actually.
.. You know, let him see a little more of the world.
Give him some experiences outside this house, right? ”
She sounds hopeful, and there is a part of me that doesn’t not want to crush that quite so easily—but, on the other hand, I know I can’t just brush off the concern at the back of my mind right now.
If something else were to happen to them, I know I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
If this is what it takes to ensure that I can rest easy at night, knowing that nobody will dare come close to them, then I’ll take it in any way I’m able.
I head to the door, adjusting my clothes and pulling on my pants. I have to talk to Ilya, see how many men we have after we made the move against Vinski, and how many more we need to bring in to make sure that nothing else like this ever gets the chance to take root again.
She doesn’t try calling out to me, perhaps sensing that the choice has already been made. She might still be fooling herself, thinking that this world is safe for her and the children, but it’s up to me to make sure she doesn’t let her naivety turn into something more.
And yet, even as I make my way through the mansion once more, I find myself wondering if I would have been better off staying in bed, next to her, at the side of the woman I can’t seem to extricate myself from.