23. Xaden
TWENTY-THREE
Xaden
“Baby, you don’t eat all of it. You just eat the cheese and cookies. I’m not getting a Lunchable for you to not eat half of it.”
Daisy puts on her best puppy dog face, and I’m left standing there in front of the cooler of premade lunches, unable to do anything more than sigh.
“Fine, fine. But please try to eat the meat and the crackers. Okay?”
Immediately perking up, Daisy nods. “I will!”
I pull a blue-labeled Lunchable from the cooler and hand it to her. She’ll eat it right here in the store, and if anything, it’ll make the rest of my shopping easier because she’ll actually go sit in the cart.
Compromises.
Picking her up, I make sure to lay out her coat beneath her so that she has something soft to sit on—carts hurt her butt—and she hunkers down, opening her food and going straight for a cookie.
“Remember,” I eye her, “you need to eat the meat and cheese, too.”
She just nods. “My tablet?”
“Yeah, just a second.” I hand her the Kids' Fire tablet I got for her, and she munches away as I try to knock off the rest of the items on my list in less time than it took to get this far into the store with her.
As we’re wheeling along, I make sure to check on how she’s eating, and I’m happily surprised to see she’s gotten two slices of meat down.
“Hey, there, Xaden.”
Pulling to a stop, I look back over my shoulder to see Amy. She’s carrying a shopping basket, and I don’t see John anywhere.
“Oh, hey, Amy. How’s it going?”
She saunters over, and I maneuver the cart out of the way so that people can pass us.
“It’s good. And how’s this little one? I’m still available for babysitting if you need it.”
I chuckle a little, trying to keep the mood light, but I’ve been dreading this conversation. “I don’t need a babysitter right now, Amy, but I’ll let you know the moment I do. It’s been going really well with Ivy. We’ve gotten…very close.”
Tension hammers down on my muscles, and I hope Amy catches my meaning. That, of course, is proven when her eyebrows soar up to her hairline, her mouth dropping open.
“You…”
But she doesn’t finish. Dammit. I knew this was going to be a thing. God, I should have said something sooner.
“Umm, yeah. We are. It’s been great, actually. I’m really happy.”
That’s all that should matter to her, but I know Amy is opinionated at the best of times. Moreover, that awkwardness between us is at an all-time high, and I start to really believe I had it right in the first place.
Amy was flirting.
Shaking herself, she takes a step closer, lowering her voice. “You should know that she was quite rude to me at the park the other day. I just know she’s trying to put one over on you like the last nanny.”
There’s no proof of that, and what’s more, I’ve been sleeping with Ivy for a while now. I’d like to think I know her pretty damn well at this point.
“Amy, I think you’re reading into the situation. I know that you want to help protect Daisy, but really, there’s no trouble here. Ivy is great. Please, just let it go. For the first time in two years, I’m actually happy. Don’t you want that for me?”
She scoffs, pulling her head back like I’ve offended her somehow.
“Of course, I want you happy.”
Her tone is sharp and the volume is loud enough now to get Daisy looking up from her tablet.
“Hey, baby. Look, it’s Amy. She was just saying hi.”
Daisy waves. “Hi!”
I plaster on a tight smile, doing my best to remain calm. “Go on and eat up. You’re doing good. I think you can get through all the meat and cheese.”
With a smile, the kid goes back to watching her tablet and eating in the cart. I suck in a deep breath through my nose and regard Amy again, my expression a touch more serious.
“Good. Then let me be happy, okay?”
Amy’s eyes roll up as she chews on her lip, clearly not wanting to look me in the eye. I never wanted to admit that maybe she had feelings for me, but it’s getting harder and harder to deny that.
Worse, she’s letting those feelings drive her. She wants me to push Ivy away just because she wants the “position” for herself.
But I’ve never liked Amy that way, and it’s definitely not happening now.
“She’s hiding something from you, Xaden. You need to be careful.”
I sigh, dropping my head before looking back up at her again. “I understand your concern. Nothing is going on for you to worry about. You need to let me be happy. If you actually care about me, you’ll do that.”
Amy is quiet, and she won’t make eye contact. After a moment, she clears her throat and steps back.
“Have fun with the rest of your shopping.” She begins to turn away, obviously upset. “Just remember who’s always been there for you when something goes wrong.”
Without a goodbye, Amy hurries away, putting distance between us in the store. I drop my head, sighing as I lean my elbows on the shopping cart.
“Great,” I whisper sarcastically, “just great.”
I really do have to finish up the shopping, so I just get moving again, heading toward the back coolers so that I can grab some milk.
My shoulders are pinched tight, however, and I can’t stop thinking about what Amy said. I have a feeling it’s exactly what she wanted, but it doesn’t change the fact that I worry Ivy is keeping something from me, too, if only a little.
There’s something to those calls and text messages, and I haven’t been pushing because I don’t want to scare Ivy away or seem overly demanding. But I think the time has come for me to say something.
We’re getting more serious, and I want us to, and in order to do that, we both need to be more honest with each other.
Big ol’ heart to heart. You’ve seen it coming, Xade. Just man the fuck up and do it.
I’m distracted as I finish the grocery shopping with Daisy. The items we need are collected on rote, my mind drifting back to all the times I’ve seen Ivy get tense about those messages.
Insecurity and anxiety peak as I start wondering what they might be for the umpteenth time. I haven’t let myself think about it much, but now, that’s all I can do.
Who is messaging her? Am I going to regret finding out? Is there something going on that’s going to ruin this little bubble of happiness I’ve created for myself?
Still, I glance down at Daisy as I stand in line to check out. She’s so happy in the cart. She’s been happier than she has been in a long while.
And that’s all thanks to Ivy.
We need to talk. There’s no way around that, but I’m still going to give her the benefit of the doubt. Because she’s been nothing but incredible with the both of us.
I trust her. I’m choosing to trust her.
Time will tell if that’s a na?ve mistake I’ll come to regret.