22. Ivy
TWENTY-TWO
Ivy
Morning comes, and for once, I’m not actually shaking my fist at the window for letting in the light. I’m excited about the day to come, and I know it has everything to do with the fact that I feel like Xaden and I have really turned a corner.
Last night was a revelation, and one I’m not about to forget or take for granted.
There’s still so much I need to talk to him about, but for now, I’m going to allow myself to be extremely content.
Because I am.
Jogging down the stairs, I meet Xaden in the kitchen and circle around the corner to give him a kiss on the cheek.
“Hey, I’m going for a quick run, okay?”
He grins, a softness to his expression that is new and beautiful. “Totally. I’ll have eggs waiting for when you get back. Daisy should be up by then, too.”
I’m all smiles as I head out the door to get my exercise in, my phone strapped to the armband I got for running so that I can listen to music and take calls.
It’s a chilly morning, to be sure, and I’m glad I have my warmer athletic shirt and jacket on, along with thicker leggings.
After about fifteen minutes or so, my music dims, and my phone buzzes as a call comes in. I pause to check it, and it’s Jasmine.
Jogging off to the side, I pause the run to answer it. “Hey, Jas. I’m surprised you’re up this early.”
She laughs. “Eh, I have class in a bit, and I wanted to get breakfast. So, how’s things?”
I realize that she can’t see me beaming like the damn sun, so I just smile for myself, looking back toward Xaden’s house.
“They’re really good, actually. I’m umm…still seeing Xaden. It’s going well.”
“Ivy,” Jasmine lets out in a singsong voice, “I’m so happy for you! You deserve some goodness, and from the few details you’ve provided, that right there is the goodness.”
I laugh, shaking my head at my sister’s inability to keep any conversation rated PG and secretly loving it. She’s always there when I need cheering up or just someone to celebrate with.
“Thanks.” I pace in a little circle to keep my heart rate up. “It’s going really well. And what about you? How’s college life?”
“Well, actually,” she starts, her tone going up, and I’m hanging on her words, “I started seeing someone, too.”
“That’s amazing, Jas! Look at you putting yourself out there.”
I smile, deciding I should probably start to head back toward the house. Daisy will be up soon, and my stomach is roiling—likely because I didn’t eat.
Picking up the pace again, I start jogging lightly back toward Xaden’s.
“Yeah, well, I’m not sure how serious it is. We’ll see.” There’s a pause, and then Jasmine laughs. “Why do you sound out of breath? Did I interrupt something?”
Barking out a laugh, my pace falters. “Ha! No! Get your head out of the gutter. I’m going for a run. Well, I was. Now, I’m just standing here listening to you.”
“Oh, good. You should not be answering the phone when you’re getting some.” She teases me, and I can’t help but smile.
“Trust me. I wouldn’t answer. I am definitely too busy during those moments.”
“Eh-oh, that’s my girl! Big sis is hitting it like a champ!”
We just giggle until the moment naturally passes, and I sigh.
When Jasmine pauses, I’m left with that same nagging question that I always have when I talk to my baby sister. I don’t want to be the buzzkill, but it’s too important to me that Jas is safe.
“Has our father contacted you? I know it’s not fun to think about, but I have to be on top of it.”
“Still, no, Ivy. And you know I’d tell you immediately if he did.” I hear her shuffle on the other end and the volume around her increases. “And as much as I hate to say it, he’s not as interested in me, which I know is thanks to you. You should watch your back, sis. He’s…unhinged.”
I have to imagine that Jasmine is in the cafeteria or a student restaurant getting breakfast now, and the thought of her around all those people settles my nerves some. Still, she’s not wrong.
“That’s putting it politely.” I lean back, looking up into the sky, as I put my hands on the back of my head. “And yeah, I know. I worry every day that he’ll show up here.”
I’ve made it back to the driveway now, having slowly walked as we talked. When I focus on the front porch, I can see Xaden there with Daisy in his arms.
It’s exactly what I want to see when I’m coming back home, and it hits me that I’m genuinely starting to think of Xaden’s place as home.
Not my house next door, the one I technically own, but his—the warmth there, the people inside it.
“Hey, I need to go, but thanks for chatting. I’ll text you later, okay?”
“Totally. I need to eat anyway. Have fun with that man of yours.” I can hear the smile Jasmine wears in her voice. “And stay safe.”
Looking at Xaden, I smile as he waves Daisy’s hand. He clearly took her out there because she asked where I was. They’re my welcoming party.
He’s always been right there for me. I feel…safe around Xaden.
“I will, Jas.” My chest squeezes as I lose myself to Xaden’s smile. “I will.”
Refocusing, I look down at the ground and shake my head. I pull my phone out of the armband and hover my thumb over the red button.
“I love you. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Love you, Ivy. Bye.”
Hanging up, I start a steady walk back to Xaden, looking forward to the hug I’m going to get the moment I’m in arms reach of the two of them.
It’s still a bit unexpected, but I really do feel like Xaden would be there by my side if anything happened. I can trust him to look out for me and to be there should I fall.
I’ve always been the one to provide that for others. It’s something to be on the receiving end. I mean, sure, I’ve had incredible friends, but this is different.
Because Xaden is not my friend. He’s so much more. I’m…falling in love with him.
My stomach is flip-flopping like pancakes on a griddle, and I know that I need to eat something soon.
You also need to talk to him about all this. He needs to know.
That voice in my head is right.
I have to tell Xaden about my father and everything that happened in the past. I can’t let his introduction to it be a surprise visit from my dad.
It still terrifies me, though. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, and the thought of Xaden’s perception of me changing because of my past is almost enough to keep me from going back into the house.
Almost.
The truth is, I’m too far gone for the both of them to pull away now. I’m in. I just need to be “in” completely, no more secrets.
I’m just a few feet away when my phone buzzes in my hand. I somehow already know what it’s going to be, but that doesn’t make it any better.
Don’t keep me waiting, Vivi. Give me what I want.
Swallowing, my steps falter as I get up onto the porch. I shove it all down, smiling for Daisy and opening my arms for her.
“Ivy!” She calls, hopping into my arms.
“Hi, cutie. We having breakfast?” I settle her on my hip, following Xaden inside.
“Pancakes!”
She squeals happily, and that burning nausea crawls up the back of my throat.
Turning to Xaden, I put on my best composed but needy face. “Hey, I need to run to the bathroom. I’ll be right back, okay?”
He takes Daisy with a smile, but I can see the worry touching his brow. “You alright?”
“Yeah, totally. Go and get started. I’ll be right there.”
“Okay.” He grins down at Daisy, tickling under her chin. “Alright, missy. Let’s keep the syrup on the pancakes this time, yeah?”
Daisy just giggles, and I head toward the bathroom. When I’m out of sight, I sprint to the room, close the door behind me, and fling myself to the toilet.
There’s not much to heave up, but the water I had comes out of me, and I’m left shaking on the bathroom floor.
“Jesus, what the hell was that?” I whisper to myself.
I’ve been anxious about my father before, downright terrified, but this is the first time I’ve actually gotten sick over it. Usually, it just stays annoying nausea.
Hauling myself off the floor, I stumble over to the sink. I turn on the cold water, leaving the temperature frigid, and splash my face with the icy liquid.
The rush of cold helps to subdue any lingering stomach issues, and I force myself to focus on my breathing. I’ve been feeling off all morning, and I pray that I’m not getting sick.
I do not have the time for that.
Still, as I check myself over in the mirror, making sure I don’t look like I just puked, my nerves are on edge. The lasting unease isn’t fading, and the pinch in my stomach remains.
Something feels off, wrong , and I can’t put my finger on it. I know I’m not the best at being optimistic, but I can’t shake the sense that something terrible is about to happen.
“That’s predicting the future, Ivy. You’re letting your anxiety get the best of you. Come on, you got this.”
The pep talk works only slightly, but I have a breakfast I need to get to, and if anything, being there for Daisy and being with Xaden keeps me focused on the here and now.
I don’t have time to let my panic overwhelm me. I have a kiddo to take care of, and I need to find a way to talk to Xaden about everything with my father.
So whatever is going on out there on the horizon is just going to have to wait. We’re too busy over here.
Drying off and pulling my running jacket down, I nod at myself and head out of the bathroom to the kitchen. Pancakes are waiting, and I’m going to eat them.