31. Xaden
THIRTY-ONE
Xaden
In the middle of finishing up an email, I hear hurried footsteps rushing down the stairs, and I spin around in my chair to see Ivy bursting into my office.
“Hey,” I stand up, going to her with my hands out, “what’s wrong?”
She’s sobbing, and my mind immediately goes to the worst possible thing. God, is something wrong with the baby?
“Honey, I need you to talk to me. I’m right here, but I can’t help if you don’t talk to me.”
Ivy shakes, gripping the front of my shirt as she presses her head against my chest. I rub down her arms as I pull her close.
“I’m so sorry, Xaden. I should have said something sooner, but I was embarrassed and scared, and fuck, none of that matters.” She looks up at me, her brows pinched together with worry. “My father is stalking me, and I’m terrified that he’ll find me and do something to hurt you or Daisy…or the baby.”
For a moment, all I can do is hold her. I’m shocked, to say the least, but holy shit, this answers a lot of questions.
“Wait.” I shake my head. “ Those are the messages you’ve been getting. They’re from your father.”
Nodding against me, Ivy tries to breathe.
“Okay, Ivy. It’s okay. We’re going to talk about this and get it all figured out. I just need you to try and take a few deep breaths. Alright?”
A pained sob leaves her, and she struggles to breathe against it. Having the woman you love in so much distress and being able to do so little is nearly too much to take.
I have to force myself to follow my own advice. Breathe, Xaden. It’s not that day. It’s not. And Ivy needs you.
After a moment, she looks up at me, and I can see this mess of tangled emotions painted over her face.
“He…he just got out of prison…for…facilitating…” I can see that this is taking everything to say out loud, and I squeeze her, not about to rush her.
“You take your time. There’s no hurry. I’m not going anywhere.”
The reminder seems to help, and she smiles through the tears with a nod. “Okay.”
Her head goes back down to my chest, but she breathes as deeply as the tears will let her. I have a feeling they’re not going anywhere, either—at least not for a while.
“S-sex trafficking.”
My stomach drops, and everything comes to a screeching halt. “W-What?”
“He, my, umm, father…and my mother…they were drug addicts, dealers, and whatever else I didn’t understand as a kid. They were…they were in a lot of debt to their suppliers and…”
Ivy’s words trail off and I can finish the sentence in my head. As much as I want to say that she doesn’t have to continue, I think she needs to.
I’ve had similar situations in therapy.
“They, umm, agreed to…to sell me to pay it off. Jasmine was still a ‘little young.’ I was seventeen. Make that make sense, huh?”
Disgust roars through me so profoundly, and I actually worry I might be sick for a moment. That wouldn’t help Ivy, though. It wouldn’t make the situation better, so I hold all that shit back.
I’m here for her, and I’ll protect her and listen to her. If that means compartmentalizing my own shock and horror over her past, I can definitely do that.
“We were always poor, and they even tried to get my sister and me to steal for them. But we were never good at it. Got caught and dragged back home a lot. That…that didn’t go over well.”
Ivy’s stare goes down to the floor, and her shaking stops. I use this opportunity to get her into the chair in front of my desk, kneeling in front of her.
“I always tried to keep the worst of it from Jasmine. I think it worked,” she says with a sarcastic chuckle, “because she’s better adjusted than I am.”
“Why…I’m sorry. I don’t mean to butt in or ask anything of you. I’m just…why isn’t Jasmine with you?”
Ivy nods gently. “She was put in foster care. I was old enough to be emancipated. I, umm, I escaped from the van before anything could happen, and I got to a pay phone. I called the police, and then…you know, trial and prison and separation. They were found guilty of multiple felonies, including the string of gas station robberies they tried to get my sister and me to do. I was still under eighteen, so they didn’t include my name in the documents. I think that was the only way I was able to get a job.”
I squeeze Ivy’s hands as she starts to fidget. “Hey, you are not your parents. No one would have held their actions against you. Like you said, you were a child.”
“I know, it’s just…I was supposed to be an adult, too. I worked my ass off to afford an apartment in the city. But when I heard that my father was going to be released—I think they had to tell me—I got out of there. I had to.”
Taking it all in, I nod as I let the information absorb into my brain. “So, you’re scared because he’s been texting you?”
“And calling. Dad wants money, of all things. Which would be hilarious if it weren’t also super fucked up and terrifying. I don’t have anything after relocating. If it weren’t you and the ‘job,’ I’d be broke.”
I can’t fathom having a parent who’s so vile. I have a daughter, and the thought of doing any of that to her makes me sick. She’s my whole world. How could someone be so cruel?
“Not that I’m unhappy you did, but why did you decide to tell me now?”
Sucking in a deep breath again, Ivy lets it out slowly, the air coming out shaky and slow.
“I got a message from my mother, too. I was sure they were in league with each other, and I wanted to just call her and tell her off. Which I did, but she made it sound like she was just as mistrusting and scared of my father as I am. I’m not looking to see or speak to her ever again, but something about what she said…”
I’ve learned a lot in the past few minutes, and I’m feeling a might overwhelmed by the info dump. Not that it wasn’t warranted.
“Okay, hang on. You called your mother, too?”
Ivy nods. “Just now. It, umm, it was kind of the reason I knew it was time to talk to you. This is getting to be too big. I was horrified by the thought of hurting you or Daisy because of my father, but I can’t protect you from it anymore. Or myself. There’s no good coming from me denying reality.”
I chuckle in that way that says, “I don’t know what else to do.”
“Well, I’ll tell you, I’m very glad you finally spoke to me about all this. And that last bit was very well-adjusted of you.”
Ivy crumples into the seat a bit, and I rise up taller so that I can wrap my arms around her. “I love you, babe. So fucking much. We’ll deal with this together, okay?”
She nods, and I can see that she’s still not hearing me, so I put on my “dad voice.”
“Hey,” I pull her chin up, “I mean it. I’m fucking disgusted that a parent could do that to a child, let alone that you were that child. You don’t deserve that. What they did was fucking appalling, and I will not let your father get anywhere near you. If I have to die trying, I will keep him from harming you or pulling that shit again.”
Her eyes well up, and I can see Ivy processing what I said, truly. We stay there in that moment of connection, and I lock my eyes on her, not pulling away from the intensity of it all.
Because this is it. Ivy is my future, and I’m ready to start living for it.
“Xaden, I…you have no idea how much that means to me. I am so incredibly grateful.”
She takes my face in her hands, looking straight into my eyes, and even before the words are out of her mouth, I can sense what she’s about to say by the way her irises glow and her entire body zeroes in on this moment.
“I love you, Xaden. More than anything in this world, aside from maybe a tie with your daughter.”
Terror sits behind her stare now, like Ivy knew she was going to say it but now dreads the recuperations.
I touch my forehead to hers, closing my eyes as I drink her in before meeting her nervous gaze again.
“I love you, too. I love you more than I ever thought I could, and I know that Daisy loves you, too.”
She rises up in her chair, the elation of the moment making her vibrate with joy. The tears spill over onto her cheeks again, but this time, I know they’re from the happiness she feels.
“I love you.” She smiles, squeezing my face, then kissing the hell out of me. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
Each sentence is punctuated with another kiss, and I can’t help but laugh.
“I’ve never said that to anyone but Jasmine.” She shakes her head. “It feels so damn good.”
Nodding, I hold her stare, allowing the emotions welling up in me to play out over my features. “It does. I love you, Ivy. And we’ll do this together.”
She returns the nod. “Together.”
Holding her, I have that swelling urge to make this pact between us solid—to show Ivy that I’m serious, that I love her, and that we fit.
Standing, I hold out my hand for her to take. “Daisy is going to be down for about an hour longer. Come upstairs with me?”
Ivy’s eyes widen, but she considers, understanding what I’m not saying. She gets me like that, she knows what I’m about, and that is damned amazing.
“Okay.”
She nods, taking my hand and standing up from the couch. We both move quickly—but not in a terrible rush—to get to our bedroom.
It’s the work of a moment to get the mother of my child and the love of my life free of her clothes. I strip down as well, and as I lie over her on the bed, I hold myself up—framing Ivy’s face with my hands—as I kiss her with everything I have.
She’s always felt small beneath me, and hell, I’m huge, so that's probably why, but right now, Ivy feels that much more dwarfed by my size.
I know that it has everything to do with the enormity of her past that she carries with her all the time. And if only for a few moments, I want to take that all away.
I travel my kisses down her neck to her chest, and Ivy arches up against me. “Xaden.”
My name is a soft plea, gentle and unhurried but full of passion and need all the same.
“I love you, Ivy. I’ve got you.”
She moans happily, and I move my lips to her nipple as I caress the other breast. I suck on the pert bud, and Ivy hisses.
“Oh, they’re so sensitive.”
Smiling against her skin, I fight the usual instinct to use that to my advantage. “I’ll be gentle this time.”
This is about making Ivy feel loved. We’ll save the wild sex for a little later.
I take my time with her, ensuring I’ve warmed her up before I crawl back up Ivy’s body and position myself at her seam. She’s warm and wet, and I know that Ivy is as locked into the moment as I am when I hear her suck in a desperate breath.
“Please, Xaden. I need to feel you. I need to be here. Now.”
“I’m here, baby. Just think about this.” I sheathe myself inside her, and the world disappears.
It’s like this every time I’m with Ivy, but this is even more. Life is chaotic and very painful on occasion. Being here with her, feeling connected to the woman who’s carrying my child and who brought me out of a pervasive depression, all of that falls away.
We ride the waves of it together, giving and taking, as I rock my hips back and forth. My erection glides in and out of her, stirring her nerves and making her grip me.
Every move is deliberate and heartfelt. I give myself entirely to my union with Ivy. And it’s not just the physical bliss, I allow myself to feel that love I have for her—to not be afraid.
It’s the best I’ve felt in a long, long time.