Chapter 6 #2
“Okay.” Okay, so it wasn’t because of what I’d just asked her. Only…only I wasn’t sure I believed that. This was the exact thing I’d feared before—them using it as an excuse to terminate my job without admitting to the real reason they didn’t want me here.
“We have an eleven-student minimum here for all of our online courses, and unfortunately, we couldn’t meet that for session B.”
I bit my lip. “So, for session C…”
“We will be in contact should we need additional staff, but going forward, I’m afraid we won’t be offering those classes.”
Oh, I knew a kiss-off when I heard one. I’d come in expecting to beg for scraps when it came to accommodating my needs for the upcoming semester—something I didn’t want to do because I was the new guy and no one liked it when the new guy came in with a list of demands.
I’d been anticipating being offered at least a part-time position for the fall semester.
Not…not this.
I blinked and saw a flash of my medical bills. I blinked again and saw myself lying in bed, unable to move because I couldn’t afford any of my treatments. I blinked and saw my brother’s face, worried because I couldn’t take care of myself.
I blinked and saw Nash staring at me with unending amounts of pity.
I tried to swallow again, but there was still a lump there, preventing my throat from functioning.
“Is there anything else you—”
“There’s nothing else I can do for you. I’m sorry,” she said before I could finish.
“—need from me,” I went on, my heart in my throat.
Nina had the grace to look ashamed. “No. But I will take your accommodation list and add it to your file, so if we do have a need during an upcoming semester, we won’t have to meet regarding this again.”
Oh. I knew what that meant. That was the unofficial-official way of telling me I was on a list of professors they would never actually hire. And God only knew how many out-of-work professors in my field were waiting to take my place.
I managed to stand and leave her office without incident, though my messenger bag felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. I made it through the lobby and outside onto the balcony, sagging against the railing before my legs gave out on me.
Fuck. Fuck!
I didn’t swear that often, even in my own head, but this moment called for a few choice words.
Because fuck! I was so screwed. I’d been worried enough that I wouldn’t be able to deal with taking on an entire course load while also trying to manage my brand-new disorder, but now I couldn’t even afford to do the latter because my savings were almost out, and now I definitely had no insurance to cover the treatments I needed.
I felt sick to my stomach.
My hands shook as I reached into my pocket for my phone, and I stared down at the time. I’d been on campus for a grand total of thirty-two minutes. God only knew where Nash was, but it was likely he was still on the road, thinking he wouldn’t need to be back for several hours.
“Oh my god. Forest?”
I jumped and spun, almost losing my footing when I heard a familiar voice. My gaze locked on a tall, muscular form with shaggy blond hair tied in a bun at the nape of his neck. Heath smiled at me, though he looked confused.
“What are you doing here?”
He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder. “Picking up some info sheets and forms for some of my kids. They do a dual-enrollment thing that… Actually, never mind. You don’t care.”
“Of course I care.”
He burst into laughter. “Dude, no you don’t. It’s just a school thing. But shit, I forgot you worked here.”
“Um. Yeah,” I said, searching for some kind of smile.
Heath frowned. “You okay, man?”
No. I was not okay. At all. “It’s been a day. I was just leaving, but I don’t have my car, so—”
“No biggie. I have mine. Wait right here for me, and I can give you a lift.”
Oh god, was my brother with him? Creek would immediately know something was wrong. “I don’t want to interrupt your day with Creek.”
Heath laughed, his ears going a little pink.
“Nah. He’s in San Jose for the afternoon, doing some recruitment thing.
I might not have been paying super close attention when he was talking about it this morning, but I know he won’t be back until after seven.
” He rubbed the back of his neck, his grin a little ashamed.
“Anyway, we can do lunch if you’re not busy. ”
The thought of food made me want to rip my own stomach out. The nausea was overwhelming for a moment, and I had to breathe through it. “That’s really sweet, but I’m not feeling so hot.”
Heath grimaced. “Okay. Then I’ll take you home. I was heading that way anyway.”
I couldn’t keep arguing with him, and at the very least, it meant I didn’t have to tell Nash the truth. At least, not right now. I gave him a nod, and he shot me a shaka before hurrying inside, quite agile for a man who’d recently lost his leg.
Then again, like Creek, Heath was fit. He was a surfer and a PE teacher, and if I remembered right, a yoga enthusiast. I had never been those things, but I was starting to realize now that even if I wanted to, that would never be my life.
I would live just as long as I would have before the illness, but the things I would be able to do were significantly fewer. It felt like someone had written a list on a piece of paper of things a grown man with a PhD could do, and now it was slowly burning from the bottom up.
Exercise: gone. Teaching: gone. Driving: gone.
What was next?
Hell, I could add masturbation to that list too. I’d given it a shot a few times this week, but every time I got my hand around myself, my arms started freezing. I was beginning to wonder if a man would ever want me again, and if I couldn’t get laid, would I ever be able to have an orgasm?
Was I gonna be stuck frotting against my mattress when my hips felt like cooperating?
God, I did not need to be thinking about this right now.
Luckily, Heath appeared a second later with a thick folder tucked under his arm. He shot me a sunny smile and jerked his head toward the stairs. “Let’s head out.”
“Can we…?” I hesitated for a beat. “Do you mind if we take the elevator? I have a thing going on with my leg today.” A half-lie, but Heath didn’t seem to catch it.
“Of course.” He led the way and smashed the button with the side of his fist. The man was pure chaos, and it was a wonder my brother had fallen for him. Then again, Creek desperately needed someone like Heath in his life.
“So,” I said at the same moment Heath said, “How is—”
I laughed. “You go.”
The doors opened, and he stepped in before hitting the button for the ground floor. “How is it at Nash’s? Creek’s been worrying himself to distraction.”
I felt awful. “It’s fine. Normal.” If normal was a word I was allowed to use at this point.
Heath gave me a side-eye but said nothing until we were heading for the parking lot. “I’m sorry I haven’t had a lot of time to spend with you guys. The end of the year is always a little nuts. But you’re basically my brother-in-law now, so I feel like shit about it.”
I laughed as we came to a stop beside his truck. There was a surfboard in the back, covered in sand. “Please don’t worry about it. It’s been pretty chaotic with me too.”
He stared at me as we both got in. “Is everything okay?”
I was totally going to give myself away if I wasn’t careful. “Yeah. Everything is great. Just, you know, getting started at a new job.”
“I haven’t done that in years, but I remember.” He started the engine, then rolled back and pulled onto the main street.
It was a wonder it even fit on the narrow roads.
I was wholly unused to how everything was so damn small and compact here in the Bay Area.
I was used to wide-open straight roads full of big F-250s and farm equipment.
Every house had half an acre. When Nash had proudly shown me his backyard, consisting of a twelve-by-twelve-foot grassy patch, I’d wondered how people lived like that.
But it was growing on me.
I zoned out while Heath made small talk, responding on autopilot. I was fighting the constant urge to just crack open and spill my guts to him because maybe telling him would be the best way to let Creek know. Only I couldn’t do that to my brother.
Nash was right. I would have to talk to him. Just…not yet. Especially after today.
“…last week. You think he’d do it again?”
Oh hell. I grimaced. “I’m sorry. I lost you.”
Heath burst into laughter. “I knew it, but at least you admitted it. I said your brother rode on the back of an Orca last week.”
“Oh my god. I could totally picture that,” I said, unable to hide my giggles.
I felt strangely better, even though my anxiety ramped up as Heath pulled onto my street. Oh boy. I could see Nash’s car in the driveway. I’d been hoping he’d be running some errands, which would’ve given me a few hours before I had to tell him everything.
“Whoa, dude. You look pale. You okay?”
“Feeling a little sick. I think I need to lie down.”
Heath pulled up behind Nash’s car and put the truck in park. “Want me to walk you in?”
No. No I did not. Nash was going to be on me so fast. I did not need Heath getting suspicious. “I’ll be all right. Nash is home, so I won’t be alone.”
Heath hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah, all right. But if you need me, you know Creek and I are just a phone call away, right?”
The knot in my chest loosened a bit. I wasn’t ready to tell them. Not yet. But knowing I wasn’t alone was a nice reminder that when I did finally get myself untwisted from all of this, I would have a support system.
“I know. Thanks for the ride.”
He offered me a fist-bump, and my hands did not betray me as I knocked my knuckles against his. I could feel the weight of his gaze on me as I made my way to the front door, and the truck engine didn’t rev until the door was open and I was stepping inside.
I closed it gently, and the moment it clicked all the way shut, Nash was there, staring at me with a raised brow.
“Something happened.”
My eyes were suddenly hot again. Dammit, I was not going to break down in front of him. “Can you give me five minutes?”
His jaw twitched, then he nodded. “I’ll be in the living room when you’re ready.”
Just a few minutes. That’s all I needed. Then I’d come clean, and with any luck, he’d have some idea of what the heck I was going to do. Because I could barely afford to feed myself, and now it was going to cost me even more if I wanted to live.