Chapter 12 #2
I suppose there was no problem. Not really. ‘I don’t want to feel like I need it.’
‘Vee-vee,’ he signed, meaning he understood. ‘When I was growing up, I had hearing teachers tell me not to bother getting a job. They said to go on disability. They said that no one would want to hire me and I would be unemployed.’
‘Bullshit,’ I signed, then flushed. Even in ASL, it felt weird to swear in front of someone I didn’t know very well.
Dax looked entirely unbothered. ‘My parents didn’t let me believe it. They’re both successful, but they had to work twice as hard for it. Dayton works hard to make sure that fire departments hire Deaf too.’
My brows lifted. I hadn’t realized that. ‘Deaf firefighters at his station?’
Dax shook his head. ‘Not now, but in the past, yes. But I learned to take help where I could get it. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be where I am today, and I love my life.’
He had a point. He had a very good point. It was not a moral or personal failing because the system failed me. It wasn’t a personal or moral failing because jobs were shitty and used loopholes to get rid of employees rather than make their work lives easier for them.
None of that was my fault.
I hadn’t asked to get sick, but I could ask for a little help now and again.
‘Thank you,’ I told him.
Dax smiled. ‘Of course, best friend.’
I laughed. ‘What are the perks of being your best friend?’
‘Ride or die,’ he signed, his face dead serious. ‘Barbecue at my dad’s house. You can meet his chickens.’
‘Chickens?’ I clarified to make sure I was reading that sign right.
Dax rolled his eyes. ‘So many chickens. Also, we can hang out. You can come by the shop if you want to learn about cars.’
I wrinkled my nose, and he burst into laughter.
‘Okay, no cars. Movies? Beach?’
I could do those things. Probably. On my good days, anyway. ‘Yes.’
‘Phone,’ Dax signed, then made grabby hands. It took me a moment to find it, but when I did, he snatched it from me, and I saw him putting in his number. He sent himself a text, then grinned as he handed it back. ‘Now we send memes like best friends do.’
Something in my chest went warm and happy. I had a friend—an actual friend. Someone who went out of their way to insist on it, in fact. Someone who was…who was just mine. That I’d gotten on my own.
God, it had been so long since that happened, and I hadn’t expected it to happen the moment everything in my life felt like it was falling apart.
Maybe this was a sign we were on the right track.
Maybe this was a sign that it would be okay to tell Nash yes. To accept the help he was willing to give. And—if the other night was any indication—something else too.
I fell asleep again after Dax left, waking up to the smell of pizza. I cracked open an eye, groaning as I rolled onto my side and sat up. A moment later, Nash appeared in the doorway and gave me a soft smile.
“Morning, sunshine.”
I groaned. “Is it?”
He laughed and shook his head. “Nah. It’s only six.”
“Oh my god, did you cook? I was going to take care of dinner since you’ve been on shift for what? Ten years?”
He laughed and walked over, dropping beside me. Pressing his wrist to my forehead, he was clearly taking my temperature.
I batted him away. “Stop it. I’m fine. The muscle relaxers knocked me out.”
He let out a tiny sigh. “Did they help at least?”
“Yeah. Dax came over to drop off some stuff he borrowed from you, and he stayed a while. It was nice, but it kind of wiped me out.”
Nash’s gaze went dark. “I can tell him not to bother you—”
“No!” I said a little too quickly.
Nash’s eyes narrowed.
Clearing my throat, I shook my head. “No. I liked it. We had a good time.”
Something in his expression shifted, and he stopped meeting my gaze. “Ah. Well…that makes sense. You sign, he’s Deaf. And he’s closer to your age.” Nash stood, walking toward the kitchen. “Not to mention gorgeous.”
It took my brain a little too long to catch up to what he was saying, and then panic hit me. My legs threatened to give out from under me, but I managed to get them righted as I stumbled after him into the kitchen.
“Stop!”
He froze halfway to the counter, where there was a pizza box from his favorite Greek place. He turned his head slightly. “Sorry. I’m being too much.”
“You’re being kind of a dipshit,” I said, breathless with the effort it took to stay upright. I gripped the counter and leaned against it. “It’s not like that. He’s just…nice. And I haven’t had a friend in a long time.”
Nash scoffed. “You came here to an entire house full of friends.”
“Yeah. Creek’s friends. Your friends. And I love the guys, but they’re not, you know, mine.”
His face fell. “They love you too. They genuinely care about you, and not just because you’re Creek’s brother.”
I had a feeling he wasn’t necessarily talking about all of them. “I get that. But it’s different with Dax. This is kind of lonely, you know? I know I need to tell Creek, and I will the moment I have some stability. But having someone who is only my friend feels like…like there’s a weight off.”
Nash softened and walked over, setting his arms around my waist to give me the support I hadn’t realized I needed. God, it was too easy to lean into him. Too easy to breathe in his scent and feel like I was home.
“I told him a little bit about what I have going on,” I said.
Nash squeezed me a little harder. “Yeah?”
“He said that I should take help where it’s offered,” I added quietly. “That there’s no shame in it.”
“There isn’t.” His tone was kind but fierce. “There should never be shame in that.”
I took a breath, then leaned back. “I know. So…we should talk.”
He looked cautiously optimistic, which was fair. I was going to give him my answer, and really, it was the only answer there was. It helped that Nash made this whole thing easy. Being married to him would not be a chore.
The only thing that scared me was how much strength it would take to not fall in love with him. To take what he was offering without expecting more.
“Let me fix us plates. You go sit back down,” he said. “On the couch.”
The fact that he was willing to deviate from his no-eating-on-the-couch rule spoke volumes. “I’ve been sitting all day.”
He raised a brow at me. “The way you’re hugging that counter tells me you need to sit a spell longer.”
Damn him for being right. I groaned but turned and started back for the living room. My legs were shaky. The medication was wearing off, and I didn’t feel like taking more and going full zombie for the rest of the night. I wanted my head to be as clear as possible for this talk.
It took a Herculean effort to get back to the couch, and when I sat, it felt like my whole body sighed in relief. My legs were trembling slightly and my left hand had turned into a claw I couldn’t straighten.
Fuck, I hated this. I tucked it under my armpit and took the plate Nash brought over with the right one. He gave me a look that told me he knew what was happening, but he didn’t call me on it. Instead, he sat beside me and set a plate of hummus and pita on the coffee table next to his pizza.
“So,” he said.
I held up a finger, then took a massive bite.
Sleeping had prevented me from eating, so I was starving, and I savored the perfect spices and the hint of tomato sauce as I took half the piece down.
I felt a little better as the food hit my gut, and I was able to take a long, slow breath before I began.
“I don’t want to drag this out,” I said, “so my answer is yes.”
“Yes,” he repeated, softly and unbelieving.
“Yes. I will marry you.”
The tips of his ears instantly turned bright red, and he took a moment before he spoke again. “Okay, yeah. Yes. We can… That’s great, Forest.”
“Is it?”
He met my gaze and reached over, taking my chin in his hand. “Yes. It’s great. I wish I could do more than put a ring on your finger, but—”
“Oh. Are we…are we wearing rings?”
He blinked. “I hadn’t really thought about it. I mean, we probably need them for the ceremony, but if you want to keep it a secret, maybe we should keep them in a box?”
My left hand was still frozen, so I couldn’t pull it out to envision what a ring might look like on it, but I could picture it in my head. And I could picture one on Nash’s hand too. Gold, subtle, sweet.
I licked my lips. “Alright. So…when?”
He rubbed the back of his neck, his food seemingly forgotten. “I’ve got a few days off coming up at the end of the month, and some PTO I can burn.”
My stomach flipped. “Do we need that long?”
“Well, if you want anything like a honeymoon… If anyone from work ever asks, we need it to look real. The honeymoon will help sell it.”
Oh god. A honeymoon? I hadn’t even considered that could be a thing. But he had touched me. And I’d wanted to touch him. I just didn’t realize he might want to do that again.
I swallowed past a lump in my throat. “Yeah. That could be…nice. But won’t the guys ask questions?”
“I don’t want to lie to them,” he said slowly. “Maybe we just rent a little spot by the water for a few days. No one will question it.”
That was fine by me. I was an easy man to please. I didn’t need a lot. A bit of attention and time to tell me that I was doing a good job and you’d have me for life.
“We need time to get a marriage license,” he added, sounding a little lost in his thoughts. “We can go down to the courthouse soon. Aw, hell. We need witnesses.”
I’d forgotten about that. My stomach ached. My entire life, I thought it would be Creek standing beside me when I got married, but then again, I’d never pictured getting married like this either.
It was all wrong. Even if some part of me felt like this was also all right.
“I could ask Dax.”
Nash coughed. “Honey, that man is Dayton’s brother.”
“But he’s also my friend, and I think if I asked him to keep it a secret, he would,” I told him. I trusted Dax.
Nash rubbed his chin, then nodded. “Alright. You ask him then. I’ll put some feelers out at work and see if any of the guys would be willing to do this without spilling the beans.” He sat back and bit his lip. “Maybe Kaelan.”
“So.” I let out a short puff of air. “We’re really doing this?”
Nash looked over at me. “Unless you’re changing your mind?”
I wasn’t. I shook my head, then my hand crept out into the space between us, and after a beat, Nash tangled our fingers together. It felt nice.
No, it felt better than nice.
It felt like it was meant to be.
“Then we’re getting married,” Nash said.
Oh god. We were getting married.