Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NASH
I was getting married.
Ever since same-sex marriage had become legal, I’d entertained the occasional daydream about what my wedding would be like. Who I would marry, who’d be my best man, what kind of party we’d throw.
In all the scenarios I considered, I’d never expected it to be such a small affair. And I sure as hell hadn’t thought I’d get married without my brothers by my side. As much as I wanted this, the bitter tinge of betrayal was heavy on my tongue. Would they ever forgive me for this if they found out?
Forest’s hand was trembling in mine as we made our way inside the courthouse. He looked amazing in a slim-fit dark-blue suit with a crisp white shirt and a baby-blue tie. The suit hugged his figure in all the right places, especially around his ass. I had a hard time keeping my eyes off him.
I looked the same I always did in my dress blues, which were crisp and freshly pressed.
Kaelan had offered to go suit shopping with me, much to my surprise.
Even though he knew the truth behind our wedding, he’d stated he still took his duties as best man seriously.
I was strangely touched, but I told him I was all set for my outfit, proud to wear my uniform on a day like this.
Dax had shown up for Forest, and I’d been relieved that he’d taken the news so well. He’d agreed to be Forest’s best man and had sworn a solemn vow not to tell Dayton. I hated that this was necessary, this cloak-and-dagger wedding, but I had to respect that Forest wasn’t ready to tell people.
Next to me, Forest stumbled, and my grip on him tightened. “You okay?”
He nodded quickly. “Nervous.”
I could assure him there was nothing to be nervous about, but what good would lying do? The truth was that I was tense myself, my stomach swirling with a strange mix of apprehension and excitement. “I know.”
He shot me a sideways look. “You’re not nervous, are you?”
“I am, actually.”
He apparently needed a moment to process that. “I thought you’d be immune to nerves by now, what with your current job and your previous one.”
A low chuckle rumbled in my chest. “You’d think so, right? But no, I still feel the nerves. They just don’t control me anymore.”
“One of the many things I need to learn from you,” Forest mumbled.
How I wanted to mumble that he’d have a lifetime to learn anything he wanted to, but I kept my mouth shut. Forest had agreed to marry me out of necessity, not because he had actual feelings for me. Not like I had for him…but that was something I’d rather not think about.
If taking care of him meant denying what I felt and pretending we were just friends—albeit with some interesting benefits—then that was a price I was willing to pay.
When we reached the entry to the courthouse room or chambers or whatever it was called, I checked my watch. “We’re ten minutes early, so let’s wait until we’re called.”
I slowly signed for Dax, who nodded, then gestured a ‘Thank you’ to me. As if he needed to be grateful for that small accommodation.
“You’re slow,” Kaelan said to me, winking at me and signing at the same time.
My eyes widened. “How did I not know you’re fluent in ASL?”
Even those two words had shown me he was because he’d signed with that quick nonchalance of someone who knew exactly what he was doing.
Kaelan shrugged. “My degree is in Deaf studies. I had a friend whose sister was Deaf, and I was fascinated by ASL. So I learned a bit as a teen, then decided to study it.”
His hands were flying as he spoke, and Dax’s whole face lit up with the joy of someone who had met a kindred spirit. I couldn’t even imagine what it was like to find people who spoke your language when so few did.
‘Why do you not work as an interpreter?’ Dax signed, going slow for my benefit, which I appreciated.
“Because Deaf people deserve to have EMTs who can communicate with them, just like they deserve teachers and librarians and baristas and whatever.”
I was glad he was speaking as well because he used a lot of signs I wasn’t familiar with. Yet.
“Mr. Brockway and Mr. Middleton?” a voice asked, and I spun around.
“Yes?”
“You’re up.”
I swallowed, then held my hand out to Forest. “You ready, sweetheart?”
He nodded, raising his chin ever so slightly as he took my hand. “Ready as can be.”
The ceremony was mercifully short, the judge merely reading some forms before asking us to face each other and hold hands.
“Do you, Nash James Brockway, take Forest Middleton to be your lawful wedded husband? To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish as long as you both shall live?”
To love and to cherish. How had I forgotten that that was part of the marriage vows? I was promising to love him. Well, that would be easy because I already did, though I didn’t want to think too much about in which way that was, exactly.
“I do,” I said, my voice steady and clear. I squeezed Forest’s hands, and he smiled at me in a way that made my stomach dip. He was so goddamned beautiful.
“Do you, Forest Middleton, take Nash James Brockway to be your lawful wedded husband? To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish as long as you both shall live?”
Forest’s voice was softer, but he didn’t hesitate. “I do,” he said, his eyes locked on mine.
“Who has the rings?” the officiant asked, and Forest looked puzzled. I hadn’t told him I’d gotten us matching rings, knowing he’d probably try to talk me out of spending money on them. On him.
They were simple gold rings, nothing flashy, but they had nice rounded edges that made for more comfortable wearing, the saleswoman had told me. I’d had to guess Forest’s size, but they could always be resized if needed.
“I do.” I took the little box from my pocket, then opened it and took Forest’s ring out.
Forest’s eyes grew moist as I placed the ring on his left ring finger. It fit perfectly! Joy bloomed in my heart as I repeated after the officiant, “I give you this ring, in token and pledge of my constant faith and abiding love. With this ring, I thee wed.”
I then handed my own ring to Forest so he could place it around my finger with trembling hands. His voice was a little wavy when he repeated the same words. Those last three words hit me hard for some reason, my knees growing weak and my stomach all in knots.
The officiant sent us a warm smile, which spoke to his character because it seemed legit, and how many weddings did this guy do each week? “By virtue of the authority vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and husband.”
It was done. We were married.
I cupped Forest’s face in my hand and leaned in for a soft, tender kiss on his lips. His eyes fluttered shut, and for one moment, it was easy to pretend this was real, that he’d meant the words as much as I had, that what we had promised each other would last.
It wouldn’t. It couldn’t.
But I allowed myself to hold on to that dream a little longer.
I’d booked us a little cottage on the beach in Bolinas.
Only a short drive from San Francisco, and with the beautiful Point Reyes National Seashore close by, it was one of my favorite spots.
Growing up, I’d come here often with my grandparents, and the place held nothing but warm summer memories for me.
Was it too much to hope that Forest and I would build some memories of our own?
We’d stopped by the house real quick to change into casual clothes.
Our bags had already been packed, so we’d thrown those in the car and taken off again.
He’d been quiet for the first few minutes, but I’d watched him gradually relax, sinking a little lower into his seat, the tension seeping out of him.
“It’s a beautiful ring,” he said quietly, holding out his hand and studying it. “You didn’t tell me you got these.”
I shrugged. “It needs to look real. I doubt anyone will look too closely at our marriage or suspect anything being off about it, but in case they do, I figured it would be best to make everything look normal and real.”
“Thank you.”
I hesitated. “I’d love for you to stop thanking me. It’s not necessary.”
He studied me from his spot in the passenger seat. “It makes you uncomfortable.”
“It does. I don’t like the attention on me in the first place, but it’s also…” I wasn’t even sure how to explain it. “It reinforces a dynamic I don’t like, one where I’m the benefactor or something, and you’re the recipient who has to be grateful.”
“I am grateful.”
“And I know that. No need to repeat it. I don’t want this to become a…a thing. A debt, like you owe me or something. That’s not how I roll. We’re friends, Forest, and I want you to think of me as your friend. Not as someone who did you a favor.”
“Okay.”
I shot him a glance sideways. “Yeah? You get why?”
“Sure. I can see your point. Doesn’t mean I won’t mess up every now and then.”
“I can live with that.” Something struck me then. “You never curse, do you?”
He chuckled. “I’m a teacher, remember? It’s been drilled into me not to curse or swear or use any bad language. It’s ingrained by now.”
“But you do it when you talk to yourself.”
He whipped his head around. “What?”
“I’ve heard you curse when you talk to yourself. You do know you do that, right? That you hold entire conversations with yourself aloud?”
He let out a low groan, one that conjured up completely different scenarios. “I can’t believe you heard that.”
“Thin walls, sweetheart. Not much going on that I don’t hear.” I made a pained face. “Which I regretted deeply when your brother started dating Heath, trust me. Those two were loud, let me tell ya.”
“Whoa, TMI. I did not need to know that about Creek, okay?”
I grinned. “Hey, if I had to suffer, so do you. At least you weren’t forced to listen to it live.”