Chapter 13 #2
“Thank the stars for that because I’m not sure I would’ve been able to stand it. There are things one simply doesn’t need to know about siblings, and sex ranks number one on that list. The thought alone is too cringy for words.”
I considered that for a moment. “I always think of Creek, Bean, and Tameron as my younger brothers, but maybe this is one of those cases where it’s different if they actually are related by blood.
Don’t get me wrong, I could’ve done without hearing your brother and Heath, but it didn’t embarrass me.
But maybe that’s also because after so long in the Army, I’ve grown used to listening to others jack off and have sex. ”
His eyes were wide as he looked at me. “They were jacking off with you in the same room?” Then he seemed to catch himself. “I guess you wouldn’t have much of a choice, would you?”
“None. Privacy doesn’t exist. You always have people around you. When you eat, when you sleep, when you shower or take a shit…or when you jack off or have sex. Someone is always close, listening or even watching. You get used to it.”
“You weren’t out, right?”
I shook my head. “Not publicly, but those closest to me knew. It wasn’t like I was ashamed of it, but it would’ve caused complications, and I didn’t need that.”
Forest scratched his chin. “I imagine the Army isn’t exactly a progressive bastion, not even after they repealed Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
“Nope, and there’s still enough prejudice and homophobia to go around, both among leadership and in the ranks and files. I didn’t want to have to deal with that.”
“I can imagine.” He studied me for a few beats again. “Were you able to find partners?”
I shrugged. “Not as often as I would’ve liked, but yes. Most of the time, it was a one-time hookup, but I’ve had a few instances of a mutual arrangement with someone. Like, during one of our deployments, another sergeant and I would meet up every week or so.”
“Great way to blow off some stress,” Forest remarked. “And I can imagine you had plenty of that during a deployment.”
Understatement of the year. That particular deployment had been the most stressful of all of them, and if not for Graves and me flip-fucking each other into oblivion every week, I would’ve suffered a hell of a lot more than I had.
Not that I was telling Forest that. He didn’t need to know, and besides, Graves hadn’t been out.
I would never violate his privacy like that.
“It was a lifesaver. But I always had to be careful that whoever I hooked up with wasn’t under my command.
I never wanted someone to be able to accuse me of putting pressure on them, you know? Of abusing my rank.”
“I hate that you even had to take that into consideration.”
This was a far heavier discussion than I had imagined, but that didn’t mean it was unwelcome.
I liked that Forest was asking questions, that he wanted to know.
And it wasn’t the kind of curiosity that made me uncomfortable, like the people who wanted to know details about my combat experiences.
Like my trauma was something for them to enjoy, to relish. Hell no.
“Unfortunately, there have been too many times when that was the case. When those higher in rank abused their power to force subordinates into unwanted sexual activities. Female soldiers especially have suffered from unwanted sexual advances, and sadly, the Army doesn’t have a good track record in dealing with these allegations.
When people step forward, it’s hard to actually get those in power court-martialed. ”
Forest let out a deep sigh. “Money, sex, and power. The three main causes of most human suffering.”
“Exactly.”
We continued talking until I pulled up behind the little beach cottage, painted a misty sea foam.
“Hold on,” I said when Forest reached for his car door. “Let me.”
He waited until I’d gotten out and come around to open his door for him. His hand was warm and steady in mine as I helped him out. Arm in arm, we walked around the little stone path to the front of the cottage, which overlooked the sandy beach.
It was blissfully quiet. A man was throwing a stick into the water, his black lab immediately bouncing after it, jumping straight into the waves.
A little farther away, a mom sat on the sand with two kids, who were building a sandcastle.
Overhead, seagulls cried out, and in the far distance, ships passed by.
“It’s so peaceful,” Forest said quietly as we stood there, taking it in.
“It’s a small cottage, but I love the location,” I told him.
We’d better get settled first, before he was too tired to move. The door was equipped with a keypad, and I opened it with the code the owner had provided. The space looked clean, the furniture worn but comfy. “There’s one bed in the bedroom, but the sofa has a pull-out bed,” I said.
Forest quirked an eyebrow as he looked at me. “Were you planning for one of us to sleep on the sofa?”
I scratched my chin. “Planning? No. But I didn’t want to put pressure on you, so you can let me know if you’re willing to share the queen in the bedroom or not. And if not, I’ll be the one sleeping on the couch, obviously.”
He bumped my shoulder. “Always the gentleman.”
As compliments went, that was one I was proud of. “Thank you.”
“But you won’t be sleeping on the couch.”
Joy filled me. “Are you sure? Because I have to warn you: I do snore.”
“I’m well aware.”
He was? Oh crap. “Please don’t tell me I’ve kept you up with my snoring.”
“Nah, it’s not that loud. And when I’m awake, which is more often than I’d like, as we both know, it’s kind of a soothing sound. Like a reminder that I’m not alone.”
“You’re not alone. I’m here. We’re married now, remember?”
He studied me, blinking slowly. “Somehow, I don’t think I’ve quite grasped the meaning of our marriage. We got married so I could be on your insurance, right?”
His words stabbed me like an icicle, and I swallowed. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean that’s all it has to be.”
“No?”
“If that’s all you want, then sure, I’ll respect that. But we are married, and I thought that maybe we could, you know, enjoy more benefits?”
Jesus, why was I starting to sweat, stumbling over my words like a nervous virgin? Would the effect he had on me ever diminish? Would my brain ever fully function when he was around? One could only hope.
Forest half-turned toward me, crossing his arms. He was having a good day today, and I was so grateful. “What benefits are you talking about? You mean like a joint checking account or something? Or you’ll put me on all your insurance?”
“No! I mean, sure, that too, but I was talking about more…physical benefits. Me helping you out again. Like last time.”
“And to help me jack off, we need to share a bed?”
I opened my mouth to respond when I spotted the mirth dancing in his eyes. “You’re fucking with me. You know damn well what I meant.”
He burst out in laughter. “Oh gods, Nash, that was epic. You should’ve seen your face.” He laughed again, slapping his hand over his mouth. “But do tell me more about those physical benefits,” he said, his voice muffled.
The little shit. Oh, he’d had me good. I hadn’t realized he’d been playing with me until the very last moment.
“How about I show you instead?” I asked, then stepped in and kissed him.
I caught his little gasp of surprise as our lips met, and I drank it in greedily, coaxing him to open for me. He did, letting out a soft moan that settled deep and low inside me. Our tongues met, sliding against each other in a sensual stroke that had heat pooling in my belly.
His eyes were closed, a faint blush coloring his cheeks, and he was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen.
I wanted him. How I wanted this man. I carefully lifted him, and he went along with it, wrapping his legs around my waist as our mouths stayed fused together, our lips locked and our tongues dueling.
“Nash?” He broke off the kiss.
“Mmm?”
“I think I’d like to enjoy those physical benefits now.”