Chapter 17 #2
“I will. And thanks for the talk. I think I needed to hear it from someone who’s been there.” I hesitated, then said, “But can you also not mention any of this to Creek?”
Kent frowned. “Like the insecurity stuff?”
I swallowed heavily. “The fact that I’m here. He…he doesn’t know yet. I’m still trying to figure out how to tell him without him freaking out.”
Kent’s eyes went wide. “Yeah. Your secret’s safe with me. But speaking as someone who’s been through it, you should tell him soon. No good can come from lying for too long.”
Yeah. Or at all, I knew. But I was already in it this fucking deep. I could stretch this out just a little bit longer.
Nash was just getting home the following Wednesday when Dax pulled up to the curb in his very loud car. I watched through the window as Nash got out and walked over, signing quickly to Dax, who responded at a slower speed than he used with his Deaf friends.
Nash was working hard at ASL for Tameron, but I knew from firsthand experience that it wasn’t the easiest language to become fluent in if he didn’t use it every day.
Still, Dax was patient and kind.
I couldn’t make out what they were saying from so far away, but I had a feeling Dax was telling him about yoga because Nash’s gaze immediately snapped toward the house.
I ducked down and nearly lost my balance, but I caught myself on the edge of the couch as I backed away from the window, then went for my shoes.
I hadn’t told him about the class, but mostly because he hadn’t asked me anything other than how I was feeling before turning on a TV show or pulling up a book on his Kindle.
I was a little hurt by the way he was shutting me out without completely shutting me out, but I was used to that kind of thing.
Grabbing my cane, I opened the door just as Nash was coming up the walkway, and he gave me a look, eyebrows raised. Dax was leaning against his car, looking a little nervous, and I couldn’t help but wonder what Nash had said to him.
“Heading out?”
“Yeah.” I bit my lip and attempted to step past him, but my legs decided to spasm at that moment, and if it hadn’t been for his impossibly strong arms catching me, I would have eaten shit right there on the walkway. “Fuck.”
“Hey. I’ve got you,” he murmured, helping me back up. He kept holding me as my legs acted like they were full of jelly, and for a moment, I wanted to turn around and go back inside.
But I thought about what Kent had said. How I needed to prove to myself that I could do it, so then I could prove it to everyone else. So I held him for a moment, willing my brain to calm down and my legs to go steady.
“I’m all right,” I said after a few moments. Nash let me go, but I could tell he was hesitant. “I’ll see you later.”
“Will you be back for dinner?”
Do you want me to be? I almost asked, but I bit my tongue. This wasn’t a real marriage. I had to stop forming expectations I had no right to form. “I think Dax and I will probably grab something after yoga.”
“Yoga?” he repeated.
So Dax hadn’t told him. “Yeah. Kent told me about this class for people who need extra assistance. It’s got an ASL interpreter, so I invited him to come along.”
“If you wanted company,” he started, then stopped. “I’m sure it’ll be a good time.”
What was he going to say? That he would’ve come with me?
That would’ve been massively unfair considering his attitude since we got back from our faux-honeymoon.
God, I wish it hadn’t been the way it was.
I wish there hadn’t been any fucking romance in any of it because the fantasy it had left me with was overwhelming.
I managed a smile. “I think it will be. See you later.”
Without looking back, I made my way across the driveway to where Dax was waiting. He offered me a hand, but I shook my head and managed to get into the car by myself. I was feeling a little weak and very tired, but I wasn’t going to give up.
‘You ok?’ Dax asked, waving to get my attention.
I nodded. ‘Fine. Today’s been hard.’
He cast me a look of sympathy before starting his car. He revved the engine for a second, and when I winced, he immediately took his foot off the gas. ‘Sorry! Forgot you can hear.’
I couldn’t help a small laugh. Dax made me feel…normal, I guessed, for lack of a better word. He didn’t tiptoe around me. He didn’t put distance between us. He didn’t think I was fragile. He was a good friend.
‘You ready?’
He grinned and nodded. ‘Just don’t make fun of me for the fact that I have no flexibility.’
‘As long as you don’t make fun of me if I fall on my face.’
He held his fist out, and I bumped it. ‘Deal.’
The class was amazing. It was hard and easy at the same time.
I worked up a sweat just by forcing my body to move in a way it didn’t want to—in a way that it needed to.
I was shaking by the end and wishing I had a wheelchair, but we were allowed to rest on the floor in corpse pose until we felt comfortable moving.
I nearly fell asleep, and when I turned my head and looked over, Dax was chatting with the interpreter in the corner, and the instructor, who was a wheelchair user, was rolling up mats. He caught my eye and smiled, and I felt like an asshole for forgetting his name.
“Need any help?”
I laughed as I sat up and tested my toes. They were a little stiff, but not so bad that I wouldn’t be able to walk. “I think I got it. I went a little harder than expected.”
He rolled over and came to a stop, offering me a hand. His biceps bulged, and while he was attractive, he immediately made me think of Nash and those damn arms. The way they looked when he was bracing himself over my body…fuck.
“You did amazing for your first session,” the guy said.
I glanced at his chest and saw his name on the badge he was wearing. Ryan, right. “I could barely keep up.”
“Yeah, so for next time, get rid of that thinking. There’s no keeping up in this class.
” I grimaced, and he laughed. “I know, I know. I sound like a self-help book, but trust me when I say it’s important.
I was a student here right after my accident, and I felt the same way you do.
Like I wasn’t going to be okay unless I could match the rest of the class.
After hurting myself so badly that I needed surgery, I realized I had to knock that shit off. ”
Well hell. “I don’t want that to happen.”
Ryan snorted. “No one does. But truthfully, you seemed like you were listening to your body. It’s okay to push yourself a little. Just know your limits.”
“You sound like my PT.”
He smirked. “Good. I’m in school to become one.”
I didn’t really know the guy, but that fit. “You’ll be amazing at it. And this felt really good. I think I’m just scared that I’m going to fall in love with it, then my body’s going to fail me, and I won’t be able to come to class.”
Ryan bit his lip, then jerked his chin at the door. “Follow me.” He rolled ahead, slowly so I could keep up without my cane, and he moved to the front desk. “Here.” There was a card pinched between his first and middle fingers. “I do private lessons.”
My cheeks flushed. “I uh…I can’t really afford—”
“Trust me, you can afford it,” he said, meeting my gaze. “Okay? Put me in your phone and text me if you need a session at home, or ever have questions, or want to vent about how horrible life can be. I’m kind of the studio dad around here.”
The second instructor, who had one arm, appeared in the doorway, a lock of dark hair falling in his eyes. He walked over and set his hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “He’s not lying. We’ve been married for ten years, and he’s still spoiling me.”
I grinned widely and absently touched my wedding ring. “My—my husband.” God, it felt weird to say it like that about Nash. “He’s the same way.”
“Then we’re lucky men,” Ryan’s husband said. I glanced at his name badge. Min-jun, it read. “Also, he and I both offer sessions at home for people who are struggling to come in because of a flare or surgery, or something else. We don’t charge.”
“Oh. Well…” I bowed my head and breathed. I hated feeling like a charity case, but here, I supposed I wasn’t one. I was just one more of their potential students who might need a little extra help sometimes. Just like them. “Thank you.”
“Any time,” Min-jun said. He leaned over and kissed Ryan on the temple before looking up. “I think your husband is waiting for you.”
My eyes went wide, then I turned and realized he was talking about Dax, who was hovering in the doorway. I burst into laughter. “Oh no. We’re not… He’s not… My husband is at home. He’s my best friend.”
Dax walked up and set his arm around my shoulder. ‘Ready?’
“Should I clean up?” I said, then signed for Dax.
Ryan waved me off. “We’ve got it. I hope to see you soon, Forest.”
They definitely would. I had numbers in my phone now. A support system that felt like it was my own. And if I could do that—if I could find that within myself—maybe I’d be a person worthy of a happily ever after.
I wasn’t foolish enough to think it would be with Nash, but I was also finally allowing myself to hope that it was something I could have when all was said and done.