Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
NASH
I stared out the window, my mind a veritable Gordian knot of thoughts and emotions.
Ever since our honeymoon, I’d been struggling with my growing feelings for Forest. Forest and I had been back from our beach getaway for two weeks now, and things between us had shifted into unfamiliar, uncertain territory.
Or maybe it was me who had changed, my previously undefined feelings for him crystallizing into something terrifyingly real during our time away. Something I wasn’t sure I was ready to face.
So I did what I always did when confronted with an emotional dilemma I didn’t know how to handle—I retreated.
Oh, I still took care of Forest’s needs, still made sure he got to his appointments and had everything he required.
But I stopped seeking out his company beyond what was necessary, stopped initiating the casual intimacy that had sprung up so naturally between us.
I told myself it was for the best, that I needed to maintain some distance to protect both of us.
Forest was still so vulnerable, dependent on me for his medical care and financial stability.
He was in such a precarious place right now, and the last thing I wanted was to put any pressure on him or make him feel obligated to me.
But the distance between us was slowly killing me inside. I longed to pull him into my arms, to kiss away the furrow between his brows when the pain hit, to tell him how much he meant to me. How much I was falling for him, despite the unconventional start to our marriage.
And not just him. I felt like a traitor to my brothers and my friends as well.
Creek most of all, but also Bean and Tameron, and of course Dayton.
The ring on my finger felt like a lead weight, a constant reminder of the secrets I was keeping from the people closest to me.
I stared at it, twisting the simple gold band around my finger as I tried to find a way out of this mess.
My phone buzzed with a reminder about the upcoming work party, the annual First Responders Barbecue.
Partners and kids were invited, a chance for everyone to meet each other’s families.
If I didn’t bring Forest, it would definitely raise some eyebrows since I had officially listed him as my spouse and put him on my insurance.
The challenge, of course, was Dayton. Guilt slammed into me like a massive wave breaking in the surf, threatening to drown me.
Dayton had no idea, and I needed to tell him because sooner or later, he’d find out through the proverbial office gossip.
Probably sooner rather than later. And if Dayton found out, so would Tameron.
The good news—at least for now—was that Dayton couldn’t make it to the barbecue, which meant Tameron wouldn’t be there either.
I debated internally for a while before finally broaching the subject with Forest over dinner. “So, there’s this party at work next weekend. Families are invited, and I was thinking…maybe we should go together?”
Forest looked up from his plate, surprise evident on his face. “You want me to go with you? To the party?”
I nodded, trying to gauge his reaction. “Yeah. I mean, you’re officially listed as my spouse now, so people will expect me to bring you.” I hesitated, then added, “But if you’re not feeling up to it, I completely understand.”
His brow furrowed and he absently rubbed at his left hand, which had started to curl inward, a sure sign his muscles were spasming again. “Won’t people ask questions though? Like how we met and stuff?”
“Probably,” I admitted. “But we can come up with a story. Something close to the truth, but leaving out the more…unconventional details.”
“What about Dayton and Tameron?”
I exhaled slowly. “Dayton isn’t coming. He has some family thing he can’t get out of. So that means Tameron won’t be there either.”
Relief flickered across Forest’s features before he schooled his expression. “Okay. That’s good, I guess. Gives us a little more time before we have to tell them.”
My stomach clenched at the thought. As much as I dreaded that conversation, I knew it couldn’t be put off forever. Especially not with Dayton. He was too good a friend, too important to me, to keep this from him for much longer.
“Yeah,” I said heavily. “But we will have to tell them soon. I hate keeping secrets from the people I care about.”
Forest reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “I know. I’m sorry I’ve put you in this position. If you want to back out…”
“No,” I cut him off, turning my palm over to lace our fingers together. “I’m in this with you, Forest. For better or worse, remember?”
His answering smile was small but genuine, and I felt a now-familiar tug in my chest.
The day of the barbecue arrived, and my stomach bubbled with nerves as we pulled up to the park where it was being held.
I helped Forest out of the car, steadying him with a hand on his elbow as he found his balance.
We’d agreed on a simple story—that we’d met when he’d become my roommate and had hit it off, deciding to get married after a whirlwind romance.
It was close enough to the truth that I hoped it would hold up under casual scrutiny.
As we made our way toward the crowd of people gathered on the grass, I kept my arm looped through Forest’s, feeling the slight tremor in his muscles. He was putting on a brave face, but I could tell he was anxious about all the attention we were likely to attract as a newly married couple.
I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “We’ve got this. Just stick to the story and let me do most of the talking, okay?”
He nodded, letting out a slow breath. “Okay. I trust you.”
Those three little words hit me like a punch to the gut. He trusted me, even after everything I’d put him through these past weeks with my emotional distance and withdrawal. Guilt and longing warred within me, but I pushed the feelings down. Now wasn’t the time to get lost in my own inner turmoil.
We made our way to the cluster of picnic tables, where my coworkers were already gathered, the savory scent of grilled meat wafting on the breeze. Kaelan spotted us first, his face lighting up as he waved us over. “Nash! Forest! Over here!” he called out, drawing the attention of the others.
All eyes turned to us, and I felt Forest tense beside me. I gave his hand another squeeze before plastering on a smile and leading him forward.
“Hey, everyone,” I greeted as we reached the table. “I’d like you all to meet my husband, Forest.”
A chorus of surprised exclamations and congratulations followed my announcement. I fielded the barrage of questions as best I could, sticking to our preplanned story.
“When did this happen?”
“Just a few weeks ago. We wanted to keep it small and intimate.”
“How did you two meet?”
“He became my roommate a while back, and we just…clicked. It was a whirlwind romance.”
Through it all, Forest stayed quiet at my side, offering a shy smile and nod when appropriate. I could tell he was overwhelmed by all the attention. Hell, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed myself.
“Nash, you old dog!” A meaty hand clapped me on the shoulder.
Jake, a firefighter from another station.
I’d met him a few times, and crude didn’t even begin to describe him.
At least he wasn’t homophobic. “I can’t believe you went and got hitched on us.
Never thought I’d see the day you’d stop fucking around. ”
I forced a chuckle, pulling Forest a little closer. “What can I say? When you know, you know.”
Kaelan threw an arm around my shoulders and announced, “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m starving. Let’s eat!”
Bless that man for saving my ass. He answered my look of gratitude with a wink.
There was a general murmur of agreement, and the group began to disperse toward the food tables laden with every barbecue dish imaginable.
The smoky, mouthwatering aroma of grilled meat filled the air, mingling with the sweet and tangy scents of barbecue sauce, baked beans, and potato salad.
Colorful picnic blankets were spread out on the grass, inviting people to sit and enjoy their meals.
Coolers filled with icy drinks dotted the area, promising refreshment from the summer heat.
I kept a protective arm around Forest’s waist as we navigated through the crowd, his muscles slowly relaxing under my touch.
Condensation dripped from the red Solo cups of lemonade and iced tea people held.
Kids darted between the adults, their laughter ringing out across the grass along with the distant strains of upbeat music from a portable speaker.
I turned to Forest. “You doing okay?”
He nodded, though I could see the strain around his eyes. “I’m okay. Just a lot of people and noise. I might need to sit down soon.”
“Of course.” I spotted an empty picnic table a little removed from the main crowd. “How about over there? I’ll grab us some food and drinks.”
Relief flickered across his face. “That sounds perfect, thank you.”
I walked him over to the table, making sure he was settled before heading to the buffet line. I loaded up two plates, making sure to get a hearty portion of the barbecue ribs I knew were Forest’s favorite, along with some mac and cheese, cornbread, and coleslaw.
As I carried our plates back to the table, I caught sight of a familiar figure out of the corner of my eye. My heart seized. It was Dayton, with Tameron at his side. What were they doing here? Dayton had said he couldn’t make it.
Panic clawed up my throat as they spotted me and started heading our way, brows furrowed in confusion as they noticed Forest. This wasn’t how I wanted them to find out. I needed more time to explain, to make them understand why I’d kept this secret.
“What are you doing here?” I blurted out before I could stop myself. “I thought you had a family thing.”