19. Sutton
Sutton
“ Y ou did what ?” I frowned at my son, who wore torn jeans, a red flannel, and a backwards ball cap as he waltzed into my kitchen like he still lived here.
I missed having him at home but wouldn’t change our living arrangements for the world. His and Chaz’s house on Pippen Creek Pond was nicer than mine a little north of downtown, and they had each other for company.
Envy, my faithful companion whenever the boys were around, slunk into my chest and settled atop my heart, making it feel heavier than usual.
“I invited Jimmy,” Jamie repeated what he’d said the second he walked in, his fiancé on his heels. “The guy could use a friend, and I see the way you look at him.”
“Ha!” Dex barked a laugh from the living room, and I rolled my eyes. The guy had superhuman ears.
I set aside the tongs I’d retrieved to put steaks on the grill and turned toward my son, arms and ankles crossed as I leaned my back against the kitchen counter. “The age difference doesn’t bother you?” I asked what I expected everyone to have issue with even though I and Jimmy certainly didn’t.
Jamie shrugged. “Just want you happy, Dad. You deserve it after all the shit you went through with Darla.”
“Goddamned right!” Dex hollered and muttered under his breath what sounded a lot like psychotic bitch .
He didn’t lie, and to this day, I couldn’t stand fake people or their underhanded methods of getting what they wanted—Jimmy to an absolute T.
But fuck, the draw toward him was real. Sleep-depriving and ball-aching in its intensity. And he had shown a shit ton of signs of having grown up since leaving but not nearly to the level I needed to trust him with my heart.
“What about you, Chaz?” I asked.
“What about me?” he asked while setting a container of store-bought potato salad onto the table.
“What do you think about me getting involved with a younger guy?”
“Couldn’t care less, Chief.” He pressed against Jamie’s side, and my son slung his arm around Chaz’s shoulders.
Dex sauntered into the kitchen, and they all glanced at one another before turning their gazes on me. The sudden silence made my skin itch.
“What?” I asked, feeling like a bug under a microscope.
“Jimmy needs a guy like you,” Jamie said. “He doesn’t have the cleanest record or prettiest past, but I don’t believe a single one of us—you included—gives a shit about what he’s been up to.”
I rubbed a hand over my mouth, my freshly oiled beard soft on my palm while glancing at my best friend.
Dex nodded, his dark eyes offering encouragement. The asshole loved to tease the shit out of me, but in this, I knew he would have my back no matter what.
“We talked about Elite.”
My focus jerked toward my son. Since he didn’t keep secrets from Chaz, same as I didn’t from Dex, everyone in the room was well aware of the escort company my son spoke of.
“He seemed uncomfortable,” Jamie continued. “Probably thinks you’ll judge him for what he used to do for a living.”
“Past tense?” Dex asked before I could question what I’d also zeroed in on too.
“He didn’t come right out and say he quit, but that’s the feeling I got,” Jamie said, and Chaz nodded his agreement.
A knock sounded, and as though of the same mind, Dex, Jamie, and Chaz hightailed it toward the slider leading onto my small deck.
Dex snagged the tongs and bag of marinated steaks off the counter on his way past me. “I’ll put these on the grill. You go greet your new boy toy and maybe let him talk you into allowing him to hang around after the rest of us leave.”
I growled beneath my breath at his back as he snickered and left me alone.
The last thing I wanted was another situation where fake Jimmy attempted to steer the outcome of our interactions.
Heaving a heavy breath in and out, I started toward my front door.
The twitch of my cock over the prospect of Jimmy being in close proximity made me remember I wore sweats, and I wondered if I had time to quickly change.
Jimmy knocked again, and there was no way I could have him driving off thinking I didn’t want him here because it took me too long to let him in.
“Fuck.” Steeling myself, dick mostly soft, I pulled the door open.
For a brief second, gorgeous hesitancy and insecurity radiated from Jimmy’s tired eyes, but after a quick glance over my choice in clothing, that goddamned mask slid into place.
His lips curled upward, and a twinkle lit in his baby blues, erasing the truth he hid from the world.
The sly smirk did nothing to dissolve the obvious exhaustion on his face though.
“Chief,” he purred in that low, sultry voice I hated to love—the same exact tone and word he’d greeted me with when he’d stood on my stoop all those years ago.
Unlike that night, a shiver licked down my spine this time, and I stepped back, motioning the devilish angel into my space. “Jimmy.”
A sweet yet musky scent filled my lungs as he brushed past me, the mere touch of our clothing heightening my pulse. I wondered if he wore lace panties beneath his skintight jeans, and I bit my tongue to keep from groaning—and outright asking if that particular fantasy of mine was true.
He cast a quick glance around the kitchen before handing me a brown paper bag. “Jamie said you like Stella.”
My lips twitched as warmth spread through me over Jimmy’s thoughtfulness. Had he asked my preferred drink, or had Jamie suggested it? Either way, Jimmy had gone out of his way to stop and get something for me. “Yeah—I do.”
Jimmy beamed, a real smile that lit him up from the inside out. He was so goddamned beautiful with his walls lowered and made my nerves dance with anticipation. The blood in my body sped south faster than if he’d popped his hip out and winked at me.
“Thanks,” I said, more for his genuine smile while taking the beer off his hands.
Cock thick and somewhat hidden behind the bag I clutched with both hands, I cleared my throat and nodded toward the slider. “Guys are outside. I’m going to throw on some jeans real quick.”
Jimmy glanced down at my groin. “Hiding something from me, Chief?” He reached out to push the gift away from what he wanted to see.
I fucking let him, my arms dropping to my sides, bag fisted in my right hand.
His pupils swelled at the sight of my tented sweats, and he licked over his lower lip. “I think you look mighty fine as-is, Chief. Perfect, actually. Don’t change on account of little old me.”
“It’s because of you I need to put on jeans,” I muttered, my face hot, feet on unsteady ground.
He snickered from behind me as I set the beer on the counter and strode toward the stairs to escape to my bedroom. “Need any help?”
Yes. Fuck, yes.
“No!” I barked instead, knowing that once I gave that boy an inch, he’d take everything I had, and we wouldn’t come up for air anytime soon.
My company out on the deck might be fine with me falling into bed with Jimmy, but I had self-control, dammit. Proper priorities in seeing all of the boys fed like I’d promised to do.
Responsibilities came first. Always.
Afterward? Who knew. A few more real smiles, a bit of vulnerability on Jimmy’s part…
It was only a matter of time before the axe he’d taken to my legs made me topple over, no matter how badly my suspicious nature insisted I stand firm.
Somehow, I managed to talk my dick down, tugged on tight briefs I usually wore beneath my uniform pants, and stepped into well-worn, baggy jeans that would hide whatever boners Jimmy’s fine ass made me pop in front of the guys.
“Don’t fantasize about his ass right now, for fuck’s sake,” I grumbled to myself while heading back downstairs and into the kitchen.
Jimmy had joined the guys out on the deck, so I finished getting out the rest of the food I’d prepared, setting up a buffet on the island.
Dex came in, platter of grilled T-bone steaks in hand. He leaned against the counter sipping a Stella while I tented foil over the meat to let it rest. “He looks tired.”
“Yeah. From what I’ve heard, he’s been running himself into the ground every day to get that house fixed up and on the market.”
“The kind of work he’s not used to.”
I nodded, snagging a beer from the fridge and guzzling a few swallows. “What do you think, Dex?”
He glanced out the slider to where the three younger guys stood against the railing, overlooking the woods and mountains beyond. “He’s got a fine-as-fuck ass, I’ll give him that.”
Scowling, I elbowed my best friend, and he chuckled, clinking his bottle to mine.
“You want more than a hookup, but that boy would agree to anything you want to try. Don’t pass up the opportunity to figure out what being with a man you’re into is like before it’s gone.”
“Yeah, but that’s only part of the problem,” I muttered, gaze on Jimmy’s bubble butt. “I want the boy beneath the fake exterior. Can’t stand how he tries to manipulate me into sex like Darla did.” Another sip of beer cooled my esophagus, and I could feel Dex’s stare.
“Have you been honest with him?”
I snorted. “Of course, I have.”
“So you’ve shared your fears. Your dislike for his actions? Maybe telling him the truth would give you both what you want.”
Lips in a thin line, I sighed heavily. Dex had a point, but I had to consider what after Jimmy was gone looked like too. Loneliness tenfold, my heart without a doubt shattered. “He doesn’t plan to stick around. Why lower my walls and open myself up to that kind of hurt?”
“Because life is short and you never know which breath will be your last.”
“Morbid,” I muttered, my forehead furrowing again.
“It’s the truth,” Dex assured me, having seen devastation alongside me as a first responder for our town and the area surrounding us.
The war between desire and better sense continued to rage, worsened by calling the guys in to grab plates.
No one touched Jimmy’s past with a ten-foot-pole while conversing, but I learned all about the work he’d been up to since returning home, the truck he’d gifted Chaz, and the contractor he’d hired to fix the things he wasn’t sure how to do.
“So are you heading back to Boston once you sell?” Of course, Dex had to ask the question that lay heaviest on my mind while we sat around my fire pit in the backyard, after-dinner beers in hand.
I held my breath, ears ringing to hear Jimmy’s voice assure me he wasn’t going anywhere.
He cast a quick glance at me, the silence heavy with longing.
I kept my feelings locked up tight—same as he did.
Jimmy tore his gaze away first, taking great interest in the dying flames while lifting his shoulder in a shrug.
Did he wonder if I wanted him to stay, or was that wishful thinking on my part?
Either way, I needed to dig out the truth, because Dex had been right. Time could be shorter than hoped for or expected.
I would have answers before Jimmy left tonight so I could move forward—heart broken or not.