Nemesync (Soulfound #1)

Chapter 28 – Zanae

28

ZANAE

I n the next few days and weeks my whole experience in Elijah’s penthouse changed.

I oddly find peace in his existence. It’s not perfect; we’re still learning to coexist.

We were both spider and prey, and the web we wove became harmonious, even intimate . We could declare war in the morning and seek truce in each other’s touch at night. Even if the truce felt like a battlefield on the bed, or anywhere else in the house.

Elijah always made sure I felt valued, trained with me every morning even when he worked the whole night before, cooked meals with Niko and Ben most of the time, and even surprised me with books when I mentioned missing having new reads.

But when other people were around, he’d get a bit cold, which I totally understood. We were just hanging out, nothing too serious, I guess. I was the one who wanted to keep things quiet until we figured out what we were doing, and he respected that, even though he wasn’t exactly thrilled about it.

Then, alone again, he would consume me, possess me completely, own me like he promised and drive me to the edge of euphoria through every possible way and position, all night long.

Nikolai teased me a lot about my sudden cohabitation with “Bodyguard Elijah” as he liked to call him.

One evening, after an argument between Elijah and me in the living room about something stupid, Nikolai commented, “You two are like a dysfunctional married couple.”

Elijah shot Nikolai a warning look, leaning against the wall with crossed arms, and retorted, “Never knew someone could be so fucking annoying and endearing at the same time.”

And I just smiled.

Our life evolved into a sort of routine. I continued my training regimen with Nikolai and him. I didn’t think it was possible to feel exhausted to the point where you’re about to collapse just by drinking water before, but now I know how it feels.

When neither Niko nor Elijah was working, we had dinners with Ben, breakfasts too at Miranda’s coffee shop, they even met June.

Miranda has gotten to know Elijah pretty well by now, and she was still kind of intimidated by him. Perhaps the horde of men surrounding the coffee shop every time didn’t help either.

But that’s only because no one else knew just how attentive he was. Sure, there were times when I wanted to punch him for getting too wrapped up in his work, to the point where he would be literally sick of it. Or when he would show up with bloodstains on his clothes, but I guess being a Pakhan wasn’t just about giving orders.

He wasn’t that insufferable.

I never felt weak around him even during training. He always had that little glucose meter handy and every now and then, he would check my pulse and my levels, especially if I’m feeling tired or dizzy. It was like he got a sixth sense for it.

Even when it came to my meds, he was always on it. Sometimes he would say just a word, “insulin?” And if I didn’t take mine, he would hand me the pen with a little smirk and say, “Time to get under your skin.”

And then there are those secrets moments before dinner with Niko when he’d lean in close and whisper, “Your hands are sweaty, do you feel tired?” I’d nod, and he would quickly take care of it, all while keeping up the conversation like it was no big deal. After that he would just caress my wrist under the table to make sure it was okay for me.

My favorite nemesis looked out for me in the little ways that could literally save my life. Isn’t that ironic?

This evening, we sat out on the balcony, sipping wine together. He let me bury myself in my book while he wrapped his arms around me, joining in quietly. It felt so natural, like my body knew better than me.

We stayed like that all night, lost in the story until we reached the end. The Raven , by Edgar Allan Poe, and my tears fell silently onto the paper.

They reflected my deepest emotions and it’s always been like this with books. Haunting and sorrowful.

I looked up at Elijah, who saw the tears blurring the ink of the pages. He sadly smiled and caressed my cheeks softly.

“It’s just a poem, Milaya. ”

But it wasn’t this simple. With my voice trembling, I hugged him and whispered, “It’s not just a poem.”

He was speaking my pain.

‘Nameless here for evermore.’

That line echoed in my head. The despair and boundless frustration that defines grief was so clear, and so relatable. The loss was too real. And I couldn’t hold back my tears.

But Elijah held me close when he heard me sob. He chuckled softly, enveloping me in his arms, letting me cry on his chest, and reassured me, “I know, Zanae , it’s okay.”

And I simply replied, “I’m sorry.”

Then he scooped me up in his arms cradling me against him and carried me to the kitchen, knowing exactly what I needed. With me still clinging to him, he cooked something sweet, because he knew I loved this thing he does. It’s like a pancake but he’ll add a secret chocolate part in it.

While I nibbled on the treat, still wrapped around him, he gently stroked my back, letting kisses on my neck and face.

I know I can be over-dramatic when it comes to a book, but it wasn’t just a book, it was our favorite poem with Luna, and I had always loved The Raven , but it had been a while since I last read it.

Maybe because I wasn’t ready to dive back into it.

But with him by my side it felt less painful.

“I kind of love that little life we have going on,” I admitted.

Elijah caught off guard, raised an eyebrow and brought me closer to him while cupping my face, “Coming from you, that’s practically a love confession.”

I laughed, wiping away the last of the tears that had subsided on my cheeks, “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Eli. It’s just an observation.”

He smiled and shook his head, “Just admit it already, Miss Dellé, it means you’re ready to die for me.”

“You’re delusional, Mister Volkov.”

Then he just kissed me.

“Ready to test our mental connection in the field, Little Z?” Nikolai asked, giving me a light tap on the shoulder with his little cheeky grin.

“I’m not worried. It’s Mr. Psycho Bodyguard here who needs to keep up.”

“Go on, Milaya , show me.”

“Are you afraid of me, Elijah?” I teased him, my gloves in place, a small smile playing on my lips. It was so exhilarating not being able to touch but wanting to do so, desperately .

“I’m rather turned on.” he replied, his gaze fixed on my mouth.

He threw a punch at me, and the fight began.

Sweat, heat, and blood mixing with lust, desire, and passion.

Elijah came up behind me, his arm cutting off my breath at the neck, and he whispered in my ear, “I can’t wait to put my hands around that delicate throat of yours tonight.”

Him and his filthy mouth. Fuck.

It was so challenging; everything was concealed. Niko was giving me advice while I fought to calm my impulses when Elijah’s hands touched my skin, even if only for a few milliseconds. The glances, the smiles, it was electric, it was the taste of the forbidden, that addicting kind of feeling.

After our session, we went back to the penthouse.

In the car, he left a little box where a lot of sweets were, he calls it the ‘ Zanae’s going to collapse again Box ’. He did that just after I moved in, to make sure I never feel too weak because of my glycemic problems. Niko finds it outrageous to see his friend take care of me this way. I, on the other hand, find it kind of adorable.

He did the same in our room, always a little box beside the bed, if I feel too tired or anything. This one is, obviously ‘ Zanae’s going to collapse again Box 2 ’.

When we arrived in the parking lot, Elijah opened my car door, and Niko teased him about that. “I’m going to faint if I see another fucking box of sweets anywhere else, and Little Z be careful he might poison them.”

Before I could answer, something caught my attention. A small package, neatly wrapped in purple paper with a black ribbon, was placed in front of my car.

The note said, ‘ Silence echoes louder than blood in our case’.

Someone knew where I was, and seemed to be playing a dangerous game that involved my life. I was holding the package, but Elijah took it from my hands and opened it before I could.

“What does that person want?” I asked.

“A reaction.”

Elijah opened the box, something small and sparkling was in it— a keyhole pendant with a Z on it.

“We’re going to get a lot more guards here, and everywhere you go, Zanae,” Nikolai grumbled.

Elijah was looking at the gift, his jaw clenched, and he looked back at me, “I’m going to be your shadow, you’ll never be alone until we find her.”

Later that evening, Elijah and I found ourselves alone in the living room, and the little gift was between us.

Why was someone after me? Maybe it was one of Elias’s enemies. After all, I helped him to get rid of so many people.

“Whoever is behind this is testing our limits, and I don’t have any so don’t be worried, Milaya ,” Eli promised, anchoring me to reality.

I met his eyes, a little smile on my lips, “Is it concerning that I believe you and I know I’m not in danger with you?”

Elijah took my hand, laying a kiss on my scarred wrist, “I’m your bodyguard remember.”

“I trust you enough for this.”

“You know you’ll have to train harder, for the mission and because of this thing.”

“As long as you’re beside me Volkov, not wanting to kill me, I think it’s going to be okay.”

“I don’t know about the killing. Sometimes you deserve some punishment, like when you call me Volkov for example.”

I smiled and planted a small kiss on his cheek before Niko came back from the kitchen.

“You’re killing me,” he said before leaning closer and letting another quick kiss on my lips.

“You two are making me uncomfortable. It’s like watching a lion circling its prey, I might throw up.”

Elijah, his gaze never leaving me, responded to his best friend.

“Get used to it, Niko.”

“Maybe Niko is just worried he won’t get his favorite training partner back in one piece.”

Niko feigned offense, and replied, “Oh, please, Little Z. It’s like two enemies trying to kill each other first but enjoying it, adding someone who’s third wheeling them. I’m that someone and I hate it.”

He was right. We were enjoying every second of it.

The training session was intense. Our bodies communicated in a language only we understood.

Elijah learned how I moved and played along, knowing he could end the fight really quickly if he wanted to. But he didn’t want to win, he wanted me to learn, so he just took my punches, and never complained. But it wouldn’t be a normal training session without Nikolai trying to push Elijah’s nerves to the edge.

“There’s an easier way to relieve tension, Eli. A good drink, or even killing someone, perhaps?”

“We’re in the middle of something important, Niko.”

Niko shrugged and answered Elijah with this little smile he knows how to do the best, “Just saying, you both need a distraction. I’ll be here, ready to provide one when you’re done.”

We were almost done for the day. Our bodies were pressed together, sweaty, burning, shaking with adrenaline.

He seized an opportunity; and in a sudden move he brought us face to face. Our breaths mingled, his gaze on my mouth and mine on his. With a playful smirk, I traced the edge of his jaw. Elijah tightened his grip on my shoulders, but his jaw moved.

And I saw it.

“Careful, Milaya. You’re losing again,” he murmured, his lips dangerously close to mine.

I leaned in, our lips brushing against each other but never meeting. My hand traced his chest and stopped at his erection, poking at my stomach. “Are you sure about that?”

I wanted to kiss him so badly, and take that little smirk out of his face. But I couldn’t, so I got up quickly, hearing the long breath he released before following me and we continued for a few more minutes. His hands occasionally lingered on my skin, and I responded with a playful smile every time.

“You two need to calm down that tension.”

I shot Niko my favorite childish gaze, my lips curving into a grin.

“Jealous, Niko? I can always make some time for you.”

Elijah pinched my arm and sent a dark look to Nikolai, who chuckled, shook his head and responded, “I’ll pass. I’m not in the mood for any physical fight today. And to be honest, I don’t want to make this psychopath mad. He’s territorial when it comes to his nemesis.”

“I very much am,” Elijah answered.

Every evening was the same routine. We would go there, try to kill each other in front of Niko, and kiss each other until we could no longer breathe when we went back home alone.

Later that night I decided, however, to change my plans and see how my baby June was doing.

Miranda’s cozy living room was the perfect place for this little girls’ night, catching up on everything we missed. June, my favorite little human, nestled on my thighs, and slept hearing our voices.

She poured another round of wine, her eyes full of curiosity, “Spill it, Zee. I want the juicy details.”

I chuckled, and my cheeks might have just turned red just thinking about those ‘juicy details’.

“It’s complicated. We’re learning to live together.” ‘And we kiss and sleep with each other, he’s adorable when we’re alone and says all kinds of things that make me question everything in my life.’ I thought to myself.

But I can’t say that.

Miranda answered, a playful grin on her lips, “Sure, I bet you’re learning a lot of things.”

“Stop it! Mira !”

A laugh escaped her, “Okay, I’m sorry. What about Nikolai?”

“Nikolai is like the annoying older brother I never asked for—emphasis on ‘never asked for’—because I love him just as much as I want to punch him. He’s scary sometimes though... I think he’s just a bit more tolerable , to be honest.”

Miranda leaned back, taking a sip of her tea. “Alright, and about the mysterious woman who came to me. What did you find about her?”

“I have no idea who she is, but she seems to know a lot about me. She left a message and a gift near my car the other day.”

“Be careful, Zee. If there’s one thing I’ve learned since I’ve known you, it’s that danger has a way of finding you.”

And it’s true.

Danger and I were almost intimate at this point.

We then continued talking about the upcoming mission, and I explained the details of the plan, while stroking June’s hair.

Miranda listened closely, giving her thoughts.

She was truly a force of nature.

This woman was the little hope I had that maybe life could turn better than expected.

Later in the evening, we heard footsteps in the hallway, Elijah was here to pick me up.

He came into the room; nodded toward Miranda who smiled back at him.

“Ready?”

I nodded, gently disentangled myself from June’s grip, and kissed his little face before getting up. “Yeah, let’s go.”

With a final hug from Miranda, Elijah and I left her home.

The sleek black bike parked outside awaited us.

“Your motorcycle tonight? Such a bad boy, aren’t you?”

Elijah, straddling it, shot me a grin that made my cheeks burn.

“Keep talking like that and I’ll show you just how bad I can make it for you when we get home.”

Can’t wait to see.

“Should I be worried you’re going to throw me from it at a big speed?”

He chuckled, the low, rumbling sound reverberating in my heart. I loved hearing that sound coming from him, it was so rare, and I just appreciated it every time I had the chance to hear it.

“Depends,” he answered with the same cocky grin. Then, he just grabbed my waist and pulled me closer, putting a helmet on me, smiling, “It suits you.”

“Do I look like a dangerous woman in it?”

He pulled me closer, his hands gripping my hips tightly. He kissed my cleavage, his tongue flicking out to taste me, and breathed in my scent with a deep and low satisfied groan.

“No, you look fucking adorable in that, but you can still wear this if you want me to see how dangerous you can be tonight.”

I let out a playful scream and retort, “You’re such a perv! I miss when you hated me, now.”

He smirked and gave my ass a gentle smack. “Who said I ever stopped hating you? And when has hate ever stopped me from wanting to fuck that attitude out of you? Get behind me now.”

I got behind him, laughing, and we sped through the city streets. I felt the cool night air brushing against my face, adrenaline coursing through my veins.

It felt good to be here, close to him .

Elijah’s grip alternated between the handles, my leg, even my thigh. At a stop he turned toward me, giving me those fucking eyes, and said, “To answer your question, you’re lethal, Zanae. You’re the only human who could bring me to my knees.”

“Good to know, I like it when you’re on your knees in front of me.” I smiled.

He laughed, and I was so proud to be the reason behind this sound. “I guess I’ll have to kneel before you more often.”

My hands were attached to his waist, sometimes sliding down just to tease him, and he’d accelerate even more to punish me.

Arriving at his place, he just let me slide first, and then followed, taking his helmet off and greeting me with this face I became addicted to.

The elevator doors slid shut, enclosing us.

Green eyes bore into mine, and a mischievous grin played on my lips. “Is this your idea of flirting with me?”

His lips curled into a smirk, “I thought I’d change things up a bit. Keeps you intrigued enough.”

I stepped closer, the distance between us disappearing, “I’m always intrigued when it comes to you.”

Elijah

The doors opened; we stepped out quietly, my hand led her out, still on her lower back. She got out of here backwards. It was the sexiest thing I’ve ever witnessed, and yet she didn’t do anything, she just wouldn’t break eye contact.

And God knows how much I loved her eyes.

Our faces were mere inches apart. I could feel the tension, I could touch it, taste it. Every moment seemed to stretch, a heartbeat away from something that could consume us entirely.

My fingers brushed a strand of hair from her face, my touch was desperate. “You infuriate me.”

“And you intrigue me,” she replied, her eyes locked on mine.

Our lips collided with a fervor born of both desire and frustration.

“I hate you so much for making me feel that desperate to feel your touch again,” she murmured against my lips.

“Tell me about it,” I responded, my voice a low growl I didn’t even know I could make, my lips sinking into hers even more with a smile.

If she only knew how badly I wanted to kiss her every damn time, to touch her. But if I did, it’ll put her in danger, and people will find out.

Being the Pakhan’s woman won’t be easy, even though I’d do anything to protect her and eliminate anyone who tries to harm her. No one knows that when we get back home, I make love to her and fuck her until she can’t even think straight, over and over again, craving the sound of her screaming my name.

No one knows that I stroke her hair while she reads a book, or that we take showers together while she talks about the latest movie she watched.

No one knew we’d spend hours on the balcony while she points out constellations, and I’m just there, mesmerized by her, kissing her until she’s gasping for air, and then kissing her again because I can’t fucking help myself.

No one knew I’d fuck her so roughly she’d be stumbling for hours. I’d taste every inch of her skin and dominate the body I adore and obsess over until she’d faint from soreness and pleasure.

I’m addicted to her, and I hate having to hide it.

Our kiss became this battleground, a war of emotions that spilled into every touch and every stolen breath between us.

Her soft lips brushed against mine, and she whispered, “For someone who wants to ruin me, you’re quite good at this.”

My fingers tangled in her hair, and I shot back, breathless, intoxicated by her taste, “Practice makes perfect, Milaya , I didn’t even start ruining you.”

I kissed her again this time more slowly, appreciating every inch of her mouth, her taste, the warmth, her beautiful face all flushed.

“I thought I told you to keep the helmet on tonight, Zanae?”

She took off her shirt, leaving her only with a bra.

Fuck, she’s beautiful. And those fucking pink nipples peeking through the delicate lace begged to be devoured.

“I think I should be punished for not listening to you, then.”

“You’re absolutely right,” I said before grabbing her with one hand, putting her legs around my waist, taking her upstairs, still kissing her.

I opened the bathroom door, and I was a goner.

Fabrics were flying everywhere, we were naked and hot, steam and mist everywhere under this boiling water, and I was mesmerized by her, by this, by the feeling of having her here, every time, everywhere, mine.

I pushed her to the wall and without any warning I thrusted inside her, she closed her eyes and moaned a small breath.

My sweet toy is now familiar with the pain, even if the size is new to her. She adjusts to my cock perfectly, taking every fucking inch of me, breath by breath and proving just how well she fits. Perfect.

“Eyes on me, Zanae.”

I thrusted into her like a lunatic, her legs still around my waist, her hands gripping my shoulders, and those fucking eyes, full of desire and intensity, locked on me. “Don’t you dare stop.”

As if I could stop myself.

“I’m just getting started with you, baby.”

I kissed her while she opened her mouth, her head falling back from the sensation. It felt so good being inside her, it was euphoric.

Her walls tightened exquisitely around my cock, she was taking me perfectly. Such a good fucking girl. I smiled against her mouth looking at how she reacted, losing herself in this. “You’ll come when I decide, Zanae.”

I slowed my pace, torturing her, taking control of her own pleasure. Her sweet body begging for release, and I just kept denying her the climax she wanted.

“Not yet. You wanted a punishment didn’t you?”

Her beautiful eyes fluttered shut, trying so fucking hard to hold onto the pleasure I was giving her, but it was impossible. Because every time she felt herself getting close, I’d stop, watching her gasping and desperate for it.

That absolute control on her body, witnessing her squirm and beg without even saying it.

Fuck it was sublime.

She gasped, her voice shaky with need and frustration.

“I need it.”

My hand traced down her body with deliberate slowness, thrusting languidly and deeply into her pussy. “You’re going to have to earn it, that’s how I punish, Little Nightmare .”

The tension was unbearable for her, it felt like a delicious agony leaving her trembling and crying out for release stuck between me and the wall.

This time, she pushed her hips against mine before threatening with that needy sweet voice of hers, “That’s enough. I’m so close, if you stop, I’ll kill you, Eli.”

A chuckle slipped through, and I kept going in and out of her, faster and faster, more brutally, finally giving her what she craved, my hand around her throat, and my thumb brushing her lips.

“You sound so good when you threaten me and come at the same time, Milaya .”

Her eyelashes were full of droplets and her hair wet, her cheeks red, she was so freaking beautiful it made me sick.

I kept rubbing her clit with my thumb while thrusting deeper and deeper into her. Her nails scratched my shoulders so fiercely, so greedy and demanding. I needed to see her come undone under me.

“Now, come for me.”

She was at the top of her climax and came under all this pressure and tension, her eyes rolled back, and she moaned, biting my shoulder.

She. Bit. My. Fucking. Shoulder. “Fuck, Zanae.”

I continued for a few seconds and when pleasure hit, I slightly pulled out from her at the last moment, spilling myself all over her thighs. The sight of my own cum sliding her skin was heavenly.

My marks on my woman.

I caressed her arm, chuckling as she’s trying to breathe again.

“Bite me harder next time.”

She laughed and promised, “I will.”

Something changed between us these last few days. I changed, with her at least. I kept the star necklace in a box with every gift I had received all these years, along with every emotion I had before.

But she was fucking opening it again.

I shampooed her hair, savoring the silky strands against my skin, while her head fell back and she let out little satisfied moans as I massaged her scalp. Glossy black hair, long and thick, cascading like a dark waterfall on that pale skin waiting for me to be owned and kissed. She was just magnificent.

When we got out, I put her close to me and kissed her forehead before giving her a towel. Leaving her alone to get ready, I stepped out and stood by the window, the skyline spread before me like a tapestry of lights.

I looked at this city that holds so much of my life as I took a sip of my vodka, the liquid warming me from the inside.

The fucking stars again, I tried to understand what made Zanae so passionate about it, what made my mother feel the same way. Was it because they couldn’t see light in their life but could not deny how bright the stars were in the sky?

I was lost in my thoughts, when Zanae emerged from the bedroom, wrapped in one of my shirts that clung to her curves.

“Mind if I join you?” she asked, her voice a gentle melody that made me come back to reality.

“Come here.”

She settled on my lap, her arms around my neck.

We sat in silence for a moment. Just the two of us. Her delicate fingers brushed my cheek, then she planted a small kiss on my temple before asking, “What are you thinking about?”

I met her eyes, mesmerized by them. I needed to see my reflection in that honey color, I needed it to remember.

10.

Amber eyes. On me. Soft and compassionate.

“She loved the stars.”

My mother loved them, as much as Zanae does.

I can clearly remember her trying to escape there every time she felt sad. And now that I’m grown up and had to stop being a child without my mother, I can’t find beauty in things she liked.

Because it hurts.

It hurts deep in my fucking soul.

She stole the stars in my sky the night she died. She stole them and I never saw them again before Zanae.

Sometimes when I sleep, I can still dream about the way her hands would just caress my hair, and her voice when she would just talk to me about the stars. I’m trying to kiss her cheek, to look at her. ‘Mamushka!’ . Her face is bruised, pale, dead . And when I reach to touch her, she just disappears.

But my anchor is still here too.

Zanae’s eyebrows furrow, “Who?”

I take her hand and kiss her wrist, “My mother, she loved the stars too.” She rests her head on my shoulder and begins stroking my back gently. “My father used the organization to take away the one person I loved the most— her ,” I continue, bitterness coloring my words. “Elias wanted revenge because he was cheating on your mother after you came to life with my mother, and it still haunts me.”

I want to explain to her that I thought her father was the one provoking me every year on my birthday by giving me a piece of my dead mother, and found out it was the organization, but I couldn’t say anything about those gifts, not now.

Not when I wasn’t ready for the humiliation and pity it provoked. Not when it made me feel so weak.

Maybe I’ll never tell her about it after all.

Zanae absorbs my story, her eyes filled with so much softness, “So, my father killed yours?”

“I saw him that night. I was twelve years old, and he left my father’s lifeless body in front of me, and then he went back to the car like nothing happened, and you were there with him that night in the back of the car, and you sent me a flying kiss. Niko and Ben were my friends even back then. They helped me so much, Zanae.”

Her amber eyes are so full of surprise and regret.

“This obsession about making you feel pain and own your spirit is so deep inside me. You owe me your very soul, baby. I don’t know if I can get rid of this completely, it’s eating me up, because now that I have you so close to me, I don’t want you to go, but it’s hurting me. It’s like a war inside my fucking brain. I’m obsessed with you. So obsessed it’s killing me.”

She nods, stopping the strokes on my back

“I’m sorry, Elijah.”

I pull her hand back to my shoulder, I need to feel her.

“Don’t be, Milaya . I watched my mother die because of the organization, not you. The pictures of her dead body after being tortured and raped are indelibly ingrained in every part of my mind. They killed my whole family somehow, they killed me too.”

“I... I didn’t know.”

My gaze goes back to her, her eyes full of tears ready to fall. I caress her cheek with a weak smile, “You know what’s worse? It was when I knew you were taken by the same people as my mother. I thought I was going insane, Zanae, the only woman I cared about, was taken again by them.”

Her hand lightly caressed my jaw.

“And I found you, so beautiful yet so broken; your friend was in a really bad situation. I saw you, Zanae; I saw your eyes; I know you faced horror that night.”

A long pause follows that revelation as she takes her time realizing that I was the masked man who kept her in my arms and took her back home that night.

But then her fingers brush against my lips, soon replaced by her soft lips. A kiss . She exhales gently and murmurs, “You saved me, and you saved her.”

“I’ll kill them all for what they did to you, I’ll kill them, and then I’ll come home to you.”

“You saved my life, Elijah.” She places my hand on her heart, brushing my fingers with her delicate thumb, “You. Elijah Volkov. Saved. Me.”

“Maybe, but I was too late. I couldn’t be the monster you needed to protect you that night.”

She just shakes her head, “No. You’re the reason I had those last moments of happiness before I shut down completely. You’re not a monster.”

“You can’t be sure about that, Zanae.”

“I am. You’ll never be the monster in my story. Your heart and mind are not just darkness, you bring light to my world, Elijah. You are bright and beautiful,” she answers, letting small kisses on the tip of my fingers.

Bright and beautiful.

She thinks I’m beautiful.

I met her eyes, gratitude and turmoil swirling within me, “You saved me too, Zanae. You saved my heart, and soul. That obsession, it saved me.”

When I started protecting her without sending guards to ensure she was safe, everything changed. I had the picture of that night in my head in fucking black and white, and then I’ll just look at her and colors would reappear again, the picture changing to Zanae listening to music and looking at the sky.

She was a young woman just starting her adult life, and my world shifted to align with hers. Despite my obligations and responsibilities, she was always my top priority.

“I’ll teach you to make it live again,” she says.

“Why would you do that?”

“Because you’re making my heart warm again.”

The next few days flew by.

My memories can be summed up as a blurry mess of work, Niko and Ben getting on my nerves more than ever, and lots of sex.

What can I say? When obsession and lust collide, it’s unstoppable.

Zanae is getting better and better at fighting and me? I’m just obsessed with her even more than before.

The only fucked up thing is that I had to be careful because it’s even more difficult to resist not being able to kiss the hell out of her every time, without worrying about anyone seeing us.

This morning, I received a call from Nikolai asking me to come over with Zanae for dinner.

I think they all know that living together has brought us closer in a way. They surely don’t have a clue about what our relationship looks like outside of this bubble, and hiding it is so hard that I feel like I’m struggling to breathe by stopping myself from touching her, comforting her when I see that she’s feeling down, kissing her to bring her back to earth when she gets lost in her thoughts.

It’s tough.

Like right now. She was by my side, looking through the window, lost in her thoughts, and I couldn’t focus on driving because I was too focused on her.

She would do it, from time to time, look at a distant point for long minutes. Her eyes were empty, somehow hollow, even vacant .

It only happens when there’s silence. It’s like she hears things again in her head, and they occupy all the space for her to reconnect with reality.

I put her playlist on, and cranked up the volume. She met my gaze, her eyes coming back to life.

She immediately understood that I would never leave her side. No words were needed. I didn’t know what I felt, or how deep it was, but I knew that I felt so much better with her than I’ve ever felt before.

My fingers lightly brushed against hers on her thigh, her hand was cold, but so soft. I wanted to put them in between mine and warm them up forever.

“You don’t have to put on music, I know you hate it,” she said, turning back to me.

I moved closer, “If you want it, then I do too.”

Our eyes locked, a playful smirk dancing on her plump lips, “Is that so?”

Without a word, I reached over her, tracing a gentle line along her jaw. She just looked like a dream, like a piece of nirvana on earth.

“So stunning,” I whispered.

I stepped out of the car, opened her door and helped her get out.

Nikolai’s place was nearby, and I took the lead with her attached to my back, following me.

Here we go again.

The smell of a home-cooked meal greeted us as we entered his place. He was in the kitchen, giving us a playful glare “Look who’s here—Little Z and her bodyguard. Had fun last night?”

Zanae blushed a bit, shooting me a quick glance before replying, “Just the routine, where’s Benny tonight?”

“He had an emergency again,” Niko answered. “Dinner’s almost ready. Just go sit Little Z, Eli come help me to take everything.”

At the dinner table, we talked, and they laughed about how I can’t stand any sugar in my coffee—it pisses me off if there’s even a hint of it. We also noted this fucker’s failure to make a decent dinner.

Niko didn’t cook that well. He loved trying, though. Ben and I always encouraged him—to stop, actually.

Zanae tried to defend him but sometimes, you can’t find excuses when some pastas were burned, for God’s sake he was half fucking Italian. But it’s not surprising, he was also half Russian and hated Vodka. This man was just blasphemous.

I looked at my Zanae, when I noticed a glisten of sweat beads on her forehead, and my expression darkened. I could feel my hand tightening around my glass, while she was just casually talking to Niko. I leaned in closely, trying to keep my voice low, “Insulin, Milaya ?” I whispered.

She gave me a subtle nod. “Yes, Mister Volkov, I’m fine,” she whispered back, a small smile playing on her lips.

I exhaled sharply, feeling my features softening from relief. After the meal, we just sat in his living room, and the conversation changed to important and urgent topics again.

“We need more about Naevio’s father’s place. Especially the security. It’s our biggest problem now,” I said, leaning forward.

Zanae nodded, already deep in thought, “Last time, during the mission, when I overheard the men saying that Lukas was hiding here for the first time and avoiding official events, I started checking out the mansion’s layout. With the right timing and if we find a way to exploit the weak points, we might have a shot, but there’s still this ‘alarm’ thing, we need to figure out how to shut them off before entering.”

“About the other woman, it’s like she’s a ghost. Couldn’t find a thing for now, but I’m still on it.”

Nikolai’s concern filled his eyes, “I checked with our men, gave them the picture but nothing came out, I’ll try with some of our contacts.”

Zanae suggested with her soft voice, “I could check with mine, those who still have ties with my father. Maybe they know something about her.”

I shot her a soft smile, “If they can help, go for it.”

Nikolai observed us, a little smile on his mouth, “I knew you could be the greatest team if you just stopped trying to kill each other. Now, Eli has a soft spot for you Zanae, that’s sweet.”

“Aren’t you the one calling her Little Z?” I teased.

Niko grinned, “Aren’t you the one calling her Milaya ?”

I kept it cool and smirked at his remark, but Zanae was confused, and he continued, “Not that I don’t like this nickname, Little Z is still better, just saying though.”

I played along, “You kept calling me Mily until we were like 18, I couldn’t resist using it again Niko.”

Nikolai grinned, “You’ll always be Mily .”

Zanae looked at us perplexed and said, “Now I’m puzzled.”

I almost lost myself in the memories of our past. The kids, the Pakhan, the Don and their Consigliere.

I had to grow up fast, and he had to move on quickly. Ben had to be alone for a long time and always supported us. We built everything together, and I know I might not say it as often as I need to, but I would never have survived if it weren’t for Niko and Ben.

Niko laughed, bringing me back to earth and spoke again, “There’s something else.”

“Go on,” I said.

“The Zennites have this ball every four months. We missed three because of you, Elijah, do you remember?”

Oh, hell no.

I know where this is going.

Without any answer Niko continued, “The thing is we’re the fucking leaders of this coalition and we’re never at these events, this time we have to go. Plus, Benny threatened us into coming with him this year. He hates being there alone.”

Yeah, we let him go to represent us at those meetings, but I guess now we have to go too. But not without my obsession.

I turned to Zanae, serious, and not even thinking about another option. Why would I? I told her I’d be her shadow and I will.

“You’re coming with us.”

Nikolai added, his tone a bit conflicted, “They’re all pretty conservative. A Lebanese heiress might not sit well.”

“Isn’t it perfect that we’re the leaders, then? If I want her there, who’s going to say something?”

Is it very unfavorable for my image to come with the enemy heiress? Certainly. But I couldn’t find fucks to give.

I know I’m not thinking logically and rationally with this decision, but there’s nothing rational about what I feel about this woman so fuck it.

Zanae waved at us and said, “Hey, I’m right here! Plus, I can’t go, I don’t have the right dress, and I don’t want to cause trouble if it’s not okay, I understand.”

I reassured her by gripping her waist tighter behind her chair, without Niko noticing it, “You won’t cause trouble. You’ll be with us, no one will say anything. We’re getting you everything you need tomorrow.”

She agreed and squeezed my hand under the table, with that smile that makes me want to never look away from it.

“It’s tomorrow night, we’ll take four cars to get there, I’ll go with Benny and you two are going together. And a car assigned to each security team.”

“Oh, I didn’t know Benny was in the Zennites.”

He was and kinda still is. Ben was instrumental in maintaining our power and empire. When he almost died, we offered him an official way out, but he chose to stay with us unofficially.

Maybe it’s because he’s our friend.

We talked all evening. Zanae and Niko were always teasing each other, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her and feel this thing in my chest.

I loved seeing her happy, seeing her forming a bond with Niko, because Niko was a bit like me, he didn’t let anyone approach him.

But with her, it’s impossible to not want her close to you. She’s magnetic.

My mind and heart began to agree on something for the first time in years.

Zanae Dellé will always be my most beautiful secret.