Chapter 29 – Zanae
29
ZANAE
I found the perfect dress for the event tonight. I never thought I’d attend a Zennites party and not be worried for my safety, but I know that Elijah, Benny, and Niko wouldn’t let anything happen to me, I never trusted anyone with my life before.
It’s surprisingly relaxing to not have to worry about keeping yourself alive.
Exiting the boutique, a satisfied grin graces my lips when I spot Elijah waiting for me, casually leaning against the storefront.
He’s insane most of the time but so adorable, is it okay to call him that? Because I don’t know if he would appreciate it. But he is.
Always ensuring my safety, making sure I never feel tired or hungry. He massages my scalp whenever I have a migraine, cooks my favorite dish when I have cramps, and even bathes me when I’m too tired after our training sessions. And he’s absolutely adorable when he’s all serious with guards around in the mall because the Pakhan is present, yet still manages to smile so sweetly when he looks at me.
He always takes care of me, and I can’t help but wonder what our relationship would be like if circumstances were different, and if it were easier to be with him in another life.
He observed me with amusement and titled his head when he saw me getting closer to him.
Holding up the sleek black dress bag, I teased, “What’s on your mind, Volkov? Did you miss me?”
“Immensely. I was just thinking about how much I’ll enjoy seeing you in and out of that dress tonight.”
My heart just stopped imagining him touching me again. I let out a laugh while handing him his credit card back, “Your card, by the way. I made sure to put it to good use.”
With a proud smirk on his lips, he answered, “That’s my good girl.”
“I knew you’d be proud,” I replied with the same cockiness as his, kissing his cheek and holding onto his arm.
We started to get out of here, when he grabbed my hand and pulled me to another store. Pointing to a pretty pair of black stilettos, he ordered, “We’ll take these.”
“Stilettos? Really?”
Grinning, he slid his card to the cashier, “A woman like you with stilettos is intimidating, and I want you to be that confident brat I know, tonight.”
“You’re spoiling me, Elijah.”
“And I intend to keep doing so.”
During our return back to the penthouse, I found myself lost in my head again in his car.
My thoughts drifted to Luna.
She would have found this little day we just had so cute and amusing, she would’ve been smiling and giggling because a man is treating me this good.
Grieving was hard; it had a way of resurfacing even in moments of improvement.
The ache of her absence felt like a steady heartbeat beneath this joy I pretended to feel. The guilt, this feeling that I didn’t have the right to live when she didn’t have the chance to do so. It’s always here, always .
You killed her Zanae. You let her die.
Not now please. I’m happy, please not now.
Elijah’s hand found its way to my thigh. It was like a sign that he, too, was present in this moment, it wasn’t just the voices anymore, he was here.
It was quiet, simple, but his delicate touch offered me some hope.
The song playing inside the car was calm and beautiful and seeing him driving his hand on my thigh to try to comfort me brought back a feeling I thought I lost a long time ago.
The feeling that I was worthy in the eyes of someone.
I loved the way he was attentive to every little detail about me. He played music in the car, even though he liked quiet drives. He did it because he knew that when it was quiet, my demons were louder in my head.
“Come back to me, Milaya ,” he said, his eyes fixed on the road ahead.
Come back to him Z .
The tip of his fingers traced long patterns on my skin.
Up and down, up and down.
Focus on that Zanae.
He then just squeezed my thigh and said, “Any song you want to listen to right now?”
My poor heart loved the way he was taking care of me.
I paused for a moment, a small smile tugging at the corners of my lips, and replied, “Surprise me.”
The music became our companion every time we were in his car. His fingers subtly selected a track that filled the car with a melody that I particularly adored.
I couldn’t help but feel cherished, the song, him, it was too much. I only wanted this with him.
Whatever ‘this’ was, I wanted to live it with him.
I felt the need to do something I never thought I’d do one day, nevertheless with this man.
“Could you find a place to park?” My voice uttered quietly, uncertain about what I was doing.
A desperate and violent beat threatened to explode within me.
You need him Z.
You need him Z.
You fucking need him Z.
I do need him, and I need him now.
My heart was screaming out to him, and he couldn’t hear it as loudly as I was.
He nodded understandingly, and quickly found a hidden spot to park. The engine’s hum settled into a gentle purr as the car came to a stop. I took a deep breath, his scent filling my lungs like the nectar of a venomous flower.
Deadly and toxic.
Magnificent but lethal.
Only music around us.
‘ A Little Death ’ by the Neighbourhood.
He turned to face me, ready and curious to whatever I wanted to say. I felt a lump form in my throat and struggled to put my emotions into words. I took off my seatbelt and his arms encircled me as I straddled him.
My face was inches apart from his. He was so beautiful; I never found a man in my life this captivating.
Everything about him made sense now.
Everything.
He remained silent, giving me the space to share whatever was on my mind. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes, silently, heavily . The weight of everything felt unbearable—loss, betrayal, love.
“Don’t leave me alone,” I managed to let out.
His green eyes bore into mine, then his hand reached out, gently wiping away a tear that had escaped. “My beautiful Zanae, I’ll protect you.”
Was I crying? I hated it.
Grow the fuck up Zanae. Stop crying. You’re not a fucking child anymore.
The song was still vibrating in the car, and my lips found his in a hopeless kiss—a kiss that desperately yearned the promise that, now, there was him, someone I can hold on to.
Breathe Z, breathe again. Breathe him in. Feel life on his lips.
I wanted him like I wanted to heal.
I wanted him like I was dying, and he was the only remedy.
I wanted him like he was my heart’s wildfire.
The song was still playing, and I understood that I fell for him harder than I thought. I understood that I wanted to be his.
My lips were crushing his, and he kissed me back just as hungrily. He cupped my face with a hand while the other was caressing my hips in circular motions.
Elijah’s lips were soft and firm, demanding, yet tender. Each brush, each press, each bite made my heart burst, and the voices disappear.
Breathe in, breathe out Z.
My fingers found their way into his short hair, threading through the dark strands as I pulled him closer, needy, agonizingly .
A long and delicate stroke followed the arch of my back before he just pushed me closer to him. Our bodies molded together, as if they needed each other to feel complete, as if one was waiting for the other to feel alive.
It was him and I, everything else faded into insignificance.
It was a mess of passion, danger and safeness.
I could still taste the essence of his soul on my lips. We were a mess, a tangle of limbs, a blend of hushed breaths and urgent caresses.
I unzipped his pants, needing to feel everything he had to offer.
Tears streamed down my face, not out of sadness, but because I finally felt heard and understood for the first time in so long. I never thought I’d experience this feeling again, let alone with him.
But I was.
He was with me in my brokenness, but still found me beautiful even if I couldn’t do it myself.
With him, I felt normal, worthy to feel pain, worthy of attempting to heal, worthy of everything.
“Zanae...”
“Let me do this Elijah. I need to feel you right now.”
“I’m going to give you everything you want and need, Milaya ,” he promised, kissing me back. Hungry hands lifted my skirt to my pelvis, and traced the lines of my panties before pushing them aside.
“Let me feel how much you need me,” he murmured, plunging his fingers inside me.
A gasp escaped my lips. Brutal, and I wanted nothing less from him. His lips found my neck frenetically, biting and sucking the skin he so much adored. Leaving his name all over it. Claiming me and marking me as his.
The same lips traced my throat before returning to my mouth. His long fingers continued their constant thrusting, firm and urgent. Desperate.
I moaned against his mouth, craving more and more of him. His lips brushed my ear as he confessed, “I love it when you’re loud for me, Zanae.”
Only with you, only for you.
He thrusted harder in me with his fingers making me lose any control of my body as he absorbed my scream of pleasure in his mouth. “Look at you, so beautiful stretching for me.”
Stars enveloped me, euphoria radiated from my core to my heart, and I let it all go. But it wasn’t not enough, I needed him .
“I... I want to feel you , Eli,” I said, my voice trembling, taking his hard cock in my hand. “I want to feel you inside me, right now.”
“Then use me,” he growled, watching me slowly sliding him inside me, inch by inch, breath by breath. “Use. Me. Don’t ask. Just do it.”
He was so big it was painfully addictive to feel him fill me.
Sex never felt disgusting with him, neither did my body.
The sensation left me breathless, my chest rising and falling rapidly. I was momentarily shocked by the way my body belonged to him in any kind of way.
Gripping his shoulders tightly to anchor myself, I allowed him to be deep inside me.
“See how your walls are suffocating my cock perfectly, Milaya ? You were made for me.”
He lifted my hips, guiding me up until I reached the tip, then firmly planted me down onto him.
“I can feel you pulsing around me.”
Harder this time.
One brutal thrust. Agony . A raw, searing pain twisting into a wicked kind of pleasure. I craved it, the sweet and delicious torment he gave me. Savage and desperate.
“Elijah!” I screamed, submerged by him.
“That’s it, give me another one, Zanae,” he demanded, looking straight into my eyes.
My head fell onto my arm as he began moving me on top of him with force. Slaps of skin against skin echoed in the car, each thrust followed by the sound of wetness, urgent gasps and fucked-up throaty moans.
“I can’t, I can’t. I’m going to die,” I breathed.
“You’re not going to die, Zanae. You’re going to come for me again,” he urged, pushing himself impossibly deeper inside me.
His hands shifted from my hips to my ass, urging me to move with him as he continued his upward thrusts.
“Do you love the way I fuck you, Zanae?” he pleaded.
I closed my eyes, unable to process the consuming pleasure coursing through me right now. “I love it,” I whispered, feeling one of his hands return to my clit, stroking it with so much need, that I felt like dying from pleasure.
“Eli... I can’t... It’s too much...”
I was barely speaking at this point.
“You can, baby. You’ll learn to love it, and you’ll never want me to stop treating your cunt like it’s mine to play with and sin with.”
A hard slap on my pussy followed, and the tears streamed down my cheeks more violently than before.
Give me pain. More pain. More life.
“That’s it, Zanae, cry for me. Cry because you fucking love how I take care of you. Show me those beautiful tears of pleasure.”
The stimulation was too much, I couldn’t handle the feeling of him inside me, around me, suffocating my soul with his existence.
“Keep going,” I muttered between two sobs, my eyes closed.
“Give me those beautiful eyes. Give them to me.”
It wasn’t a want, it was a need, it was vital.
So, I opened my eyes to witness by myself the desire burning into this green forest I loved.
“You’re taking me so good, Milaya , so good,” he said, his eyes hooded and begging me to take him inconceivably deeper.
I felt it coming, and it was violent. The waves of pleasure pulsed through my soul. Am I going to die right now?
I felt his heart racing, the rapid beats mirroring mine.
That deep and raspy voice trailed against my skin as he planted gentle kisses on my neck, “That’s it, come for me, just like that.”
It was violent. The release felt like ecstasy. I reached my climax and it was everything I needed.
Elijah’s face contorted with a raw pleasure. His brows furrowed in bliss. His hands dug into my ass, spreading me wide, pushing me up and down on him harder, his knuckles turning white from the intensity.
His breathing quickened, every muscle of his body tensed as he spilled inside me, still buried deep, a guttural groan escaping his lips.
“Fuck, you’re so fucking perfect.”
Elijah Volkov offered me a little death , using only his body and lips, and it felt like life itself.
He then planted a soft kiss on my mouth, whispering against it, “I love making love to you.”
I shook my head before looking at him, his gaze intoxicating. “Thank you for making this feel good.”
He grabbed my cheek, stroking my skin gently, and whispered, “Anything for my beautiful nemesis.”
We were sweating, music was still playing. I couldn’t resist cupping his face in my hands and leaving a small kiss on the corner of his lips.
He was such a beautiful broken soul. He was doing so much to make me want to live again without even him knowing.
“You’re fixing me Elijah,” I admitted.
His gaze was intense and warm. He inhaled my air as though it was the very breath he needed to live, then kissed my jaw, saying, “You’re not fucking broken, you’re majestic.”
I didn’t understand what was happening, but silence remained between us. His forehead on mine, and the voices weren’t here anymore, it was him and I.
His soul and mine.
Nothing less, nothing more.
I reluctantly pulled away from him, a playful and shy smile danced on my lips, and eased back into my seat, my fingers lightly tracing over the fabric of my dress.
“That was quite the detour.”
“We may do a lot of detours in the future.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle as I replayed what just happened in this car, shaking my head in disapproval.
He laughed too, and my heart burst.
I loved the sound of it in the most unhealthy way possible.
“Have I told you how much I love hearing you laugh; you should do this more frequently,” I said, bringing my hand on the back of his neck.
“You’re the one making me laugh Zanae, the only one who makes me want to smile to be honest.”
My beautiful Elijah.
When we arrived, Nikolai and Ben were already there waiting. Eli wasted no time, disappearing into another room as soon as we entered.
It’s been months, but my desire for him only grows stronger each day. But I have to restrain myself. I can’t risk exposing him like that.
If word got out, he could lose everything he’s worked for—his empire, his allies, his reputation, his name. And his enemies could use our relationship to declare war against him. I could put him in danger even more than he already was.
Even though it tears me apart not being able to touch him the way I long to, to look at him as my heart desires, to feel his touch as my body craves, I have to try, for him.
The outings, events, and meetings we’ve had in recent months were so fucking challenging. I honestly tested the boundaries of my endurance thanks to them.
Outside, all we shared were small glances and subtle smiles, but inside, it was so much more, so fucking more.
I couldn’t help but replay the car ride in my mind.
Something was changing, evolving, and I wasn’t sure how to make sure it wasn’t dangerous for us to dive in this.
I caught sight of myself in a mirror after getting ready, a reflection of someone who seemed both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. I had to cover some hickeys and marks left by Elijah on my neck and cleavage first.
My dress was beautiful, and the shoes Elijah chose were perfect.
“Little Z, you are breath-fucking-taking,” Niko said, clapping his hands, when I met them in the living room.
I turned to meet their gaze, a proud smile formed on my lips.
“Elijah’s going to have a hard time keeping his eyes off you tonight, and all the men too.”
Nikolai chuckled as he responded to Benny, “I think he’s going to murder a few of them for looking at her.”
Ben nodded back at him, “I think he’s going to kill a lot of them, he doesn’t share nemesis.”
Yeah nemesis ...
I laughed unintentionally, “He won’t.”
He definitely would.
“You two took your sweet time getting here. What were you doing in that car, anyway?”
Before I could come up with a clever response, Elijah entered the room, dressed in a tailored suit that accentuated his large silhouette.
He was too sexy for his own good, I was salivating.
His gaze met mine, and in a split second, the flames of desire engulfed that green forest in his eyes. His lips curved into a dark half-smile, and he just mouthed, “ Beautiful .”
Elijah
For most, beauty is a concept hard to describe.
But for me, beauty wasn’t even enough to outline the sublimity of the woman in front of me.
This haunting enchantment, ruins of perfection, each broken edge shining so brightly that the shadows were dancing around it in a dark rythm.
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 .
Mine .
A fragile body, easily bruised, tender and delicate under my touch, pale and flushed under my destruction.
In the elevator, my gaze involuntarily shifted towards my Zanae. Nikolai caught me and shot me a knowing look; his childish grin was practically audible. I didn’t care enough to punch the hell out of him. I was too stunned because of the splendid sight before me.
The backless dress Zanae wore was tailor-made for her, accentuating the fragile curve of her and that moon tattoo I love to kiss and caress while I’m deep inside her from behind. Maybe that’s why I obsess over her back, even though the way her eyes flash with shock and pleasure is intoxicating. Addictive.
The power of dominating every inch of her in every way.
The city lights played on that silky dark fabric, inventing an ethereal glow around her.
My dark angel.
I was captivated by the way her hair cascaded down her shoulders, framing her face like a dark waterfall.
She was a fucking view, my view.
Exiting the building, I led the way to my car, opening the door for her. I allowed myself a moment to appreciate the way the dress made her ass look fantastic.
I was even contemplating whether to grip it and spread it open now. Tempting.
She turned to me before getting in as I was looking at her back, “Mister Volkov, are you checking me out? it’s so inappropriate.” By saying so she grabbed my tie and brought me closer to her.
I couldn’t resist but feel her under my hands, so I grabbed her hips and looked at her cheeky smile, answering, “Greedy hands you’ve got there, Milaya .”
She pulled my tie even closer to her and put her arms around my neck, “Be careful, Niko and Ben could walk on us right now.”
I wanted to kiss her so badly and take this cheeky smile out of her face. She was looking too edible in this dress and everything about her was too much to handle, “Let them then.”
Please, just let them.
This thing was tearing me apart, searing my skin, draining my energy. Not being able to touch her, kiss her, and simply have her close was agonizing.
She grinned and kissed my cheek softly.
I brought my lips closer to her ear, and whispered, “Your ass looks fantastic in this dress; you don’t know how much I want to take it off and bend you over right now.”
Her cheeks flushed, and her lips parted a bit.
This woman will be the end of me.
She laughed and went to her seat.
I turned up her playlist and started the car.
I couldn’t help but get lost in the way her eyes mirrored the city lights, or the way she was always humming the songs.
She was stunning inside and out.
“You took your insulin this morning?”
She shook her head and answered, “I forgot, but it’s okay, I’m okay, I’ll take one tonight before going to sleep.”
She’s okay, she’s feeling okay.
I pulled out my glucometer from my pocket. I never go anywhere without it. I prefer to be sure everything’s okay because her body doesn’t lie, but her? She’d rather fend for herself and would sooner die than ask for help. So, I offered it without waiting for her to ask.
“I’ll check if everything’s alright.” I said, holding the device in my hand.
She gave me a teasing glance and that smile that makes me feel like the luckiest man alive, “You torture me with that, Eli.”
I leaned closer, my voice murmuring softly. “Indulge me.”
She relented, offering her finger for the test. The glucometer beeped, and I just checked the reading, a smile spreading across my face. “Looks like everything’s good, you’re stuck with me tonight.”
She laughed, gave me a playful jab on the arm, and rested her hand around my bicep. I planted a kiss on her forehead, and she replied, “You wish.”
I resumed driving and said, “I do.”
I took her hand and kissed her scarred wrist. Even her scars were beautiful, everything with her was art.
Broken things were beautiful. I needed her to understand that. Each fragment of her soul awaited for me to devour and consume them.
She needed to let go, to see by herself the vulnerability in them, the art in those cracked and shattered pieces. I loved them, I wanted to ruin her even more, like shattered glass that traps the light in a million different ways.
She just looked at me surprised when I caressed her wrist, putting her hand on me while driving, so I could kiss it every time I wanted to.
We finally arrived at the castle and the need to protect her filled me. She was fucking stunning in her backless dress, and everyone seemed to be captivated, even the women.
What struck me was the subtle jealousy in the glances she received. Some knew who she was and were talking about that. I couldn’t help but feel a surge of possessiveness when we walked through the entrance. The murmurs and stares intensified, and I was aware that people were taking note of Zanae’s presence beside me, Nikolai and Benny.
I slid my hand beneath the fabric of her dress, letting it rest on the exposed skin of her lower back.
She was with me, and I wanted everyone to know it.
Nikolai shot me a sly grin. “Are you making sure no one else dares to look?”
“I’ll cut their retinas out.”
I looked at him and then shifted my gaze back to the woman I was holding. She was stressed, even if she didn’t say it.
I knew her enough now.
Benny went straight to his sister at the back of the room. She was married to one of our men and lived most of the time in Italy. We knew he would stay with her all night and even after.
This bastard only wanted us here today to punish us for letting him come alone so many times. Fair enough, though.
Zanae smiled, and my heart warmed.
She smiled as she saw Ben hugging his sister, my adorable Zanae.
Everyone was looking at this woman I was holding, and I knew they had seen my hand. I knew damn well it would make them talk; they might think she was just my new toy or something, but I’ve never brought any woman to these events, so it must be disturbing for my men to see that.
Inside, the music blasted and champagne flowed.
That’s why Niko, Ben, and I hated this kind of event.
Damn, I can’t stand the people here. The large table at the back was meant for us, and it was as we wanted it, far from everyone else.
The three of us went there, Nikolai, Zanae, and I then let out a collective sigh of relief. Socializing and maintaining appearances is our worst flaw and really not our forte in the Zennites.
Nikolai chuckled, sipping his drink, “Avoidance skills at their finest. We’re geniuses.”
Zanae rolled her eyes and smiled back at him, “Yeah, I don’t think so, Niko. But I like the confidence.”
Our conversation was cut short when a woman approached us. She wore a confident vicious smile, just a girl I fucked one time, years ago, I don’t even remember clearly who she is. Zanae’s expression shifted subtly.
She was jealous. Fuck, she looked hot being jealous.
“Oh, if it isn’t the elusive Elijah Volkov, and Nikolai Moretti.” The woman purred, casting a curious glance toward Zanae, “And who do we have here?”
Nikolai leaned in, a sly grin playing on his lips, “Watch your tone. Who even are you?” he answered.
The woman’s eyes widened, but narrowed just after that, “Sorry, I just wanted to say hello. It’s been a while since the Venom Reapers last visited us.”
Zanae’s eyes burned, but she maintained her composure, even if I saw in her eyes that she wanted to say something. The woman continued her shitty conversation, leaning in closer to me, as if challenging Zanae to have a reaction. I didn’t care a bit, my attention was only on my girl.
“History worth revisiting, Elijah, remember me? It’s Ava.”
“I don’t care,” I answered without even looking up at her.
Nikolai couldn’t resist adding, “That’s sad… you’re out of luck tonight, Ava.”
Zanae’s eyes were fixed on Ava.
Fiery and possessive.
Zanae
Calm down Z.
“It’s been far too long,” she murmured, attempting to hug Elijah.
But he just took her arms off him in a quick move.
She had long blond hair and this short dress was just so cliché and I hated it. I didn’t care that she was beautiful, she was trying to go home with my Volkov, and the thing is, I don’t like sharing.
He was my person, not anyone else.
I felt like throwing up.
Why wasn’t he shutting this down clearly? Was he playing with me? My eyes met Elijah’s, silently questioning his actions. He responded with a subtle smirk, as if he loved every second of this.
That’s the thing with secrets, it’s devastatingly painful to hide them when your heart and mind want to scream them out loud.
I want to claim the shit out of this man but can’t because he’s the fucking Pakhan, and I’m destined to be his enemy the day I take my father’s place. I just have to shut up and avoid killing him and her in front of everyone.
I can’t be jealous, I shouldn’t be, because in the eyes of everyone, he isn’t mine.
But I am dying of jealousy.
I hate it, and I can’t stop it.
I made my way outside to take some air, I didn’t get to take a breath of fresh air that a big hand enveloped my waist and turned me to face the man who did this.
“Where are you going?”
“Are you fucking joking Elijah? You let her talk to you and flirt with you without even pushing her away!”
He looked confused.
Why was he looking so damn confused? It was clear!
“I did push her away Zanae, do you want me to shoot her if she comes back?”
“No, I don’t want that, just tell her to fuck off.”
“If you want me to kill her, I’ll do it.”
My gaze softened as I understood that he was just so unbothered by her that he just didn’t answer to make her go away, “But you don’t kill women.”
His brows narrowed, as his fingers caressed my arm tracing lazy lines on my skin. “I’d kill myself for you, Zanae.”
Oh.
I shook my head, frustrated. “I hate not being able to punch her.”
He took my hand in his, smiling softly, amused by what I’ve just said. “You’re the one wanting to keep it a secret, Milaya . I don’t care about what they might think. In fact, I want everyone to know you’re mine.”
“But isn’t that bad for you? Fooling around with the Lebanese heiress?”
His lips brushed against mine slowly, planting a small and delicate kiss on my mouth before saying, “I’m not fooling around with you.”
My voice lowered, needy of him, “I hate the idea of anyone else seeing you other than me.”
He smiled. He only smiles for me.
“You’re the only one I see.”
We were alone outside, the cold air surrounding us, but I couldn’t care less if people saw us. “It’s hard, when I catch you looking at me, and not be able to be with you.”
His thumb brushed my lower lip, gently, and I stopped breathing, looking into his eyes, lost and bewitched, “Be with me then,” he begged.
‘I want to, I’m dying to. I’m falling for you. I broke our promise,’ I thought to myself. But instead, I said something else, “What if you lose their loyalty, or imagine they’ll start a war to disown you? I don’t want that.”
His hand enveloped mine, as he intertwined our fingers together. His voice was low and brutally honest, “I don’t care Zanae, I’m dying to have my lips on yours every time I look at you, if I have to go to war for that then, fuck it.”
“Don’t tell me you’re having an argument right now,” Niko’s voice echoed around when he approached with a big smile on his face.
I shook my head as Elijah told Niko to leave us alone, but Niko needed him for something. “Can’t, brother. I need you. Kaito is here, and he wants to talk to us.”
Elijah’s jaw clenched. He caressed the skin on top of my hand secretly without Niko seeing it and whispered in my ear, “Let’s go back inside, so I can still look at you, Milaya .”
He wants to look at you Z.
I nodded and followed them inside; I needed a drink, a strong one right now. At the bar, I took my glass of whisky and looked back at where Elijah and Niko were shaking the hand of an old tattooed Japanese man who scared the shit out of me.
To my discomfort, a blonde interference in high heels caught my eye. Ugh . Ava approached me with a provocative gaze and a fake smile. I might need another drink to deal with her, or else I’m going to eat her alive.
“The heiress herself. You know you’re just some kind of amusing challenge for him, nothing more,” she spat, her tone dripping with condescension.
Little bitch.
I watched her, whiskey in hand, the clinking of ice cubes resonating, and just like my patience, they disappeared in no time.
With a confident smile, I rose to stand before her, taking in a strand of her blonde hair, “Watch your words with me, Ava. If you think I’m a challenge, consider this: tonight, he’s going home with me. It’ll be my name he cries out, tonight, tomorrow, and the day after that, while he doesn’t even remember yours. Enjoy the party and try to find someone else, sweetheart.” I then downed my whiskey in one go, placing the empty glass forcefully on the table.
Ava’s eyes widened, but she just smirked and replied, “Oh please, the Pakhan wouldn’t even notice if you were gone. You’re just some kind of?—”
A presence appeared behind me.
His commanding aura enveloped me; it was him.
I felt safe with his touch and I immediately recognized him.
His hand cupped my chin, tilting my head back as his lips claimed mine in a possessive kiss.
He tasted like vodka, strong and sweet.
The room fell silent, a collective gasp echoed in the room, all around us. Even I gasped.
Breaking the kiss, Elijah turned his attention to Ava, his eyes so dark I couldn’t even recognize him. “Seems like I notice her just fine. Let me make something clear. You get too close to her, and you’ll experience a side of me that doesn’t usually extend to women,” he threatened, his voice low and cold, his hand on my back stroking the skin, as if he was speaking to me at the same time.
Nikolai joined us, his grin showing how much he was loving the drama. Of course, he would. “Should I grab some popcorn guys?”
He knows, everyone knows .
Elijah made it clear in front of everyone near the bar.
Niko saw it, Ben saw it too.
They fucking know.
Ava sighed and backed off, muttering a small “Sorry” .
I turned to face Elijah. “You could’ve just done the same before letting her get close to you,” I said, the taste of his kiss still on my lips.
“Jealousy suits you so beautifully, Milaya ,” he shot back, smiling proudly.
“You have a strange way of complimenting someone, Volkov.”
He leaned in, his voice dropping to a teasing whisper, “I never said it was a compliment.”
His lips brushed mine softly, his fingers tangling in my hair, pulling me closer.
But then, Nikolai’s applause reminded us of the party around us. “You two fuckers, I knew it. I even bet on you with Ben. When did this fucking happen?”
Benny came in too, leaving his sister alone for a moment, as shocked as Niko. “How dare you hide this from us? For how long?”
Elijah casually replied, “A few months,” before returning his hand to my wrist, checking my pulse. It’s something he always does without even being aware of it, ensuring I feel well, even now.
“Months? What the fuck? How did I miss the damn show?” Niko’s voice is loud and full of surprise.
“We were always with you two, how?” Ben continued shaking his head.
“You catch on slowly,” Eli replied, a smirk playing on his lips.
Ben grabbed a drink, kissed my forehead and returned to his sister, saying, “Good luck, Niko, and you two be safe. Z, congrats for softening Elijah.”
A laugh escaped me when Nikolai slid beside me, giving me a side hug, before turning toward Elijah, who looked irritated.
“Oh, my bad, I forgot you’re a possessive psycho.”
Elijah shot him a cold gaze. “I kill too, so don’t tempt me.”
Niko laughed, and we all headed back into the ballroom, “Can’t believe you two are a thing, I thought you still wanted to kill each other.”
“I still do,” Elijah admitted, grabbing my waist and pulling me closer, before whispering to my ear, “I’m going to fucking kiss you every time now.”
Niko made a disgusted face, scrunching up his nose in fake repulsion. “Oh fuck, it’s like seeing my sister with my brother, I’m going to throw up.”
I chuckled, “That’s disgusting, Niko.”
“Throw up, I’m not going to leave her damn side now.”
Niko shook his head and laughed, “It’s insane.”
It is insane, it’s crazy, it’s completely nuts.
He claimed me, he’s proud to be with me.
How? Is he oblivious to the fact that I’m completely broken, or that I can’t give him anything he deserves, or just be normal? Is he not aware of that?
Maybe he is, and maybe he’s okay with it Z. Maybe he’s okay with you.
After that, they were absorbed in a conversation with the yakuza leader again, leaving me alone with my drink.
A stranger sidled up to me, his eyes trailing every inch of skin visible.
That’s another reason why I hated parties; always someone to bother the hell out of you when you just want to fucking sit and enjoy your drink.
“You’re the most beautiful thing I saw in my life,” his voice came out like a punch, he smelled like alcohol and mint.
“We’re called women not things,” I asserted with a fake smile and a lot of irony.
“Oh, you’ve got a little attitude, I love it. Who left you alone in there, Zayka ?” he answered, coming beside me, his thigh brushing mine.
Little attitude because I want to be a human and not a thing?
I hate men.
I felt discomfort creeping up the back of my neck, screaming in my head that he was too close, making my body itch from his presence, his questions, his gaze. Glancing around discreetly, I searched for any sign of Elijah and Nikolai or Benny.
At the end of the room, my gaze locked with green eyes, shooting daggers at the man sitting next to me. He felt the change too quickly, I couldn’t help but wonder if his eyes were always on me, because how the hell was he so fast to catch on when something was wrong with me.
He started approaching us, leaving Niko and the other man in the middle of their conversation. He walked like the embodiment of danger, even though he was my embodiment of safeness.
“I think you should leave,” I warned.
“Why would I leave you alone?”
“Because I fucking asked you to?”
Elijah closed the distance and looked at the man with a sinister smile, “My woman told you to leave Ronan, why wouldn’t you just listen and avoid what’s going to happen. Otoydi ot ney, poka mozhesh. ”
The man looked at Elijah and recognized who was in front of him. He was scared, but he was arrogant, so he didn’t want to show the fear I could clearly see in his behavior—the way his eyes widened, the way he rubbed his hands against his trousers.
He feared Elijah.
“She’s alone, Boss. Why would you even leave her alone at this kind of party? She’s looking good as hell. I thought she was just one of your whores, Ne moya vina, pakhan .”
“Repeat that.” Elijah’s voice came out low and threatening, commanding the attention of every guest nearby.
All activity ceased and heads turned in our direction, drawn by the tone he used.
He’s going to kill him.
Breathe Z, breathe.
The man, Ronan, leaned against me and took the strap of my dress in his hand, “It’s the dress boss, she’s dressed like one too, that’s why I thought she was one of them.”
The voices started singing the same anthem in my mind, echoing the tone of the biggest monster I’ve ever met, repeating his favorite refrain: ‘Little slut, little whore, you’re nothing but a little slut.’
It’s just in your head, you’re not with him, you’re not there, you’re with Elijah.
Breathe Z.
Elijah looked at me, caressing my cheek slowly as if to bring me back to the present, and with a low voice he asked, “ Milaya , close your pretty eyes for me.”
I closed them immediately, and suddenly heard metallic noises, a horrible sound, and screams. I quickly opened my eyes and saw him, his hand on a knife from the table – a knife intended for the dinner that was about to be served, now lodged in the neck of the man who had been bothering me.
He must have hit a major artery, judging by the insane amount of blood pouring out of the man and the stains on Elijah’s face.
Blood, red, death.
His eyes were black, not green anymore, pitch fucking black, nothing in them apart from a fury I didn’t see these last weeks.
He calmly took out something from his suit pocket—a cloth to wipe away the blood splatter from his face, like he was annoyed to be stained by this dead man agonizing at our feet, and muttered to himself, “Fucking bastard. Couldn’t even die without making a mess.”
The kill was executed with a scary detached nonchalance.
It left me breathless.
This was the Pakhan, a man whose very presence sent shivers down everyone’s spine. I now understood the true reason behind the terror that cloaked his reputation. He took a man’s life using nothing but his bare hand and a kitchen knife—no gun, no torture, just a fucking ordinary kitchen knife.
He smiled coldly, his face bloodied, removed the knife from the wound with a swift movement making more blood run down the dead man’s throat, and turned to the onlookers.
Raising his hands, he declared, still with a smile on his lips, “Continue your party, I just got carried away. Try to enjoy the delicious meat tonight and never get near my woman again.”
My woman.
You’re his woman now, Z.
I looked at him, still frozen, then took the arm he offered after saying, “Time for us to go.”
Nikolai followed us after bowing to the guests, “Good evening, everyone. I hope we entertained you tonight.” He then put his hand on my shoulder and laughed, “It was so much fun.”
We moved toward the exit, and then I noticed that Miss Ava was still staring intensely at Elijah, shocked by what just happened, but smiling at him.
She was waving at him even.
Passing by her, I stopped and warned, “The next time you look at him a bit too much, what he did to that man is a mere euphemism for what I could do to you. Now, move aside, bitch.”
Elijah’s hands gripped on my hips tighter, his eyes gleaming with a mixture of pride and intensity, whispering in my ear, “That’s right, Miss Dellé, claim me.”
The weirdest thing was that everyone in the room went quiet. Shocked but not surprised, like seeing him do this is just a normal day.
When we arrived outside Niko burst into laughter, “I thought we were attending a party, Elijah, not a funeral. You do this every time.”
Elijah, wiping the remaining residue of the macabre scene from his face, shot Nikolai a look that could have frozen hell itself, “It’s never just a party, we need to have a little fun in that.”
Niko chuckled, “Well, I find your definition of fun a bit morbid, Eli. Now Ben has to deal with that.”
I was still in a state of shock, but I didn’t know what to think.
We approached the cars; I couldn’t shake the feeling that the thin line between the life we’re trying to embrace and the darkness we’re trying to accept had just blurred a little more.
Elijah and Niko stood before me, lost in the night while sharing a cigarette. I was zoning out; I felt my mind dissociating to leave me alone in my head and rethink what just happened.
I should be shaken, possibly scared, right? But I felt none of it. I felt so worthy, to the extent that someone would kill for me.
He was not ashamed and called me his woman, in front of everyone.
So what? We were like together or something?
The night was cold and Elijah noticed the way I rubbed my arms to warm me up. He handed the cigarette to Nikolai, their conversation continuing, and removed his suit jacket to drop it over my shoulders. I gazed at him in silence, my mind still processing the gravity of what just happened. He still had some blood drops on his pretty face but was scared I might get sick.
Nikolai grinned at Elijah, “There’s no way you’re giving away your jacket like a true romantic hero.” He winked at me, before turning back to him, “Are you always like this with little Z? Damn, I can’t believe you are.”
Elijah let out a faint smile before pulling me closer by the shoulders and checking my pulse again. He turned to his best friend and said, “We’re going to head home. Text me when you arrive, Niko.”
Nikolai smiled, “I’ll text you, brother.” He turned toward me, giving me a gentle hug, “Have a good night, my favorite psycho couple.”
Couple , we’re a couple.
We made our way to the car; Elijah opened the door and closed it once I was inside. He joined me, and for a few seconds, silence hung around us.
“Zanae?” His voice asked, smooth as velvet.
There’s complexity in his expression, not regret, but an anticipation of how I’ll react. Maybe he’s concerned about my judgment, afraid that I’ll paint him as a monster. Is he insane? I’ll never judge him for that, never. I don’t see a monster; I see a man willing to make significant sacrifices for the ones he cares about. And he cares about me.
Am I crazy? I surely am.
He never judged me, even when I’d cry out of nowhere because he left his hands on my neck too long. Never when I just shut down to be alone.
He’s always here. Always.
In response, I delicately took his hand, placing it softly against my cheek, “Hey, I’m okay. And I still want to be here with you. I’m not scared of you.”
His hold on my face tightened, his eyes widened before softening again, green, so green.
“I should’ve stayed with you.”
He then smiled with a touch of sadness, as if he was a victim of something new to him.
“I’d kill anyone for you.”
My heart exploded, my soul screamed, and my heart felt better.
I felt alive in his hands, I felt everything and more.
He drove away from the castle through the beautiful night, and I turned to him. The soft glow of the moon highlighted his face that I loved to see so much, and I couldn’t help but speak. A tender and honest smile played on my lips, reaching for his hand, our fingers entwining, then I whispered, “You’re good to me, and I want you to know that I’ll never judge you, Elijah Volkov.”
His eyes widened again, a mixture of surprise, appreciation and understanding washing over his face. I just caressed his jaw and made my way back comfortably on my seat.
Music started to fill the car, my hand naturally finding its place on Elijah’s neck. His reassuring gaze, the soft melody weaving through my thoughts, and the beautiful world outside the window enveloped me in a sense of tranquility and quietude I never thought I’d feel outside of pain.
It’s been a while since I last tried to prove I was alive by watching the blood run through my veins. I haven’t cut myself in months.
Maybe, you’re healing Z.
From the window I could see water.
The sea. Freedom.
Our escape with Luna. I wondered if she would be proud of me, finding life again in the arms of someone who initially sought to end me.
Destiny is a living comedy sometimes, because at the end of the day, he’s the one who’s taking care of me, making me smile, laugh, healing me—the one who makes me forget about my own struggles.
Sadness and nostalgia filled my soul. She would’ve loved him, thinking everything he does is proof of romance.
She always said that a good man isn’t the one trying to save the world every time; it’s the one willing to destroy it for his lover, because she’s his world.
She deserved that kind of love too.
I miss her so much.
If only you were still here Luna, we could have come back to swim together.
Elijah
Her amber eyes sparkled while she fixated on the sea, her love for it escaping her beautiful lips in a small breath, “It’s beautiful.”
I just nodded, pretending that our destination wasn’t already set in my mind. Her hand rested in mine, and I pressed a tender kiss to her knuckles, savoring the taste of her skin.
A few moments later, I parked near the beach, and a small smile played on my lips, “Get out of the car, Milaya.”
She stepped out, looking around, and before she could react, I scooped her up into my arms, her little giggle mingling with the delicate breeze, making my fucking heart burst. This little shit never said a thing before her, and now, he can’t shut up.
With her in my arms, I walked toward the shore.
“Now we’re alone.”
She just laughed and I removed her dress with one hand to throw it as far as possible, left a small kiss on the top of her chest, and did the same with my shirt and pants. The waves danced under the light of the stars and the moon, and without hesitation, I waded into the water, still holding her in my arms.
It was so cold. The fresh sea engulfed us, making Zanae let out a small cry; her eyes widened with a delightful feeling, satisfying my insatiable need to see her eyes inflamed like that all the time.
“You’re crazy.”
I smiled, “I am.” For you.
I twirled her in the water, the drops sparkling like diamonds on her porcelain skin; she looked like a celestial creature, non-human, it can’t be possible. Her hair was soaked as she started to swim, and I followed her even further into the water.
She genuinely smiled, and I was the cause of that smile, and it felt so fucking good.
“I feel so good in the water,” she murmured, gazing softly at the moon.
I feel so good with you , I thought to myself, but instead of replying, I brought her closer and kissed her. Her legs wrapped around my waist as I secured her, gripping her neck, I loved her neck .
I lift her out of the water, her legs still around me, her head on my chest.
We were soon on the shore, wet sand sticking to our feet, the cold air brushing our skin. Her laughter persisted, and I loved that sound; I would give anything to hear it again.
I was the one making her feel free and joyful, and I never thought I would find myself on my knees for a woman. But her? She was worth it, the best remedy that life could offer to a damaged soul like mine.
She was like salvation for the Devil himself.
I didn’t think someone could understand me, broken and dark as I am, but she does. She sees me for who I am, and she understands that I didn’t choose to be that way.
We settled on the sand, waves brushing our feet.
Zanae’s eyes sparkled with happiness and nostalgia.
“Luna loved the sea.” With a sad smile playing on her lips, she continued, “She used to say that one day we would buy a house by the sea, place a bench where we could talk, cry, laugh, appreciate the beach and the sky at all hours, and listen to music all day long.” She chuckled, her eyes sad, grabbed my arm to settle against me even closer, “And she always insisted on drinking our asses off on wine and whisky.”
Zanae doesn’t often open up about her life with Luna, not much at all to be honest. But every now and then, she’ll share a story, and she gets so caught up in her memories, smiling as she gets lost in them. I just listen, letting her speak, because I want to understand her past—her struggles, her joys, every little detail.
I’ve only seen one side of it, and I know there’s so much more to discover about her.
She turned to me, a smile playing on her lips, but her eyes betrayed a hint of melancholy. “She would have found you insane, dangerous of course, but completely insane,” she said, and I couldn’t help but smile at the remark.
“We would have had something in common,” I replied.
She looked at me, still smiling, still killing me with that face, and asked, “Oh, really? What’s that?”
I gently grabbed her neck and drew her closer. “Wanting to buy you a house by the sea to see you swim all day, listen to music, and appreciate the sound of the sea, and on top of that, I could kiss you all day and make you scream my name all the time. Plus you would practically always be naked,” I said before planting a sweet kiss on her rosy lips.
She chuckled, those pretty amber eyes that haunted me shining with affection.
“What a smooth talker you are, Eli.”
“Care to let me show you how smooth I can act too?”
A laugh escaped her lips as her fingers traced the lines of my neck tattoo.
“What do you believe in Elijah?” She asked, looking back at the sky.
“Nothing,” I replied without even thinking about the question too long.
Her eyes widened in surprise. “Can I ask you why?”
A long sigh escaped my lips, desperately trying to find words to express my thoughts, reminding myself of everything that made me a non-believer.
Why would God leave someone alone this young? Why would God let a child hug his dead father or watch the picture of his dead mother without understanding that it would be the last time? Why would God make him do horrible things, like kill the last member of his family for him to take the power. Why would God take the life of a child?
“Religion is the remedy of hopeless people, I surpassed hopelessness Zanae, I touched despair before you.”
At the end of the day I do believe in something, I believe in her in a blasphemous way.
“And you? Do you believe in something?”
Her eyes closed, a long pause marked her contemplation, and she finally let out, “I believe in destiny, but I lost faith in divinity when I died yet kept breathing.”
I just kissed her, because my heart broke from that confession and I needed her to feel her life beating inside my chest. “I’m glad you’re still breathing.”
And she just smiled, snuggling even more against me.
I could see the fatigue in her eyes. She was tired, so after a few more minutes I got up, took her hand and brought her up, then scooped her in my arms and turned back to the car with our clothes.
I playfully tossed her over my shoulder, grabbed my jacket and draped it over her back. The car roared to life, and I adjusted the heater to chase away the chill on her beautiful skin. With our heavy breathing filling the car, I couldn’t help but study her face.
Her cheeks glowed with a rosy hue, her dark hair glistening with water, and the moonlight reflected in her hauntingly amber eyes.
“You’re beautiful,” the words slipped out of my mouth effortlessly.
Zanae looked surprised for a moment before a soft smile played on her lips. “That’s not something you’d usually say out of the blue,” she remarked.
I leaned in, planting a kiss on the tip of her nose, and whispered, “I’m trying to corrupt you with compliments.”
“Why would you do that, Elijah Volkov?” She asked, her laugh filling the car.
“To make you blush because I love it when your cheeks turn red—both on your face and your ass.”
Her smiling mouth brushed against my bicep, before she just pressed herself against me. “You perv.”
I cranked up the heat even more because she was shivering.
“You’re freezing, come here.” I said, motioning with my fingers for her to move closer.
Gently, I pulled her onto my lap, her warmth becoming mine. My fingers traced idle patterns on her back as we sat there, entwined in the car’s warmth.
‘ I Wanna Be Yours ’ by Arctic Monkeys was playing.
And fuck, it was fitting.
I want to be hers. I want her to love me, to obsess over my messed-up mind, my dark soul. I want her to crave my touch, to feel my heart slam faster every time she lays a hand on me.
I want to be hers. I need that more than anything.
The sky drew lines the contours of her face. I was captivated by this woman before me. Her palms were pale, her forehead slightly sweaty. I checked her pulse and felt it quicken a bit.
She seemed tired before, but now I’m sure she is. I took out a dose of her medication from the dashboard, and gently administered her insulin injection, pinching the skin of her abdomen, while kissing the top of her head.
She let me and just put her hand around mine. I loved it, it was such an intimate moment.
Better than anything.
Just her and me.
Us .
Brokenness and beauty.
My Little Nightmare trusted me enough to be vulnerable with me. And knowing her, how much she hated being weak in front of everyone, I felt so proud.
She lifted her head up to mine, and asked softly, “Can you drive with me staying here?”
How could I say no? I’ll never say no to her, that’s what scares me.
I traced the lines of her face before kissing her softly, “Of course you can. Sleep if you want to, Milaya .”
She smiled at me and rearranged herself. Then we headed back home, her in my arms, feeling like I had everything I needed to make me want to live again in my arms, caressing my chest and humming the songs that played in the car.
Zanae
Nowhere has ever felt more like home in my life than in his arms. This man is something else, it’s everything about him. The way he talks, the way he acts towards me, the way he’s taking care of me in ways no one ever has.
Elijah’s arms enveloped me, his chest rose and fell with each steady breath.
“You know, I’ve never felt this sleepy,” I confessed.
“Must be the incredible company I offer.”
“Obviously.” With a yawn, I added, “I don’t get why people are so scared of you. You’re kind of adorable.”
He smirked at me, and said, “Adorable, huh? I might have been too kind to you.”
“You tried to kill me first, but you’re still somehow adorable.” I reminded him.
He was adorable.
He took me to the beach, swam with me, danced with me, kissed me, and even let me sleep in his arms while he drove.
He raised an eyebrow, the same smirk playing on his lips. “Earlier tonight, I did kill someone in front of you, you know.”
I teased him with a grin, seeking the safety of his green eyes. “Yeah, but that was just to impress me, right?”
He placed a soft kiss on my lips and replied, “Absolutely right.”
We made our way to the bathroom, the warm water cascading over us, washing away the sand and salted water.
My hands found their way back to his neck.
“I once wanted to kill you too.”
His head tilted, and with a cheeky smile, he retorted, “Is that so?”
I nodded. “But then you decided to save me instead.”
His hands rested on my hips. “Lucky for you, I have a soft spot for this little woman who tried to murder me with her attitude and blades.”
“And I have a soft spot for this Russian psycho who tried to strangle me to death.”
“Now you beg me to put my hands around your throat.”
Oh my god.
I laughed and covered my face, “How dare you!”
He gently grabbed my cheek, grinning proudly and whispered, “It’s okay, Milaya . Look at you, naked in my bathroom, with my marks all over your body. Things change a lot.”
I smiled and kissed him even more.
He took his time lathering soap on my body, leaving little kisses everywhere from my neck down to the small of my back. He even bit my flesh from time to time, before continuing to lather soap all over. I reciprocated on his body, lingering on the scars adorned with tattoos all over him.
After that, we washed, dried, and got dressed. We headed to bed, Elijah sat on the edge, and I settled between his legs. He observed me with a subtle intensity, his piercing gaze taking in every detail of my being.
“I can’t stop looking at you.”
I smiled because he never was this open about his feelings. Maybe something changed tonight. Something that we didn’t break before.
“You’re cute too,” I replied with a small chuckle.
“You’re not cute Zanae, you’re everything. You’re more than everything.” he insisted, with a mix of anger and affection.
“I think I may need insulin,” I replied in a whisper, blushing, dying because of the way he was looking at me right now— with so much softness.
Breathe Z, breathe.
His fingers traced a pattern on my arm, cutting through the air around me. “It’s not just your freaking beautiful face Zanae.”
I tilted my head, hot, shy and tired, but loving this moment way too much to break it.
“It’s the confidence, the way you carry yourself, you’re intelligent, more than any other person I work with, you’re strong too,” he explained, a hint of admiration in his tone. “Not to mention the fact that you’re a pain in my ass and still manage to look perfect doing it.”
I chuckled, leaning back against him. “If I’m going to be a pain, might as well be a pretty one, right?”
Elijah smirked; his gaze fixed on me. “The prettiest pain in the ass.”
“You’d be annoyed if I weren’t.”
He didn’t argue, merely wrapping his arms around me. A few moments later, I found myself on top of him, my curiosity piqued by the tattoos on his chest. “What about this one? And this one too?” I said touching the ink on his skin.
“They cover scars, memories... things,” he replied, his eyes focused on the movement of my fingers around his heart.
Oh...
My heart broke a little more, noticing the way his eyes were lost in the memories.
Being Pakhan at such a young age, with all the responsibilities, the killings, and the weight of the title, I can’t imagine what he had to do to earn the name ‘D’yavol’ in the industry. But I hated it.
Without a word, I leaned down, pressing gentle kisses to each tattoo, as if trying to heal the invisible wounds they concealed.
Elijah Volkov was a masterpiece, each tattoo, each scar, each story, it was art, and I was soft for art.
He watched me with a mix of gratitude and wonder, reached up, gently cupping my face.
“You don’t have to kiss away my past, Zanae. It’s over.”
That’s not why I kissed them. I kissed his scars because it made him the man he was today, and this man was becoming my home.
“I know,” I whispered, “but I want to,” my voice admitted softly, just as I placed the last kiss on the corner of his mouth, on that scar I love kissing. “You always kiss my scars, let me kiss yours. They’re beautiful.”
His green eyes talked way more than him sometimes. His fingers trailed through my hair, brushing the strands, avoiding my gaze.
“By the way, my shirt looks better on you than it does on me. You overall look good on top of me.”
I chuckled, trying not to fall harder for this man. “Is that your way of distracting me from the scars?”
“Maybe,” he admitted, his smile softening his pretty face.
But I didn’t let him divert my attention. Instead, I leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. I wanted him to understand that he was not just chaos and pain, he was so much more. “You can have my heart, scars and all, Elijah.” I whispered against his mouth.
Sometimes, when I look at him, I’m reminded of everything he’s endured. It makes me want to cry and hold him tight, like I could fill every void of love he’s ever experienced.
Because I was falling for Elijah, and I’ve broken the little agreement we had. I’ve failed, and I’ve failed miserably.
“You can talk to me, you know that?” I said softly.
“I know,” he responded.
I planted a gentle kiss on his cheek. “I’ll listen.”
He smiled, then lifted me into his arms. “I know,” he said before kissing me. “I don’t want you to worry about me. I want you to be happy with me, not overthink. I know you’re already overthinking everything.”
This time, I was the one smiling. “You, Elijah Volkov, are not the Devil I thought you were.”
He kissed me again, whispering against my lips, “Then what am I?”
“You’re the prettiest and most thoughtful soul I know. Even the Devil was a fallen angel before. The darkness within you is my light.”
He stopped his kiss, his gaze melting into mine. I hated that look on his face, as if he didn’t believe me, as if he didn’t see anything good about himself. “You think so?”
My heart tightened seeing his vulnerability. “Of course, and I wouldn’t change anything about you.”
He kissed me harder. His arms tightened around me, as if he was holding onto me for dear life, needing me to reassure him and chase away the shadows of doubt that lingered in his mind.
Breaking the hug, he gazed into my eyes, searching for the truth behind my words. “Thank you,” he whispered.
I smiled, my heart overflowing with his existence. “You’re welcome.”