Chapter 47 – Zanae
47
ZANAE
A few days passed, and I tried to see life in color again.
Elijah was teaching me how to do it, even though I felt like he was discovering things himself along this process.
Niko and he were often on the phone; they were looking for my mother, I knew, even if they didn’t explicitly tell me. They searched for her, and in their eyes, I understood that it wasn’t for small talk. Ben told me they found some clues in the data we stole from Lukas’s house, but he didn’t want to reveal much.
The Venom Reapers were already taking care of it. These two were like a duo from hell together. Their eyes turned dark; they sought chaos and welcomed it with warmth and ease. And they sought it out for me, to offer me justice and protection.
Sometimes I watched them silently and felt gratitude—all of them, including Ben, Brian and Miranda, who also had their own demons to face, preferred to help me confront mine rather than focus on theirs.
I would often stay with Eli and Niko, reading, calling Brian and Miranda, or spending my days watching movies with Benny.
But then, my thoughts would drift; Lukas’s face would resurface, along with the memory of his touch and his breath.
It felt as if I couldn’t breathe, as if there wasn’t enough air, and my lungs were closing.
Tonight was no different. While Elijah and Niko were on the balcony, talking and gazing at the sky, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
The air seemed caught in my throat, and I could almost feel hands around my neck, his hands . The ones that cut my screams years ago.
I wanted to scream, but nothing came out—it was so loud in my head.
Too loud.
It’s not real, Zanae; it’s only in your head.
It’s raining heavily, and I needed to feel it on my skin; I had to get some air immediately. Without waiting, I ran outside the building.
As soon as I opened the door, I felt air rush into my lungs.
The rain caressed my face, drops falling brutally around me, drowning me in something beyond my own mind, washing away the sensation of hands around my neck, and I could finally feel my heart beating normally.
I allowed myself to be hugged by the rain, by the wind, by this constant but silent noise. Finally.
Elijah
Niko watched me, sipping his wine. “Do you think she’ll make it?”
The thought seemed absurd. Of course, she would. She’s the strongest person I know.
“I won’t give her any choice but to do so.”
A smile played on his lips as he replied, “She will. Last night we watched Criminal Minds with her again, and Ben made her laugh so hard.”
I gazed at the sky; the stars hidden by the pouring rain. “She loves that show.”
Niko placed his hand on my shoulder, grinning. “Yes, she does.”
Our eyes met, filled with anger and a thirst for vengeance.
“She deserves so much more.”
Niko looked down, his eyes full of curiosity, and he shouted, “Zanae, what the fuck are you doing out there?”
I lowered my gaze and saw a distant figure in the rain, face downturned, hands open to the downpour.
Without hesitation, I descended running down the stairs.
What are you doing, Zanae?
I reached the bottom and saw her, soaked through.
Approaching her, I placed my hands on her hips.
She smiled; it was the first real smile I’d seen from her in days.
But I noticed she was also crying, her tears blending with the rain on her beautiful face.
Feeling my touch, she opened her eyes and realized it was me.
I felt the water piercing through my entire body; in seconds, I was completely immersed in it.
“ Milaya , what are you doing down here? You’ll catch a cold.”
She lowered her head, and her smile disappeared, leaving only the sound of her tears filling the space and the silence.
Niko was upstairs, observing us from the balcony.
Even if he couldn’t see much, he didn’t go inside.
“I’m sorry, Elijah,” she murmured, her voice cracking.
Damn, I hated it when she said that, even though I didn’t blame her at all, not even a fucking bit.
“Don’t be sorry, baby. Look at me.”
I took her chin between my fingers, lifting it to see her eyes. Her beautiful amber eyes illuminated by the night; her eyelashes adorned with tiny raindrops. Stunning .
“I’m so proud of you, don’t be sorry, you’re strong and beautiful,” I reassured her. “Talk to me, Milaya , tell me how you feel.”
Her eyes remained sad, her lips trembled, and her small hands clinging to my arms. “I’m hurt.”
I pull her closer, admiring the woman in front of me, my woman. “Then let me take your pain, Zanae,” I pleaded, softly.
Her eyebrows furrowed as if she was asking herself the same question, she was about to ask me.
“Would you do that?”
I caressed her cheek, my mind drowning in the love I had for her, screaming her name so loud that it echoed in the depths of hell and the heights of heaven.
“I would do anything for you.”
Her soft, sorrow-filled voice was a fucking torture for my heart.
“Why?”
“Because you’re everything to me.”
Under the rain, our lips met in a delicate kiss. My hands cradled her face, fingers tracing the contours of that beautiful masterpiece in front of me, while hers found refuge on my chest, feeling my heartbeat.
The cool raindrops mingled with the warmth of our bodies pressed together.
Our lips melded, fused together, and I felt it—the love, the consuming type of love that could kill you because of its intensity.
Our breaths intertwined, and her delicate hands, like poetry, moved from my face to the nape of my neck, pulling me closer. And mine, from her hips to her waist, glued her to me.
The world faded into a blurry mess.
She was here, alive, in my arms, and she was still mine.
10 .
Zanae survived. She survived for me.
We parted to catch our breaths, her lips swollen, her hair damp, her clothes ruined. Her gaze of molten gold set my soul ablaze, and I missed that feeling so much.
A far scream made us turn around. That motherfucker, Niko was yelling, “LET’S GOOO! GET DOWN TO IT! KISS HIM, LITTLE Z!”
She let out a small giggle at this, and I couldn’t resist kissing her one last time before lifting her in my arms. “I’m going to take you back inside now.”
Zanae
The penthouse door swung open, Miranda and June walking in.
My little boy could barely contain his excitement, and he just ran towards me and hugged me tightly. Miranda, with a soft smile, greeted me with a kiss on the cheek, “You know that I still don’t know what happened during the mission weeks ago? I was waiting for you to call me and tell me how it went and how you ended up being shot.”
I grinned, “It’s a long story,” I glanced outside the window.
The view was beautiful, but at that moment, it didn’t feel right to be here in Vesper. The city where the shadows lingered, and the secrets were obscured by night.
This city held so many memories, not just bad ones, but good ones too, and it was overwhelming. We settled into the living room, June clinging to me like a koala. Miranda took a seat, her gaze softening
Her hand found mine and squeezed it, “What’s wrong, Zee?”
“I really don’t know. It just doesn’t feel like home here anymore. Everything’s changed.”
I changed.
“Maybe it’s for the better. Speaking of which, where are those bad boys of yours?”
“They said they had some work. Probably cooking up another plan as we talk.”
Miranda chuckled and shook her head, “Sure. Now tell me. What happened during the mission?”
I started to describe the events, June listening with wide-eyed fascination, even if he doesn’t understand anything.
“It was intense,” I began. I told her about the infiltration, the encounters with the guards, and the nerve-wracking worst part of it. “And then, I was face to face with Lukas and I got shot,” I continued, “By my mother.”
The truth hit Miranda like a punch to the gut.
She sat back, momentarily stunned. “Your mother?” she repeated.
I nodded, “Yeah. I didn’t even know she was alive, let alone part of this mess, maybe one of the heads of it even.”
June was falling asleep in my arms, and Miranda, finding her voice, managed to ask, “How... How did Elijah react to that? You got shot, and he was there? What did he do?”
I chuckled, “I don’t know, but I’m sure Lukas is dead now.”
Miranda, caught between horror, admiration and fascination, asked, “And you and Elijah... you two are...”
My smile turned into a grin, “I love him with what’s remaining of my heart.”
“How’s he holding up?”
My eyes softened at the mention of Elijah, “He’s here for me. Saving me, again and again.”
Miranda chuckled, “You deserve someone like him, Zanae. Someone who’d go to the ends of the earth for you.”
Her eyes softened looking at us, the comforting rhythm of her son’s breaths, sleeping on my lap.
She took a moment to gather her thoughts, her voice so soft and so affectionate, “You know, Zanae,” her gaze was fixed on me, “I’m so happy to see you feel what I felt back when I had you by my side during the birth of June. I was alone, just a scared young girl facing the uncertainty of motherhood. My parents had disowned me, even after I was assaulted. They wanted me to get rid of him, but you... you were there for me.”
A fond smile played on Miranda’s lips; the memories flashed in front of me. “You worked, even when you didn’t have to, during my pregnancy. You were the only person I found when I was in the worst state of my life. You held my hand through it all, and when June was born, you became a second mother to him. You spoiled both of us, and I can never repay you for the love and support you’ve given us.”
I looked at her, tears about to fall down on my cheeks, “And now, seeing you with Ben, Niko, Brian and with Elijah by your side, it’s like witnessing a full circle of love. You deserve every bit of happiness, Zanae. You’ve been a pillar of strength for us, for me, for my June, and I’m just so happy you have someone to be what you were and still are for my baby and I.” She kissed my cheek and added, “I hope someday you’re going to see yourself like we see you, and not like your mind wants you to.”
I listened with a soft smile; and I just hugged her and cried my heart out.
I hated it.
I hated that I forced them to go through this because I tried to end my life. I hated that she had to remind herself about all of this just to prove to me that I was loved. I felt a knot in my heart, in the arms of Miranda, I felt like I could let it go, let the sadness release itself on me. I didn’t even want to leave them. I loved Miranda, and I loved June. I wanted to see her find the love she deserved, I wanted to see June grow older, see him live a life full of good things.
I really did.
Elijah
My Zanae laid on the sofa, peacefully asleep, with the little boy nestled in her arms. It was so tender, and so full of love, that it weirdly touched a chord within me. I couldn’t help but let the smile on my lips grow bigger.
Thinking about a possibility where in the future, it could be our baby between her hands made me feel something so powerful, so intense. This woman will be the mother of my kids, and she’ll be the best mother ever.
Niko, seeing this, couldn’t just keep quiet. “Oh look at them, Mama bear and her kid.”
I’m going to kill him.
His voice woke Zanae from her nap, and June, in sync, stirred from his sleep. Miranda, who had been watching TV, looked back at us. She got up, and came to us, “Thank you both for taking care of Zanae. June was out like a light. I’ll take him home now; he’s getting sleepy again,” she said, offering a hug to Zanae and a smile to me before heading to her car.
Beside Zanae, I asked, “Where do you want to go, Milaya ?”
She smiled, her eyes still sleepy, and replied, “In your head.”
I chuckled at her response, gently caressing her jaw. “Pick a place, anywhere in the world, just give me a name.”
She kissed my cheek softly, “Anywhere else than here would be enough.”
In the softest tone I could muster, I said, “Then pack your bags. We’re going somewhere.”
“Somewhere? Where?”
“Just pack. We’ll leave in an hour.”
“What’s the occasion, Elijah?”
“Make you smile.”
Niko shook his head and turned toward Zanae, “I told you; he has a soft spot.”
I shot him a cold gaze, before turning back to her, “And grab a swimsuit.”
She smiled, and raised an eyebrow, “A swimsuit? Where are you taking me, Volkov?”
Fuck, her smile was everything I wanted to see, beautiful , her dimples, beautiful , everything on her, beautiful .
“You’ll see. Just be ready in an hour.”
Nodding, Zanae headed to her room, excitement evident in her steps.
Niko clapped me on the back, chuckling, “You’re getting all gentle; it’s so cute,” he teased.
“I’m fucking losing my mind over her,” I confessed, my eyes never leaving her shadow.
His eyes widened in surprise; I’ve never been that open about how I feel. “Damn, you’re so in love with her, I didn’t even know it was possible.”
I shook my head, “Me neither.”
The jet waited on the deserted tarmac, the hot wind blowing gently around us, with my guards surrounding the area.
Carrying our bags, I led my woman inside, and settled in across from her and Niko.
“Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise,” I replied to Zanae.
“He likes to keep things dramatic,” Niko chimed in.
Zanae chuckled, “I thought you were the dramatic one.”
He added, “Me too!”
Lifting my eyes from my laptop, I find her looking back at me.
It’s reassuring to see your own reflection in someone’s eyes, someone who loves you.
10 .
Amber eyes.