Chapter 49 – Zanae
49
ZANAE
T he soft waves of the ocean woke me up, and I found myself nestled against Elijah’s chest, the rise and fall of his breathing were the perfect beginning for my day.
I kissed along the initials on his heart, and felt his erection pushing down on my stomach, I laughed softly, “Seems like you’re awake.”
“ Milaya , if you don’t stop this, I’m going to turn you and fuck you so hard, until you fall back asleep.”
The door opened up before I could even respond.
Niko entered the room like he owned the place, a stranger to the concept of privacy. He looked at us, our clothes on the ground and covered his eyes before yelling, “I’m going to burn my eyes, my poor retinas! OH MY GOD! WHAT YOU TWO HAVE YOU DONE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP! Never again I’ll enter your room.”
Elijah shot him a death stare, “Get the fuck out Niko, don’t make me get up you asshole, I’m naked.”
I laughed in Elijah’s chest and covered my face. I was so embarrassed, it felt as if my cheeks were on the brink of spontaneous combustion.
Niko shook his head, his gaze flickering to me. “That’s right, cover yourself Z, aren’t you ashamed? Making me live this traumatic event? I’m going to go down and bury myself in a pillow.”
Elijah fixed him with a stern look, ready to jump out of the bed. “Three seconds, Niko. If you’re not out, I’m the one who’s going to bury you.”
With that, he left the room, still shouting his disgust, and maybe throwing up too.
I peeked out from under the covers, catching Elijah’s warm smile. My hair was a tangled mess, and I likely blushed, yet he regarded me as if I were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.
I hid my face with my hands, muttering, “I’m gonna die.”
He gently pulled my hands away, placing tender kisses on my eyelids. “No you’re not, baby.”
I looked at him, so ashamed I could feel my face burning. “It’s so embarrassing .”
He chuckled, leaning down and kissing my cheek before saying, “Do you genuinely believe that Niko doesn’t hear you sometimes when he stays over, Milaya ? Why should you be embarrassed? You’re my woman and I fuck you senselessly when I want, where I want and how I want.”
My eyes widened in shock. “Oh no, he talked to you about it? I’m going to faint.”
He scoffed again before grabbing my neck, drawing me closer, and planting a soft kiss on my lips. “You can be quite loud, baby, but I’m not complaining, I love it.”
I shook my head as he pressed one more kiss to my forehead before rising from the bed.
We find ourselves ready to swim, the sun warning our skin, the waves making the perfect background sound. Niko and I stood at the water’s edge, we were having some kind of race, but when we began our little warm-ups, Elijah winked at me before swooping in and ‘kidnapping’ me.
I giggled as he threw me over his shoulder, “Hey, STOP THIS!” I shot him a fake irritated glance, “I was about to beat Niko’s ass in our swimming competition!”
He just grinned, proudly, spanking my flesh.“Let’s talk about your ass and not his.” he said, carrying me closer to the water.
Niko, unaware of the change in plans, continued to prepare for the swim, stretching and flexing his muscles, it was just so funny to watch.
“You just made me lose, Volkov!”
Elijah chuckled, his gaze locking onto mine.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful.” he said, lowering me gently into the water. The waves enveloped us, and he seized the moment to pull me into the kind of kiss that makes you forget about the context.
Breaking the surface, we rejoined Niko, “What took you so fucking long?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
I exchanged a secret glance with Elijah before shrugging, “Just a minor detour. Elijah decided to sabotage our competition.”
We walked along the shoreline, the shining waves calling me to jump into the water and never get out of it, when Niko nudged me. “Come on, Little Z, admit it. I’m the better swimmer.”
I rolled my eyes, a habitual response to Niko’s words at this point. “In your dreams, Niko. I’ll leave you eating my dust any fucking day.”
Niko grinned, already running to the water. “Prepare to be humbled, you little shit.”
We spent our day here, and at one point, Elijah sat on the edge, watching me have fun with Niko.
He had this little rare, adorable smile on his face. The one that made me fall in love with him.
The entire day was perfect.
Niko tried to drown me, but all it took was Elijah yelling, “ Asta Novis? Niko!” for him to stop.
We floated on our backs, letting the waves cradle us, our eyes shut against the sun’s warm caress.
Niko shifted, swimming to face me. “How are you feeling, Princess?”
His gaze held an honest concern. Niko was a blessing in my life.
I met his eyes and smiled softly. “Good, I promise.”
His grin widened, his affectionate gaze comforting the ache in my heart. “I’m so glad to see you feeling better, you know?”
“It’s partly because of you. Thank you for always being there. Even if I don’t say it often, I’ve never felt alone since I knew you were by my side from the start, Niko.”
He chuckled, shyly, then playfully nudged me to follow as he swam a little further. With a warm smile, he added sadly, remorsefully, “I wish I could’ve been your friend since you were little, Zanae. If only I’d known you earlier, you’d never have felt alone.”
He then hugged me, kissing the top of my head.
I wish that too.
But I’m glad he’s here now.
My man’s eyes looked stunning in the sunlight; his tattoos appeared beautiful under the sun, and his muscles were glistening. I couldn’t help but appreciate the view.
Niko pushed me, fixing his hair, towering over me and casting me into shadow with his body. “Stop eye-fucking my best friend, Zanae. I’m going to vomit in the water.”
I frowned, “I’m just looking.”
He laughed, “Yeah, sure, that must be it. Oh, and Z you’re fucking drooling.”
I put my thumb on the corner of my mouth, trying to see if he was right because I felt dumb. But he pushed me before yelling, “The first one out of the water gets the right to give Elijah a hug.” Before he finished his sentence, he started swimming back to the edge.
This man was completely insane.
After our swimming session, it was time to grab some food.
On the table, all sorts of Italian food, everything looked delicious. And I was actually hungry.
Niko, twirling spaghetti around his fork, sighed dramatically, I couldn’t even take him seriously. This big man was one of the most feared men I knew, and acted like a spoiled child.
“You know, being the leader of the Cosa Nostra isn’t as interesting as it sounds. I miss the old days of carefree dining on the beach without thinking about anything else.”
Elijah chuckled, “You chose that life, Niko.”
Niko looked at him like he didn’t hear it right, “You’re full of audacity, Volkov. Do I have to remind you that you lead the other part?”
Elijah leaned back in his seat, a smirk on his mouth, “True, but I’m not leaving.”
Niko shook his head, “Poor Bratva, it’s not what it was anymore.”
I couldn’t hide my laugh, Elijah caught me giggling and said, “You’re going to be one of us one day, the leader of the Lebanese Mafia. So don’t laugh too much.”
Niko laughed, “You’re right, soon you’re going to have the same title, Little Z.”
I looked at them, my eyes wide open, “I’m not yet, so shut up and eat.”
Elijah’s hand found mine under the table and brought it back to his mouth and kissed it, “You’re going to be the best at that.”
My father was still relatively young, so I wasn’t taking his place anytime soon, and I couldn’t even if I had to.
Niko nodded, “We’re going to extend our alliance. But seriously, I’ve got to head back. Duty calls me back to town.”
With a teasing smile I added, “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, Don .”
He pointed at me with his finger before looking at Elijah, “Watch your girl Elijah, she’s testing me.”
Elijah took a sip of his glass and said, “I let her do whatever she wants.”
I smiled at Niko who’s now laughing, and he added, “I hate you two.”
We walked together towards the awaiting jet, Elijah and I flanking Niko on either side.
I turned to Niko and hugged him, “Thanks for this, Niko. It means a lot.”
“Anything for my Z. Just make sure you finish the hug; Elijah’s giving me the ‘burn your eyeballs’ stare.”
I playfully tightened my arms around him, “Be safe, Niko.”
He patted my shoulder and let a small kiss on my head before pulling away, casting a last teasing glance at Elijah. “Take good care of her, Eli. Don’t let her get too wild without me.”
Elijah pulled me toward him and nodded in agreement. “I’ve got it covered. Now go, before I change my mind and decide to keep you here.”
Niko laughed and headed towards the waiting jet. The engines roared to life as he boarded, and with a final wave, the aircraft soared into the sky.
Elijah’s gaze lingered on me, “It looks like it’s just you and me for a while, Milaya ,” he promised.
“Sounds perfect.”
I leaned against Elijah, his arms providing warmth against the soft and cool breeze.
My attention was drawn to two elderly women on a weathered bench in front of us. Their lovely faces told stories of a lifetime spent together, marked by lines of experience, love, laughter, and embraces. Their gazes were filled with a deep understanding for each other.
I couldn’t help but imagine the life that Luna and I could have had - growing old together, sharing laughter and secrets, facing life side by side.
The illusion of watching our respective families grow, attending weddings, and simply being there for each other through life sounded euphoric.
But I knew it was just a dream that would remain a beautiful yet unattainable one.
We had dreams too...
Sometimes people forget to mention that when you lose someone, it’s not the memories from the past that hurt the most, but the realization that you have to create new ones without them.
It’s even more painful to accept that there will never be more firsts to experience together, no more birthdays, no more celebrations, nothing .
And it’s the most painful part of all the grieving process, because it never goes away.
I felt Elijah’s gaze on me, his eyes filled with a tenderness that cut through the layers of my thoughts piece by piece.
With a soft voice, he asked, “How is it inside your head these days?”
His concern melted any lingering sadness, and I managed to put on a small smile.
“I’m just thinking about what life could have been, you know?”
He tightened his hold around me, “We can’t change the past, Zanae. But I promise you that the present and the future will be worth living.”
“You always save me, Elijah,” I whispered, “I know that looking at me brings back memories you’d rather forget. But I’m so grateful for your existence.”
He paused, the corners of his lips lifting into a tender smile. “Looking at you, it’s the opposite, I don’t see my past, I see my fucking future,” he said. “Your eyes,” he continued, tracing the lines of my face, “they’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Zanae Dellé.”
I never thought I could find such a beautiful soul in him when I first met him.
Sat here, on the sand, my mind drifted between the past and the present. Just a few months ago, I thought my story would end in darkness. But now, here I am, watching the sunset with a man who saved the last pieces of my soul and made them shine under his gaze.
Life has taken unexpected turns. Elijah, with all his scars, has become my source of hope, giving me a reason to embrace the possibility that life could be worth living if it’s by his side.
I’ve realized I was not ready to die, not when there was so much more to experience, so much more love to feel, not when I still wanted revenge.
I turned to him and caressed the tattoo on his neck. “Thank you,” I murmured, “You make me want to live again.”
He didn’t need grand gestures or elaborate confessions to understand me, he knew and always knew what I felt and thought. His hand reached for mine, and in that simple touch, I felt it, his pulse, the same as mine. We both shared the same heart and made it our own sanctuary. His lips met mine, softly as if he thought I could break under his arms.
He murmured in my ear, “I will make you love this life so much, that even heaven would be jealous of it, Milaya .”
I snuggled next to him, and my eyes found the two women again. I couldn’t let the memories flood my mind. But the day she died will forever be one of the most painful moments of my life.
I was at home that day, reading my book, music humming in the background, lost in the pages and lines. Life felt normal until my father, this man who rarely came into my space, walked in looking heavy. He gestured for me to sit, and his face told me something awful was coming. He said, “Luna,” paused and continued, “her dad found her lifeless, in her bathroom,” before immediately walking out as if nothing had happened.
Boom , the world shattered beneath my feet, my heart pierced, everything disappeared.
Guilt and regret became the essence of my existence, I grappled with the fact that Luna’s presence in my life had been the catalyst for her death. I couldn’t shake the “what if” thoughts.
Days turned into a blurry mess of tears and unanswered questions after that. The funeral was all sad colors, and the hole she left just got bigger, making it harder to breathe. Her memory stuck to my soul like an indelible mark I couldn’t scrub off, the blood, the way her face felt empty, it followed me into every next part of my life.
The ache she left was boundless, so deep, so present, so effective .
I wasn’t depressed, I was sad, and alone.
Sometimes the two emotions collide so strongly that you can think that it’s depression. And maybe it was at a time, but now it’s something different. Back then, I felt way more sensitive to emotions and sadness.
Now, I’m more empty than sad. And that emptiness with remorse is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced.
You’re just all alone with yourself and rethinking everything you could’ve done differently when you had the chance to.
But then you’ll get frustrated and stop.
Just a few weeks ago, I tried to end it too, I failed, but I understand her now.
I understand how selfish despair can make you.
Choosing tranquility rather than the loud hell in your head, even if you know it’s going to hurt the people who care about you.
Choosing yourself for the first time of your life.
But love was stronger somehow, because I began choosing Elijah over my own tranquility.
After that we went back home, the last night in paradise. Tomorrow we’ll have to face our reality.
With the window ajar in the room, allowing the salty air to fill the space around us, I approached Elijah, who laid on the bed like my own monument of strength and comfort.
Straddling him, I gazed into his eyes, green and deep, how I loved them.
His hands rested on my hips tenderly, silently.
He was just so beautiful. His face, his little scars, and his eyes. I smiled in front of this picture of him. He got tanned, and it looked so good on his cheeks.
The sight before me was captivating—the face of the man who lived to break me down but ultimately rebuilt me from the ground up.
My gaze trailed down his chest, sculpted with muscles, tattoos and scars. Leaning in, I pressed a kiss on his cheek, then his forehead, his closed eyes, and finally, his lips.
Each kiss felt like a remedy.
Each touch felt like an antidote.
Our lips engaged in a delicate war, passionate and destructive. His hands gripped my hips tighter than before, pulling me closer. It wasn’t silent anymore, it was loud, so loud .
A smile played on his lips, and I relished the sensation.
Breaking the kiss, I inhaled deeply, savoring the same air as him. “Have I already told you how much I love feeling your hands on me?”
He grinned, pressing me even closer, his body melded with mine. “Have I told you how I fucking love to feel you on me?”
He swiftly spun me around, switching our positions. Now, he was above me, that playful smile lingering on the corner of his lips. “But I prefer being on top, feeling your hands scratching my back, watching your pupils dilate up close as I make you come, Milaya .”
I smiled, “Care to show me, Volkov?”
“Dying to,” he teased. Without waiting a second, he lowered my swimsuit bottom, and his shorts, making him naked on me. I quickly removed my top too.
He stopped and looked at me intensely. “What a view you offer me there, Zanae,” he breathed before lowering his face, drawing the curves of my breasts with his mouth.
He lingered on my nipples, sucking on them before biting them. I instinctively arched my back, seeking more friction. He continued to suck on my breast while his hand found the second one and massaged it gently, but with desire.
“Those perky nipples are itching for my tongue, aren’t they? Or should I use my cock between those tits?”
Without waiting, he pulled out his cock and slid it between my breasts, gripping them tight around him.
He groaned with pleasure, thrusting between them.
I could almost take him in my mouth like this.
“Gorgeous,” he breathed.
He moved faster, his cock sliding between my tits as he squeezed them tighter. His fingers teased my nipples, pushing my breasts together. Then, suddenly, he stopped, leaving me breathless and wanting more.
“I need you to come first.”
I loved the way he touched me, with my body trembling beneath his touch and gaze, consumed by the passion that devoured me with his eyes.
He straightened up, leaning on one of his arms as he licked his fingers, all the while looking at me, never breaking eye contact.
“I’m gonna make you scream, and I want you to forever remember how good you feel between my fingers. How your cunt stretches so perfectly for me every time,” he whispered, his eyes fixed on every movement of his fingers, watching my reactions as I gasped for air.
Slowly, he spread them across my folds, that erotic prelude to what waited for me but when he felt how soaked I already was for him. I wrapped my legs around his waist, his eyes darkened and I breathed heavily, begging for more.
“Make me feel alive again,” I demanded.
He didn’t wait any longer and let out a deep exhale.
“My favorite addiction.”
He kissed me, pressing his pelvis harder against me, once, then again, stroking that sensitive spot, that raw, throbbing ache I never knew existed until his touch. And I sighed, savoring the kiss followed by the friction.
“Right there, right there,” I urged.
He took both my wrists in one hand, securing them above my head. “That’s better. Let me remind you who’s in control.”
His lips grew more passionate, tongue entwined with mine, and my body greedy for more, greedy for him .
He chuckled, the sound deep and so rich. “Hold on, baby,” he murmured, his voice husky with desire, “Savor this. Feel it, Milaya . Feel how your body belongs to me.”
He spat between us, the saliva pooling at my core, intensifying the lubrication, and as he glanced back at me, a sadistic smirk appeared on those lips. “You love when I mark you like this, don’t you?” He whispered before leaning towards me and offering me his fingers to suck, “Suck on them, Zanae,” he demanded, his voice filled with desire.
My tongue swirled around those veiny, inked fingers, slowly. He bent down to kiss me before those same fingers moved down to stimulate my clit. A moan escaped me, and he kissed it away before whispering against my mouth, “You’re mine to play with tonight. Let’s see how much more you can take.”
He gripped his cock between his hand and traced my entrance teasingly before plunging deep inside me in one powerful movement.
“Oh! fuck!” I whispered in a muffled scream.
Agony and bliss swirled inside my veins like an elixir, intoxicating me with sensations of euphoria and delight.
A raw and loud whimper escaped my lips, his grip on my wrists tightening to make me stay in this position. “That’s perfect. You were made for me to fuck and possess.”
With a primal urgency, he withdrew almost completely and then thrusted back into me, claiming me completely as his. Deep , so deep that I could feel him high in my abdomen, every movement stretching me in ways I didn’t even know were possible.
Painful. But addictive.
“Only a few inches left. Stretch for me, Zanae.”
I gazed into his eyes; my arms extended above my head. “I– Don’t stop...”
He leaned in, his lips caressing mine. “I know you can take everything Milaya .” he whispered, and without waiting for my response, he plunged in again, entirely this time, nothing left, thrusting harder and harder, making me close my eyes from pleasure.
“Eli!”
“That’s it. Fucking you until you cry. Perfect.”
It stung, but the pleasure was exquisite, leaving me breathless.
And I did cry. I cried because I let go of everything when he touched me. And it felt good. Even with the pain.
He delivered stronger and faster strokes, releasing the pressure on my wrists slowly just as his hand moved to my neck. “My woman. You’re a slut for me, only for me. Aren’t you?”
“Yes, yes, yes,” I whispered, dizzy, delirious, at his mercy.
Elijah controlled every inch of me, and letting go of that control felt so liberating, so splendid.
He leaned down, intensifying the friction below. The angle was perfect, stimulating all my senses and pushing me to the edge of my own limits.
My hands instinctively traveled across his broad back, my nails scratching his skin violently.
He let out a gruff and needy breath, “My Little Nightmare, you’re making a fucking mess on my body. Scratch me more.”
I was hearing him but felt nothing else that was happening to my body. His moves were so strong, so full of ownership. He was pressed against me and at every stroke, his lower stomach rubbed against my clit. Ecstasy . Pleasure so intense I could’ve died from it.
His hands clenched around my wrists once again, pinning them above my head.
His thrusts were so hard and rough that my back pressed against the mattress, nearly breaking it. Delving impossibly deeper every second.
“I promised you almost a year ago that I would ruin you,” he began. His hips relentlessly drove into me, the bed creaking in protest beneath us. “And you told me I was insane.” He growled against my skin, kissing and biting down my neck, my nipples, everything he could reach with his mouth. “Now, you’re almost begging for it.” his possession branding me deeper with every inch. “Begging for me to fill and treat you like my fucking toy.”
I was the doll of the Devil at that moment.
Surrendering to him meant I also surrendered to my darkest desires. Obscene. Vulgar. Profane.
But I loved it. And I loved him . With every shattered fragment of my tormented soul and every twisted and depraved thought in my mind, I loved him .
My demons found refuge in the ecstasy he offered me.
I granted him my body, and my darkness and he proudly claimed them as his own, finding pleasure in torturing and toying with them.
Every indecent touch, every crude whisper had shaped me into his personal instrument.
He owned me, completely, and my heart thrived in this domination.
“Ruin me,” I breathed almost inaudibly.
His free hand descended down my stomach, and his thumb pinched my clit strongly, “No one else can touch you like I can.”
My head shook violently, my thighs began to tremble from the stimulation, warm tears streaming down my cheeks.
He rubbed it faster and faster, more intensely, even if I was on the brink of breaking, at his complete mercy. He loved it, even. “No one can fuck you like I can.”
He spat between us again, his saliva mingling with our fluids on my core and his throbbing length. A hard spank landed on my ass, and he murmured, “No one can ruin you and love you like I can.”
I was losing it, my whole body convulsed slowly, painfully, blissfully. I unconsciously moved my hips in rhythm with his relentless and primal strokes, coming undone under him.
“I can’t,” I gasped, my voice strained with exhilaration and desperation.
But Elijah gripped my cheeks firmly, as if his life depended on my very own pleasure. “Keep those pretty amber eyes on me while I fuck you, Zanae,” he urged.
It was too much for me, I reached the peak of pressure, making me gasp for air, and then, the tension was relieved.
My legs tightened around his waist and my nails sank even more into his skin. Waves of heat and pleasure made my eyelids heavy, not allowing me to open them.
“That’s it, my perfect Little Nightmare . Stained by me, ruined by me. You’re so beautiful.”
Breathe Z. Breathe.
But he didn’t stop while I was struggling to regain my composure and continued going in and out of me. My walls tightened around his cock, once again, more brutally, with a little cry escaping from my lips, “ Elijah… ”
“Come for me. Sin for me,” he desperately demanded, barely able to utter a word between heavy breaths and deep throaty moans.
“Oh, fuck, Zanae,” he gasped before plunging one last time deep inside me.
I couldn’t stop shaking. Seconds later, I felt his warmth within me. His release filled me, warm and familiar .
He frantically placed his forehead against mine, never breaking eye contact. “I love watching you sob with pleasure and hear you scream my name,” he confessed. “I just love you .”
Elijah
My Little Nightmare was beautiful.
I couldn’t help but think about the twist of fate that brought her into my life. I never thought that someone so deserving, so incredibly strong as her, would willingly walk through the shadows that created and composed my whole existence.
The love I have for her was so freaking deep, that it eclipsed even the searing heat of the sun. I would defy the very fabric of existence to be with her eternally.
I traced the contours of her face, memorizing each line, each curve, each freckle, each mole, everything . I didn’t want to forget it, even if I saw her face every day.
That pale skin was marked by my biting, red and purple stains and spots all over her body.
Branding her as mine felt brutally satisfying.
I was the one allowed to bruise her without dismissing her value. I ruined her because she needed proof that shattered Zanae was still loveable, and so magnificent it hurt. That broken Zanae was still sublime and divine. That ruined Zanae was still sinfully bright. That she was still mine and will forever be mine, no matter the devastation.
My eyes scanned her whole, my own canvas of chaos and ethereal trouble. My partner in crime who took everything without ever complaining about the pain I offered her.
“What are you thinking about?”
Pulling her closer, I replied, “Give me your mouth again.” I gave her a sweet kiss, and we nestled into each other’s arms. “Do you feel good with me, Zanae?”
She tilted her head and grinned wider, planting kisses all over my face. “Everything feels good with you. Life, breathing, singing, eating. You even managed to make sex something good.”
My heart. Fuck .
“You sure?”
She chuckled and laid on my torso. “ Hayati ., you made me feel comfortable enough in my own skin just by kissing me and touching me. The traumas, the memories– they disappear when you make love to me.”
A deep breath followed as she kissed my chest, then offered me her gaze. “I felt stained and dirty before you. Now, your marks, your bruises—they remind me that love can be brutal. My scars aren’t just horrible. The ones you left on my skin will forever be beautiful.”
My angel planted a kiss on my lips and concluded, “I love when you kiss me, when you touch me, when you’re inside me. I love when you use me just as much as I use you. I love the pleasure you give me. I love you. Don’t ever doubt it. Never .”
“Good, because I’ll never stop.”