Chapter 50 – Zanae
50
ZANAE
B eyond the jet’s window, the island’s sunset painted a scene so beautiful that I could feel the bittersweet taste in my mouth.
I wanted to stay there forever.
Settling against Elijah, my head on his chest, looking outside, the city skyline gradually appeared on the horizon, a heavy sigh involuntarily slipped past my lips.
Vesper .
I knew what was waiting for me back there… Responsibilities, unresolved matters, just a lot of shit I was not ready to face again.
Elijah reached for my hand and intertwined our fingers softly, “ Milaya, look at me. We’ll get through this together. And I promise you, whenever you need a retreat, a place to break free from the city, I’ll build you a home wherever you find peace. An infinite number of houses in every corner of the world, if that’s what you want.”
I managed a small smile, bringing his hand closer, tenderly pressing a kiss to it. I filled the jet with my music, and he joined me reading a book I had started yesterday.
I couldn’t stop smiling.
This man was everything I never thought I deserved.
And he loved me.
He tilted his head, smiling too. “Don’t look at me like that,” he teased, “I won’t be able to resist if you continue.”
Gazing at him with even softer eyes, I asked, “Do you know what music does to me?” He nodded, and I continued, “You look like my favorite song. You feel like music to me, Elijah.”
He kissed me gently, smiling against my lips. “Can I play a song?”
“Of course.”
‘Angel Tears’ by Barrie James.
He took my hand, and we got up.
“Zanae Dellé, would you allow me the honor of dancing with you?”
“Can we even dance in the jet?” I asked.
He lifted me up, the buggy sky invading our space, stars and moon becoming our dance floor.
“We can dance anywhere you want,” he assured.
Our bodies melded together, his hand resting tenderly on my back, mine finding its place on his shoulder. The music seemed to lift us, weightless in its melody.
Leaning my head against his chest, he met it with a tender kiss.
“This song reminds me of you,” he whispered.
“Why?”
He lifted my head up to face him. “Because you’re my Angel, and because you’re beautiful and strong, and just your breathing is perfect to me.”
The song continued its spell… I lose my mind, lost it for you, and now I’m blind …
Lost in his words, in the song, our eyes locked, fingers intertwined, hearts racing, souls in love. “Because you’re divine, Zanae. You once asked me if I believed in anything and I told you no. But I lied. I believe in you, in us. You are my religion, every sigh and touch of yours amplifies that devotion, making me weak, on my knees, consumed by the simple thought of you smiling. I believe in you in the most blasphemous way possible.”
Breathe Z, breathe.
… She cries when she sees my fears … He continued, bringing my hand to his mouth and planting a kiss there. “Because you’re home, for me, for my darkness, for my heart, for my mind, and my soul.”
“I love you,” I whispered, And with those words, we continued our dance. … She’s so crazy, she followed me …“I’ll take care of you, Elijah,” I promised.
He kissed my neck tenderly, his warm breath comforting my heart as he whispered in my ear, “As long as you let me take care of you.” With a gentle spin, he whisked me around, eliciting laughter from me.
“Do you like it, dancing with me in the clouds?” he asked, his arms wrapped securely around my waist, pulling me impossibly closer to him.
“It was magical,” I confessed.
“You are magical,” he insisted, his green eyes filled with adoration and love.
The jet touched down, and a car awaited us as soon as we landed, accompanied by Levi.
We arrived at the penthouse, where Niko greeted us.
He approached, enveloping me in a hug before offering a squeeze to Elijah’s shoulder. But then he glanced at him like he was seeking approval to talk about something. Elijah’s nod signaled the green light, and Niko took a deep breath.
Eli began, his voice low, “I discovered things about your mother when we were outside the city, Milaya , I sent Niko to confirm it.”
Oh. T his kind of “something”.
“I faced your father, Z. I needed answers. What I found... It changes everything,” Niko continued. “Your mother didn’t abandon you. She was a victim in a twisted plan set up by your own father, Zanae. He sold her to Lukas.”
My world shattered underneath my feet.
“So, my mother... She was also a victim?”
Niko nodded, “Lukas helped your father get his revenge because of her betrayal. He thought your mother was the cause of it all, the revelation to Elijah’s father, Noor’s death.”
At the mention of the name, Elijah’s hand, entwined with mine, grew cold.
Noor, his mother.
Even if he tried to conceal the storm within him, the strength of his grip on my hand expressed it all.
“What do we do now?” I asked, lost and thoughtful.
“We know why she did that, but it doesn’t explain why she’s going after you and not your father.”
It’s true.
I didn’t sell her to a fucking psychopath; I’m her daughter, yet I’m the one she’s trying to kill. It doesn’t make sense.
Why would she do this to me if she knows how it feels to be tarnished by the hands of a man?
I need to think.
I need to think about this.
I need to be alone
“I need some time alone. Just to clear my head.”
Elijah gently pushed me back on the sofa, not aggressively, more like he was protecting me from my own self. “Zanae…”
He was scared I’d try to end my life again, but I wouldn’t. Niko understood that it wasn’t despair, it was just a need for solitude.
I hated it but sometimes, being alone with yourself is the only solution to think clearly.
“She’s right, Elijah. Let her be alone for a moment.”
I turned toward Elijah and gently touched his arm. “Elijah, I promise I won’t go anywhere dangerous. I just need some time for myself. Trust me, I’ll be back before you know it.”
He nodded and kissed me before whispering, “I trust you.”
I headed out, the destination clear in my mind.
It was silent in the cemetery, and here I found myself standing before this grave again, a flood of emotions engulfing me.
So much has changed.
I took a deep breath, as if calling out for her soul. “Luna…I miss you so much.” I continued, “I’m with Elijah now. I love him. I think you would love him too.” I let out a nervous laugh.
Was it okay to still feel her even if she was not here anymore?
“Niko too, he’s like the annoying brother I never had—always there, always ready with a hug or a joke. You’d love to tease him. He’s a lot like you, maybe that’s why I loved him from the start so easily.”
I paused, looking down at the flowers adorning her resting place. Lilies, always lilies . “Miranda’s doing well. June turned four not so long ago, he’s the cutest, and he remembers you, asking me about you. He calls you Moon… ” I smiled, “and I have a new friend, Brian. She’s like that skilled hacker who’s digging into things people want to hide. A true genius.”
Remembering the last few weeks was painful, but I needed her to know everything.
“Elias tried to kill me; my mother shot me. I even almost killed myself. I almost followed you.” A tear fell on the cold grass. “I understand you now, and I’m not even angry at you. I hope you’re seeing me from your little angel home or whatever from the sky, and that you’re damn proud of me. Because I survived…”
The heaviness in my heart felt suffocating as I turned around, startled by the sound of someone approaching.
It was Niko greeting me with a smile. “Fancy meeting you here again. Remember the first time we had a heart-to-heart right at this exact same spot, Little Z?”
“She’ll forever be dead…” I whispered to him and without hesitation, I found myself in his arms, letting out a few quiet sobs on his chest.
“Shh, it’s alright. I’m here, I’m here, Princess,” softly he added, “We’re all here for you. Family protects family,” he declared, and in that moment, I felt a warmth I hadn’t experienced in a long time.
I stepped back, maintaining my arm around him, and gazed at the grave on the ground. “I came close to not making it, Niko. I nearly found myself there too.”
His eyes met mine as he reached for my arm, giving little strokes, and he spoke with conviction, “Zanae, we would never have allowed you to leave. You must grasp that; you’re one of us, and that bond is fucking eternal.”
I smiled but couldn’t take my eyes off her name.
“You know, Elijah is probably rehearsing his ‘I’m her protective psycho’ speech right now. He might set a new record for how fast he can get here once he learns you gave me a hug,” Niko grinned, trying to make me feel better.
I chuckled, he was probably right.
After a beat, my expression softened, and I admitted, “Luna was so much more than what happened to her. She had this vibrant soul, and she was my friend.”
“I’m sure she was amazing. And you’re right, Zanae, her soul lives on. In your heart, your love for her.” He looked down at me with so much affection, “Stop feeling guilty, you deserve peace.”
Peace?
Peace was long gone, buried under the ruins of my sanity, beneath the rubble of war in my mind. I had to dig it out, bruising my hands in the process, scars on my wrists leaving blood on those heavy stones.
The pain was visceral. But again, it was life.
“I want to, but it’s painful.”
“Allow your pain some time,” he suggested.
“How long, Niko?”
Planting a soft kiss on my forehead, he murmured, “Until your heart heals, Little Z.”
My heart needed to understand that, even if shadows were still whispering memories of what once was, even if that haunting melody singing ‘goodbye’ was still playing on the strings of my soul, time will gently stitch our pain.
I kneeled on the ground, facing her grave, and whispered, “As long as the ocean is filled with water, and as long as the sky is filled with stars, Luna.”
I stood up, ready to go. Niko took my hand like a gentleman and helped me move toward the exit of the cemetery. “Everything is going to be okay, Zanae. I’ll send someone to pick up your car. Come with me.”
“Now, I know,” I replied, taking his hand.
With a confident smirk, he shook his head and declared, “I knew you loved me; Elijah is going to hate it.”
We left the quiet of the cemetery, the journey in the car not too explosive, I was tired, and Niko understood it. The two of us entered the penthouse, my eyes found Elijah, and I didn’t have to say anything, he knew how I felt.
He rose from the sofa, his eyes softening when they landed on me. “Looks like someone’s been crying. What happened?”
Quickly wiping my eyes, I answered, “It’s nothing, Elijah. Just emotions.”
“Emotions, you sure?”
He moved closer, his gaze softening, and he placed a protective arm around me, “ Milaya … Why are you crying?”
Looking up at him, my voice gentle, I breathed, “I went to the cemetery, Elijah, and it’s been a while.”
He tightened his grip on me, whispering, “You should have told me, Zanae.”
Sensing the shift in the atmosphere, Niko decided to back off a bit, giving us a moment.
“I told you, Zanae, you don’t need to face everything alone. I’m here for you,” he admitted with a soft smile playing on his lips.
I nodded quietly, feeling the air ease in my lungs. “It’s okay.”
He tenderly wiped away a tear, “You’re not alone anymore. You have me.”
He kissed my forehead, and I just melted in his arms, falling in love all over again.
Standing there, watching Niko leave with a mischievous grin, I felt Elijah’s warm hand gently squeezing mine.
“Ready for tonight?”
I nodded, excitement bubbling within me. He leaned in, his lips brushing against mine, and as we parted, I couldn’t resist teasing him, “You know, I love kissing you.”
“Then get ready for plenty more.”
I hugged Niko and whispered a little “thank you” before going to the room to get ready.
Standing in front of the mirror, I took a moment to appreciate the woman looking back at me. My eyes didn’t feel empty anymore; they felt hurt, but full of life, full of love, full of emotions. The dress was stunning. I felt beautiful and happy, a feeling that took me a long time to accept and embrace.
Learning to love myself and be less harsh on myself regarding my actions and thoughts has been a journey and I was still learning.
The guilt, anxiety, and sadness used to steal my peace and everything I needed to feel better.
Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin and struggling with self-esteem deeply affects our perception of the world. I’ve always found it scary to trust myself, having a hard time understanding the good things others saw in me when I couldn’t see them myself.
Sometimes it felt like I was on the brink of failure, but then I realized that life was all about this: finding yourself, loving every part of your own person, giving time for your pain to heal, not being mastered by your own sorrows, feeling every ounce of emotion.
Zanae Dellé, you are a beautiful soul.
I felt a surge of confidence stepping out of the room.
Elijah, leaning against the wall, raised an eyebrow. “You’re magnificent, Milaya . I might have trouble focusing on anything else.”
A blush crept up my cheeks, but I couldn’t hide my grin.
We headed towards the car, his hand finding its way to my thigh, the warmth of his touch was so lovely.
Our fingers interlocked, and as I glanced at him, I couldn’t help but marvel at how this man was so damn beautiful. “You know, you tend to touch me a lot. What’s that about?”
“Sometimes, I feel like you might vanish. So, I leave a little contact to remind myself that you’re right here— mine .” He squeezed my thigh gently, and I looked outside to see the city lights.
I feel again, and it’s all thanks to him.
The restaurant was bathed in a soft, intimate yellowy light.
It felt exclusive, with only the staff quietly moving around. Elijah had gone all out, reserving the entire place for just the two of us.
My eyes widened in surprise, and I turned to him, astonished, “You... you did all this just for us?”
“I wanted our little date to be undisturbed. Sit down, Zanae.”
He pulled out the chair for me, and I just followed his instructions, feeling a flutter of excitement in my stomach. The dinner was mind-blowing, and I couldn’t help but notice the way Elijah’s face softened as he watched me devouring the food.
“I love seeing you eat,” he remarked, smiling.
I laughed and took a sip from my water. “Why’s that?”
“Because I love taking care of you,” he replied.
I chuckled and took his hand in mine.
“You are stunning tonight, Zanae. Almost too stunning to be out.”
“You’re quite handsome too, Hayati ,” I teased back.
He was more than handsome; his shirt sleeves were rolled up, revealing the tattoo of my own eyes, making him a hundred times hotter. The ink on his neck, arms, and hands called to me, tempting me to taste it. And don’t even get me started about his face—the eyes, the full lips, the jawline, and short dark hair.
He was a sight, the most beautiful view I’d ever seen.
Sweet and dangerous.
Mine.
The waiter poured us some wine, and I took a sip, maintaining eye contact with Elijah. Feeling bold, I let my leg gently caress his under the table.
His eyes flickered with a mixture of surprise and desire, he took my leg firmly and placed it on his lap, his hand squeezing my calf. “Careful, we’re in public,” he warned, with a playful smile.
“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Mister Volkov,” I responded coyly.
“I’m so uncomfortable right now, Miss Dellé…” He said, his hand traveling higher on my leg.
“I can’t stop myself when it comes to you, Elijah,” I replied, grinning, feeling his long fingers tracing lines all over my skin.
He leaned in slowly, his head tilted with a little smirk, “Is that so?”
With a sly smile, I leaned in, tracing a suggestive pattern along his arm. His breath caught, and he subtly shifted. In that instant, he signaled to the staff, quietly asking them to leave.
“I want to be alone with you.”
I approached him and straddled his lap, the hem of my dress lifting suggestively. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I looked into his eyes, lost in those deep, enchanting green eyes.
His voice was low and raspy, “ So beautiful... You’re mine, Milaya. Always. Keep that engraved in your pretty heart. If someone dares to say otherwise, I’ll cut him in pieces and let the wolves eat it.”
We leaned in, our mouths meeting with passion and lust. His lips melted on mine like they always belonged there.
I wanted to prove to him that it’s already carved in my soul. Breathless from our last kiss, I looked at him with the same intensity. “And you’re mine, Elijah. Always . Etch it into your soul, and if anyone dares to question it, I’ll carve them up myself and feed their remains to the same wolves.”
He chuckled and kissed me again, fireworks exploding in my chest. Our hands moved with a rhythm of their own, tracing every inch of each other’s skin. Elijah’s touch was both possessive and furious, passionate and tender, his fingers tangled in my hair, creating a delicious feeling within me.
One of his hands went down and gripped my hips, pushing me closer into him.
A soft, lingering smile played on his lips, and he gently traced the contours of my face with his fingertips. “You have no idea of how much your life means to me, Zanae.”
I smiled at him, tenderly, “How much?”
He pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead, and I nestled into the comfort of his arms. “Way more than my own.”
Breathe Z, breathe.
After that, he carried me in his strong arms to the car.
“Are you kidnapping me, Mister Volkov?”
He smiled down at me. “Kidnapping implies you’re not a willing captive, Milaya . Trust me; you’re exactly where you want to be.”
I laughed against his chest. “Yes sir, totally right.”
In the car, I realized we weren’t heading home.
We had just returned from a week away, and now he was taking me somewhere else.
We arrived in front of a magnificent house surrounded by lush greenery and flowers, at the edge of the city. Beautiful. The city lights were so distant; only the night stars illuminated the road.
Elijah took me from my seat and lifted me again in his arms. “Welcome to our little secret, Milaya .”
The house was a masterpiece of architecture.
The inside was dimly lit but not creepy dark, more like a cozy kind of darkness. The lights weren’t harsh, and the living room was luxurious but not overly so.
I was stunned. “This is... incredible.”
He let me stand on my feet again, and I was looking around like a child in wonder.
Taking my hand, he led me toward the long stairs. “I thought you might like it, baby. Tonight, it’s just you and me.”
We explored the house together, discovering every corner; the fireplace, and a balcony that overlooked a breathtaking view. He had done all this to make me feel better; he had literally turned this little corner into a piece of heaven on earth.
“It’s perfect,” I breathed.
His hand rested gently on the small of my back. “You deserve every kind of perfect.”
He even had a jacuzzi in this house.
“I didn’t bring any swimsuits, Eli.”
“Who said you need one?” He teased me.
I blushed but grabbed a towel, wrapping it around myself before joining him. He was already in the warm embrace of the jacuzzi, his eyes sparkling with desire.
He inclined his head, smirking, “Drop the towel, Milaya .”
I chuckled, feigning innocence, but the fire in his eyes told me he was enjoying every moment of this scene.
Slowly, I let the towel fall, revealing the silhouette of my body illuminated only by the candles around it.
He nodded and offered me his hand to enter. “Now, that’s better.”
I slipped into the warm water, Elijah’s gaze catching every part of me. I splashed a bit of water at him, teasing him with a seductive tone. “Like what you see?”
He brought me closer to him, the bubbles splashing everywhere on the ground as I laughed. “Immensely,” he responded, kissing my shoulders and then my cheeks with the same satisfied grin.