38. Lia
Chapter thirty-eight
Lia
I’m back here again, right where I want to be, right back here to face the inevitable pain again. My anger throbs inside me, driven by the yawning pain, but it’s getting buried by the heat that is turning my whole body into a live wire. I have two opposing wants and needs inside me, and I can’t find a way to reconcile either of them.
I storm into the nest, see the mattress, and remember vividly the scene that happened last time we were all in here. I rush to the desk and pick up a shoe that was somehow left behind. I turn and throw it.
It hits the wall, just missing Zaden’s head as he ducks.
“LIA!”
I snarl.
He steps towards me, but I step sideways, my whole body laser-focused on him.
“Lia, it’s going to be okay.”
“Get out.”
Zaden stops moving and stands up straight. “We both know you don’t want that.”
“GET OUT!” I howl.
I rush him and shove his chest, tears burning in my eyes. I’m so furious. So angry that I need him, that I ache so badly from needing him. I don’t want to. It’s not fair.
I shove at his chest.
“Get out!”
He grips my wrists and pulls them up, holding me firmly away from him. I look down, and I’m shocked to see furrows of bloody gouges. I hurt him, that’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. I let out a wail and tug myself free, racing to the bathroom and slamming the door.
“Lia, come out. It’s okay, Lia.”
I back away from the door, biting my own wrist to hold back the sobs. They aren’t mine. This is wrong.
There’s no way out of this bathroom. I get in the tub and squeeze myself into a ball.
The door creaks open, and I hear someone walking in, but then nothing. After a while, I peek and find the back of Ianto’s head on the other side of the bath. He’s leaning up against it, just sitting in silence.
“It hurts, doesn’t it?” he whispers. “When you think you’re not good enough to be with the people that you love.”
I scrunch tighter into the ball.
“The thing is, Lia, you’re in your heat, and you’re not thinking clearly. And why does forever have to be because someone smelled nice? Why can’t it be because you stormed into our party? It’s stupid to think that everything is the be all and end all. Things in life aren’t so black and white.”
“Because that’s the way it is. Scent matches are happily ever afters.”
“I don’t believe that. In fact, I believe that we can be together. I think we can work it out.” Ianto pauses. “Is it that important to you?”
I close my eyes, thinking of the potential pain that’s coming our way. “Yes,” I whisper. “This is just a nest of lies,” I mutter under my breath.
Ianto sighs heavily and nods. “You’re in heat, Lia. You need help now. We can help you through this, and we can figure everything else out on the other side.”
“I don’t want this!” I snap.
“I know. I wish I could make it go away, but we can make it good for you, Lia. We can make these next few days painless and pleasurable, and we can give you that with no strings. No expectations. We’d do it because we care about you.”
I tense, thinking it over. My joints already ache, my stomach is in painful cramping knots, my slick has saturated my clothing. I’m cold and hurting. I want my pack.
I start to cry.
Ianto gets up and holds his hand out to me. “Just take my hand, Lia. Let us help you.”
I stare at those long, tattooed fingers, hands that I love. What will happen to me if they do this, if I give them my heat? How will I survive leaving?
Another cramp seizes me. I lift my fingers, and before we make contact, Ianto has me up in his arms. He takes me to the bed and strips me down. I expect him to do something, but he takes off his own clothes and returns to the bed, pulling the covers up and wrapping his body around me .
He’s so warm like a furnace.
“Just for a couple of days, let’s put everything else aside, except what’s going to happen. We have time to sort it out,” Ianto whispers as his hands stroke up and down my arms. I didn’t realise how cold I was until he wrapped himself around me.
Another person climbs into bed, sliding in to face me. Valen works his way closer until I’m sandwiched between their two super-heated bodies. But the warmer I get, the more the heat returns.
In minutes, I’m panting, restlessly squeezing my thighs together and rolling my hips.
“Okay, Lia, we need to know what you want to do!” Valen murmurs. “Tell me to make you feel good, baby.”
I open my mouth, and the words pour out.
Valen instantly slides down the bed, disappearing under the covers. He lifts my thigh up, and Ianto grabs me under the knee, pulling me wide open. Valen makes a purring sound under the blanket and dives in, lapping voraciously. There’s no teasing, soft licks, he just devours, sucking and thrusting his tongue into me in wild abandon.
I cry out and suddenly go stiff as he plunges three fingers deep into me.
“So good,” I hear him mutter.
But I’m blind to everything but what he’s doing. Ianto kisses my shoulder, and his hand slides up to cup my breast, teasing my nipple with tweaks.
The first wave of pleasure smashes into me unexpectedly. Valen groans and laps through every shudder I make.
“Where are the others?” I ask. I’m desperately trying to hang onto the clarity I’ve got. Where are they? I’m afraid to lose myself in these feelings. Afraid to let go.
“They are here, watching,” Ianto whispers and lifts his hand and points. Ranger and Mills are lingering near the door.
But in the dark shadows, I see Zaden, and everything stops. I hurt him. I can see the uncertainty in his gaze. No, I can’t leave things like this.
“Stop.”
Ianto and Valen roll away from me immediately. I sit up, kneeling on the bed, staring at the alpha watching me. There are a million things between us: words, wants, fears, wishes. But he’s always made me feel safe.
I’m too scared to call for him.
What right do I have to call for this alpha who isn’t mine?
As if he hears the silent words, he approaches the bed. He’s just wearing a pair of jeans, nothing else. The sight is so him, the him that I see when I steal into the mansion, the him I find in the office working. Zaden, who I’ve spent hours stalking and watching.
I bow my head, unable to meet his eyes .
He reaches out and cups the side of my face. “Lia, what are you doing?”
Zaden tilts my chin up and stares down at me. His thumb wipes my tears from my face.
But through the film of misery is this one single truth that has burned for the last four years since the moment I saw him in that library.
“Zaden, I love you.”
His hand slides over my shoulder and down my spine, urging me closer to the edge of the bed.
“Lia, beautiful, lovely Lia. You are mine. It’s not enough words to encompass all I feel for you. Love isn’t enough. I can’t let you go. I won’t.”
I shudder as the deep truth of those words reverberates through the nest.
He lifts me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me to the desk and sits me on the edge.
“It hurts, I know. But I’m going to fix it. I’m going to take care of you.”
I cling to his shoulders, pressing open-mouthed kisses across his collarbones.
I turn my mouth up to his. Zaden’s kiss is potent. It’s a powerful energy that you can’t escape. When he kisses you, you lose yourself, but it’s okay because you know he’s going to protect you. I cling to him, and I feel myself slipping away.
“Not yet, Lia,” Zaden says gently. “Come back to me, stay here. Just for a little while longer.”
Fingers swipe through my wet folds, and Zaden groans are almost in-sync with mine. I arch up into him as he curls one finger deep inside me before pulling it out and sucking it clean.
Watching him suck my juices from his finger fries my brain. I can barely think. I grab his jeans and push the zipper down, whining when the hot, throbbing heat of his cock presses against my knuckles.
“Are you ready, Lia? We’re going all the way this time, knots and all?”
I look up at him and nod. I understand. Just.
“Lay down on the desk.”
Zaden grips my ankles and puts them up over his shoulders and leans over me, pressing them back.
I can feel the blunt end of his cock gliding through my folds. The squelch and sounds of my arousal are almost embarrassing, but I’m too focused on what’s about to happen.
Anticipation has me holding my breath, watching the heavy-lidded stare of my alpha. No, not mine, yes, he is mine. Right now, he’s mine. His eyelids flutter closed, and I whimper as his cock presses over my clit.
“Zaden!” I cry out, writhing under him .
A cock taps my cheek, and I turn my head and instinctively open as Ianto feeds me his monster.
Zaden growls and plunges into me, filling me in one thrust. I cry out around the cock in my mouth.
“Oh, fuck yeah, feels so good, baby. You scream on my cock!”
Zaden pulls out and thrusts back in slow and measured movements that have me seeing stars. The heat swirls up, wrapping around me.
“Shit, she just got wetter!” Zaden moans, and when I open my eyes, I find him sweating.
I’m writhing, rising to meet his thrusts as much as I can, a slave to my needs.
“Can’t hold off much longer,” Zaden growls.
“Do it!” Ranger says in a dark and hungry voice. “Knot her.”
Yes. A knot. I need knots. “Please,” I whimper. “Give me your knot. Alpha, please.”
“You beg so damn pretty, Lia. How can I possibly say no?” Zaden growls through gritted teeth and slams into me.
I howl and pull at his neck, pulling him down to me. He thrusts harder and faster, forcing more and more of himself into me. The pressure builds and builds until, all at once, he’s inside me.
I’m stretched too big. It’s too much. He thrusts forward, just rocking, and I detonate. I cry out, wordlessly, screaming as I arch around him, holding onto nothing as I freefall into a world of pleasurable pain.
Zaden’s roaring, his tendon’s standing out. I see it at a glimpse, and I feel him inside me, but my body keeps milking, keeps clamping around him, drawing it out. Demanding more that we both have to give.
Demanding everything.
I look into his eyes, and I know I’m his forever.
I surrender to the heat.
I wake up with a start, my heart pounding, but my head clear. I sit up and freeze when I find a very naked Valen curled around Ianto. They are both deeply asleep.
My mouth is so dry, but the edges of sleep are fading fast. I look down at myself. I’m covered in bruises.
Instead of being alarmed, my body reacts with a languid coiling that makes me squirm .
Someone snores, and I whip around, finding Mills and Ranger laying on the other side. In sleep, they look peaceful. I could stare at them for hours. For a moment, I linger, almost convincing myself to lie down with them.
I close my eyes and try to remember the last thing that happened. Nicky died.
That sobers me. I scramble up and carefully slide down the bed until I’m on my feet staring at the four alphas in the bed.
Malone.
What happened to Malone? Did they find him?
I edge backwards.
Andy and Bailey. My heart feels like it’s going to explode. I feel sick. The horror washes over me again.
These aren’t my alphas.
Oh, fuck.
I close my eyes, and flashes hit me, one after the other.
Tears run down my face as I wake. A piteous cry slips out, and Ranger’s there, hugging me as he slides inside me, easing the ache. He moves over the top of me. Kissing me deeply, pulling away only to whisper words I long to hear.
“I love you, Lia. You’re perfect. So tight. Beautiful, beautiful girl.”
I cling to him the way I’ve clung to no one. As desperate for his knot as I was for his words.
I watch Ranger sleep, my eyes wide and my fingers pressing against my sternum as if they will stop the ache.
My eyes drift to Mills, and I remember sitting on him, impaled by him, palming my own breasts, as Ianto pushed into me from behind, taking my ass. The feeling of fullness and my cries turning the atmosphere carnal.
I feel like a goddess and nothing and no one is going to stop me from taking what I need.
“Oh, fuck, Lia,” Ianto growls, thrusting deeper as he kisses across my back.
Fingers glide up my body, touching me in places I’ve never been touched.
I sob for breath as their knots pin me in place, and then I scream.
It is the sweetest sound.
I’m trying hard not to hyperventilate. I turn and see the wall, and another memory slams into my mind.
Valen fucks me against the wall so hard I think the room is shaking. I’ve got my legs wrapped around his hips. His fingers curl into my ass cheek and hoist me up, only to spear me to the wall with his cock. His face is as intense as I’ve ever seen it, and even though a part of me is horrified at the violence of our mating, a bigger part of me is urging him on.
Needing it.
“Fuck me harder!” I hiss, kissing him, demanding he unleash everything on me. “Valen, harder. I need more!”
I claw at his skin, trying to pull him into me, licking at his sweat and drowning in the taste of him.
I’m sweating. I lift a trembling hand and wipe my forehead. What was I thinking? Was I thinking? I must have been insane. I run my hand down my neck, wincing at the pain. My eyes widen. What is that?
I feel the edges of the wound and then spring into the bathroom, staring at the bite on my neck.
I stare at myself. I look vibrant, well-fucked, content. My skin is glowing.
And there is a damn bond mark on my neck. I poke it again and feel a huge, cold strength wake and turn in my direction.
All at once, I remember the teeth in my neck. A bond shimmering and stretching and Zaden’s small frown as he wipes blood from my lips. I see the bond I left on his shoulder, and in my memory, I hear my purr.
“It was an accident,” memory Zaden says.
And, to me, it looks like he regrets it.
“Oh, Lia, what the fuck have you done?”