39. Lia
Chapter thirty-nine
Lia
Zaden chases me down the hallway as I pull on his jumper and run down the stairs. I get to the kitchen and pause, seeing Nick splattered there. I gag and turn away, blindly walking into another room and going to the darkest corner I can find.
“LIA!”
I crouch down and wrap my arms around my legs. What have I done? I have a bond mark on my neck. Zaden bit me. That’s forever.
Tears well in my eyes, and I whimper.
Zaden grabs my upper’s arms and drags me up into a standing position. “Lia, what the fuck?”
“Let me go!”
“Fuck no!”
“Did you find Malone?”
Zaden goes still. “Not yet.”
I go silent and just stare at him. What can I say? I’m not yours. I got your brother killed. There’s not a moment that is going to go by where I don’t look at you and know you lied. That you tied yourself to me forever, knowing that you belonged to someone else.
Instead, I stay stubbornly silent.
Hours pass.
Days pass.
Mills brings me food that I reluctantly eat and drinks that I consume. Ianto stands in the shadows, a growing wall of wrath that watches me constantly. Ranger is frantic, whispering all the words I would love to hear. He loves me. I’m his omega. He’s saying that, but I can’t trust him. I can’t believe them.
It’s during this time I spend a lot of time thinking about my mother. I’m silent because this is what I do. Because if I say something, the result will be catastrophic. I hate her. All the betrayals and hateful words push into my mind, and even if I wanted to speak, I can’t find the words.
I’m paralyzed by fear.
What if I say something, and they agree? What if they ditch me? They might decide they hate me. So I hold my silence and cling to the miserable knowledge that when the pack finds their omega, they will leave me for her.
Zaden is the voice of reason, trying to pull me out of it. But Valen just ignores my silence, pretending it isn’t even there.
As days bleed together, it gets easier to slip deeper into my mind. They get more desperate, and I want to soothe them, but I can’t. I’m so tired all the time.
After a week, I notice that they have all taken a step back. They keep whispering in corners. They are going to leave me soon.
I know they will. I would. The result is I just feel even lonelier, which has me retreating deeper. Why does loving someone hurt so much?
Mills comes to me first and gently pulls me to my feet. He leads me into the kitchen.
“I had it remodelled. I didn’t want you to have the memories here, but if it’s too much, we can leave. We can find somewhere else. It will be fine, Lia. I promise. We will protect you.”
He pauses and then seems to lose his words.
“Please, Lia. I’ll do anything. Whatever you need, I’ll give it to you.”
He takes me in his arms and pulls me into a hug, but I can’t lift my arms. I want to, but if I start to talk, I’ll shatter. I’ll break apart.
So, I stand there screaming on the inside.
Ranger sits opposite me and just stares. He looks awful, and he’s not smiling. It’s so wrong to see Ranger without a smile.
“We need to go for a drive.”
I shake my head, but he grabs my wrist and drags me out to a waiting car .
We don’t drive for long, but I recognise the hospital when we rock up. Is he committing me? I deserve it, after all, don’t I? I’m so scared they will leave me that I can’t even speak to them.
Ranger drags me up the steps and deep inside, where he stops outside a room. He opens it and pushes me inside.
It takes a moment for my brain to process what I’m seeing, but then my heart leaps, and I scramble to Kyle’s side. Tears run down my cheeks, and I hold on to his hand like it’s a life line.
“He’s in a medically-induced coma, but they are waking him up in a few days. Kyle survived, Lia.”
I don’t look at him, but the walls around me tremble.
“I will do anything you want…anything to make you happy…even this.”
And he backs out of the room. A minute later, two men walk inside, and I start crying even harder. Andy holds me tight and tells me everything is going to be all right.
Bailey smiles and teases me. I can see my eyes on him now. The multitude of similarities between us.
And Ranger stays outside the room aching. I am so hyper aware of him and his pain. It’s as if it’s inside me.
We don’t talk about my pack. Or what happened. I ask questions about Bailey, and I pretend like nothing else has happened, and the pair of them take their cues from me.
But at last, Ranger returns looking bruised and says we need to leave.
I shut down. If I asked to go with Andy, would they let me?
The bond thrums through me, Zaden’s indomitable strength pressing on me. I can’t leave them. He made sure of it.
But when will they leave me?
Ranger takes me home, I barely look at him when I murmur thank you.
“Anytime, Lia. Anything and anytime.”
Zaden watches me from the top of the stairs, his unhappy glare seers me. I can feel him everywhere.
He stomps towards me and stops in front of me.
“You can lie to the others, but I know what this is really about. How long are you going to drag this out, Lia? What is it going to take to get you out of your head and to believe us? ”
I glare up at him, incensed. How does he always get past my defenses?
He crouches and smiles grimly. “You’re being foolish. I already decided.”
With that, he stands up and walks away.
I ponder those words, but deep in my misery, it doesn’t make much difference. I don’t believe him.
I can’t.
Valen comes home drunk and reeking of whiskey. He’s covered in bruises and blood and can’t walk straight. He stumbles to the couch and drops to his knees in front of me. He stinks, but I don’t care.
“What can I do?”
I blink, staring at him. Shocked. He looks like an absolute wreck.
“What can I do to say I’m sorry? I went out and let them beat me up because I thought it might stop the pain. But nothing stops it. Come back, Lia. Please, come back.”
My heart starts to beat again, and I reach out and take hold of one of his fingers.
“I’m sorry we stole you. I’m sorry we took everything from you. You can hate us forever. Just talk to me.”
I can’t say the words, fear has a hold of me, and I’m too scared.
“Lia, Lia, please. We’re sorry, but don’t you see, we’re yours, and we’d be better than they ever could.”
Valen rolls his face over my thighs and presses against them.
I clench my fingers around his and hold him in the only way I can.
“I’ll be good, I promise. I’ll never do another bad thing for the rest of my life! Please, Lia,” his voice breaks. “I can’t fight this. I’ll always fight your enemies. Always. I can even punish myself, but I can’t fight your silence. Oh, Lia, I don’t know how. I can’t breathe without you.”
He talks to me until Zaden stomps down and drags him upstairs. My alpha returns and stares at me, his gaze cold and condemning.
“I’m not going to apologise for stealing you, Lia. Not now, not ever, so get over it.”
He waits. I have words I want to say, but by the time I get my mouth open, he’s gone, and he can’t hear my whispered plea.
“Don’t leave me alone.”