40. Ianto
Chapter forty
Ianto
“Lia, you have to talk to us sometime,” I say evenly. The dark edges of my world are getting cracks in them. I want a smoke or a drink. All this time of being clean, and I’m having the strongest cravings of my life. I want to self-destruct. The fury throbs at the back of my mind.
I’m so close to snapping.
She sits and stares at the island in the most grief-filled silence I have ever seen.
Nothing has been able to reach her. She rose from the heat three weeks ago and just turned from that sexy, lovely omega into this, and I don’t know how to fix it.
Not much panics me. I’m calm and even, and I generally feel able to control almost everything. This situation is completely out of my element.
I sit beside her and reach out to touch her hand. She pulls it away and puts it in her lap. A tear falls, catching my attention, and I think perhaps my heart is shattering.
“Lia,” Mills whispers, his pain echoing mine.
“Talk to us, say something. Say anything.”
She sniffles and hunches in even tighter on herself.
I stand up and stalk away from her. Valen and Ranger take my place while I quietly head outside.
“Ianto?”
I hiss. “What?”
“She doesn’t understand. ”
I take a moment, but it doesn’t calm the storm that is building inside me. Zaden grabs my shoulders and turns me. I attack him, pushing him back, shoving him off me, and then I jump at him, slamming him into the wall, pressing my mouth to his.
Zaden stays calm and still while I kiss my fury out on him. I kiss his jaw, and then down to a faded scar on his throat that still makes him groan. I bite down.
Zaden cradles my head. “She doesn’t understand. She thinks we lied to her. That her scent-matched mates are out there, and we stole her. She needs to come to the realisation herself. If we force her, we’ll never be able to keep her.”
I cut him off, thrusting my tongue in his mouth. He grips my top in fists and growls into my mouth.
“She wants someone else, and she’s got a damn bond on her neck. How are you okay with this?” I hiss.
Zaden grips the back of my neck and presses his cheek against mine. “Because this is a blip, just a blip. She’s mine now, and it doesn’t matter what they say or do, it’s my bond she wears.”
I shove away from him. “I’m going for a walk.”
“Ianto?”
I pause, my shoulders tense. “What?”
“Don’t go dark.”
I go completely still, hearing the bark, the command in those words. Don’t go dark. Translation; you don’t get to go off and kill; you don’t get to go self-destructive. And you don’t get to run away.
We’re a pack.
I remember the words he said when he bonded me. I was eighteen and savage, wild. My parents had left me, my parents had fucked up my entire life. I was a wild, violent mess, sucking drugs down as fast as I dropped bottles of booze. All I was good at was hurting people.
Zaden, Ranger, and Valen saved me.
I’d stolen Zaden, desiring him, wanting him more than I’ve wanted a line or a bottle. And instead of courting or wooing, I'd bitten the young alpha, making him mine with no regard to anything other than my own drunken impulses.
But Zaden is a mountain beneath the skin. His strength poured into me. He challenged me, he demanded, he commanded better from me, and I could do nothing but rise to his expectations.
He saved me .
I’d risen through the club, becoming part of Zaden’s crew, devoted to Zion, but even more so to my alpha, my president first. I think Zion knew it, too. He took me aside one day.
To this very spot, out under the huge sycamore tree, and handed me a cigar.
We stood there, side by side, and he grunted.
“I’m going to find a city to open a new chapter.”
I didn’t say a word, just watched him cautiously.
“I’m not sure why I’m telling you this, just that I need to tell someone, and I know you won’t repeat it. He’s too strong. Our alphas' natures are starting to clash. I’d send you guys out into the world but for one problem.”
I follow his gaze to the Raines mansion.
“One day, I want to see my grandkids. But to save you from having to put a bullet in my head, I’m leaving. I’m taking most of the original crew who will come with me. Badger has volunteered to stay and teach someone the money side. How to run the business.”
He falls silent, and I think about how much he looks like Zaden. My alpha will miss his father.
I’ll miss him. His strong morals and good humour, along with that firm discipline, have remoulded me in the image of an alpha I can be proud of.
I love him. He’s like a father I never had.
“I’m proud of you, Ianto. Really proud.”
When he puts his arms around me, I hug him back and wish I had the words to say what’s inside.
I blink back to the here and now and frown up at the blue sky.
I’m almost calm. I almost have myself under control, but then I spot Lia sneaking into the shed. It’s like the world turns to night. The warmth seeps from my body, leaving me cold and shaking with pain.
I let out a fierce growl and stalk after her. She is rooting around in the car when I enter.
“Where are you going, Lia?” I snarl.
She jumps, her wide eyes staring at me in shock. Wary. Is she scared of me now? Fine! I’ll really give her something to fear!
“Are you going to them?” I spit, pushing her up against the car. I box her in, leaning over her.
Jealousy spikes through me, leaving me feeling broken and gross. I haven’t felt this bad since my addiction days.
“Is that where you’re going?” I growl again.
I can feel my control stretching, stretching. She looks away from me. It snaps .
“Fine, you want them so fucking much? Let’s do it.” I pull out my gun and check the chamber. Enough to take out her entire pack.
I glance at her, but there’s no fear on her face. Just sadness.
She still hasn’t said a word. I push her into the car and slam the door closed. For a moment, I wonder about what I’m doing, but I drown out that thought with pain. I get in the driver’s side, and Lia suddenly panics, but it’s too late, the door’s locked. I reach across her, slam her seatbelt into place, and start the car.
I turn to look at her and find her staring at me with big, bruised eyes.
“Tell me what you fucking want, Lia! Just speak. Talk to me, damn it!”
She doesn’t say a word.
A loud growl shatters our silence, and I start the car.
“Fine. Let’s go for a drive.”
She turns away, looking out the window as I fishtail out of the driveway.
Lia turns to look at me, staring at my face. I clench my teeth and focus on driving to the one place I swore I would never go.
I stomp on the breaks, and Lia lets out a little gasp that threatens to break me. To shatter my resolve.
“What are we doing here, Ianto?” Her voice is husky from disuse, but there’s still no emotion in it.
“I’m giving you a choice. I’m giving you what you want because I’m such a good alpha!” Pushing open the door requires all my willpower. I don’t want to do this. I take a breath and try to calm down. “Every promise I make is like the word of Zaden to me, so hear me well. I will always show you the truth, even if it’s ugly. The others will protect you, but I’ll show you, and if you want them, then so be it, but at least it will be your choice,” I mutter the words as much to her as to myself.
I’m shaking. Every part of me is screaming not to do this.
She frowns and bites her bottom lip.
“You don’t want us anymore. You think you’re better off with them. Fine. Here they are!”
I get out of the car, slamming the door, and go to the passenger side. My heart is thumping in my chest, and I’ve never hurt more than I do right now.
I open the door, wait, but when she doesn’t move, I reach in, unclip her seatbelt, and drag her from the car. She whines and tries to pull free, but I refuse to let her go .
I drag her along the path and find them easily. They are where they are every goddamn perfectly blissful morning of their existence. Sitting on a picnic blanket chatting. I hate them. Every single one of these spoiled, pampered princes.
“Here they are,” I hiss in her ear and turn her around so she can see them. But Lia surprises me, squeezing her eyes closed. “You want them so bad. Here’s your chance. You’d just need to go over there and set it all to rights. They could be yours.”
Lia struggles, fighting me, resisting me as I draw her towards them. Her nails bite into my skin, and I can feel her getting more and more frantic. She’s breathing really hard and whining.
“Ianto, stop. Don’t do this. Fuck! Stop!” Lia’s voice is full of all the emotion I’ve been longing to hear. Finally, but for them. My bitterness can’t see past it.
I ignore her, but then I suddenly stop and whirl on her. Our lips are almost touching when I whisper the next words.
“Or I could kill them and end your torment. Would you want that instead?”
She yanks her arm free and slaps me so hard across the face I see stars.
We stare at each other. I watch as her fury changes to despair.
“Are you all right, Omega?”
It’s one of them. I wait for Lia to turn, for my entire world to burst into flames. For everything to turn to ashes. She will turn and see him, and there will be a moment of recognition, and then I’ll have to put a bullet in this cunts brain…or mine.
She stiffens, her eyes locked on mine. Her fingers curl into my upper arms. “We’re fine,” she says loudly. “Just a misunderstanding. Thank you, though.”
I frown, confused. “Lia? What are you doing?” I whisper.
“Make him go away, right now, Ianto, or I swear to all that’s holy, I will put a lit rag in your bike’s petrol tank,” she hisses furiously.
The vicious tone is so much like my Lia that I almost grin. I refocus my attention on the man approaching. Lia’s face is still pressed up against my chest, and she’s trembling, but that salty scent of pain is gone. Now, it’s toasted marshmallows. My Lia is mad at me. Is she refusing him? Does she want us over her scent matches?
Her scent match is a doctor, with perfect brown hair and unblemished skin. He’s young and has no scars and has parents who love him and siblings. I know because Zaden sent out that email with all the details about them. They are polished little rich boys. All doctors, all with no history of drug use or criminal activities. They are respected, not feared. Their omega is a passing fling. How could they resist my Lia?
He is what she wants, right?
“Fuck off,” I snarl suddenly. Lia’s chance is gone, I’m not giving her a second one .
He says something else, but I growl at him, and he backs off. He pauses, looking back, his face contemplative. I wrap a huge hand around the back of her head and bring her up against my chest.
The other pack members are watching, but they don’t get up. They don’t move towards us. I study the alpha’s concerned stare. He’s got pretty eyes that widen as he looks from me to her. I think I see regret on his face, but it’s too late. In that moment, I change my mind.
“They can’t have you now,” I growl so only she can hear me. I wrap an arm around her, pulling her into the shelter of my body as I glare at her alpha.
“Thank you,” Lia calls out and slips past me. She doesn’t turn as she reaches out and grabs my wrist and pulls me after her.
“Get in the car and take us home!” Lia spits out, fuming. Her cheeks are red, and her eyes are shining.
I’m still not sure of this angry and confident Lia, but I think I like it. No, she made a decision and claimed us. I love it.
It takes up to an hour to get back to our turf, but she doesn’t say a word, and I’m too nervous to break the silence.
I get out of the car and immediately fall in the dirt as Mills tackles me, roaring his pain into my face.
His fist lands heavily in my ribs, and I know I deserve it, so I don’t fight back.
“Mills!” Lia says.
He glances behind him and launches to his feet, lifting her up and swinging her around before dragging her close so he can pepper her face with kisses.
“I thought you were gone forever.”
She waits until we’re all close and turns from one to the next, searching our faces. “You think I want that pack? Is that what this is? I didn’t realise that you thought I’d want them.” She looks so confused. “I don’t want them. I’ve never wanted them.”
The others push closer, their hungry gazes lingering on her, until her eyes land on me again.
She puts a hand to her forehead and manages to look both frustrated and exhausted.
“You idiots. I don’t want them,” she shouts at me.
The last thread of my temper snaps.
“What do you want, then? I’m not a mind reader. I don’t know how to make you happy. Just talk to us, Lia. It’s not that hard,” I roar at her. I’m so mad at her, at us, at fate.
“I want to not be the reason an omega out there is feeling the way I am right now,” Lia says in a small voice.
I gape at her. She cannot be serious. “I don’t give a shit about any fucking omegas. ”
“An omega?” Zaden frowns. “A different omega? What other omega?”
“Any omega!” Lia shouts. “Your omega. Your real scent match.”
Zaden grips her by the front of her t-shirt. “There is no other girl, Lia.”
So simple. So clear. Concise.
“But-”
“No. No one holds a candle to you, you infuriating pain in my ass omega. You are our omega. There. Is. No. One. Else,” Zaden growls and runs a hand down his face. “I misunderstood. I thought you were thinking about your scent matches.”
She licks her lips, her eyes wide.
“Listen to me carefully. We found her, Lia. Three years ago. She’s happy, but just because she smelled good, didn’t make her ours. You are ours, no one, not fate nor destiny is going to change that fact, Lia. There is no one but you for us. Whether you are a beta, an omega, or a switch. She didn’t even come close to being you.”
“So you don’t want your perfect doctors?” Mills asks nervously. “I mean, that’s where Ianto took you, right? You met them?”
Lia shakes her head. “Why would I want them? It’s always been you. I just…I’m broken, I didn’t want to be abandoned when you found your scent match.”
I grip her hair and tilt her head back so she’s looking at me. Incensed that she believes such tripe.
“You aren’t broken, you’re perfect. Now be sure you don’t want that pack because I can still kill them so you don’t need to make a choice.”
Lia laughs softly. “Ianto, all I have wanted is you since the day I met you in Zaden’s study. You are scarred and rough around the edges, and I love this club and the family you have. This is everything I want.”
Lia pauses, and her eyes flutter closed in pain.
“I thought you would leave me,” she admits in such pain that it cuts me open. “Because I was sick. Because I wasn’t good enough. I was so afraid I couldn’t even get the words out.”
I’m so struck by her confession. “You weren’t upset about your pack. You were upset because you thought we would leave you? You were silent because you were afraid, not angry?”
And that one thing we know about Lia comes racing back. She freaks out when she’s left alone. I make a mental note to never, ever forget it again.
“Yes,” she whispers.
I wrap myself around her, squeezing, and bury my face in her neck.
“You silly, ridiculous woman!” I growl .
“Lia, no one is taking you from us. And we will never leave you,” Mills says, and I think maybe he’s a little choked up.
Ranger sweeps in and kisses her hard. “You idiot. Didn’t I tell you that we were yours?”
“I know, I’m sorry, I panicked.”
She’s stolen from him and pulled into a hard hug from Mills.
Valen approaches slowly, and Mills backs off.
“You scared me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Lia,” Valen says softly, and his hands cup her cheeks. He drops the softest kiss to her lips. “You are my omega.”
Zaden touches his back, and Valen steps aside, giving way to our alpha.
“I warned you,” Zaden says with a hard glint and grips her throat. “Now, I’m getting our names tattooed on your ass so you know who you belong to.”
Lia gasps, but I can’t help but see the excitement in her eyes. “You’ll give me a tattoo?”
“Ianto will. But it will be our names because this is forever.” His thumb tracks over the bond on her neck. “It wasn’t an accident. I never bite by accident, Aurelia Raines. I bit you because you are part of us, and I wasn’t prepared to lose you.”
Her eyes widen. “You lied?”
Zaden dips his head. “I lied. I bit you. I bonded you on purpose. I was never letting you go.”
To my surprise, Lia throws herself at him, and he lets go of her throat to hug her so tight I’m afraid her bones will crack.
We head into the mansion, and I know there is one thing I want to do before we go any further.
I want my bonds.