Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
Something feels off with the world.
The days stretch in odd directions, thin and shaky, like the hours forgot how to sit still. No one says anything is wrong, but I can feel everyone’s mood. I try to be pleasant and happy so they aren’t growling but it’s almost impossible to pretend everything is normal.
School sucks.
My sisters are . . . Laura complains about her marriage. Edward and her haven’t been able to have babies. I heard Mom saying something about divorce. We can only pray that it won’t happen.
Lisa is finally getting married and Lana just finished college, which Dad says is a waste of time and money. I want to go to college and travel and . . . I don’t tell them my dreams. Not the plans that Thomas and I have or how much I miss him, because they think I’m boring.
I’m too young to be thinking about a boy.
If only Mama knew how much Thomas and I love each other. She’d be upset.
Inside my heart, it feels like a thread is pulling tighter and tighter, and if I breathe too deeply, everything will unravel.
I wish time would settle. Just for a moment. I wish I could believe the quiet isn’t hiding anything.
Of course, I keep puking but I don’t tell them anymore. They keep saying I look sick. Losing too much weight and . . . I don’t want to go to the doctor. Suzy had something like this and she died a year ago. I miss my friend, but not as much as I miss Thomas.