8. Asher
8
ASHER
ONE MONTH LATER…
What have I done?
It’s the single thought that has plagued me for the past month. I should have given those pages back to her the moment she came back into my life. They were personal and I used them like they were the cipher to unlock her heart. But I was wrong. Using them locked her heart up to me for good.
I don’t make many mistakes, but this one will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Lilah hasn’t shown up to work. She won’t return my calls or texts. And every time I storm over to her apartment, her elderly next door neighbor, Josie, stops me. I’ve tried everything save knocking down the damn door but I know it’s not the answer.
Lilah wants nothing to do with me, and it’s tearing me apart. I don’t eat. I don’t sleep. It’s pure hell and it’s all of my making.
Last night I stayed out on the street below her apartment, staring at her window for hours like a madman, hoping to have a glimpse of her but not even her silhouette passed. I haven’t seen her face once since she left, save for in my nightmares. But my nightmares have bled into the day. They’re twenty-four-seven. I’m living in them and there’s no end in sight.
I take another sip of my whiskey and then stare at the empty stool at the end of the bar. I’ve been coming back to the Ridgeway every day, sitting here, hoping for some miracle that one time I look up Lilah will be sitting there. I’ll see my girl. She’ll see me. Listen to me. We’ll work through this and—I swallow, savoring the burn. It’s a dream and nothing more.
Asher: I love you, Lilah. I miss you more than you can know. I fucked up.
I’ve apologized more times than I can count but it will never be enough. I won’t stop apologizing or sending texts until Lilah tells me to stop, but I’m sure she’s already blocked my number. I doubt she’s seen any of my texts. My monologues about her. About us. Pictures—candids of her I snapped. She’s my world, but now it’s nothing but ruin. I don’t know how I can earn her trust again. For the first time in my life, I don’t see a solution. And maybe there isn’t.
You can’t buy me, Asher.
It wasn’t my intention, but I can’t change what I’ve already done.
“It’s 10 AM,” Adrian says gruffly from behind me.
I grunt and then take another sip. Time’s lost all meaning to me now.
He slides onto the stool next to me, and then gives me a once-over. “Fucking hell you’re a mess.”
I catch a glance at my reflection in the mirror behind the bar. My cheeks are gaunt and sallow. I haven’t looked this bad since my dad died. The pain is the same, jagged and hot and ripping me apart from the inside.
“You should see the inside,” I say. “That’s the real mess.”
He sighs, placing a hand on my back. “Asher. This needs to end.”
“I agree. I need to see Lilah. We’re no good apart.”
“I’m not so sure she agrees.”
Anger flares inside me, but it falls just as fast. I’m too drained. Instead of responding, I take another sip of whiskey.
“Look. I know you’re in pain. I remember what it was like after…” He pauses, wondering if he should say my father’s name. Adrian was there for me. He helped me through it. “I see it happening again.”
Adrian runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but this isn’t working. You need a change of scenery. Go back to your family. That vacation you planned. You’re no use to anyone, yourself included, if you stay here.”
I stare lazily at Lilah’s stool. I’m only partly present. I hear Adrian, but all I see is Lilah. That soft smile of hers. How her eyes light up every time she looks at me. I miss everything about her. “She’s coming back,” I say in a voice hardly above a whisper, “And I’m not going anywhere unless she’s coming with me.”
“It’s non-negotiable,” Adrian says. “I didn’t want to come out with it but you’re leaving now to get your head right, or you’re leaving the company. This comes straight from the board.”
I stare at him. “Take the company. Without Lilah, none of it matters.”
I look back at the empty stool, feeling the heat of Adrian’s gaze on my face. He thinks I’m bluffing, but I’m not. What’s the point of an empire without a queen?
Lilah’s my queen. My world. My everything. And without her, I’m nothing.
“I know you don’t mean that. You’ve put everything into this company. I’m not going to watch you throw it away.”
“Then close your eyes. Leave. Do whatever you want but I’m not changing my mind.”
Adrian sits quietly for a few moments. “You have three days to make your decision.”
“It’s already been made.” I down the rest of my whiskey and then sigh.
I’m not going anywhere without Lilah.