Chapter 5
“Alex.” His name on her lips never sounded so lifegiving. “Alex.” Like he wanted to listen to it until his body had fully absorbed it. “Alex.”
Her hands were on his chest. Holding him at bay.
Damn. Had he any control left of his senses?
“I need to lock the door.”
Her words may as well have been a bucket of ice thrown on him. He rolled onto his back beside her, wrist over his eyes, like some swooning debutante. How could he have let this get that far?
“Don’t bother,” he rushed to say as he attempted to recollect himself.
“I don’t want Mirabelle to walk in—”
“She won’t.”
“She might—”
“I’m leaving.”
“What?” Her shoulders dropped, as did the one corner of her beautiful mouth. “Why?”
“This can’t happen, Violet.” Even as he was saying it, she was scrambling toward the door to lock him in. She should have been sending him away for the cad that he was.
He knew what a disappointment he would be to her. It was nothing new. People didn’t want the truth. What better scenario to depict that.
Only…when she whirled around to face him, there were no traces of disappointment. Not that he could see behind the fury, that is.
“Alexander Devereaux. We have had a breakthrough here. You are not leaving until…well…until something real happens.”
He dragged a hand through his hair. Of course she would be so naive to think that this kiss meant something. “I have work to do, Vi.” He stood up—
“Sit down.” She stalked toward him. “I am sunshine and rainbows, Alex, and I will not be treated like a passing cloud. This…little storm between us will end how I want it to. Do you understand me?”
Her hand was gripping his cravat. Hell, he understood her. His whole body had understood her his entire life. That was the problem.
“I’m not—”
“Talk.”
“You don’t want me—”
“Stop telling me what I want. And what’s this nonsense you keep saying about people not wanting the truth. I want the truth, Alex. I want to know you. I’ve been your…friend for two decades. And sometimes I feel like I hardly know you. I want to know more. I’m not going anywhere—”
“Of course you are,” he blurted out, unable to stop himself.
The emotions were brimming, and that would not do.
This chit thought she could push him around, well, she had another thing coming.
She wanted the truth? Fine. She could have it.
Then he’d prove her right when she never spoke to him again.
“I’m not. I’ll always be your friend.”
Fuck. Like that was what he wanted to hear. But at the same time, it was exactly what he needed to hear. In mind and in heart.
“You won’t. You can’t. You’re going to get married. You think your husband will allow this…friendship to persist? You’re deluding yourself.”
He hated to watch her recoil a step, but if this was what she wanted, he’d finally give it to her.
“I’m a spinster. I’m going to be a spinster for the foreseeable future. There are…no other plans.”
He scoffed at that. “Look how well that turned out for your sister. And Lucy. You’re probably the next one to fall off the wagon.”
“You’re scoffing at love, Alex? Those women made a plan to follow their dreams. Follow their hearts. And that’s. Exactly. What. They. Did.”
Her finger jabbed him in the chest with each word. But she wasn’t done.
“For true love, Alex? I’d fall off the wagon anytime. Damn you, Alex. I’d jump off a racing wagon if it meant I’d find true love.” Hell and damnation. She was sniffling now. Just great.
“Then what are you doing here?” He had meant to ask it in a gentle tone. He failed.
“I already told you. I’m a spinster. I’m fine with it. I actually like the freedom it affords me.”
“You keep saying people want the truth, but you’re not even willing to say it.” He crossed his arms, looking up at her standing over him. “Why are you here, Vi?”
Her eyes pinned him to the bed. He couldn’t move if a fire was taking down Greene House. “Why do you think I’m here, Alex?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m here,” she bit her bottom lip, then rolled back her shoulders and looked him dead in the eye, “because if I couldn’t have you, I’d have no one.”
His palms flew down to the mattress to brace himself. “Wh-what?”
She stepped between his legs. “You heard me, Alex. I’ve been…in love with you since the day I met you. But I knew how you felt about me. I thought I might have changed your mind, but the years have made it clear. You don’t want me.”
Nothing could be further from the truth, yet closer at the same time.
“I-it’s not true.”
“Which part, Alex?”
He didn’t have the words. They were all jumbled up inside his throat like logs clogging the river. “I can’t have you, Violet.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The truth just pushes people away.”
“Try it on me, Alex. Try to push me away. See what happens.”
And for the first time in twenty five years, he wanted to try.
It was like his soul was alerted to a potential purpose.
And really, what did he have to lose at this point?
This might be his only shot with Violet.
Based on the determination in her face, if he walked out this door giving her anything less than honesty, that was it for him.
So he said aloud the words that he hadn’t spoken since he was a boy. “I killed my brother.”