9. Dempsey
9
Dempsey
W hat a fucking nightmare. How could Justin think I’d be any good for Katy? I want what’s best for her and Owen. It’s not me.
I can’t wait to get home and create some distance between us. Katy will do Owen’s nighttime routine, breastfeed him, and then put him to bed. Depending on the night, sometimes she’ll join me on the couch, and we’ll talk or watch a movie. Tonight, I’m going to have a quick drink, then pull out the couch while she’s in her room so she knows I want to be alone.
I’m lying on my back after finishing my second glass of whiskey when Katy comes out with a sleeping Owen in her arms.
“Do you need help with him?”
“No, I’ve got him,” she whispers back. I breathe a sigh of relief, knowing I can get some sleep, hoping Katy sleeps through the night. Except Katy has other plans. I should have known. I saw her take a sippy cup filled with breast milk into the bedroom. She didn’t want him to nurse after she had been drinking. When I picked her up from Nicole’s house, she was tipsy. Maybe a bit more than tipsy, but I wouldn’t say she was drunk. She still had her wits about her to know that she shouldn’t feed him.
I’m just rolling over when she returns to the room.
“Can we talk, Viktor?”
Fuck. I can’t say no to her, but after downing those two glasses, I might be a little worse than her.
“Of course.” I sit up and rest my back against the pseudo headboard. She crawls onto the sofa and sits cross-legged in the middle of the bed.
“How was your day?” Her voice is low and sing-songy.
My day was fucking terrible. You kissed me, you were angry with me, Justin thinks I should go for it, and all I want to do is forget about today and fade off into my alcohol-induced haze that’s slowly getting worse.
“It was fine. Lunch with Justin was nice. How was your day?”
Fucking generic conversation. I don’t need this right now.
“There wasn’t too much tragedy, so it was good.”
“Good. Pepper, I’m tired. Was there something specific I can help you with?” I’m trying my best not to be curt with her, but I’m exhausted from the day.
“I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. You’re a little tipsy and should probably get some sleep.”
“Viktor.” She closes her eyes, and her chest heaves with her sigh. “I shouldn’t have kissed you, or whatever you want to call it. I’m sure it meant nothing to you, and you probably kiss your aunts the same way, but it was disrespectful of me to do that to you.”
I don’t notice I’m growling until Katy’s chocolate brown eyes flash to me. “You think it meant nothing to me?”
She shrugs, and her entire body deflates. “It was so simple, and I’ve never kissed anyone before. There wasn’t anything to it, so I just stormed off. I was mad, and it wasn’t at you in that moment. I feel like I disrespected you, and I wanted to apologize.”
Without thinking, I’m on top of her, arms pinned above her head and her body glued under mine from chest to toes. Her eyes remain closed, but I don’t need to see them. I can feel her warmth under me. She’s soft and curvy everywhere I like.
Using one finger, I caress her cheek, coaxing her to open her eyes. I want to see the heat I’m feeling from our close proximity. Instead, I see her bottom lip tremble and realize it’s not just her lip but her entire body.
What the fuck am I doing?
I jump back from her to the farthest corner of the couch that I can squeeze into.
“Fuck, Pepper. Fuck. Fuck. I’m so sorry. Are you okay? God. Fuck. Of course not.”
She’s still lying on her back, eyes closed. I need her to say something. Anything. This. This is the exact reason I’m no good for her. I have no self-control over this woman. She’s my own fucking siren.
“Please, Pepper, say something. I’m so fucking sorry. I have no idea what came over me.”
With her eyes still closed, she lowers her hands from above her head and rests them on her stomach.
“I’m okay, Viktor.”
“Oh, thank fuck.”
“Just let me have a moment.”
“As many as you need.”
She intertwines her fingers together, and I can tell she’s concentrating on her breathing. I absentmindedly breathe the same pattern. Our breaths become more shallow and calm, and I know she’s relaxing.
“Will you sit up for me? I just…god, I feel so fucking terrible. This isn’t about me. I’m sorry.” I need to stop. I triggered her. I just laid her flat without consent or permission. She asked how my day was, and I basically attacked her.
Fuck.
My hands fly to my head, and I pull at the roots. I can’t watch. I can’t see her lying there suffering because of me. The bed shifts, and I can’t force myself to look up. I feel her warmth when she’s close enough to touch me.
Katy’s fingers glide over my fists and she softly whispers, “Relax before you hurt yourself.”
My fingers instantly loosen from her gentle tone. Why is she comforting me? This is all wrong.
“Fuck, Katy. I—”
“Shhh. I’m fine. I-You just took me by surprise. It wasn’t you, I promise.”
Is she serious? How was this not me? There wasn’t some other grizzly of a man pressing her body into the mattress.
Katy tugs at my hands to remove them from my hair. She pulls them to her lips and kisses each one. Each press of her lips feels like a tornado of lightning jolting through my body.
“Katy.”
“Please believe me. It wasn’t you. I was trying to push down the feeling that I know doesn’t belong here.” She drops our hands into her lap.
“Katy—”
“Can I get this out first?” I bob my head. “You know my story. I haven’t done anything with anyone, so that one…incident, it took everything from me. It’s the only baseline I have, and that’s really shitty.”
“You’ve never kissed anyone? Not even…before?” Her head slowly shakes.
I drop my head and stare at the ceiling. I took that from her. I gave her nothing back this morning. Not that I had the forethought to plan it.
“Will you…”
Is she about to ask me to kiss her for real? Fuck. Can I give that to her? Can I handle it? I’m a man trained to kill by the government, and despite being dishonorably discharged, this petite thing is about to bring me to my knees.
“Katy. Be very careful with what you’re about to ask me, and make sure you’re confident in your question. Some lines can’t be redrawn.”
Please don’t ask. I’m a weak man, Katy. I won’t tell you no. I’ll give you everything you want and things you didn’t even know to ask for.
“I want you to kiss me, Viktor.”
“Pepper.”
“Please.” She squeezes my hands in hers, and it sends a jolt straight to my cock, which isn’t restrained very well behind loose sweatpants.
“Katy.”
“If you don’t want to, I understand, but please don’t hesitate because you think I might not want to. I do.”
“You do?” She nods at me and holds my gaze.
“Please erase the only image I have in my head before this morning.”
She wants me to erase the image of Shane’s lips on hers. I’m conscious of the growl this time and hold it back. I pick up a hand and rub a thumb over her bottom lip. They part, and a small breath escapes.
“We’ve both been drinking, Pepper. This is a terrible idea. Probably the worst one you’ve had.” I can’t help but stare at her soft, inviting lips. They’re a rosy pink with a deep cupid’s bow. When I run my thumb over it, my touch tickles her, and she draws her lips together, sucking the tip of my finger into her mouth.
I feel a swipe of wetness when she touches her tongue to my thumb. “We can regret it in the morning. You don’t like me when it’s light outside anyway. Right now, it’s dark. Kiss me in the dark, Viktor.”
Slowly, I slide my hand from her jaw to the back of her head. I lean in torturously slowly until our lips almost touch.
“Are you sure, Pepper?”
“I’m sure. But…what if I suck?”
“What if you’re heaven?” I close the tiny space between us and press our lips together. Nothing more than this morning. The same sparks are there, but I’m prepared. They don’t almost knock me on my ass this time.
With a shuttered breath, she opens her mouth, and a hesitant tongue explores. Katy licks my bottom lip, and I sweep my tongue across hers. She gasps before leaning into me farther. Her movements are still hesitant, but god damn if it isn’t heaven.
I shift to move close and run my hand up her thigh to her waist. Katy pulls back.
“Viktor?”
“We can stop. I’m sorry. We should probably stop.” I pull my hand away from her thigh, and she stops me.
“I’m okay. I am.”
Is she trying to convince me or herself because I’m not sure?
Katy picks her hand up from her lap and touches my shoulder. Her fingers trail down my arm, leaving goosebumps. When she gets to my wrist, she grabs it and pulls my arm behind her back, where my hand was already heading when she stopped kissing me.
“Can I kiss you again?” Her chocolate eyes are full of so much hope that even if I wanted to, I couldn’t say no. With my hand on her lower back, I pull her to me so she’s straddling my legs on the bed.
“You’re in control, Pepper.”
She gives me a shy smile and runs a hand across my beard. When she reaches my chin, she tugs, pulling me forward. Why the fuck do I like that so much? Our lips meet, and she parts hers almost immediately this time. She already has more confidence in the strokes of her tongue, and I’m eager to see how far she explores.
I don’t have to wait long. She pulls away again, and I sigh, thinking the kiss is over, but she surprises the fuck out of me by pulling off her tank top. I stare at her eyes, unwilling to look down at her body, no matter how badly I want to.
“It’s your turn.” Katy’s eyes roam my t-shirted chest. She arches a brow and tips her head silently, saying, “Let’s go.”
“My turn, huh?” Her hands drift to the hem of my shirt, and she tentatively lifts. I sit forward, allowing her to remove it.
“You’re beautiful, Viktor.” I preen under her roaming hands on my chest and abs. I want to close my eyes and relish in her soft, gentle touch, but the growing heat and admiration in her eyes are captivating. “Why won’t you look at me?” Her hands freeze on my pecs, and her brows knit together.
“I am looking at you, Pepper.”
“All of me. You’re looking through me.”
“I’m looking into you. It’s fascinating to watch you experience things for the first time. And not just watch, but feel.” Her fingers twitch at my words, and her pinky brushes my nipple. I suck in a breath at the sensation, and she pulls her hands away.
“Come back. That felt…god I liked it.”
Katy lifts a hand and intentionally swipes a thumb over my now erect nipple, and I moan. A smile bursts across her cheeks, causing me to do the same. There’s so much joy in that one simple gesture.
“What does it feel like?” She does it again, and my abs constrict, causing her to giggle. “You’re so reactive.”
When I sat Katy on my lap, I made sure she was far enough back that she wasn’t sitting on my cock. If she were, she’d be able to tell exactly how reactive my body is to her.
“It feels like you’re shooting fireworks straight to my cock.” Her cheeks flush, and her mouth forms an O.
“Show me. I mean, I don’t have a dick, but I wonder if I’d get the same sensation to my clit.”
Fuck. Me.
Katy should not be saying dick and clit in the same sentence to me. I want nothing more than to touch her and give her every pleasure in the world, but I’m not the conductor of this show.
The longer I take to respond, the more worried she looks. I need to make a decision right now whether I’m going to give her what she’s asking or disappoint her and send her to bed. I know the right choice, but my cock and my mind are at war.
“Unless you don’t want to.”
Katy’s retreating hand snaps me out of my mental debate. Decision made.
“Tell me what you want me to do.”
The spark is back in her eyes, and so are her roaming hands.
“Before you do anything, you need to actually look at me, Viktor.”
She’s right. She’s so fucking right, but if I look, there’s no turning back. I’m already so far gone for this woman with just a kiss. Even if it’s only in the dark of night.
“Look at me. Please.”
Slowly, I allow my eyes to drift from her chocolate eyes down the slender slope of her nose. Her slightly swollen lips from our kiss to her neck that I want to explore every inch of. Her chest begins to heave, and before I can fully take everything in, my eyes are on her breasts.
I saw a glimpse of one this morning, but that doesn’t compare to what I see right now. They’re full—so beautifully full and round. Her areolas are a light shade of brown, contrasting with the dark pink of her nipples.
My mouth waters at the sight. I know she’s so full because she didn’t breastfeed Owen tonight.
Katy pulls my bottom lip from my teeth that I hadn’t even realized I was biting.
“Show me.” Her eyes flash to mine in confusion. “This is all about you. Show me what you want me to do to your body.”
“Like Shadow?”
Shadow is a game she plays with Owen. It’s like Simon says without having to say Simon says. Katy does something, and Owen copies it.
“Exactly like Shadow.”
She smiles, half innocent, half devilish. She begins to move her hands, and I stop her by placing mine over them.
“Safeword. We need a safeword. You say it, and we stop. I want you to be one hundred percent comfortable and confident that you’re in control.”
“Okay.” She draws out the word in thought. “How about bunny?”
“That works but why?” Such a strange option for a safeword.
“Because it will make me think of Owen’s stuffed animal, and what’s more of a mood killer than a kid in the room.”
Well damn, she’s got me there. “Bunny it is. Now, let’s start our game of Shadow, Pepper.”