13. Thirteen
Thirteen
Abi
The arena was oddly quiet after the events of last night. I spent the morning looking at the dirt as if it didn’t even happen. It was as if it were a movie, not a real thing. Watching Cash on the back of that horse did all kinds of things to my mind and heart that I didn’t exactly want to admit. I was terrified the moment that chute opened. It brought me back to Sylas’s last ride, and it felt like I was in that moment. This was a horse—not a bull—but by just pulling on the horse’s hair, I felt how tense he was. He was going to buck Cash off in an instant. And the last time Cash was on a horse, it fell on him, causing a complete disruption in his life.
But there he was, on a bucking horse, because I told him to take his own advice. And then—even after only lasting six point eight seconds—the look on his face was nothing short of excitement. He did it. For the first time in God knows how long, he did it. The fear vanished once I made it to him, grasping him in my hands to feel how solid he was. Even though his body was shaking, he was stronger than he gave himself credit for. And the first thing he wanted to do once his feet were on the ground was hold me in his arms.
I was trying to think of anything else other than Cash’s arms around me, but I could still feel the warmth he brought to my bones. I could still feel him when I mucked all the stalls. I could feel the butterflies as I fed the goats and pigs. I could feel his warmth, even against the chill of the air, while I worked in the milking barn. I couldn’t shake the feeling, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
“Calving season is going to come up faster than you think,” Lachlan said, breaking me from my stupor as he touched a cow’s swollen belly. “We need to move all the mamas in the barn.”
I gave the cow a kiss on her nose. “And no late calves this year,” I added, referencing Kyla’s favorite baby cow Josie, who still had yet to be tagged. That cow had become Hartwell Hills’ Mascot.
“As far as I know, none conceived late.”
“How many calves are we expecting?”
“Close to fifty this year I think…” Lachlan trailed off, dipping his chin before taking a step away from the cow. He rubbed his hand against his Wranglers, flexing his palms before reaching up to remove his hat.
My cousin had never, not once, let himself go in the years that followed his breakdown. He was built and lean, perfect for ranch work, and with the warmer weather hitting Idaho, he had begun to roll his long sleeves up in the field piece, showing off his tattoos on both his forearms. The one arm a cascading Lily of the Valley flowers, and the other showing off feathers. Both held a special meaning for him. I loved seeing them just as much as he did, even if he never talked about them. It still shocked me that he was single, though I knew he wasn’t looking, especially after what had happened to Hadley, but still—the guy deserved something.
If I could feel that warmth again, couldn’t he? I watched him, his movements smooth as he went from cow to cow. He deserved something other than the hand he was given. His brow furrowed slightly, and that small line in between his brow appeared as he looked from me back to the heifer next to him. Lachlan was focused. Lachlan was determined. And Lachlan needed something to brighten his life.
“Stop looking at me like that,” he grumbled as he worked, bringing me out of the stupor that was thinking about something other than the task at hand.
I grinned. “Like what?”
“Like you’re trying to set me up with one of your friends.”
“My only friend is Kyla and she’s taken, so I can promise you I’m not setting you up with anyone.”
“Then stop making me a Tinder profile in your mind.” He turned his back, giving the cow one final pat before making his way to the next.
I gasped, following him. “That’s a good idea, actually. I can just see all the matches you would get.”
“Stop it.”
“Mama!” Stetson ran into the barn at full speed, his backpack bouncing up and down, the massive amount of keychains he had jingling with every step. I smiled at him, enjoying the sunshine he always brought with him everywhere. “Can I go on a ride with Uncle Rhett? I can saddle up Marsh all by myself.”
I nodded, then noticed my brother waltz in the barn behind him. “We won’t be out long, just a quick ride around the pastures. Moving cattle tomorrow right Lach?”
“Last year you had a random girl in your bed that you just had to get back to. You're not going to be rushing out on me again this year, are you?” Lachlan said as he bent to accept the hug from Stetson.
Rhett grinned. “Watch it, that ‘random girl’”—Rhett air quoted—“Is always in my bed now. But you know I’d still rush out just to get back to her. Come on Stetson, let’s go saddle up.”
“Be careful,” I shouted as both Stetson and Rhett made their way out of the barn. Rhett waving his hand in the air as if to say ‘I got this.’
“When are they gonna tell everyone the news?” Lachlan’s question caught me by surprise. One of his eyebrows was raised, and both hands were on his hips as he watched Rhett lead my son towards the stable.
“What news?” I acted dumb. As far as I knew, Kyla had told Rhett. She told me he was just as happy as she was, but they weren’t going to tell the family until they had their first appointment. They wanted to soak it up for a while, living in their own little bubble.
Lachlan’s head tilted my direction, that single eyebrow still raised pretty much to his hairline. “Don’t act like you don’t know. He hasn’t said a word to me, but it’s obvious she’s pregnant.”
I narrowed my gaze and pointed at him. “Don’t say a word.”
He raised his hands in defense. “I won’t, just wondering when he will drop the bomb.”
“It’s not a bomb.”
“What’s not a bomb?” Another voice entered the barn, one I hadn’t heard in a few weeks. My twin brother sauntered in, a smile on his face as he approached us. His baseball cap was backwards, his blonde hair sticking out in all directions under it, his red plaid shirt unbuttoned and his converse shoes throwing everything off. Nothing about him screamed ranch, he was way too clean.
“Nothing.” Lachlan and I said in unison, a mirroring smile forming as Wyatt made a look, a pinch in his eyebrows in complete disbelief.
“When did you get back?” I kept talking, hoping Wyatt would ignore the entire conversation he walked in on. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in for a side hug.
Wyatt was older than me by three minutes, and he was taller than me by almost a foot. We looked almost identical, the same blue eyes, same shade of hair, same skin tone…everything that screamed we were twins. When we were younger, we were inseparable, always doing things together even if it meant us getting into trouble. He was my best friend growing up, then he developed his voice and went into the rodeo world. He was gone all the time in the circuit, announcing at any rodeo who would take him, working his way up to the Utah Days of 47 last year; hoping to get to Las Vegas in a few years. He always put his name in the running, but we never knew how close he got to being chosen.
“Just now.” He squeezed a little tighter. “Already saw Stetson and Rhett and had to come in here before I went up to shower before dinner.”
“When do you head out again?” I asked.
“Already trying to get rid of me?” He leaned back and looked down at me, pinching his brow. “Come on Abi…”
“No, believe it or not I like having you here.”
“I’ll be around for a bit,” he responded, giving me his award-winning smile.
I smiled back, actually happy to have my big brother around. He may have some setbacks, but I did love having him home. I rested my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his waist.
“Good.” Lachlan broke the moment. “We’ve been working on fixing things up around the ranch, and I could use your extra hands.”
I pulled away. “Your idea—boarding horses and using the arena to train? It’s paying off. We’re already boarding a few horses now.” I squeezed his waist.
Wyatt looked amused, but only somewhat. “Glad I’m good for something.”
“Yeah well, get ready to work. Cash and Rhett have been helping, too.”
I felt my brother stiffen. Cash Callahan was not Wyatt’s favorite person, mainly for what happened between us. Wyatt was the only person who saw me break after Sylas died, and he’s kept that moment between us, just like I asked him too. But when he saw me needing Cash, and Cash completely erasing me from his life, he took it harder than I did.
“Cash?” His voice deepened.
“Yes, Cash. He’s helping and he’s using the arena,” Lachlan defended.
I patted his shoulder and stepped away from him. “I’m ok with it. Just so you know.”
“I’m not.”
“Wyatt, just…” I gave a small laugh, remembering what Lachlan had told me. “Put your big boy pants on.” I tapped his shoulder again, “Welcome home.”
“So…” I drew out the word, sitting next to Kyla that night on her porch. I had a beer in hand, Kyla an iced tea. According to her it was the only thing besides water she could keep down lately. “When are you going to let the cat out of the bag?”
“Soon,” She answered. “Now that Wyatt’s home, we can tell everyone at the same time. Then there’s my mom.” Her eyebrows pinched, she added, “And Grace.”
“You’re not worried about them not being happy are you? I mean, Rhett was ecstatic,” I teased, taking another pull from my beer.
Kyla let out a small giggle. “He was. You were right, nothing to worry about with him. My mom may be shocked with how soon it is, and since we’re still mending our relationship. Grace will be pissed I didn’t tell her first, but…” She shrugged. “I think your mom knows, she always asks me if I need anything or if I want a jolly rancher.”
“You aren’t very subtle with your morning sickness.”
“You try being sick twenty-four-seven,” Kyla protested.
“I was. I have some tips I can share with you, plus, it will get better.”
“I hope. I don’t like feeling sick all the time.” She shifted in her seat, placing her palm on her stomach.
“It’s temporary.” I smiled at her. “I’ll write down my tips before I head out. Which is soon. Stetson needs to read me a chapter still, and there’s school tomorrow.”
“Oh no. Before you head home, we need to talk about last night.”
“What about last night?” I acted dumb.
I was distracted by Lachlan planning calving season, Wyatt coming home, and the moving cows into the barn, and it only helped cool the feeling in my body for a millisecond. As soon as the tasks were done and I was back to my normal routine, the memory of Cash’s arms around me seeped back. I even hung around the stables for as long as I could, hoping Cash would show up, maybe pull me in for another embrace. But he didn’t come in. I texted him, asking if he was planning on coming by today, but like always, no response.
It only added to the confusion. Cash and I were friends, he was Sylas’s best friend—I shouldn’t be constantly checking my phone to see if he had texted. I shouldn’t be wanting…more.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“It was just a hug.” I said, trying to even convince myself.
“That was not just a hug. Coming from someone who called Cash an asshole less than a month ago and threw a brush at his head—”
“Kyla.” I frowned at her, exasperated. “It was just a hug between old friends. He was excited, I was excited. It just happened.”
Before Kyla could respond, her jaw opening to no doubt give the best remark to that, I heard hooves hitting the ground with force as Buckle galloped up to the porch. Rhett was alone, his hair completely disheveled and a look of pure terror on his face.
“Hey Cowboy,” Kyla smiled, only to fade once she really saw the look on his face. “What’s wrong?”
Rhett looked at his wife and then me. “Stetson and I got separated—”
“What?” I shot up from my chair. “What do you mean got separated?”
Nerves shot through my entire body as my heart rate began to pick up. I could feel my limbs starting to shake as I glared at my brother.
Rhett swallowed. “We went to the lake, rested the horses and then on the way back…we started to race and when I looked back…he wasn’t there.”
“Rhett!” I screamed, anger bursting through the air. “And you ran back here instead of following the horse!?”
“He knows his way back to the ranch. I was hoping he would come here.” Fear streaked across his face as I tried to keep mine at bay.
“He’s seven, and that’s eight miles of land for him to navigate in the dark! Kyla”—I turned back to her, and she looked just as terrified as I felt—“Call my parents please. Get them on the land.”
Kyla already had her phone to her ear before I dashed off the porch, looking at Rhett. “Please get your ass out there and find my son before the sun sets all the way.”
Rhett didn’t even respond; he kicked Buckle and flew off towards the pastures. My heart raced; panic was setting in, but I had to stay logical. I had to remain calm and find my son.
When I was twelve, I got separated from a group, and it took me a while to find my way back home. I ended up going to the lake and followed the river back to the gardens, but that was in broad daylight. It was getting darker. Though I had taught him the land, that logical side of me wasn’t loud enough. My son was missing. He was alone. He was somewhere on the land, without a source of light…
My body began to shake as I watched Kyla pace in the house while she spoke on the phone. The sight of Rhett on Buckle getting smaller and smaller…all I could think about was how helpless I was. How helpless and afraid Stetson must be. I placed my hand on my chest, told myself to breathe, and tried to pull myself together.
Pulling out my phone, I went for the one name I wouldn’t think I’d go to in time like this. I would have thought my first instinct would be Wyatt, or Lachlan…anyone but who I chose.
I ran to my truck as the phone rang over and over as I tried to reach Cash.