30. Thirty
Thirty
Cash
Stetson hoisted himself up on the fence, locking his boots on the railing. He’d followed Lachlan and I out onto the land after he got home from school, and once the conversation turned to Abi leaving with me this coming weekend, Stetson got quiet. Once we got back to the ranch, and he still hadn’t uttered a word, Lachlan raised his eyebrows at me, and left me alone with the little dude. Stetson didn’t speak until Lachlan was out of ear shot, and then he folded his arms against his chest, leaned against the railing, and turned to me.
“When are you leaving?” he asked, his voice as low as it could go for a seven-year-old.
“Thursday,” I answered, making sure Nova was tied up to the post before leaning against the gate next to Stetson.
“And mom’s going? Like for sure, for sure mom’s going.” His head nodded each time he said ‘for sure.’
I narrowed my gaze at him, offering a small smile. “Yes. She told me she’d talk to your aunt and uncle to see if you could hang with them for the weekend.”
He gave me a curt nod. My heart was kind of breaking here. A part of me screamed to invite him along, to make it a family affair, but the louder part of me desperately wanted time with Abi. The time we spent together these last couple weeks had been nothing short of life changing. She made my body light up when I was around her, every single emotion flooding my veins. The way my heart was drawn to her, wanting to spill every little thing about me, about my life, my past. I wanted to be known by her, and I knew she felt the same way. She was breaking down her walls more and more, and the time alone could be a good thing for us. I felt like I could be myself around her. There was a man I used to be and the man I wanted to be, and with her I was more like the man I wanted to be more than ever before. With her…I was better.
There wasn’t any more pretending to be cocky or fake smiles when she was around. With myself—or her. She had gotten really good at hiding her pain, but Abi was flourishing. I could see it, and if I could, I bet everyone else could, too. Including her son.
“Okay, let’s be real here, man to man.” I gently punched Stetson in the shoulder, his small body moving with the soft impact.
“Man to man?” he parroted, squaring his shoulders.
“Man to man. Do you remember the other night when we had that rodeo?”
“And you kissed Mommy. And then you took Mommy on a date.”
“Yep, it’s no secret that I really like your mommy.”
“And she really likes you. She told me.”
I raised an eyebrow. “She did?”
He pursed his lips and nodded quickly, loosing up his body to grab ahold of the railing he sat on. “She told me I shouldn’t call you Uncle Cash anymore; she said now that you guys are kissing it’s kinda weird.”
“When did she tell you that?”
He met my gaze, almost hesitantly. “After the fair, when she came to tuck me in. She told me she wanted to keep you around, but I had to want you around, too.”
“Well, do you? Want me around?” I asked.
Stetson narrowed his eyes as he studied me. Nerves shot through my stomach while I waited for the kid to speak. I wasn’t sure why this little man was the one sending my stomach in knots, but here I was, my breathing getting very unsteady as I waited for him to finally break the silence. He had to be accepting of this just as much as we were. I suddenly wanted his approval more than anything.
And his silence was killing me.
He nodded, and the nerves settled, a breath of air leaving my lungs.
“Well, yeah. You’re fun. That’s why I’m sad I can’t go with you and mom to the rodeos. I can miss school for a few days. I’ll be good, I promise.”
I chuckled. “Stet, I have no doubt you would be. You’re an amazing little dude, but I think your mom just needs the time alone.”
“But she won’t be alone,” he grumbled.
“Okay, okay, let me rephrase this. She wants time with…” I paused, taking him in, “me.”
He made a look of disgust, which just made me chuckle. “So she can kiss you?”
Laughter broke through my throat. “I hope so.”
He scrunched his nose, shifting his weight slightly on the railing.
“Is that okay?” I asked, hesitation filling my voice. “I want to be more than friends with your mom, and that means I want you to be comfortable with it.”
“Like her boyfriend?”
“Yeah,” I huffed a small laugh, “like her boyfriend. Your mom makes me really happy; she makes me laugh, and she makes me want to be a better man. I want to keep her—and you—if you’ll both have me.”
“You want to take her to the rodeos to ask her to be your girlfriend?”
“Something like that.”
“And I’ll get to stay with Aunt Kyla?” His voice rose, and a small smirk spread across his lips. Excitement finally started to take over.
I gave him a nod.
“I guess I can stay with them, but you have to come back as my mom’s boyfriend.”
“Does that mean you’ll keep me around?”
“Yeah…I’ll keep you around.” He nudged me with his elbow, and I wrapped my arm around him, pulling him off the railing into a hug. He hugged me back, nuzzling his nose into the crook of my neck.
Not only was I falling for Abi, but I was falling for Stet too.
“Oh wait.” He pulled away from me. “I have a project in school. I need to interview someone for it. About their job and what they do. Can I interview you?”
“Sure bud, when is it due?” I looked down at him, giving his back a quick rub.
“Friday.”
I laughed, dropping him to the ground, shaking my head at the way his seven-year-old brain was working. “And you thought you could skip a few days of school.”
Me
I have you signed up for three rodeos this weekend. Saturday afternoon, Sunday evening, and Monday night. How you feeling?
Quinn
Ready. It’s been a long eight weeks.
Me
Find more and sign up. You have a lot of money to rack up.
Quinn
(Saluting emoji) Yes, sir.
Shaking my head, I tossed my phone to the bed. Shutting my laptop and tossing it to the side, I plopped down on my bed, my head hitting the pillow with a thump. The hotel’s comforter was soft against my skin, cool and welcome against the heat from my bare back. Lifting my arms I placed them over my eyes. I had left the Hartwell’s ranch shortly after Stetson interviewed me for his project, just in time to give Abi a quick kiss goodbye.
Stetson’s questions were flowing through my head.
What made you want to ride saddle bronc?
What was your childhood like?
What was your favorite part about your job?
If you could change anything about your life what would it be?
The one about my family and childhood was an easy enough answer, and the kid seemed to be excited to learn about my upbringing. Growing up a mixed race with a Black farm hand father and a Caucasian farm owners’ daughter—they were a cliché really—wasn’t easy, but my parents worked together to give me the best life possible. Because of my father, I learned skills around the farm. Because of my mother, I started riding horses. She was a breakaway roper, and my grandfather rode bronc. Their love for the rodeo only amplified it for me. Taking saddle bronc to the next level with rodeos was easy. It was a thrill. Favorite part about the job…the travel and the people I met.
What would I change?
The slight twinge of pain in my leg brought me back to that night, that ride that changed my life completely. It’s the one thing I would change…to an extent.
I don’t remember much of the ride itself; I remember drawing the horse’s name, saddling up, and grabbing the cinch as tight as I could. I nodded, and the chute opened, and the horse flew. Higher than any horse I had ridden before. It was the adrenaline I craved, and even though the horse went up, my weight shifted just the wrong way, and his back hooves slipped. He landed on his shoulder, and his entire body went limp after that, landing directly on my left side. Everything happened in slow motion from that moment on.
I swear I could still hear his spine and neck cracking.
His neck and back had broken, he died on impact, and his entire weight was on my center. I couldn’t move. I was stuck. And pain was radiating everywhere.
I could still hear the crowd release a loud ‘ooohhh’ and the announcer trying to calm them as best as possible until the emergency responders could come and lift the horse, guide him off the dirt, and then place me on the stretcher. By the time I was in the ambulance, I had lost consciousness and woke up hours later in the hospital room. Carolyn was there, and the first thing she said when I opened my eyes was, “ Well, I guess this means you’re out for the year …”
No Thank goodness you’re awake, or How are you feeling . All she was worried about was the rodeos I’d have to cancel. She didn’t grasp my hand to comfort me; she didn’t cry or give me a kiss. She just opened her phone to call my agent to cancel rodeos. No emotion from her.
The surgeries to fix my broken femur and knee kept me in the hospital for a few weeks. I rarely saw Carolyn. I did everything alone. When the physical therapy started, the slow progression I made—the two steps forward and five steps back—only proved Carolyn right. I was weak. Follow-up appointments became a monthly occurrence, and the one Carolyn decided to attend with me, changed my life forever.
So…I guess, if I could change anything but still end up right where I am, it would be to erase the fall. Erase the fall, erase the injury, but have this life.
Taking a deep breath, ignoring the pain, the slight buzz of my phone forced me to pull my arms down. I expected Quinn, but Abi’s name popped up with my notifications, and the simple text brought a smile to my face.
Abi
I hear you talked to Stetson. That was quite the bed time story.
I replied instantly, hoping she was seeing those three little dots with anticipation.
Me
I did, accidentally let it slip you were coming with me.
Abi
Accidentally huh?
Me
Well, I was telling Lachlan and he overheard.
Abi
That makes more sense. He told me I had to become your girlfriend.
Me
He basically told me I had to come back as your boyfriend.
Abi
That sounds weird…being 29, I didn’t think I’d ever have a boyfriend again.
Me
Boyfriend. I like the sound of that.
Abi
This weekend will be your trial period, I guess.
Me
Trial period!?
Abi
We’ll see how I feel after.
I laughed. Only she would say something like that. Before I could respond, the dots began to dance again.
Abi
My feelings won’t change.
I grinned.
Me
Mine never have.