34. Thirty-Four
Thirty-Four
Cash
“Let me guess,” Carolyn said, taking a single step towards me as soon as Abi was out of ear shot. “You were fucking her before the ink on our divorce papers was dry.”
“Your oldest kid is four!” I shouted. Trying to contain myself I took a step back, my hands forming into fists, looking down at my boots. Why did Abi have to leave me here? I could really use her by my side right now. But for as uncomfortable as I was, I could only imagine how Abi felt. “Four? Carolyn?” I breathed.
“Almost four,” she corrected me.
“We’ve only been divorced for three.” I shoved my hands in my pockets. Realization hit me like a ton of bricks. “That means…” I trailed off. She had been cheating.
And she was pregnant when she left me.
And I had no idea.
I must have been so distraught, so upset that I refused to see that my own wife was cheating on me. I don’t remember seeing any change to her appearance or health during that time—but then again, the only thing I was really focused on was my own grief.
I heaved a sigh. “Don’t even mention my relationship with Abi when you were fucking someone else before we even had divorce papers.” I looked up at her through my lashes, trying to swallow my anger.
She narrowed her eyes and inhaled, her hand circling her swollen belly.
“And who’s the unlucky guy?”
“Curtis Roster.”
“Roster?”
I knew the name; I knew his face. I wouldn’t consider him a friend, but he and I had gone out for drinks a few times. A bull rider. Still riding. High standings this year. He had all the girls chasing him at one point. Money. Fame. Good looks. Not broken from a riding accident. He was everything she wanted. Of course, she had gone for him, and of course he would have taken the attention. Never pegged him for a guy to steal another man’s wife, though.
“You cheated on me with Curtis Roster? Was this before or after you blocked Abi from my phone?”
Carolyn shook her head, her lips a tight line before she finally said, “I was tired of competing with her. Even when you were in that hospital bed, all you talked about was how you wished Abi would call or come see you—never mind the fact that your wife was right next to you.”
“She’d been trying to reach me before my accident.” I glanced behind her quickly, fast enough to see Curtis with a small boy on his hip, a smile on his face, coming up to us. “You blocked her way before that.”
“I don’t remember when I did that…” She hummed, no idea that her husband was coming up behind her. “But like I said, I was tired of competing.”
“There was never a competition with Abi.”
“Of course there was. It was one of the reasons why I left you.” She tilted her head, putting her hands on her hips. “Wait…does she even know the real reason why I left you?” She snarled.
The real reason? I didn’t fit into her mold anymore. I couldn’t give her what she really wanted. I could give her the money, the fame, the name in lights…and I couldn’t give her—
“Who did you leave?” Curtis’s voice came up from behind her, making her jump slightly before he kissed her cheek.
“Mama!” The young boy reached out for Carolyn. Her demeanor completely changed as she turned to her son. She bent and picked him up, giving him a quick kiss to his check.
“Me. Remember?” I tipped my hat at him. “Hey, Curtis.”
“Oh…” He stiffened. “Hey Cash.”
“Carolyn and I were married, don’t you remember? And she hated my friends, she was always creating drama where there didn’t need to be. Does she do that with you?” I wasn’t holding back with Abi anymore, so why hold back here? I swallowed, took a deep breath, and let it all out. “Carolyn was competing against one of my friends who she had no reason to compete against. But I guess I should thank you, because if she hadn’t slept with you while I was out for the count—you remember my accident, right?—I would have never found Abi again.”
Curtis blinked, his arm instinctively reaching out for Carolyn.
“Yeah, well…I…” Curtis stumbled, his eyes searching the air around him for a response.
“Curtis, baby…” Carolyn turned to her husband. “Why don’t you take Peter and Jada up to your box. I’ll be right there.”
“Isn’t this rodeo a little low grade for you Roster?”
Curtis smiled. “Nah, Cash…you know how it is. I have to get those checks, gotta rack up that prize money to get to the NFR. No rodeo is too small or too big.”
“Curtis…” Carolyn reiterated. “Here. Peter, baby go with daddy.”
Curtis reached for his son once more, kissed Carolyn and then gave me a nod.
“Good to see you, Cash.” Curtis shifted his son on his hips.
“Wish I could say the same.” I narrowed my eyes.
Curtis just stood there, a vacant expression on his face.
“Curtis.” She snapped.
“Right, right…meet you in the box.” He turned finally, leaving Carolyn and me by the trailer again.
“Well, that was awkward,” I admitted. “Did he know we were still married when you started sleeping with him?”
“Yes,” she admitted, her face whipping right back to me, her hair flying. “But he knew I was planning on leaving.”
“What happens if he gets into an accident? Bull riding is a lot more dangerous than saddle bronc.”
“He won’t,” She clipped.
“I didn’t think I would either.” I shoved my hands in my pockets. “For his sake, I hope he doesn’t. For your sake…I hope you get what you deserve.”
I turned, catching a small glance at Abi with Charming in the field behind the arena, and my heart stirred. I hated that anger was flowing through me. Anger in seeing Carolyn after years. Seeing her with kids, knowing that she created one of them while I was close to giving up.
Does she know the real reason why I left you ?
I hated that that was a reason why.
Of course she would bring that up. Twice. Stopping, I closed my eyes tightly, forcing the words not to sting. That small fact had never bothered me before now. Not that I didn’t want to have a family. I never thought I wouldn’t be able to.
My accident stopped more than my riding. The prospect of me giving any woman kids was pretty much ripped away. It wasn’t a known fact; it wasn’t a ‘Cash Callahan you can no longer have children’ type thing…but the chances of it were slim. After my surgeries, the doctors discovered what had happened and told us that little tidbit. They went into specifics, but mainly it landed on complications from the fall and injuries sustained to my body. That’s all that Carolyn heard. I couldn’t give her a baby. That made me even weaker in her eyes.
I remember when I was told. I nodded, not really caring in the moment that another surgery was needed, that medication would be added to my daily routine, because kids were so far from my radar. I wanted to ride. I wanted to compete. I remember looking at Carolyn, thinking did I even want kids with her? Did I want kids at all? If I was honest with myself, back then, the answer was a resounding no.
Now?
I wasn’t broken anymore.
I took one last glance at Carolyn as she shimmied away and then shut the trailer door, locking it from the outside. The anger still festered deep in my bones, but as she got further from me, it lessened. And the moment I started walking towards Abi, it all but evaporated.
And then it was replaced.
But not with what I wanted it to be replaced with.
Fear.
It was always more fear.
That fear would never leave me, would it?
I was certain now, especially after last night, that she was my future. I’d keep her as long as I could, but I also knew that she and Sylas planned to have a big family. They had all the S names picked out and were even planning on trying for baby number two right before he died. She wanted that family, and I would give anything to have one with her…
But would this coming to light put a damper into what we were growing together? Would it be a deal breaker for her?
I leaned against the fence to the field, watching as she led Charming in circles, the horse bobbing his head with happiness. Abi smiled and mimicked his movements slightly. I chuckled, watching her bob her head in unison, and when she stopped, he turned, nudging her with his nose. Once Abi saw me, a sweet smile spread across her lips. She tilted her head before turning back to Charming. The sun hit her just right, and she glowed.
That smile. That glow. That was my future.
I could only hope I was hers as well.