Chapter 9
I speed run my meeting as much as I can without appearing rushed. Normally, I would’ve scheduled something like this over lunch because I like having my mornings to myself. But today, I was hoping I could finish this up in time to get home and make breakfast for Liliana before she woke up.
Should’ve known she’d get up early.
Still, I’d like to get back as soon as possible. I’m looking forward to a week off from work, and getting to spend the next day with just Liliana will be nice. I could take her out to dinner, and maybe we can swim at some point. I don’t use the pool nearly as much as I want to, and she always seems to enjoy it.
At some point on my drive home, my conscience catches up with me. I’m basically planning a full-on date with Liliana for tonight. Sure, it won’t be communicated as such, but that’s what my heart wants it to be. Just the two of us at a beautiful little oceanfront restaurant with the entire evening to ourselves.
A lot could go wrong.
A lot could go right.
When I finally make it home, I find Liliana lounging by the pool and reading. She’s in the same white bikini as the other night, and I give myself a few seconds to appreciate the way she’s laid out on the chaise before I step fully into her view.
She still doesn’t notice me, seemingly too engrossed in her book, and it makes me smile. I admire her work ethic, but I’m glad she’s not taking Nate’s absence as an opportunity to work the entire time. She deserves a break.
“Have you made a decision, little star?”
She looks up. “Decision?”
“About what my next project should be.”
Her eyes widen with realization, and she closes her book and places it in her lap. “I’m still not sure. You’re making it hard to choose.”
I lower myself onto the chair next to hers. “Maybe I should make it easier.”
“And how would you do that?”
“I could…”
I could build you both.
Clearing my throat, I shed my blazer. It was fine in the air conditioning, but it’s too warm out here. “There’s a little restaurant I was thinking of heading to tonight for dinner. Would you like to come with me?”
She wrinkles her nose. “Is it a seafood restaurant?”
I chuckle. “No.”
“Then I think that sounds lovely.”
“Good. And how about a swim right now?”
Her face lights up. “Really?”
I nod. “Beach or pool?”
“Hmm.” She bites her lip, thinking. “Beach now, pool this evening?”
“Twice in one day? Are you trying to tire me out?”
“You telling me you can’t keep up?” She stands, an eyebrow raised in a challenge. “You’re not that old.”
“Hey! Forty-five isn’t old at all!”
“That’s not what you said the other day,” she teases. “Now go get your swim trunks on. I’ll grab some towels.”
Within a few minutes, we’re carrying all our stuff down to the beach. It’s windy today, so the waves are a bit bigger than normal.
“I’ve missed this,” Liliana says, tilting her face up toward the sun. The wind blows some stray hairs that didn’t make it into her messy bun. She looks beautiful like this, all relaxed and happy. “I wish we had a beach back home.”
“It definitely has its perks.” I help her lay out our towels, and then I follow her down to the water. “But you like where you live, don’t you?”
She shrugs as she takes a small step into the water. “It’s nice enough.”
“Just nice enough?”
“It’s a small city, so building a stable client base has been difficult,” she says. “I’ve managed, though. And it’s where Nate has to be for work, so it’s not like we can move. Unless…”
When she doesn’t finish, I nod in understanding. Her future with my son is far from set in stone. My mind latches onto the possibility of Liliana moving in the near future. It’s foolish to hope she’d move down here, but that’s where my thoughts end up going.
She’d have a larger pool of potential clients. And with my connections through work, I could introduce her to all the right people. She’d hit the ground running, and with how driven she is, she’d do amazingly.
“But I don’t want to think about all of that right now.” She moves into the water until it’s up to her waist. “Let’s just have fun.”
I step in next to her. The water is refreshingly cool, and Liliana sinks in until only her head is above the surface.
“I grew up near a beach,” she says. “A lake, not an ocean.”
“Up in Cape Cod, right?”
“Mmhmm. Spent summers swimming and building sandcastles. Me and my friends even won a sandcastle building contest once.”
“Really?”
“I’ll show you pictures when we get back inside. I’ve got them saved on my phone somewhere. The thing was huge.”
“From everything I’ve heard, it sounds like you had a good childhood.”
She nods, and her smile widens. “I got lucky, I think. My parents are like John and Charlotte. Still deeply in love, and their happiness affects everyone around them. I was raised in a house full of acceptance and care. My parents have always supported me in whatever I’ve decided to do, even when they don’t always think I’m making the best decisions.”
“That’s… that’s really good, Liliana.”
Regret swirls in me as I think back on Nate’s childhood. I did my best with what little time I had with him. Now, I want to help him be a better person, but he doesn’t seem to care about my advice. Come to think of it, he never has.
“My mom has never liked Nate much,” she says softly. “And she’s always been a good judge of character. Maybe… maybe I should’ve listened to her earlier on.”
“Or maybe life has led you to exactly where you’re meant to be. It’s painful as hell, I know, but…”
Her eyes lock onto mine. “But maybe something good can come from this?”
“Maybe.”
Hopefully.
She nods slowly, and a thoughtful expression settles over her features. “I don’t think—whoaaa!”
A particularly large wave takes Liliana by surprise. It knocks her into me, and the force is enough to have me stumbling back a few steps. I keep my hands firmly on her waist until she’s regained her balance.
“You all right?” I ask.
“Yeah, I’m good.” She laughs. “I guess I’m not used to swimming in the ocean anymore.”
I look out over the water. “These waves aren’t going to get any smaller.” As I say it, another one hits us. It’s not as big as the last one, but these aren’t exactly conducive to a leisurely swim.
“Hmm. Maybe ocean swimming was a bad idea,” Liliana says, trying to hide the disappointment in her tone.
“We can try again later in the week.” I pull her toward the shore, only letting go once we reach a shallow point.
“Yeah, we could try that.” Liliana gives the water one last longing glance before turning toward the beach. She still seems bummed, but then her eyes widen, and she lets out a little gasp. “Ohhh! Can we look for beach glass?”
“We can do whatever you want, little star. Don’t know how much we’ll find, though. I’ve never really looked.”
She crouches down at the water line. “I used to do it with my mom every time we went to the beach. I guess I’ve never gotten over the thrill of it, you know? I have a huge jar at home that I add to whenever I have the chance to find a new piece.”
Lowering myself down next to her, I peer at the sand. “That’s sweet.”
“I know it’s silly, especially since it just sits in a jar, but I think it’s so pret—”
My hand covers hers where she’s sifting through the sand. “I don’t think it’s silly, Liliana. Lori loves collecting beach glass, too. It’s a fun hobby.”
She doesn’t respond, her gaze fixed on where we’re touching. When I rub my thumb against the back of her hand, her lips part, and she lets out a small, regretful sigh. Her hand slips from underneath mine, and she continues digging through the sand.
“I like Lori,” she says quietly. “I… like all your friends.”
“I’m glad. They like you, too.”
For some reason, that makes her frown. She turns away from me and starts digging through the sand again. I help her look for beach glass, but all I find is plastic and some pretty seashells.
It takes a few minutes, but then Liliana gasps in triumph. She holds up a piece of scuffed green glass no larger than a penny. “Look!”
“Nice.” I peer at it, nodding as I take in the smoothed edges. Lori accidentally cut herself on a piece that was still too fresh, and I don’t want Liliana to do the same thing. “I’m sure it’ll look great in your collection back home.”
“Y-yeah.” Stooping down, Liliana rinses the piece off in the water, and then she wraps herself up in her towel.
“Do you want to head in?” I ask. “The wind is picking up.”
She doesn’t meet my eyes. “Probably a good idea. I’m getting kinda hungry, too. We should figure out lunch soon.”
“I’ve got stuff for sandwiches. Oh, and you’ve still got some of your peanut butter dip.”
She nods, silently staring at the ground while I grab my towel. While we make our way back to the house, she keeps more distance between us than normal. I want to reach out and touch her—brush my fingers down her back, hold her hand—but I don’t. And while part of me resents the space she’s putting between us, the rest of me knows it’s for the best.
. . .
At dinner, Liliana wears one of the other dresses I bought her. This one is navy blue and hugs her waist before gently flaring out at her hips. Her makeup is done impeccably, and if I’m not mistaken, she’s wearing the lipstick I snuck up to the checkout counter the other day.
Liliana is fidgety while we wait for our food. She checks her phone three times in fifteen minutes before finally turning it over so the screen is facing the table.
“The view is nice,” she says, her voice tight.
“Thought you’d like it.”
The water sparkles with sunlight, and the few sailboats out paint a picturesque scene. I’ve never been one to enjoy being on a boat—too windy, not enough shade—but I think they look nice from a distance.
“And… this place is lovely.” Liliana glances around the restaurant, nodding to the displays of local artists’ works on the walls. She twists one of her tiny rings around her finger.
“Liliana,” I say gently, and when her eyes snap to mine, I give her a sad smile. “You’re thinking of him, aren’t you?”
“I texted him after lunch, and he’s seen it but hasn’t responded. I know he’s busy, but after the way he left…” She shakes her head. “This is a new low, even for him.”
“I’m sorry. I know things are… complicated.”
“Maybe they shouldn’t be.” There’s an undercurrent of bitterness in her words, but also hope. The same thoughtfulness that was on her face earlier when we were swimming is back.
“What do you mean by that?”
“I mean that…” She shakes her head. “I don’t know.”
“That’s all right, you know. You’re allowed to take your time making a decision.”
At that, her gaze flits to me. She takes in my face, her gaze settling on my mouth for far longer than is appropriate. When I smirk, her cheeks flush, and she takes a long sip of her wine.
“I don’t want to take my time,” she admits eventually.
“Oh?”
“I feel like I’m stuck in some sort of weird limbo. I don’t like it. And I know I deserve better than this, but I’m too scared to let go.”
“Why?”
“Because Nate is… he’s safe. From an outside perspective, we have it all. And… god, I know how this sounds, okay? But I’ve gotten used to the way he treats me. And uprooting my entire life without knowing where I’d go… how things would turn out… that’s really scary.”
“Is that what you want, Liliana? To be with someone who treats you like shit?”
“Well, no, but—” She cuts herself off, and her shoulders droop. “So you do think I’m being naive. God, I knew it.”
“I never said that.”
“You don’t have to say it. It’s obvious. You—”
“Little star.” I cover her hand with mine on the table, and this time, she doesn’t pull away. “We all get a little lost sometimes, myself included. This is a hard decision, and there are a lot of what ifs to take into account. So no, I don’t think you’re stupid.”
“Do you think he deserves it?”
“Deserves what?”
“Another chance,” she whispers, her eyes wide.
“He’s my son,” I say slowly, watching as Liliana deflates even further, but I’m not done yet. “I should be on his side, but… no. No, I don’t think he deserves it.”
“Oh.” She sounds surprised, but she recovers quickly as our waiter brings us our food. Once they’re gone, she risks a glance up at me. “I didn’t think you’d say that.”
“I can’t lie, it’s selfish on my part. But even after I set my personal feelings aside, I still don’t think he deserves a second chance, and you definitely don’t owe him one.”
“Selfish,” she echoes, her voice quiet and thoughtful. She toys with the dainty star necklace that Lori gave her yesterday, and I realize she painted her fingernails with a burgundy polish.
“That’s right. Incredibly, undeniably, shamelessly selfish.” It feels like baring my soul to her, and in a way it is, but one of us has to. I have no qualms about it being me.
She watches me for a few more seconds before she leans forward ever so slightly. “Tell me about your life here. Please?”
“It’s quiet,” I tell her. “And I like quiet. I have my work, although with the amount of money I’m making, I could retire at any point. I’ve toyed around with the thought, but I haven’t yet because I’m worried I’ll get too…”
“Lonely?” she says softly.
It feels shameful to admit, but I nod anyway. I’m surrounded by friends who’d do just about anything for me, and I have a deeper connection with them that I ever had with my ex-wife. But still, there’s a line drawn—they’re friends. Only friends.
I still wake up alone every morning. My house is beautiful but empty. And if I didn’t have work to escape from it, I think it would eventually drive me mad.
Liliana pulls her hand away from where I’m still holding it, and a physical pain shoots through me. But then she lays her hand on top of mine, her touch warm and comforting.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “It… can be painful.”
“It can be, but I keep myself busy. Working on the house, going out with friends, taking the occasional trip. Overall, I’m happy. Although it’s been much better since you got here.”
Her smile is bashful, but I don’t miss the delight shining in her eyes.
“There’s a lot to do around here,” I tell her. “Beaches, bars, amusement parks, clubs, museums, shopping… it’s a good area. Oh, and there’s this really nice wine tasting tour that I think you’d like. I went on it a few years ago with Char and John.”
“Yeah?”
I nod. “I’ll have to be more careful this time, though. I got pretty drunk last time. Wasn’t really keeping track since I wasn’t having much of any particular wine, but it all adds up fast. Apparently, I said some pretty funny things. Ask Char about it sometime.”
She laughs. “I’ll have to.”
From there, dinner goes much more smoothly. Liliana seems to loosen up, and she doesn’t let go of my hand until we finally start eating. I continue to tell her about life in Florida, hoping I don’t sound like a sleazy salesman. It’s difficult to do, considering the future I’ve wanted for longer than I care to admit feels just out of reach.
Liliana listens intently, never taking her eyes off me. I can’t deny that we’re moving closer to forbidden territory, flirting with a line that shouldn’t be crossed. The problem is, with every laugh I pull out of her, every warm smile she tosses my way, I’m finding that I care less and less.
By the time we’re home from dinner, it’s late. We were both so engrossed in our conversation that we lost track of time. I felt bad for taking up our waiter’s table for so long, but I gave an extra large tip to try and make up for it.
Inside, Liliana meanders across the living room and peers out the windows. The palm trees are swaying violently, and we can hear the wind whipping around the house.
“Think it’s too bad out there for a swim?” she asks.
“Definitely.”
“Maybe tomorrow?”
I frown. “It looks like we’re going to get a nasty storm overnight, and it’ll probably carry over into the morning. But we’ll find the time for it before you leave. I promise.”
“Thank you.” She turns to face me. “Dinner was… really nice.”
“I had a wonderful time with you, little star.”
Liliana takes a small step toward me, and I think she’s about to take another, but then she stops. I use the hesitation to take her in. She fits here, in my home. Dressed up or only in shorts and a tank top, I don’t care. She was made for this place.
Or maybe it’s the other way around.
“That dress is a good color on you, by the way. Meant to say that earlier. You look beautiful.”
Stunning. Irresistible. My damnation.
With a small smile, she tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She’s always gotten bashful when receiving compliments, and while I wish she’d accept them—own them—I can’t deny that it’s cute.
Again, Liliana’s gaze drops to my mouth. She’s still frozen in place, unable to make up her mind. When I move forward, she licks her lips.
Wild thoughts fill my head. Selfish ones. Depraved ones. Right ones, possibly. I could take her upstairs, kiss her until she’s panting, and then take my time undressing her. Make her wait, get her all worked up—and then give her everything she’d beg me for. My son would never be the wiser. He’d—
Goddammit. What am I thinking?
Liliana places her hands on my chest, and I realize she’s closed the distance between us. “Marcus—”
“It’s late,” I say quickly. If I stay down here with her for another minute, I’m going to lose control. “We should… I didn’t sleep well last night. I should go to bed.”
The hope on Liliana’s expression dies, and she nods silently and turns toward the stairs. My eyes fall to her legs—the curve of her calves, the smoothness of her skin—and I just about lose my fucking mind.
I walk Liliana to her bedroom door. I shouldn’t, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t force myself to operate using common sense. So when she turns to face me, I’m right behind her. And when she tips her chin up to look at me, our faces are mere inches apart.
For a few seconds, she doesn’t say anything, just looks at me. Maybe she’s waiting. To find the courage, for me to do the same, for fate to push us together.
It’s undeniable at this point, what we feel for each other. We’ve danced around saying the words aloud, like that changes things. Like it makes me want to kiss her any less—because I do.
I want to kiss my son’s girlfriend.
She’s nonnegotiably off-limits, and all I can think about in this moment is how badly I want to press my lips to hers. To do more—much more—than that.
Unable to stop myself, I brush the backs of my knuckles up her jawbone before gripping the doorframe above her head. This close, I can see the light dusting of freckles across her cheeks and nose, barely visible underneath her makeup.
“Go to bed, Liliana,” I whisper.
She tilts her head, those warm brown eyes of hers boring into mine. “I didn’t understand why you call me by my full name. Still don’t, but… I like it. It makes me feel pretty.”
It was an attempt to put distance between us. One that, up until this week, worked.
“Liliana, if you don’t go insi—”
Her phone dings, startling us both. She glances down at the glowing screen, and just like that, the moment is broken. I step back, smoothing my shirt and clearing my throat.
“It’s… Nate.”
“He having a good time?”
“Didn’t say.” She glances into her bedroom. “Thank you for tonight. For… everything.”
I work my jaw, willing myself to stay put. “Goodnight, Liliana.”
“Goodnight, Marcus.”
Once she’s stepped into her bedroom and closed her door, I release a long, slow breath. We may have said goodnight, but with her under my roof, there’s no way I’m getting a wink of sleep tonight.