Chapter 20 - Jett
Chapter twenty
Jett
Replay.
Replay.
Replay.
This can't be.
I watch it again and again. Each time I hit replay, the ache of panic and the rush of anger that causes my chest to ache grow even stronger.
I swipe out of the app and go to my contacts, dialing the number before thinking better of it.
Making my way out of the spare bedroom, I roll my eyes, looking over the stranger lying in the bed. I don't even remember this one's name.
It rings a few times before the voice on the other end echoes through the speaker.
"Uhh, bro. You'd better be dying or something. It's three in the fucking morning," Kasten's groggy voice comes through the speaker.
"You need to check on her. NOW!" I slur, my words blurred together. Barely audible. Drinking the way I have been will do that to you.
"Bro," he sighs. "What are you talking about? What the fuck is going on? Is she okay?"
"Her friend, Hannah, posted a video on Instagram fifteen minutes ago…
" I clear my throat, trying not to sound as drunk as I am.
My words come out so forced that I'm unsure if they're even coherent.
"She's clearly wasted, Kasten. In the video, she's dancing on the bar top, and the guys sitting around the bar are feeling her up.
At the end, she falls, passes out, and before the camera cuts out, some pervert tries to lift her skirt. "
"Jett." Kasten lets out another deep sigh. "I’m going to check on her and see what’s going on, but she doesn't sound like the only one who's drunk. Didn't we talk about this recently, man? You need to slow down with the drinking. I'm more worried about you."
My hands flex, clenching into fists that he can’t see. "I don't give a fuck about me!"
"But I do, and you still watching her and her friends' socials isn't healthy. Come on, man. It's been long enough."
"Fuck off!" I growl. "I didn't call for a damn therapy session, Dr. Landry."
“I don’t give a shit what you called for. You’re my best friend, you’re going to get the therapy session because I care about you. Now let me go so I can call and check on–"
"Jett, is everything okay? I heard someone shouting, and it startled me.
" The stranger's voice rings out from down the hall.
The short, petite blonde turns the corner and comes into view.
She's wearing nothing but one of my flannel shirts, unbuttoned, with her smaller, perfectly perky tits on full display.
Any man would think she's a stunner. All I can think is that she looks close enough, but she'll never be her.
What the hell is this chick's name?
"Seriously, dude? You're stressing over Iz while you have another girl with you?" Kasten asks dryly.
"I'm always stressing over her, Kas!” I shout, a little louder than intended, and my voice cracks. “You know this."
"I know, bro. I just think it's time that you—"
"Just fucking check on her, Kas,” I demand, not leaving any room for arguments. My chest is aching with the worry that’s consuming me. I wish I could check on her myself. “She might be hurt. That's all I'm asking for. Okay?"
He sighs, "Okay," and I end the call.
"Come back to bed, baby." Hot little wanna-be Izzy calls out in a seductive voice with a wink.
What is her fucking name? Doesn’t matter.
"I’m not tired," I deadpan, emotionless, making my way to the liquor cabinet and pouring myself another.
The drink hits strong, and before I know it, I’m still awake, the girl has left, and it’s time to start my day.
Another day that feels hollow, just like all the ones that came before. Except, after watching that video last night, my nerves are unsettled. My mind is filled with thoughts of her and the relentless, never-dulling ache in my chest is on full blast.
It’s a little after nine in the morning when my phone buzzes and Kasten’s name appears on the screen.
“Mark, take over, I’ll be right back,” I say, stepping away, hitting accept on the call. “Is she okay?”
“Hello to you, too, Sunshine,” Kasten teases.
“Yeah, hey. Now is she–”
“She’s alright. Well, she didn’t answer my calls, but Via did. And she said Izzy is okay. Still passed out from being drunk, but she’s home safe.”
“Good.” I nod to no one, relief hitting me like a fucking freight train.
“Look, man,” he says hesitantly. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m worried about you.”
“I know.”
“Well, if you know, then you know this isn’t good for you. I love that you love my sister, but I hate what it’s doing to you.”
“Yeah, I’m just glad she’s okay.”
“What about you?” Kasten asks in that no-bullshit tone he tries to pull from time to time.
“What about me?” I scoff, trying to hide my sudden frustration. I know exactly where he’s trying to take this, and I don’t want to go there.
“Don’t be a smart ass.”
“I’m being serious. What about me, Kas? Am I over her? Never. Am I good? Nah, not really. But am I surviving? Yeah. What more do you want from me?”
He stays silent for a few seconds, then lets out a sigh. “I don’t know, man. More than this, that’s for sure. I want more for my best friend than this.”
More.
I want more, too. I want her, but I’ve accepted our fate. I just can’t seem to let her go.
Maybe it’s time to.
She’s off, living her life. I’m probably not even a thought on her mind anymore. Meanwhile, she still plagues mine.
What the hell am I doing?
I’m allowing myself to be crippled by the memories of what was. Hell, by the memories of what never started, because she never allowed us to be.
“I don’t know, maybe you’re right,” I say, surprising myself.
“Right about what?” Kasten asks, sounding just as surprised as I feel.
“Maybe it’s time I let her go. I mean, it’s been years. I’m holding on to something she never even wanted, and the only one suffering seems to be me.” I’m unsure if it’s me who’s speaking or the alcohol still pumping through my veins, but the words feel like poison.
The idea of just giving up and letting go of all I know we’re meant to be... It doesn’t feel right. Necessary, maybe. But right? Never.
Kasten doesn’t speak—just clears his throat. Something about the sound tells me he knows more than he’ll ever say, but I won’t push him. After all, it’s his sister we’re talking about. I’m not trying to put him in some weird position.
“Anyways, thanks for letting me know she’s safe,” I say, ending the call before he can get another word in, and this conversation turns any more awkward than it already is.
Thoughts swarm my mind. Thoughts of how she’s probably moved on by now, and how I honestly should too… Then, there’s the thought of her opening up her heart to someone who isn’t me. That’s the one that stabs me right in the fucking chest.
Who the fuck am I kidding?
I can’t let her go.
I just can’t.