Chapter 21 - Izzy
Chapter twenty-one
Izzy
"Fuck no, Hannah. I'm not going back out again for a while. My head is still pounding."
"But girl, you made so many tips last night, and you weren’t even on the clock, even with the passing out incident. It was like sympathy tips," she says, feeling way too proud of herself for thinking she said something funny.
"Well, I don't remember a fucking thing, and I don't like it."
"Let me summarize for you: Chris said you threw a drink in some guy's face for ordering you a vodka tonic.
" She giggles like it's the funniest thing she's ever heard.
"Matt played your song, and you put on your typical Thursday-night skit to get tips on your night off.
It worked. You fell, but got a shit ton more money for it, and some hot blonde guy, the guy Chris said you threw the drink at, carried you to his car, insisting on driving us home.
We had a fucking blast. Now, get dressed. "
"Hold the fuck up..." I throw the blanket off my face and shoot daggers her way with my glare. "I passed out drunk, and you let some strange guy drive me home? So now, someone I apparently threw a drink at, whom I don't remember to save my life, now knows where I live?"
Hannah shifts on her feet. "W-well… when you say it like that, it sounds bad. It wasn't bad, Izzy. It was a fun night!"
"Hannah, I'm going to say this kindly. Please get the fuck out," I grumble, lying back down and pulling the covers over my face. “And please never come back.”
Hannah huffs and leaves my room without another objection.
Once I hear the front door close, I take that as the all-clear.
Pulling myself out of bed for the first time today, other than to use the restroom, I head to the kitchen for a cold bottle of water. Turning the corner, I'm met with the kind eyes of my best friend.
"I do not like her," Via mumbles.
"Yeah, V. Me either," I say softly, walking up to her, giving her a hug, and nuzzling my head on her shoulder.
She snorts, pulling her head back to look at me. "Then why the hell do you keep hanging out with her?"
I sigh, pulling away and walking to the fridge for my water. "I won’t anymore. I'm done. I need to get my shit together."
"Yeah, you do," she says sternly, and my eyes flash to hers in question. "What? You would have had a come-to-Jesus talk with me long ago if the roles had been reversed. Why the hell can't I have one with you?"
"Touche', Mom," I snark sarcastically.
Via rolls her eyes and shakes her head, clearly not backing down. "I'm worried about you. Some fucking stranger was in here last night and carried you to bed.”
“I’ve had guys over here before. They were basically strangers, too,” I say, shrugging, trying my best to make light of it. I hate that my choices made her uneasy.
Via crosses her arms, her brows furrowing.
“Yeah, and you made them leave before they fell asleep here.
This time was different, Iz. You were fucking unconscious.
I asked Hannah who he was, and she said some guy you threw a drink on at the club.
Then, she proceeds to say how you're 'Insta famous' now for your crash out on the bar top. I mean, what the fuck, Iz!?"
I take a moment to process everything, and the memories slowly come back to me.
Our chat. His lack of game. He denied me what I wanted.
Me, getting pissed. He called me dangerous, just like Jett did a few years back.
The memories of Jett that came flooding in.
The memory of our baby we will never get to know.
The heartache that I can't seem to run from swarming me instantly.
Throwing a drink in the guy's face. Dancing on the bar, like I usually do.
Bending over to give a tiny peep show, only to meet the eyes of…
Beautiful, bright blue eyes.
As shit-faced as I was, I remember almost everything, including how he made me feel and how it reminded me of… someone else. So, I focus harder, trying to remember more—everything I can about him.
His strangely familiar voice. The way I both loved and hated his ‘game.’ The way he made me laugh. A head of thick, blonde hair. Those piercing blue eyes again. But that’s where it ends, the rest of his face a blur. Why can't I remember what he looks like?
"Wh-what did the guy look like?" I stammer, still trying to wrack my brain.
Via huffs, visibly confused. "Everything I just told you, and that's what you're worried about?"
With a sigh, I relent and shake my head.
It doesn't matter anyway. I just hate that I got so wasted that my memory was affected.
“Wait, what do you mean I’m insta-famous?” I ask abruptly, as if the words finally clicked in my mind.
“Oh, Iz. You don’t want to know,” Via says, averting her gaze.
“Oh, Via, I do.”
“Hannah posted a video of you on Instagram. It... It isn’t great.” She tries to reassure me by quickly adding, “But it’s okay.”
“Of-fucking-course she did!” I shout, running to grab my phone. Opening Instagram, I’m met with instant horror.
My eyes catch a blur of blonde hair rush to my side. That’s what I focus on, hoping I can—
Still, I can’t make out the guy's face in the video. Damnit.
Why am I even worried about that? Maybe because my entire life and I are currently a fucking dumpster fire, and I need to get my shit together. Just like I said to Via.
Via…
Fuck.
That’s it. I’m done. I need to slow down on the drinking. Not only did I put myself in danger, but a stranger came into our home. Via could have been put in danger, as well. I can’t have that. She deserves better from me.
It’s time for me to focus on my life. On my future. Isn’t that one of the main reasons we’re in Arkansas to begin with?
Yes. Fuck yes.
The next few days go by in a blur. I’m now known on campus as the “bar slut,” and I couldn’t care any less.
I’ve never been one to let others' opinions of who I am affect me. What affects me is that Hannah thought she was doing me a “favor” by posting that video. Forcing her to take it down wasn’t easy, but she finally complied.
Fuck her, and fuck this life I’m currently leading.
I hate what I've become.
I can change some of what I hate. The drinking. The partying. Bringing men to the house.
But changing the deepest parts of my hatred? The parts I fear and am constantly running from?
Changing those parts of me means facing my demons, and I'm not sure that's something I'm ready or willing to do.