Chapter 47 Maverick
Chapter forty-seven
Maverick
"Fuck yeah, baby, just like that." My words come out rushed as Izzy bounces on top of me on my bed, sliding up and down my length. Her hands claw marks into my chest as she grabs on for support. The tinge of pain feels so sweet, mixed with the delicious sensation of her movements.
Lately, this is the only time we aren't arguing.
She's been distant for so long at this point. It all started on the Thanksgiving we spent at the Cole Ranch and has progressively gotten worse. However, after our date at Studio Drip, things between us started improving. Then came the wedding, and it’s like a fucking switch flipped.
We started arguing every damn day. Her mind is everywhere else but where it should be when we're together. I don't think she knows that I notice, but of course I do. She's changed.
I know it has a lot to do with me wanting more, wanting to take the next steps with our relationship. What does she expect? How could I not want more with her? Where she's fine with things the way they are, I'm not anymore. I want her. All of her. All the time.
I look up at her, in her element on top of me. She's so fucking stunning. Just the sight of this woman makes my heart flutter. She's everything to me.
"Grab my boobs," she demands breathlessly, her tone firm, leaving no room for argument.
"Always so bossy," I say seductively. Starting at her hips, I let just the tips of my fingertips lightly graze across her skin as they make their way to her chest. Once I get to her perfect tits bouncing freely with each roll of her hips, I grab them, gently massaging and pinching her nipples every so often.
"Mmm," she moans out as her head tips back.
We've been exclusive for two and a half years, and Izzy has still never let me take control.
The second I try to, she's right back, taking charge.
I'd be a liar if I said it didn't turn me the fuck on. However, sometimes I wish she would trust me enough to switch roles. I hate that she still doesn’t, and I want to know why.
"Now, play with my clit while I ride your dick. Rub it while I take you all the way." Her words come out choppy, and I know she's close. I want to see her come apart while she's wrapped around me.
Following her directions, I travel one hand back down her body slowly. Once I get to her clit I rub firm circular motions with my thumb.
"Ahh. Fuck yeah, just like that. You listen so well, Mav."
Damn.
"Fucking kiss me." The demand leaves my mouth before I can stop it. A second later, her movements halt, and she's pushing my hand away. "Iz—"
"No, don't."
Like it seems to do lately, my frustration spikes, sensing the pending argument. Still, I keep my voice even. "Izzy, you haven't kissed me, I mean, truly kissed me, in two years. I don't understand.”
“That’s not true, and you know it.”
“It’s mostly true. Sure, you give me a peck every now and then, but it’s just to keep me somewhat happy, right?”
She sighs, frowning. “No, Mav.” She sounds exasperated as she climbs off of me and quickly slips into her clothes before I have the chance to protest.
I sit up, eyeing her. “Believe it or not, Iz, you’ve always been a shit liar.
We used to be two steps forward, one step back, and I was okay with that.
But now, it's like we've gone completely backwards.
You'll fuck me, but you won't kiss me. Again.
You admitted one time, in the middle of an argument, that you love me, yet you won't say it again.
Hell, you won't even let me introduce you as my girlfriend, much less admit that you are. "
"I am so tired of this fight, Mav."
"It doesn't have to be a fight, baby. You can talk to me. I've known since we first started—since that first time in my truck when you had to be in control—that you had some issues, but—"
"ISSUES!?" she shouts angrily, cutting me off before I can finish.
Fuck. I scrub a hand over my face. "Shit, that was a poor choice of words. I just meant—"
"I heard exactly what you meant, loud and clear," she huffs and storms for the door.
Hurrying off the bed, I pull up my boxers and rush after her. Standing between her and the door, I hold my hands out toward her.
"Iz, come on, baby. I just don't get what's happening. I'm trying to build a life with you, and you're trying to pull away from me. I don't understand any of it." I drop my hands, taking a breath. “Do you even love me anymore? Do you even want to be with me?”
Her resolve fades, and it's then, right there, that I see the sadness etched into her features.
"I do love you, Maverick,” she whispers. “I do. It's me. I just don't deserve your love. I've been telling you this. You won't listen."
Just like that, my frustration surges past my hold. "What the hell does that even mean, Iz?! You won’t explain it to me! Don’t you think I’m the one who should decide whether you’re deserving of my love?! It’s my fucking choice to make!”
Chest heaving, I wait for her answer. Her mouth opens, and my hope grows that she’ll finally fucking let me in. But just as quickly, her lips press into a thin line, jaw clenching.
I wait one more goddamn moment before I let out a sigh.
“What do you need from me, Izzy? I've done everything I can think of to fix this with you, and nothing is working.
We don't have to move in together if you truly aren't ready, but what I'm not okay with is going backward. So again, what do you fucking need?"
"Space!" she finally shouts. "I need fucking space to work through my thoughts!"
Ouch.
My head shakes in both hurt and disbelief…
and anger. I’ve held this in for so long, every emotion is boiling to the surface.
"Be fucking for real, Izzy. I have done nothing but respect your space.
You didn't want to move fast. I respected that.
You needed things to be a certain way. I respected that.
You pull away from me while I'm trying to build a life with you.
I don't understand it, but okay. You won't let me in or trust me enough to give me the opportunity to understand. Yet, I still try to respect it.”
“Yes, and I appreciate that.”
“Appreciate?” I say, scoffing bitterly. “Glad to know I’m appreciated.”
She scoffs back, splaying her arms. “I told you what to expect from the beginning. You’ve been fine with it until now. What fucking changed?”
“I want more, Iz! I don’t want to be fucking appreciated, I want to be loved.
I want to be let in. I want to be respected.
” Heat pricks the back of my eyes, but I don’t give in.
Still, my voice betrays me when I choke out, “I’ve spent years being patient, waiting for you to at least meet me halfway. But I don't know if I can anymore."
She pauses, breathing fast as she looks me over.
I can see the surprise in her eyes. I don't typically push when it comes to her.
I let her take the lead. She doesn't open up, but I know pain when I see it.
She wears it well, but it is undeniably there.
I never want to force her to give more than she's capable of.
Yet, I'm tired of settling for less than crumbs.
"What does that mean, Mav?" she asks, her tone firm and commanding.
Braving a step closer, I say, "It means you need to decide if you want this with me. I can't just be dragged along if you don't. I know who I fell in love with, and I know when she's hurting. You're struggling, baby, and it kills me that I have no idea why."
"I do want to be with you; it's just—"
"It's what, Iz!?" I speak the words louder, my voice rising again.
"It's just a lot." Her words come out low, and a look of defeat fills her face and posture. Immediately, my head cools—I fucking did that.
One more step, and I pull her into a hug. Her body responds, melting into me. "If you need space, then take it. If you need time to think, go for it. Figure out whatever the fuck it is that you're struggling with. But when you come back to me, I need the woman I fell in love with."
With that, I release her, turn around, pull on the rest of my clothes, and walk out to my truck without another word. A few minutes later, she joins me, and we spend the drive to take her home in complete silence.
I love this woman to the ends of the earth, but it's time I love myself, too.
She’s hiding her heart. I’ve known this for a while now. It’s the why I can’t seem to figure out.