Chapter 56
Chapter fifty-six
Izzy
"What the hell, Izzy?" Maverick hisses out as he hops out of his truck.
"Maverick, what are you doing here?" I ask, still trying to catch my breath.
He scoffs with a laugh that holds no trace of humor in it. "Seriously? The better question is, what the fuck did I just witness?" He raises his voice slightly but isn't quite yelling. However, anger is rolling off him like a wave crashing in on me at full force.
"I… I-I can—"
Jett's hand protectively grips my shoulder as he stands firmly beside me, saying for me, "She was having a panic attack. I was helping her through it."
"Hm," Maverick says, scoffing again. "You haven't been normal for two fucking years.
Then, you ask me for a break and space. I came here because I can't be without you, and I want to work through this.
Only, I find you in the arms of another man.
And, not just any man. No. But the same man that tore–"
“Enough,” Jett interrupts, his tone even but threatening, not leaving any room for debate.
Shaking his head, Maverick runs a hand through his hair, his frustration apparent. "Is he the reason?" he asks firmly, turning to me.
I can't respond. I can't keep up the lies. Not when they're facing me head-on. My stupid overflowing box of secrets is bursting at the seams, unraveling with each passing second.
I feel Jett stiffen beside me before he says, "Look, dude, you can be pissed, but you're going to be pissed with me, not her. I'm the one who kissed her—"
Oh. Fuck. Me.
"I-I'm sorry, what?" Maverick asks, leaning in.
Damnit. And to think, I thought I was having a panic attack before. Now it’s turning into a panic war.
Spinning, I turn to face Jett. "Can you give us a minute?" My voice is soft yet firm.
He looks at Maverick, taking a moment to realize his look of surprise, and realizes what he’s just done. Jett throws Maverick a scowl, nods to me, and walks to the porch without another word.
"You kissed him?" Mav asks, his voice void of any anger. All that's left is hurt.
I nod. "Yes."
“Fucking when, Izzy?” When I say nothing, he adds, “For once in your life, will you stop being a coward and just talk to me?!”
Coward… No one’s ever called me that, except myself. Hearing someone else say it is like a slap to the face.
“I deserve the truth,” Maverick rasps, but still I can’t speak. “Again, WHEN? Just fucking say it!”
“T-Thanksgiving. Two years ago.” The words come like poison, quick and lethal.
Maverick’s face falls, mouth tightening. “Is that why you've been so distant? You, what, want him instead of me?"
“No, it isn't like that," I say, attempting to keep my voice even, but I'm failing.
"Then what is it like, Iz? Two fucking years ago? You’ve been keeping this from me for two years!? Do you not know me at all? You could have told me. Instead, you retreat and give me a shell of the woman I fell in love with."
Ouch. I deserve that.
"I've made my stance on our relationship more than obvious. But if I'm fighting for nothing, you could do me the courtesy of letting me know." Maverick's words come out strained, and I can hear the pain so clear in his tone. My heart breaks a little more knowing what all of this is doing to him.
With a sigh, I tread over to him. Wrapping my arms around him in a hug, which he doesn’t return. Even though it breaks my heart, I speak up. "It's not for nothing. I love you, too. So much. I'm just... I'm still figuring things out."
He scoffs. “After years together, still figuring things out?”
“I know it doesn’t make sense, but—”
"Does it have to do with him?" he asks, pushing distance between us, but his hands never leave my shoulders.
"Yes and no. It's not that simple."
Releasing me from his grasp, his sad eyes meet mine. "Make it that simple, Izzy. Tell me."
Shaking my head, a lone tear releases itself and makes its way down my cheek.
This is happening. There’s no escaping this conversation I’ve somehow managed to avoid for this long.
“I love you both!” I shout, louder than I intend.
Maverick blinks, taking a step back. “You what? Come again?” His features fall, and so does my heart.
"You're my now, Mav. He's my past. And somehow, I find myself loving you both.
And it isn't fair. It isn't fair to anyone, especially you, because I know I'm not giving you what you deserve." The words flow out of me before I can stop them. As soon as they do—as soon as I’m met with the look of betrayal and hurt on Maverick’s handsome face—I wish I could take each of them back.
I can’t.
I’ve spoken my truth. It may be a hard pill to swallow, but it’s out there.
Now, there are no more lies. No more hiding from how I feel. No more pretending.
Yet, somehow, even if I feel lighter, even if I feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted off my chest, I don’t feel any better.
No, I feel worse.