Chapter 57
Chapter fifty-seven
Maverick
"You're damn right about one thing. You aren't giving me what I deserve!" I pause, taking a breath to calm myself.
Scoffing, feeling completely disgusted with the situation, I continue, "What I deserve is someone who knows me.
Someone who knows they can turn to me with anything.
Even the hard things. Especially the hard things.
I deserve someone who will be honest with me.
" My words come out rushed, sorting out every thought that's racing through my mind.
I've spent the past two years trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, causing her to pull away from me. I came to find out that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her. And it fucking hurt the whole time. I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t think about breaking it off every now and then because of the pain.
But then I’d remember how much I love her.
Through my disappointment, I say, "I have done nothing but love you the best way I know how, and you've done nothing but give me every reason not to." The anger has faded, and I'm just left with hurt.
"Mav, listen—"
"No, you listen. I am always listening. For once, I need you to hear me. I'm more hurt that you felt like you couldn't come to me than I am at the fact that it happened. You chose to keep that from me—"
"How could I tell you?" Izzy asks, the words coming out breathlessly as she cuts me off.
"You know, Iz. That, right there, is our biggest problem." My words are harsh as I fight to control my emotions. "I know who I fell in love with, but do you? Can you say the same? Do you even know me at all?"
She steps back as if my words slice through her like a freshly sharpened blade.
"What do you mean, Maverick!?" Izzy's voice is loud, and she's nearly shouting at me.
Confusion etches into her features, her eyes going wide, like the night we met again at that shitty bar in Arkansas when I pulled her barstool close to mine.
The night I fell for her, and never wanted to let her go.
It’s then that I remember every reason I love this woman.
Taking a calming breath, I center myself. I step to her, pulling her into me, cradling her face in my hands, and look directly into her eyes.
"If you had told me, I would have understood.
"I keep my voice and tone low even as I speak.
"I know you, Iz. I know damn well that I fell in love with a woman who has a free spirit.
You aren't meant to be tamed; I'm not trying to do that.
Being together isn't intended to hold you back from living your life and making your own choices.
So yes." I pause as she leans into the soft touch of my hands.
"I love you enough that I would have understood.
There would have been nothing to forgive.
You aren't mine to control, Izzy. Only mine to love. "
She lets out a low whimper as she processes my words, and a tear falls from her eyes. A tear that I quickly wipe away.
"I'm so disappointed you don't know my heart well enough to already know this about me," I say, my words choppy as emotion overtakes me.
"What matters and has always mattered to me is that at the end of the day, you know you can come to me with anything. Tell me anything, and trust that I’ll stand by your side, just like I trust you to do the same.
That is the kind of trust I need, and I thought we had, but now I'm not so sure. "
"Mav, I—"
"Don't. Please don't speak. Not right now. I need time to think." I release her face and step back. She does as I ask and doesn't speak; she only nods softly. “When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be waiting.”
I turn back toward my truck, hopping in and pulling out.
I need to clear my head.
Their kiss, I could have easily gotten past. It's the lies, the not knowing, the keeping things from me that hurts.
When it comes to her, I know damn well things will never be easy. And easy isn’t what I signed up for. But damnit, did I really want something this difficult? It’s like a constant game of push and pull, and I don’t know if I have the fight left in me.
Love is tricky. It's like jumping off a cliff; you can choose to enjoy the free fall or let the lack of control make you panic. When it comes to Izzy, enjoying the free fall has always been my choice. But, the thing is… I don’t know what waits for me at the bottom.