Chapter 58
Chapter fifty-eight
Izzy
As Maverick’s truck pulls out of the gravel driveway, I’m left standing in the dust. How ironic; left in the dust, just as I deserve.
Maverick is right. He’s accepted me for who and how I am, never expecting or pressuring me for more than I’m willing to give. He would have done his best to understand had I been honest.
Instead, I did what I do best and hid away the truth.
Running a hand through my hair and wiping away the damn tears that keep falling, I turn around and walk back toward the main house. With each step, I force myself to take a deep breath.
I should have been honest with him from the start.
As my right foot meets the bottom step, the front door swings open, and Jett marches out, frustration evident on his face.
He rushes to me, but I want nothing to do with the comfort anyone has to offer right now. I created this chaos. I don’t deserve anyone’s sympathy. Especially his. I’ve hurt him just as I’ve hurt Maverick.
“Are you okay?” Jett’s voice is quiet and sympathetic as he looks me over, keeping a safe distance between us.
“‘I’m not okay,” I scoff. “I need a fucking drink.” Pushing past him, I walk inside the house without caring if he follows me or not.
Going through the main living area, I glimpse Via, still celebrating, and our eyes meet briefly. Her face shifts into apparent concern as she catches sight of me. I must look like a disheveled mess.
Great.
As if I haven’t caused enough damage, I can’t take away from her moment. I flash her a smile as I continue walking toward the kitchen. Thankfully, she’s caught up in a joyous conversation with Abbie and doesn’t get a chance to follow me.
Walking into the kitchen, I open the liquor cabinet and grab the whiskey and a glass. I pour myself a hefty amount and shoot it back without hesitation. Loving the sting as it courses down my throat, I do it again. And again. And again. The minutes pass by as I stand there hunched over the counter.
I want to be numb. I don’t want to feel the self-hatred, the disgust, and the utter sadness that my choices have caused.
“That’s enough.” Jett’s voice pierces through the kitchen's silence. He grabs the bottle of whiskey off the counter and pours the little that remains directly down the drain.
“What the fuck, Jett?” I demand, swinging around to face him and shoving at his chest. He stands firm and doesn’t budge an inch. Solid asshole.
“You’re not gonna drown your problems away. You need to face them,” he says softly as he sweeps my hair off my shoulder and attempts to pull me into a hug—a hug that I deny.
I scoff, pulling out of his grasp. “Face my problems? Isn’t that what I’m fucking doing?” I ask through gritted teeth, my head starting to feel lighter.
“Fuck no, that’s not what you’re doing. You’re trying to escape them, and you damn well know it.”
Rolling my eyes, I scoff, saying, “I don’t know what you want from me, Jettson.”
“I want you to be okay.”
“Sucks to be you, because I’m not. Try again, what else do you want?”
“You,” Jett says simply, keeping his tone even. “I want you. I’ve always wanted you.”
My shoulders slump forward with defeat as his words pierce my heart.
“I heard what you told him. You told him you love me... Is that true?” he says softly as if he’s scared to get the answer.
“It’s always been true, Jett, but that doesn’t make it right.
None of this is okay. There’s still so much you don’t know.
So many things Maverick doesn’t know. I love you both and deserve neither of you.
I fucking disgust myself.” Sighing and clearing the lump in my throat, I continue.
“I’m so sick of keeping secrets.” The words taste bitter as they leave my mouth.
“If you’re so sick of the secrets, sick of hiding away, then face them. Right now.” Jett turns on his heel and walks to the screen door leading to the back patio.
“I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I’m strong enough.” My words come out in a whisper, carrying every ounce of my confusion and fear.
“I know you can. I know you’re strong enough,” he says firmly, leaving no room for argument.
Following Jett outside, he sits comfortably on the outdoor sofa, as if it is just another day.
The screen door slams shut behind me, and I step out onto the patio, the sound ringing through the tension in the air. Jett’s head whips around to face me, and I suddenly feel intimidated as fuck.
Shit.
He stands, slowly approaches me, grabs my hand, and leads me to the couch. He doesn’t speak a word; he simply signals me to take a seat. So I do. Jett doesn’t sit next to me. He sits on the chair across from me, wanting to face me. To face this head on.
Not able to take another second of this awkward silence, I speak up just as the alcohol undoubtedly kicks in further. “What the fuck is going on!?” My question comes out harsher and more slurred than intended.
“You said you love us both,” Jett says solemnly as his eyes lock onto mine.
I don’t speak. I just nod, my eyes remaining trained on him. I expect him to look appalled with me, but he doesn’t. He’s just… unreadable.
“Can you explain that?” Jett asks, no judgment in his tone. I can tell from how he looks me over that he genuinely wants to understand.
With a sigh, I hesitantly begin, “You were my first true love, my person.” My eyes briefly flash to Jett’s, noting he’s hanging on my every word.
“I downplayed my feelings for you to everyone, including myself. I was scared. Scared to be in love. Scared to be hurt. So instead, I hurt you.” Jett nods, signaling me to continue.
“Things between us... They were pure. I fought it every step of the way. Yet, you knew. I didn’t make anything easy, not for a fucking second. ”
Jett’s jaw ticks briefly, and I can see he wants to speak, but he doesn’t. He’s here to listen. To understand.
“I have always loved you, Jett,” I say, letting out a sigh of defeat.
“I can’t imagine a universe where I don’t fall in love with you.
But you fucking scare me. You terrify me.
You hold all the power to crush me. I can’t be with you.
I can’t… willingly sign myself up to potentially be torn to shreds.
Because once you decide I’m too much for you to handle, you’ll destroy me.
If you want the truth, that’s the truth. ”
“Is that all?” he finally says. God, he knows me too well.
I shake my head, the world beginning to spin. “There’s still so much you don’t know.”
“Then tell me right now. Here’s your chance, Izzy.” Jett's words are kind, and it melts my heart.
Fuck, I’m so sick of secrets. I’ve held so many throughout my life, and now three of the biggest ones are out in the open. Jett knows about Chad and my father. Maverick knows about Jett. But the last one… The one that sent me into a panic—I don’t know if I have the strength to let it out.
Drunk or not, it’s time to try.