Chapter 32
Thirty-Two
“ I don’t like this. I want you with me,” Alfie grumbled as he pulled up outside Harrington House. Almost immediately a bearded man in a hard hat and a high vis vest appeared at the top of the entrance steps. He must have been whoever called Alfie with the emergency.
“I know but I’ll just be in the way and bored to death. I want to work on my garden.” I waved my sketch pad at him and he snatched it out of my hands and began flicking through my old sketches.
“These are beautiful, Lola.”
“I know.”
He raised his scarred brow. “Well, so long as you know.”
I rolled my eyes and snatched my pad back. “Speaking of my designs, I haven’t thanked you yet for sending the bricks and the camera for the school garden.”
Yesterday I’d hated him for giving me those things, and I still didn’t trust that it hadn’t been a manipulative move, but it had made all the difference to the school and I had to be grateful for that.
“It was nothing,” he said, waving me off.
“It was something to me and to the kids. There’s goodness in you, Alfie.”
“Only for you, it seems.” He reached out, cupping my chin, his thumb stroking my cheek. Gazing into his eyes, I felt like I could disappear into him forever, but the world was waiting and the bearded man was practically hopping with impatience.
“Come on,” I opened my door, “before your guy blows a gasket.”
Alfie took my hand and I kissed him when we reached the top of the steps.
“Come and find me when you’re done. I’ll be in the garden.” He gave me a stiff nod and I had to tug on my hand a little before he let go.
I followed the path around the house, the same path I’d taken the first time I came here. I smiled as I passed the spot where I’d collided with Alfie and my world had turned upside down.
As soon as I was on the grass I took my shoes off, relishing in the feel of the earth beneath my feet. I walked down the steady slope and felt myself relax. The sun shone through the trees in its last hour before it began its long spring sunset.
I descended the broken stone steps to the hidden garden, careful of my bare feet.
The plot seemed bigger than I remembered and memories of being here with Alfie flooded me.
If you’re struggling for inspiration, just imagine me fucking you in it…
I saw myself lying in a garden of begonias, surrounded by buddleias, pycamors, the scent of honeysuckle in the air and my Alfie lying beside me. I imagined him making love to me here, and as I pictured it the garden opened up to me. I saw it.
I sat down, and I began to draw.
I didn’t know how long I sat there, lost in an imaginary world of hues and aromas, but as I returned to my senses I became aware of two things. One, the world had grown darker around me. Two, I wasn’t alone.
A pinched face, home to narrowed eyes, was staring at me.
“Angie,” I said, doing my best to keep my voice steady, “do you need something?”
“Not at all.” She smiled sweetly. “I just wanted to see your work. May I?” She advanced on me and I snapped my sketchbook shut.
“I’d rather you didn’t, actually.” I grabbed my Converse and shoved my feet in them, not bothering to do the laces. She looked at my shoes with something akin to a grimace but I ignored it, getting to my feet to face that simpering smile.
“Well, I’m sure you’re very talented. You must be for Alfie to give you so much of his time.” I arched a brow at her insinuation. “Tell me, what exactly is it you’re doing to keep his attention so well? Are you double jointed or something? Or maybe it’s just that you are so exactly his type.”
Don’t bite, Lola. Do not bite.
“His type?”
“Sure. You are his favourite kind of play-thing.” She looked over my appearance with distaste.
“Poor and pretty. You’re easy to impress, easy to manipulate.
Girls like you make men feel powerful, but the novelty wears off pretty quickly and that’s where women like me become valuable.
” She sneered and took a step towards me.
I folded my arms as if her words hadn’t hit their mark.
“You’re not the first, you know. The first young girl to be spun by his wealth and?—”
“I don’t care about his money.”
“Of course you don’t,” she sneered again. “Well, if it’s not his money then what is the motivation? Why are you putting up with his treatment of you? Doesn’t it bother you at all that he was in London with me last week?”
“He didn’t sleep with you.”
“Well, of course he told you that! Listen, as I said, you’re not the first. Alfie and I have been together, of a fashion, for a long time.
He’s always had dalliances but he drops them as quickly as he finds them.
I’m the one that has kept his interest all these years.
I’m the one he wants on his arm at functions, galas, state dinners?—”
“You’re his PA?—”
“—not a home spun, second-hand girl like you !” she screeched, pointing a red-tipped finger at me. You’re his psycho PA, I thought as she took a moment to gather herself. “I give you another week, hell, maybe a month if you’re really talented. But after that month, he’ll forget you and move on.”
‘ Move on. ’ Just like I’d thought he had when he left. I could still remember that pain like a knife in the gut.
“You’re a jealous bitch, Angie,” I said, trying to cover the insecurity she’d just stirred up inside me.
“But am I a liar?” With that, she turned and disappeared up the steps. I stood there clutching my sketchbook to my chest like a life vest. When I was sure I’d given her enough time to return to the house, I made my escape.
Tears welled in my eyes. I hated that I’d let her make me feel so small. I had never been a person who thought little of themselves but next to Angie, I couldn’t help but compare.
Harrington House loomed over me. I balked at the idea of going in.
She would be in there with him and I couldn’t face the two of them and their ethereal beauty again, not in my cheap dress and old shoes.
I felt a wave of anger all over again that I’d let her make me feel ashamed over things I’d never cared about before.
What should I do? There were still some lights on in the house but I saw no sign of Alfie. His car was still outside. Should I wait by it? The idea of waiting by his car like a lost dog was too pathetic so I put my shoulders back and decided I was walking out of here.
Tears threatened and I shuddered with the effort of keeping them at bay. I wasn’t going to cry over this. I was going to get a taxi home and I would talk to Alfie later. For all I knew he’d be working all night and wouldn’t even notice I was gone.
As I left the house behind, I realised how dark it had gotten. The lights of the house faded and I was left wandering down the mile long road leading out of the estate, feeling very much alone.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and I took it out. Alfie. I froze, and my thumb hovered over the answer button, then drifted over to the reject button. It rang off before I could decide so I texted him.
I’m getting a taxi home. Everything’s fine, I’m just tired. Talk tomorrow. X
The naive part of me believed he would reply saying; ‘sure babe, get home safe.’ The realist in me gave him five minutes before he caught up to me.
It only took him three.
I was almost to the gate when headlights blared behind me. I stepped out of the way and the car screeched to a halt next to me and an enraged Alfie got out.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?”
“Home. Please don’t make a fight out of it.” I turned but Alfie grabbed my arm. His eyes blazed, both ice and fire. It stilled me for a moment, almost bringing me to heel.
“Why?”
“Ask Angie.” I tried to keep the hurt out of my voice.
“Angie? What has she got to do with anything?”
I didn’t want to talk about this, I was too close to letting humiliated tears fall down my face, but I knew Alfie by now. He wouldn’t let it go until I’d told him.
“She just cornered me in the garden and told me all about you and she being an item and that I wasn’t good enough for you.”
“Lola, come on.” Alfie tilted his head slightly and gave me a look that I’d seen Natalie give Ryan whenever he was faking being ill to get a day off school.
“Do you think I’m making this up ?”
“No, but she already told me what happened. Just now, she said she went down to the garden to apologise for misleading you about London and you got defensive. She’s worried that you feel threatened by her, which I understand, but you can’t take your insecurities out on her. She’s just doing her job.”
That bitch was way more manipulative than I had given her credit for. Another reason why she was better suited to Alfie than me.
“Do you really think that’s what happened?” I asked, barely able to get the words out. I will not cry over this.
“I think you let your temper get the better of you. It’s not exactly the first time, is it?”
Fuck you, Alfie Tell. I clenched my fists.
“I didn’t lose my temper, Alfie, though I am about to.
She said her piece and then she left. I could have thrown a brick through her car window but I didn’t.
I could have come and found you in the house and caused a scene in the middle of your meeting but I didn’t do that either. I held it in and I left.”
“Lola, I’m not going to fight with you over this. I’ve known Angie for a long time. Perhaps she was just trying to be nice and?—”
“Oh she was nice, paid me a bunch of compliments. My favourite one was where she told me how I was just your type.”
“My type?”
“Yes. Poor and pretty. I tick the hell out of both of those boxes, don’t I?” My words were painfully bitter, embarrassingly vulnerable.
“Stop.”
“ You stop. Apparently, poor, pretty girls are your favourite kind of plaything because we’re so easy to manipulate, and she’s not wrong there, is she?
I mean, you’ve been manipulating me since day one.
” I turned away. I was so close to crying I felt like I was going to explode.
How could he believe that simpering witch over me?
“Lola, enough.” He took my chin and forced me to look at him. He studied me, those laser eyes reading me. “Is this your fear talking? Today has been too perfect so now you’re trying to sabotage us? I don’t understand why you would ruin it with this?”
“I’m not making this up, Alfie. She’s been warning me off you since we met and you’re too blind to see it!” I yanked myself out of his grip. “Let me go home, Alfie. I want to get away from you before I start saying things I can’t take back.”
“Don’t be stupid. You can’t go wandering around the streets at night by yourself.”
“I’ll call a taxi.”
“Enough. You can get in the car or I’ll put you in it.”
I fumed at him, so mad I could scream.
With as much dignity as I could muster, I walked to the car, ignoring the satisfied expression on his face. I just about pulled the door off its hinges when I opened it and threw myself into the car, slamming it shut with as much force as I could.
“Really mature, Lola,” he said as he got in beside me. I opened the door and slammed it shut again, then did it again and again until he grabbed hold of me, forcing me to stop. I bit his hand and he winced and pulled away, shocked but… excited .
He opened his mouth to speak but I turned the sound system on. Vivaldi filled the car, drowning him out, and I turned it up as loud as I could stand it.
I turned to look out the window, ignoring him completely. I was being immature but I didn’t care. My cheeks burned. Tears filled my eyes. Why didn’t he believe me? Why had I let her get to me so much?
I focused on the music, the joyous tones of the Spring section ironically out of place in this frost-filled atmosphere.
Alfie put the car into gear and we screeched into motion. The drive home was furious. His hands gripped the steering wheel, white and angry. I sat and stewed in my own pot of boiling rage. I hated him and I hated her.
Alfie pulled into a space outside my house and switched the engine off, the music disappearing along with it.
“Lo…”
“Do you really believe her over me?” I turned to face him, waiting out the long silence that followed.
“I’ve known Angie for ten years, Lola. I’ve only ever seen her behave in a kind and professional manner. I don’t know what to believe.”
“Well, you just let me know when you figure it out. I’ll be waiting.” I threw myself out of the car, turning when I remembered something. “Oh and by the way, she seems to think that the two of you were sleeping together in London.”
“She’s lying,” he said immediately, and a small smile crept onto my face.
“Oh really? Because I thought you said that Angie would never do that. Now, which one of you should I believe?” I slammed the door on his furious face and hurried inside.
Sure, I might not be handling the situation with as much dignity as I could, but I could honestly say, on this occasion, my reaction was completely justified.