Chapter Seventeen
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
MARIE
My stomach is killing me. I was hoping a good night’s sleep would make me feel better, but I’m nauseous and have a dull headache throbbing behind my eyes. Curling up under my blankets, I debate whether to even get out of bed. What’s wrong with me? I haven’t been feeling great the last few days, and I thought it was due to stress and my confused emotions about Garrett.
Now I’m not so sure. This feels like something more. Like I’m actually sick.
God, last night was such a mess. The creep on the dance floor. Garrett coming to my rescue and walking me home. Our kiss.
That kiss! It was so hot, and then I ruined it when I threw up. Garrett was so gentle and caring as he took care of me afterward. Of course, he assumed I was drunk, which I wasn’t—I didn’t drink a drop of alcohol last night. I was just too exhausted to argue with him, and fell asleep before he left.
I think he kissed my forehead. He brushed the hair from my face, his fingertips light along my skin. Soothing. Comforting. It felt really good to have someone taking care of me like that.
Too bad I still feel like total shit.
Groaning, I roll over and reach for my phone on my side table. Garrett said he was going to check in on me this morning, and indeed, I have a missed call. It’s not from Garrett, but Haven. What could she want at seven in the morning?
Bringing up her number, I hit dial, and she answers after just a few rings.
“Hey you,” she says. “I heard from Maggie you guys went out last night. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I close my eyes and hold back a groan. Maggie must have told her we ran into Garrett.
“I’m good,” I tell her, my voice raspy, making it very clear that I’m not, in fact, good.
“Woah, are you sure?” Haven’s tone takes on genuine concern. “You sound kind of rough.”
“It’s nothing. I’ve just been dealing with a stomach issue. No big deal.”
“Do you need anything?” she asks. “It’s Saturday, so no daycare. I can come over and bring you Pepto or something.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I promise, I’ll be fine.” I don’t want her to worry about me and make a fuss. “It’s just a stomach ache. I have to work today anyway, so I can grab some Pepto myself if I need it while I’m out.”
“Well, at least you’re not pregnant or anything,” Haven says with a teasing chuckle. “I can tell you that nausea is something else. It knocked me on my ass for days at a time.”
My heart comes to a sudden stop. Pregnant?
“Right,” I mumble, forcing a laugh, even though I am not feeling any bit of amusement. “That would be crazy.”
“Let me know if you need anything, okay?” she insists. “I’ll come over right away.”
“Okay, I will.”
Hanging up the call, I sit up and drop my phone on the bed next to me. Pressing my back against the headboard, I stare straight ahead, dumbfounded. Pregnant? Could I be pregnant?
No, we used a condom. I remember him getting it and putting it on. He got it out of his wallet…wait! That’s bad for condoms, right? You’re not supposed to keep them in a wallet. Did it break? I didn’t see when he took it off and threw it away…would he have noticed if it broke? What if I am pregnant? I can only imagine how Garrett would react. Would he think I got knocked up on purpose to trap him or something?
As if my thoughts have somehow manifested him, my phone buzzes and Garrett’s name pops up. He’s just sent a text.
Hesitantly, I open it.
Garrett: Hey, hope you’re feeling okay this morning. Let me know if you need anything. I’m sorry about last night.
Another apology? Is it for the kiss? That only makes me feel even shittier. He’s apologizing for that hot-as-hell kiss, and I might be incubating his oops-baby right now.
I quickly type a response.
Marie: I’m okay. Thanks for getting me home.
I don’t know what else to say to him right now. Do I tell him I suspect I could be pregnant? No, no… I shouldn’t do that. There’s a good chance that I’m not, and I’d just be dropping a bombshell for no reason. It’d be better to figure out if I am pregnant before I say anything to him… if I say anything to him. Wait, of course I’d tell him if I was pregnant! Wouldn’t I? Yes, he would deserve to know… but I’m probably not pregnant, so I’m getting worked up for no reason.
But if I am pregnant…
Shit, I’m spiraling. I need to calm down and think logically.
Releasing a long, steadying breath, I decide that a trip to the pharmacy over my lunch break is what I need. I’ll grab a pregnancy test. Once I know for sure one way or another if I’m pregnant, I’ll figure out my next step.
I just have to make it until lunch so I can take the test, and when it’s negative, I’ll pretend this never happened.
* * *
“Marie, are you okay? You seem distracted again today.”
Blinking, I look over at Kathy, who’s frowning at me in concern. Shit, I was spacing out again. I just can’t focus on work today. If I keep this up, Kathy’s going to fire me for being totally useless. My nerves are too wired to concentrate on anything except for what could possibly be going on inside me. Time seems to crawl as I wait for my lunch break so I can finally get that test.
“I’m fine,” I assure her, nearly choking on the lie. “Just feeling under the weather, that’s all.”
“Oh, dear! Do you need to go home? I’d hate for you to feel like you have to work if you’re not feeling well.”
I give her a small smile. She’s such a sweet, understanding person. Not all bosses would be as concerned about me as she is.
“I appreciate that, Kathy, but I’m going to run to the pharmacy at lunch and pick up… medicine. I’ll be all right after that.”
“If you’re sure.” Kathy checks her watch and then looks around the library. There aren’t many people visiting today. “Why don’t you go ahead and take an early lunch? I’ve got things under control here.”
“Really?” My heart leaps and I have to fight to keep the eagerness out of my voice. “That’d be great, Kathy. Thank you.”
“No problem, dear.”
I gather my keys and purse and make my way out of the library. The drive to the pharmacy feels like it takes forever, but it’s only about five minutes away. Parking outside of the store, I take a few minutes to catch my breath and build up my courage to go inside. God, please don’t run into anyone I know in there.
Finally, I force myself to get out of the car and walk through the sliding doors into the pharmacy. I make a beeline for the pregnancy tests, keeping my head ducked, praying no one notices me. Grabbing three boxes of the first brand I find, I hurry to the cash register, pay for the test, and practically run out the door and back to my car.
Holy shit! That was way more nerve wracking than I expected. My stomach is rolling and I think I’m going to be sick again.
No way can I go back to work. I’m feeling even worse than I did this morning, and if the test is positive…
Fuck! I grab my phone and dial the library’s number.
“Blue Ridge Falls Public Library, how can I help you?” Kathy answers.
“Hey, Kathy. It’s Marie. I’m feeling even worse than before, so I think I’m going to take the rest of the day off if that’s all right?”
“Of course!” she replies. “It’s not a problem. You just focus on feeling better.”
“Thanks, Kathy.”
Once we hang up, I start the car and make the drive home. When I get there, I grab the test and hurry inside and up the stairs to my bathroom.
I open the test and sit on the toilet and… nothing.
Oh, God, I’m so nervous I can’t pee!
Shit, shit, shit. I turn on the sink and let the water run.
Think wet thoughts… streams… ocean waves… come on! Pee!
At last, I’m able to take the test, and then it’s just more waiting. I leave the test on the counter by the sink and pace the small room as I count down the three minutes until the results appear.
It’s all going to be okay. Realistically, what are the chances of me being pregnant? I think an average woman in her twenties has like 25% of getting pregnant every month, so really, what are the odds?
No amount of rationalization is helping my nerves, though. I continue to pace and start chewing at my fingernails in agitation. Finally, the timer on my phone goes off and I dive for the test. It takes me a few moments to comprehend what I’m seeing.
Two pink lines.
Oh, fuck.
They’re pretty faint, though. Maybe it’s a false positive?
I grab for the other tests and take a second one…and then the third.
I get two pink lines each time.
Slowly, I sink down to the bathroom floor, the tests clutched between my hands. I can’t tear my gaze away from those lines. Positive. It’s positive.
I’m fucking pregnant.
A whirlwind of emotions overwhelms me. Shock, fear, uncertainty… but also, strangely, a flicker of excitement.
I’m going to have a baby. I’m going to be a mommy.
My heart hammers in my chest as I drop one hand to my belly. There’s a little being inside me right now. It’s so tiny, but it’s mine. Mine… and Garrett’s.
Garrett. How in the world am I going to tell Garrett? Things are so complicated right now, and I have no idea how he’ll react. I’m terrified that he’s going to be upset. He’s made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t want to be with me, and now this… what will he think of me?
I rub my hand over my belly and murmur, “Don’t you worry, baby. I’m going to figure this out. Whatever happens, it’s not your fault. I don’t want you to think for one second that you aren’t loved.”
Is it silly for me to be talking to it already? Maybe, but it’s also oddly comforting. Suddenly, I’m not alone. I’m going to matter to someone who loves me. I won’t just be an obligation or a burden to my kid. They’ll need me and want me around because it’s me… their mom.
My heart swells at the thought and I hug myself, tight.
I’m going to do whatever I have to in order to protect my baby. I won’t treat my child the way my Dad has been treating me lately. They’ll be cared for and loved, and will never question whether they’re wanted. Even if Garrett doesn’t feel the same way, this baby will never doubt its place with me.
Pushing to my feet, I set the pregnancy test back on the counter and wash my hands. As I dry them, I gaze at myself in the mirror. I look pale and tired, with bags under my eyes. Really, I look like shit, and I still feel like crap, but that’s not my biggest concern anymore.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do, so maybe it’s for the best that I don’t tell Garrett about the pregnancy yet. I’ll keep it a secret from him for the time being while I figure out what to do and how to tell him. I should talk to Haven, though…she’ll be able to help me.
Raising my chin, I give my reflection a confident once over. The next second, my stomach flips and the nausea hits me hard and fast.
Damn it!
I lunge for the toilet, throwing the seat up just in time. I empty the contents of my stomach into the porcelain bowl and moan in misery as I continue to keep my head draped over the edge. Well, at least I know why I’m sick… not that it makes me feel any less terrible.
Placing my hand back on my stomach, I mumble, “You better be cute as hell.”
Then, I get sick again.