Chapter Nineteen
CHAPTER NINETEEN
MARIE
The nausea just won’t let up. Waking up in the morning has become a kind of torture because I just feel like shit, and it seems to get worse every day. I can hardly keep food or water down, and I’ve missed more work in the last week than the entire time I’ve been with the library. Meredith has also been getting frustrated with me since I keep telling her I can’t help with the kids and has been pushing me for a reason why I’m so sick - because it’s such an inconvenience for her - so I’ve been dodging her calls the last couple days.
Morning sickness shouldn’t be this bad. Is something wrong with me?
Ugh, I don’t want to get out of bed, but missing another day of work is out of the question. Leaving poor Kathy in the lurch so often lately makes me feel guilty, so I force myself to get up and get ready for the day.
I shower, dress, and try to eat something, but I can barely force down a piece of toast. By the time I’m ready to leave for work, my body’s exhausted, but I push through. I can do this. Staying at home and feeling sorry for myself isn’t going to make me feel any better. Getting back into my regular routine and adjusting to this pregnancy will help me feel better.
By the time I arrive at the library, I’m wishing I’d just stayed home. My stomach is rolling and I’ve almost thrown up about five times. When I walk into the library and get to the front desk, Kathy looks up at me, and then frowns in concern.
“Marie? Are you feeling better?”
“I’m feeling all right.”
“Are you sure?” She looks far from convinced. “If you need another day…”
I quickly shake my head. “No, no, I’ve missed enough work. I’m fine, really. I want to be here, and I want to work.”
“If you’re sure,” she sighs, though she still appears cautious.
“Absolutely.” I set my purse down at my desk and do my best not to appear weak and tired. The morning crawls by after that. I do my best to ignore my upset stomach, and eventually, it calms down to a manageable dull ache.
Near noon, I notice a stack of books sitting on the counter behind the front desk and move to grab them.
“You don’t have to worry about those,” Kathy insists when she sees me picking up the stack. “I can put them away.”
A quick scan of the titles causes me to shake my head. “These go on the top shelf in the mystery section, Kathy. You know you shouldn’t be climbing up on the step stool.”
“I don’t think you should be doing so either.” She gives me a concerned look. “You look really pale. If you're this sick, you should go home and rest.”
Waving my hand to dismiss her concern, I insist, “My stomach aches, but my legs are just fine. I can put these books away, no problem. I’ll be right back.”
“Marie, hold on…”
I’m already walking away, grabbing the step stool, moving from around the desk and heading toward the mystery section. It’s a few rows in, but when I reach it, I spot the open slots on the shelf above where the books should go. Unfolding the stool, I climb onto it, holding my stack in one arm. Grabbing the book at the top of the pile, I reach to put where it belongs… and I’m struck by a sudden wave of dizziness.
My stomach pitches and I sway on my feet as everything goes blurry. Confused and panicked, I drop the books and reach out to try and grab hold of the shelves to steady myself, but my hands slip. The next moment, my foot slips on the stool and I fall. Time seems to slow, and I’m suspended midair, staring up at the blurry ceiling in shock. I don’t have time to really feel fear or worry. This is bad and going to hurt. Still, I don’t even yell out… I’m too stunned.
Time rushes back to normal, and I hit the floor, hard. That’s when I release a cry as pain ripples through me and stars explode in my vision. Before I can fully comprehend just how bad this could really be for me—for my baby—darkness creeps in and then everything goes black.
* * *
Pain is the first thing I become conscious of. My back hurts, my head throbs, and my tailbone is sore. Groaning, my eyes blink open at the bright lights above me. God, what happened? Where am I?
“Marie? Are you awake?”
Haven sits beside me. Her brow is furrowed with concern, and she’s holding my hand. I become aware of a steady beeping and then the IV in my arm. Wait… am I in the hospital?
Frowning, I look around and realize that I am indeed in a hospital room, lying in a hospital bed.
“What… what happened?” I murmur. My mouth is dry and my throat is sore, so my voice comes out raspy.
Haven squeezes my hand. “You collapsed. Kathy heard you fall and found you unconscious among the bookshelves. She called 911, and an ambulance brought you here.”
Oh, shit. I collapsed. I remember the dizziness and losing my footing. Falling to the floor.
“The baby? Is the baby okay?”
Haven nods and assures me, “Yes, don’t worry about the baby. It’s completely fine.”
Thank God! I sag against my pillows in relief and gaze up at Haven, who’s staring down at me with a mixture of worry and relief in her gaze. After finding out I was pregnant, I went to Haven. She’s the only one who knows. I also confessed to her that Garrett is the father, and though she was initially shocked, I made her promise not to say anything to him. She agreed, but I had to promise her to tell him, eventually.
“How are you feeling?” Haven asks. “Are you in a lot of pain?”
I shrug, which makes me groan. “It could be worse. I’ll definitely be sore for a few days. Did the doctor say if anything was broken?”
“No, there’s nothing like that,” she tells me. “You’ll be bruised for a while, and it might not be super comfortable to sit for a couple days, but that’s the worst of it. The doctor seemed more concerned about why you collapsed.”
“Did they say why?”
She shakes her head. “They ran some tests while you were out and the doctor should be back at any moment with the results.”
As if on cue, there’s a knock on the door.
“Come in!” Haven calls out.
The door swings open and in strolls a tall, older man with a head of thick silver hair and black square glasses perched on his nose. He comes to a stop next to my bed and I squint so I can read his nametag.
Dr. Taylor.
“Glad to see you awake, Marie,” he says with a smile as he looks me over. “How are you feeling?”
“Sore. Can you tell me what happened, doctor? Why did I collapse?”
“You’re severely dehydrated due to hyperemesis gravidarum,” he explains. “It’s a condition where you have severe morning sickness that lasts longer and is more debilitating than normal. I’m guessing you haven’t been able to keep a lot of food and fluids down?”
“Everything makes me want to vomit. I try to eat and drink, but it just makes the nausea worse.”
He nods. “I thought as much. We’re pumping you with fluids through your IV, so that will help your dehydration. I want you to stay here for a day or two so we can monitor you and make sure you’re able to retain some sustenance before we let you go, okay?”
“Okay,” I say, my heart sinking. The last thing I want is to be held up in the hospital, but I know I have to be careful. It’s not just about me anymore. I have to think of what’s best for the baby.
The doctor talks for a little longer, but I can’t really understand everything he says. I’m too tired and the throbbing in the back of my head is insistent on stealing my attention. Thankfully, Haven stays the whole time and appears to hang onto Dr. Taylor’s every word.
“I’ll be back to check on you later, Marie,” the doctor finally says. “You just rest and try to eat something if you can, all right?”
“I’ll try,” I assure him.
“Good.” He grins. “I’ll see you later.”
He leaves the room and Haven and I are silent as we wait for the doors to click shut behind him.
Turning back to me, Haven asks, “Do you think we should call Garrett and tell him you’re here?”
My heart seizes at the thought, though I know she’s just being reasonable. Garrett still doesn’t know anything about my pregnancy. Haven has been true to her word and hasn’t made a peep about it to him, which I know hasn’t been easy for her. She and Garrett share just about everything, and I feel guilty asking her to keep such a colossal secret from him.
However, I’m so angry with him still that I don’t even want to think about seeing him right now. He keeps disappearing on me, and I’m getting sick of it. He doesn’t want to talk to me for a week? Fine…I can handle this by myself.
Shaking my head, I reply, “No, no, I don’t want him to find out like this.”
She frowns. “When do you plan on telling him, then?”
“I… I don’t know. Soon.”
“Soon?”
“Yes, I promise, I’ll tell him, but I don’t want to tell him like this. Not when I’m feeling like crap and falling off of stools. It’ll only make him more upset.”
Haven hesitates, and I can tell she’s wrestling with this. I feel like such a bad friend for asking her to keep this secret for me. It’s shitty and selfish, and she hates lying to Garrett by omission. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t stand the thought of him getting angry with me, or feeling as though he’s obligated to be with me or something because of the baby. He’ll be a good father and he’ll love this child, but I don’t know what he’ll feel toward me. Frustration? Resentment?
If he hated me for this, I wouldn’t be able to stand it.
At length, Haven sighs. “Okay, okay, I understand. I promised I wouldn’t say anything to him, but you have to know you can’t keep this from him forever.”
“I know,” I say. “I just need some time, but I will tell him. I swear.”
Giving me a small smile, Haven squeezes my hand again. I gaze up at her, grateful for her presence and for her support. At the same time, I can’t help feeling a little envious of her. She’s pregnant with the man she loves, and the two of them couldn’t be more thrilled. I’m pregnant with the man I love, and I’m dreading even telling him...because I don’t know if he loves me back. I’m going to have to. I know I will. Especially now that I’ve been so sick.
Blue Ridge Falls is a small town, and I’ve no doubt rumors will spread about why I’m in the hospital. Those rumors will reach my family, and I can already hear my dad’s lecture about being irresponsible and not thinking about the consequences of my actions. However, those rumors are also going to reach Garrett… I just hope he doesn’t grow suspicious.
He needs to hear this from me before anyone else, so I need to somehow find the courage to rip the bandaid off and tell him.
My stomach twists with nausea again, but this time, it’s not because of my morning sickness. It’s from the fear that I might push the only man I’ve ever loved away with the truth, but I have to tell him and take that risk whether I like it or not.