Chapter Twenty-Three
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
MARIE
I’m cozy and warm, and there’s something strong and solid wrapped around me.
Slowly, my eyes open and I’m lying in Garrett’s arms. The morning sun peaks through the curtains. Garrett is still asleep, and I gaze at his peaceful face as the events of the night play through my mind. He made me feel so incredible… sexy and desired, and the pleasure was mind blowing.
How could he ever doubt the chemistry between us? How good we are together?
Raising my hand, I lightly brush my fingers down his cheek. He stirs and opens his eyes. I’m not sure he knows where he is. I watch as realization comes over him, and with it, a flash of guilt.
Oh, no… please, no.
“Good morning,” I say, my stomach twisting with anxiety.
Garrett disentangles himself from me and sits up. He won’t look me in the eyes, and drops his head into his hands. I move to sit up next to him, clutching the blankets to my chest. I need something to act as a shield.
His shoulders tense and when I reach out to lay a hand on his back, he flinches away from me. I blink, jerking my hand back, hurt by his rejection to my touch.
“I’m sorry,” he says, shaking his head. “Fuck, Marie, I’m so sorry. We can’t keep doing this…”
“Why?” Annoyance and frustration bubbles up and overflows into my voice. “Why do you keep pulling away like this when you know we’re so good together?”
He doesn’t answer. Instead, he pushes the blankets aside and moves to get out of the bed, grabbing his pants and yanking them on.
Oh, no. He’s not getting out of this conversation that easily. I’m sick of him doing this to me, and I’m not going to let him go without giving me a damn explanation for once.
Grabbing his arm, I stop him and tug on him until he turns back around to me.
“Garrett, I am pregnant with your child! You made me promise that I woundn’t keep any more secrets from you, and you need to do the same. You need to start being honest with me right the hell now.”
He gazes at me, appearing surprised. I maintain eye contact, not willing to give him an inch of leeway.
At length, he releases a long sigh and hesitantly says, “All right… I… I made a promise to my mom.”
I furrow my brow. “A promise? What kind of promise?”
“That I’d look after you just like I would Haven. Like you’re my sister. To protect you and keep you safe. Every time I touch you, I’m breaking that promise.”
I stare at him, stunned. That’s why he won’t be with me? After all this time, he’s denying us because he is stuck with some weird notion that he’s supposed to treat me like a sister?
“Are you kidding me?”
“I’m serious,” he says. “I don’t want to do anything to hurt you…”
“That’s what you’re doing now!” I insist, throwing the blankets aside and getting out of bed. I hurry to grab my robe off the back of the door and throw it on. “Do you really think your mother would want you to deny your own happiness? Would she be pleased to know that holding on to this promise is only causing me agony?”
He goes still and stares at me, looking absolutely dumbfounded.
“I… I never considered that possibility before,” he murmurs.
Of course he hadn’t. He’s so focused on doing what he thinks is best, he is completely oblivious to what is actually happening around him.
My emotions are so overwhelming that I can hardly look at him anymore.
“I need you to leave.”
“What?”
“I need space right now,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. “I have to think about everything… alone. Please, leave.”
He hesitates and looks as though he wants to say something. A part of me hopes he’ll ask to stay and tell me how much he wants me, but he doesn’t.
Releasing a long sigh, he finishes getting dressed and leaves without a word.
* * *
Later that day, I drive to Haven’s house, my heart aching and confusion making my head foggy. After Garrett left, I texted Haven asking if we could meet, knowing she’s not working Saturdays. I need to talk to someone; my best friend. She might be able to help me sort through whatever it is that Garrett is going through. Why he would think his promise to their mom meant that he couldn’t be with me?
When I pull up to the house, Haven is already standing on the porch, waiting for me with a concerned frown. I park and get out of the car, rushing up the steps to her. She opens her arms and I throw myself into her embrace, careful not to disturb her belly too much.
“Hey,” she says, pulling back and cupping my face in both her hands. “What’s going on? Your text worried me.”
“Can we go inside and talk? Christian’s not here, is he?”
She shakes her head. “No, no, it’s just us. He had to go into the office, which I’m not exactly complaining about - he’s gotten used to me being pregnant enough that he doesn’t feel the need to constantly be around me. Oliver is taking a nap so we can talk in private. Come on in.”
Taking my hand, she turns and pulls me into the house. We make our way into the living and settle on the couch together.
Squeezing my hands, Haven says, “Okay, tell me… what’s going on?”
I don’t really know where to start, so I just take a deep breath and confess, “Garrett and I slept together last night.”
Haven’s eyes go wide. “You did? Is that… is that a good thing?”
“It’s a complicated thing.” I shake my head. “He told me why he’s so insistent that we can’t be together, though.”
“Oh! What did he say?”
I hesitate, choosing my words carefully.
“He said he made a promise to your mom… to care for me like he would you. Like a sister. He thinks if he’s with me… if he touches me, he’s breaking that promise.”
Haven arches her brows, looking stunned. Then she groans and shakes her head in obvious annoyance.
“First of all… that’s disturbing for him to even say that. Because he clearly got you pregnant, so to still see you like a sister. My brother clearly has fucking issues. That I’m going to have to work with him on. Second off, he’s a complete idiot sometimes,” she grumbles, running a hand over her belly. “He takes things so literally.”
“You don’t think that’s what your mom really meant?”
Haven rolls her eyes. “No, I don’t think that. Of course, Mom wouldn’t want the two of you to go through this turmoil. What she cared about most was that we were all happy and together. I have absolutely no doubt that if she knew you and Garrett had feelings for each other, she would want you to pursue them.”
I don’t know what to say. It’s a relief to hear her agree with me, but that doesn’t mean Garrett’s mind will change. He’s so determined to keep his promise as he understands it, that he's denying both of us what we really want… and I’m pregnant! I would think that would qualify as a good reason to put aside his hesitations and be with me.
And yet, he clings onto that promise. Too afraid to let his mother down than acknowledge my feelings, and his.
Shit… I’m never going to convince him that it’s okay for us to be together?
As if she can read my mind, Haven grabs my hand again and squeezes it.
“Hey, don’t worry,” she says firmly. “We’ll figure this out. I’ll talk to Garrett myself. Convince him that he’s misunderstood what Mom meant. You two are meant to be together, Marie. I know it.”
If only I had her confidence, but it’s getting harder and harder to convince myself that’s true. There’s no one in the world I want more than Garrett, but it’s not just the two of us anymore. I have to think of the baby and what will be best for him or her in the long term. How healthy would it be for my child to watch their parents dance around our issues like this? What will I tell them when they inevitably ask why I’m not with their father? Am I supposed to say that daddy doesn’t want to be with mommy because of a promise he made to their grandma before she died? That their father thinks loving me is wrong?
It’s a gut wrenching thought, and I can’t put either the baby or myself through that.
“I appreciate the offer to talk to Garrett,” I tell Haven with a resigned sigh. “But I don’t think it’ll do any good.”
“You can’t give up,” she insists. “Just leave it to me. Trust me, okay?”
I give her a small, sad smile. “I trust you more than anyone, Haven. I know you’ll try your hardest, but I’m not sure I can afford to hold onto hope for much longer.”
Haven gives me a sympathetic look before pulling me into another hug. I sink into her embrace, grateful for her care and concern. I know, no matter what happens between me and Garrett, that I’ll always have her. She’ll always be my family.
I don’t realize I’m crying until we pull apart and Haven gets a good look at my face.
She gasps. “Oh, honey! Don’t cry.”
“I’m okay,” I softly sob.
“Ugh, if I weren’t a big as a fucking whale, I’d hunt Garrett down and kick his ass myself,” Haven huffs. Then, in a softer tone, “No matter what happens, you’re not going to be alone, okay?”
“I know. Thank you, Haven. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
She cups my face and wipes away my tears with her thumb. “Don’t worry. You’re never going to have to find out.”
Despite everything, that does bring me a bit of comfort. Even if Garrett can never see what’s standing right in front of him, Haven will always see me.
I just wish he could do the same.