43. JENSEN
43
M y head spun 180 degrees in fucking twelve hours but when I finally land in New York two hours later, my confidence is slowly rising.
As soon as I signed my contract, I’m positive Emily will walk without a fight, and that’s at least one less thing my mother can hang above my head. Now all I need to do is find a way to make sure my sister isn’t the next socialite that will walk down the aisle at the end of the summer.
My bag hangs heavy on my shoulder when I walk through the gate, and a surprising face greets me with a beaming smile.
Dressed in an Armani suit, he looks every part the lawyer that he is, his brown hair slick over his head. The same bright blue eyes light up when they connect with mine, and when he moves into my space, a level of comfort washes over me.
“Finn? What are you doing here?” I throw my arms around my big brother, and he does the same, clapping my back in a friendly manner.
“Came to pick up my little brother.”
Confused, we break loose, and I blink in question at the look on his sharp jaw, a little wicked twist on his lips.
“Bodi called me,” he explains.
My face splits, hope swelling in my chest again.
“He also told me what mother is hanging above your head.”
I nod, the hope no longer growing, but still there, wondering if my brother’s presence says anything about how I’ll walk into this war by coming home.
“Don’t worry about it.”
I chuckle, cynically. “Unless you’re telling me that you’ll sacrifice yourself for the wellbeing of your brother by marrying Emily, there's not much you can say that will stop me from worrying.”
He pulls a face, tucking a hand in the pocket of his trousers. “Sorry, man, I don’t have high standards, but she’s a little too dense for my appetite.”
“Right.” I grimace.
“I’m serious, though. She’s not getting away with this.” Finn gives me a serious look, his blue eyes holding no room for doubt. He looks completely believable, but I also know it’s a stance he’s trained to have. “I didn’t study law to sit by and do nothing when our mother is being a fucking psychopath.”
“Then what the hell have you been doing for the last two years?” I joke, halfheartedly.
“I waited for you to wake the fuck up, but clearly, sleeping beauty needed a pretty blonde to pull him out of his endless slumber.” He cocks his head, a mocking grin on his face.
Suddenly, I recognise the big brother I’ve always looked up to when I was a teenager.
Always looking out for me, always my shadow, but never too much. Always letting me make my own mistakes, but always there to pick up the mess. Holding his gaze, I realize it never changed. He has always been there. I just forgot.
“You’re going to help me?”
He squints, his nostrils flaring as he sucks in a deep breath. “You didn’t really think I’m going to let anyone fuck up my little sister’s life, did you?”
I shrug, because I have nothing else to offer right now.
“I’m not. No one fucks with my sister. Or my brother. Not even my mother. I got you, buddy.” He forcefully grabs my shoulder.
Fuck, I didn’t even realize how much I needed him.
“Does Della know?” I ask when we make our way to the exit.
“I haven’t told her yet. I figured it would be best to wait until you were here.” He glances at me. “But you know she’s not gonna comply anyway.”
“That’s what I’m worried about. She’ll tell mother to fuck off, and I’m not sure what mom will be holding against her. I can’t let her fuck up her life to fix mine.”
“Neither of you is getting your life fucked up. Whatever mother wants to pull, we will fix it.”
We make it outside, and it all feels different. As if the world rushes by in a fast pace, and I can’t catch up. Don’t want to catch up. But having Finn by my side makes it all bearable. Like now I actually stand a chance.
“It’s gonna mess with elections,” I say, still not fully ready to shake this completely misplaced sense of loyalty. “If dad gets elected, that will help your position too. Help your career.”
“You think I give a shit about that?” Finn asks as we make it to his car.
There is an offended frown on his face that makes me feel like shit. I shouldn’t doubt my brother. He’s here when he doesn't need to be.
“I don’t know?” I watch how his usually confident stance breaks a little, a misunderstood grimace visible.
“I don’t, Jensen.” He grinds his teeth, standing beside his black town car while I make it over to the passenger side. He’s peering at me over the roof, his elbows resting on the black metal.
“I don’t give a shit if dad gets elected either. I know it seems like I agree with everything they do, but I don’t. Our mother is a cunning bitch, and I know she’s always treated you like shit, and it’s not fair. She let me do my own thing because I happened to have chosen a career they agree with, but I’m not going to sit by and watch her destroy your life. Or Della’s.”
A little stunned, I blink, realizing I don’t know my brother as well as I thought.
“Really?”
“Yes, really, you fucking moron!” He lets out a frustrated breath. “If I have to choose between mom and dad or you and Della, it will always be the two of you. You always just assumed I’d go with mom and dad.”
I rub my hand over my face, grunting. I really am a fucking moron. I’ve been trying to keep everyone happy, but not once did I ask what they wanted or how they felt about shit. Finn is right. I always assumed they didn’t feel left out like me.
That they belonged.
“You’re not the odd man out, Jensen,” Finn continues, as if he can read my mind. “We all are. Della. Me. You . You’re just really shit at hiding it.” He chuckles.
I hold his gaze, our blue eyes showing me exactly how alike we are for the first time. Like he took off his mask, and a face of recognition locks with mine. My shoulders relax a bit as I open the door to throw my bag in the car, then I mirror his stance with my elbows on the metal.
“I envy you, you know?” Finn says, before I can say anything.
“Me?” I blurt incredulously. “Why the hell would you envy me?”
“Because you always had the balls to do whatever you wanted.” Pride flashes in his eyes.
“Pfft, don't feel like that,” I scoff.
“Maybe. But you wouldn’t be the best defender in the NHL if you weren’t brave enough to face mom and dad when you did.”
“I’m a coward, Finn.”
“No!” He slams his palm on the metal. “You’re a good brother, and a good son.” He pauses. “I know your loyalty. You’re a better guy than you like to think. I know that. Della knows that. Bodi knows that.” Another pause as he directly looks at me. “Rae Stafford knows.”
I stay quiet, my nostrils flaring as I slowly breathe out.
I fucking doubt that.
“She hates me, Finn.”
I get into the car before Finn does the same and gives me an encouraging look. “She’ll come around, J.”
“Let’s hope so. Gotta fix this mess first.”
He starts the car, and we both buckle up.
“We will.” He drives his car out of the parking lot and back toward the city. “We just gotta figure out what they are planning to blackmail Della with.”
***
Being in New York gives me more anxiety than normal when I watch the city pass by me. The crowded streets increase my level of stress in a way I haven’t experienced before. Now, I realize how good I felt in North Carolina and how much I don’t belong in this big city anymore. When we arrive at our parents’ townhouse, Della storms out of the house with her suitcase trailing behind her as she comes down the concrete steps.
Rage sits on her puffy cheeks, her eyes wide with a level of frustration I know all too well.
Oh, damn.
Startled, Finn and I share a look.
“What the hell,” Finn mutters at the same time our mother stalks after our sister. Finn and I both jump out of the car, and Della jumps into my arms the second I’m within an arm’s length.
“She is crazy!” she cries.
Protectively, I wrap my arms around her, cupping her head.
“What’s wrong? What did she do?” I ask, resting my chin on her dyed black hair.
“You get back here, young lady!” My mother reduces her pace to a prance when she becomes aware of our presence, her neck long and her shoulders straight in her black blazer. Her frantic stance changes to the calculated one I grew up with, composed and with a loveless look in her gray eyes.
“Stop being so ridiculous, Della.” She reaches for my sister, calculated, yet vigorously enough to let a strand of her tight up brown hair sweep forward and in her face.
“Hold up!” Finn jumps in front of her, towering above her. “What’s going on, mother?” He straightens his back, making every inch of his length count.
My mother takes a step back, a little startled by the defensive posture of her oldest. She pulls her skirt straight, lifting her chin in the air. “Nothing! We’re just having a discussion.”
Bullshit .
My mother doesn’t have discussions. She has announcements.
“A discussion about what, mother? ” My anger is reaching a boiling point, and I want to erupt like a damn volcano just looking at my mother’s sour face.
She looks flawless on the outside, the picture perfect politician’s wife, with her hair up in a perfect knot and wearing a black designer outfit that’s probably highly overpriced. The disdain is dripping from every ounce of her body, and for the first time in my life, I see her for what she really is to me.
Nothing.
She bore me, but other than that, I have no clue who this person is.
“Jensen,” Finn warns, keeping his focus on our mother’s blue eyes, which are now shooting daggers at all her children instead of just me. “Speak, mother.”
She pulls her head back, a frown creasing her Botox-filled face.
“Excuse me?” she snorts. “You do not get to talk to me like that, Finn Jensen.”
“I’m thirty-one years old, Kathleen . I can speak to you however I want.”
Her eyes widen simultaneously with her mouth. “Watch your mouth, Finn, or I will–”
“You will what?” he barks.
He takes a step forward, and she automatically takes another step back, swallowing her surprise away. “Force me into an arranged marriage like you’ve been doing with Jared? Or whatever you just threaten Della with?”
She looks past Finn, locking her eyes with mine. They narrow, and her lips curl into a smile that doesn’t match her eyes. “You.” She points at me. “This is all your fault.”
I’m adopted. I have to be. My mind refuses to believe I come from a woman this evil. That her blood is running through my veins. It just can’t be.
She ominously takes a step closer, and quickly, I push Della behind my back, protecting her from my mother’s grasp.
“You think I believed that bullshit agreement this morning? I know you better than that, Jared James. I knew you were not going to keep your end of our agreement. Always the rebel. A thorn in my eye. If you would’ve just done what you were told, your sister wouldn’t have to pick up where you left off! You’re a selfish little bastard!”
“ I’m a selfish bastard?” I shout, finally giving my rage free rein. “Everything I’ve fucking done is for this fucked up family! Because you and Dad won’t stop until he’s the fucking president! You two don’t give a shit about us. We’re nothing more than your damn pawns! Did you ever care for us once?!”
I already know the answer, but it still hurts when she has the guts to speak the words out loud. When she finally completely shows the true darkness of her soul.
“Lower your goddamn voice!” Her eyes survey the street and I snicker without even a fraction of humor.
“That’s what you care about, mother ? If the neighbors will hear? You’re pathetic.”
All her children are here, standing before her telling her she fucking failed big time as a parent, yet what the public will think is still her top priority.
“I didn’t carry and push out three children for them to fuck up everything your father and I planned for! You were supposed to complete the picture! Not break it!”
Her icy eyes grow dark while the heat flushes the fair skin of her cheeks. She snaps her mouth shut, realizing what she just confessed, and we all just stare at her, completely fazed.
Wow.
“We are just a means to your end? All three of us?” Della’s voice is strained.
She takes a step forward, placing herself next to me, and I look down at her pretty face. Her cheeks are stained with tears and the disappointment is visible in her features. Comforting her the best I can, I throw my arm around her shoulder, so she knows I’m here. But really, I want to drag her away from this and protect her from the defeat she must be feeling. I know, because it’s an emotion I’ve been carrying with me for the last twenty-nine years.
The only way to please Kathleen Jensen is to jump through her hoops, but make no mistake—she is not capable of love.
When my mother sees Della’s horrified face, she changes her stance, quickly shifting back to the loving and caring mother she pretends to be when we’re in public. “Of course not, honey. I love you very much.”
I can’t call her out on her lie, but I know it is one.
Della shakes her head. “I don’t believe you.”
“Look, I’m sorry your brother and I don’t get along, but it’s not true. Of course, I love you. Come on, let's get inside, and we’ll discuss this.”
“No,” I say, firmly.
My mother’s brows rise to the sky, and normally I would cower. But having the support of my siblings gives me that last piece of strength I’ve been looking for.
I ignore her, dipping my chin to look at my sister. “You can come live with me if you want to. It’s your choice.”
I have no clue where, but I will make it work. I will find a place that’s big enough for me, her and Rae. I will help her pursue her dreams, even if I have to put my own on hold. Whatever it is she wants to do.
“If you leave with your traitorous brother, we will not be paying for Yale, young lady!” mother says, snapping back to her devilish self in a split second. “And you can forget about your trust fund!”
I chuckle, not believing my ears, and Della gasps next to me before she purses her lips. Her eyes grow shut, and she shakes her head while Finn and I look at each other. He swallows hard, his shoulders tense, with his fingers balled into fists. Finn doesn’t get angry easily, but if he does, he grows quiet. Finding the way to keep his calm and bury you alive with his words.
“Della,” he starts, ignoring our mother. “I will pay for your tuition if you want to leave.”
“What?” my mother sputters. “You can’t afford that.”
“But I can,” I pitch in, finding Finn’s gaze. He nods, silently agreeing to do this together. “You can come live with me, and Finn and I will make sure you can go to school.”
If I have to spend every last dime to give my sister the freedom I never had, I will.
“You can’t do this!” my mother yelps, trying to grab Della’s wrist.
But Finn roughly pushes her back with a glare on his face I’ve never seen before.
“Don’t touch her! If she wants to leave, she can leave.”
“This is kidnapping, Finn Fitzgerald Jensen! She’s not eighteen yet!”
“She will be in two months. But if you want to fight this, I will take you to court, mother,” I tell her. “I will take custody over Della, but I doubt you want the media coverage this close to elections.” I am furious, but my voice is calm and composed.
It shows the number of fucks I’m giving right now. I’m so sick of this. Sick of her.
I’m not going to let my mom control us any longer. I will pay for Della’s tuition, whatever school she wants to go to and live in some one-horse town, if that’s what it’s going to take.
“I will represent him, mom,” Finn adds.
There is a sadness in his voice, but it’s laced with determination.
“I’m going with Jensen.” Della firmly announces.
Mother glances back and forth between the three of us while we hold her gaze in union. For what feels like minutes, she keeps her rigid stance as if her brain has a hard time processing. Finally, she grinds her teeth, shaking her head.
Seemingly feeling trapped, she puts her focus on Della, pointing her finger at her with an evil smirk on her face. “You will regret this, young lady.”
“Doubtful,” I mumble.
“This is not the end of it.” She spins on her high heels, strutting up the stairs before disappearing into the house.
Della stares at the front door with a vacant look in her eyes, and I run my hand through her hair. “Are you okay?”
“Did that really happen?” She blinks, and we stay quiet, knowing it's a rhetorical question. “She tried to marry me off,” she repeats the question a few times, staring into nothing. Each time her words get more frantic, until finally, she collapses against me. Holding her up, she buries herself into my chest as she starts to sob.
“I got you. I’m here,” I chant. “We are here. We got you.”
Finn wraps his arms around both of us, pressing a kiss on her head.
“We do, Della. We got you. It’s us three from now on,” he says with a calmness that soothes my heart, before relief falls over me like a warm blanket when I realize what this means.
I’m finally free.