44. RAE
44
W hen I found Sean in that locker room with his dick in some other girl, I was livid.
I threw all their clothes on the ice, and I laughed when both of them were shuffling onto the rink with their bare-naked asses. I got home, humiliated as hell, and I comforted myself with a bottle of champagne that I kept in the fridge for special occasions. Thinking getting cheated on was a pretty damn special occasion.
Then, at three in the morning, my rage turned into sadness, and I cried my eyes out for two hours, singing sappy love songs. When I woke up the next morning, I called Johnny, told him what happened and how I was going to take the day off.
I went to Venice Beach by myself, and while sitting on the hot sand, I stared into the ocean, waiting for the pain to come out. But nothing came.
No, if anything, I felt relieved. So before dinnertime, I went back home, ordered a pizza and watched a rerun of Friends, all while feeling pretty good about myself.
If that was a heartbreak, I could handle that. Easy peasy. I’ve gone through worse.
So, when Jensen went to New York on Sunday, I figured that was what was going to happen. I was angry, then I cried my eyes out, felt like a fool for believing him, but by Monday morning, I thought I’d be all good.
Ready for my new start. The whole reason I moved back home.
But by the time Saturday arrives, it becomes clear I underestimated my feelings for Jensen. I’ve been sitting at the riverbank, crying, for most of my days, before I go back home and go to bed.
Nana forced me to eat something yesterday, because apparently, I’m losing weight. Which is probably true since the permanent lump in my throat makes it hard to eat anything. Not to mention my lack of appetite. I wasn’t even excited when Nana made me fried chicken.
My mind is too occupied with missing him.
My car is tainted. I can’t drive anywhere without imagining him behind the wheel, reminding myself of the safe feeling I felt while I’d stare out of the window with him next to me. My bed feels empty without him too, even though he was only there for one night. It’s hard to admit, but he buried himself in my heart, and he’s too deep to get out.
He hasn’t contacted me. Part of me hoped he’d text me, call me, demanding me to talk to him. Anything. But after six days of complete radio silence, I’ve come to the conclusion he didn’t mean what he said. Or maybe he did, but it’s clearly not important enough.
I’m not important enough.
I’m waiting patiently impatiently, before his engagement is announced on the eight o’clock news, but so far, it’s been quiet.
When a knock sounds on my door, I let out a feral grunt, having every intention to ignore whoever is standing on the other side.
I don’t want to talk to anyone. They left me alone for most of the week, just giving me sad glances whenever I passed by, and I’m glad for it, because I could barely handle that. Let alone talk about it or listen to comforting words. There is nothing they can say to make me feel better.
Another knock sounds.
“Rae, open the damn door.” Kayla’s muffled voice bellows through the wood.
“Go away!” I yell back, moving my body up while glaring at the door. “Unless you have fried chicken. You can put that in front of the door and then go the fuck away!”
I’m not hungry, but I’m willing to try some fried chicken again.
Unapologetically, Kayla bursts through the door, rolling her eyes.
Could’ve seen that one coming.
She never fucking listens.
“Heartbreak or not, you clearly still have your humor.” She flops her body onto my bed, a beaming smile splitting her face.
“And you are clearly deaf.”
“Nah.” She runs a hand through her thick brown hair. “I just ignore you when you talk bullshit.”
“I hate you.” I throw my body back, landing on the soft pillow with a thud, my eyes wide shut.
“Yeah, well, you can hate me some more after tonight. Come on.” She taps my leg. “We’re going out.”
“What? No.” My eyes shoot back open.
“We’re going to a hockey game.”
“Fuck no!” The last thing I want to do is watch a couple of guys pick a fight on the ice right now. I don’t need anymore reminders how most of them are assholes, thank you very much.
“Come on, grumpy. It will be fun. You can explain all the rules and shit. I promise you can be a cranky little bitch again right after.”
“What game?”
“Hurricanes vs. All Stars.”
“All Stars?” A frown creases my forehead.
“Yeah, it’s a charity game. Major League playing the Hurricanes’ veterans or something. I don’t know. Johnny gave me tickets. He said a game will cheer you up.”
I growl, narrowing my eyes. “Johnny is wrong.”
She gives me a smug grin, then moves her gaze to her hands, innocently playing with her manicured nails. There is nothing innocent about Kayla.
She might be young, but she’s not afraid to play everyone like a fiddle to get exactly what she wants.
“I made a deal with Nana.”
My brow quirks up.
“She’s going to harass you the entire night if you don’t come with me.”
“You’re a bitch,” I say with passion.
The only thing worse than a heartbreak is a heartbreak with my grandmother nagging me the entire night. She’s been leaving me alone so far, respecting my wish to be alone, but if what Kayla is saying is true… she is probably sick of my sulking behavior. As much as I don’t feel like leaving my room, I don’t feel like staying in with Nana in my ear either.
“She’s going to make fried chicken and said she was going to whip up some cocktails.” Kayla smiles.
“Drunk Nana. Yay .” I glare.
“Right! I’m way more fun drunk.”
I purse my lips, staring at my annoying cousin with a scowl on my face. I know what she’s trying to do. I’d probably be doing the same if I were her. My mind isn’t jumping for joy thinking about being in a crowded rink, but watching a game of hockey does sound like the perfect way to get some fresh air.
“Are you buying me drinks?” I ask, still scowling.
“Are you gonna let me have a beer?”
“Sure.” I shrug.
“Then, yes.”
“Popcorn?”
She gives me a dull look. “Sure.”
“Hotdog?”
“Geez, Rae. I’m a poor student,” Kayla huffs.
“You’re buying me a fucking hotdog, Kayla. Or I’ll go and take my chances with Nana. I’m craving for some fried chicken, anyway.” I casually tap my chin.
“Fine!” she growls. “I'll buy you a damn hotdog. Can we go now?”
“Give me ten minutes.”
***
When we left the house, I didn’t feel as bad as I had for the last week, and I welcomed the distraction of Kayla chatting about some guy on campus trying to get her to go on a date. But as soon as we arrive at the PNC Arena, I regret not taking my chances with Nana.
Anxiously, I look at the big building, my eyes scanning the crowd. I didn’t expect to feel as overwhelmed as I am, looking at all those people wearing hockey shirts. The red jersey of the Hurricanes doesn't look like the black Knights shirt at all, but it still reminds me of Jensen.
I slowly exit Kayla’s car, anxiety probably written on my face.
“It’s just a game, Rae. I bet the cold vibe of the rink will help get your mind off things,” Kayla offers when she notices my pained expression.
“Right,” I reluctantly admit, with a lump in my throat.
“Come on, we’ll have fun. I promise.” She links her arm through mine and drags me toward the entrance.
We shuffle through the crowd, showing our tickets at the register before we find our way to our section. The cold air of the rink graces my cheeks when we walk down the stairs, and immediately, I suck in a breath that calms down my slightly racing heart. Even before I got a job with the Knights, I used to love watching hockey with my family. But since I’ve had the privilege of watching every home game of the Knights in the rink, it’s been one of the things I always looked forward to. The scratching of the skates on the ice, the cold air, the smell of hotdogs, the crowd cheering.
I love it with every fiber in my being, and for just a second, I can detach myself from the man that is inextricably linked to this sport and just enjoy the atmosphere in the rink.
“Lower Level Center, huh?” I suspiciously eye Kayla when I find out exactly where our seats are.
She keeps a straight face, ignoring my question as she descends to our row.
“Johnny gave you these tickets?” I follow her down with a skeptical frown. Though I know Johnny can get some awesome tickets being a GM in the NHL, I’d figured he gave Kayla some tickets that were giveaways, not the best seats in the house.
Kayla stops at our row, opening her arm to tell me to get in. “Seat eight.”
I blow out a breath at her annoying behavior, deciding to ignore it. That is until I spot a head of dark blonde wavy hair and a baby bump sitting in the seat next to mine.
“Charlotte?”
Rubbing her stomach, she looks up at me with that same kind smile she showed last weekend. Her plump belly sticks out, while her shoulders are covered in a red Hurricane’s varsity jacket.
“Hey, Rae.”
“What a coincidence.” I snap my head back to Kayla, grinding my teeth. “Johnny gave you these tickets?”
She looks up at the ceiling with a half-smile on her face. “Did I say Johnny? I can’t remember.”
My head moves back and forth between the two girls as I keep on my feet. I fold my arms together, my back to the ice, giving them both a scowl filled with mistrust.
If this is Kayla’s way of cheering me up, I’m on board but something tells me she has more up her sleeve then just taking me out and teaming up with Charlotte.
“What's going on?”
“Nothing!” Kayla yelps with a look on her face that screams deceit. I’m sure that if we wait five minutes, her nose will be as big as Pinocchio’s, and she can become his girlfriend.
“We are just here to watch a game. For charity . So, sit your ass down and watch the game.”
“You’re full of shit.”
“Maybe. But you won’t know until you find out and watch the game.”
I knew it!
“Rae.” Charlotte’s soft voice breaks the tension rising between Kayla and me. I look at her friendly face, her cheeks rosy from the cold air around us. “Hunter is making a guest appearance. I thought you could use a distraction. It will be okay. I promise. Come sit.” She softly tugs my wrist, and I hesitantly sit down.
A chill shivers down my spine, and I’m pretty sure it’s not because of the cold. Though I love how thoughtful Charlotte seems to be, even though we’ve met once.
“Come! Meet my friends. This is Julie and this is Jason.” A gorgeous dirty blonde peeks her head from next to Charlotte. Her hair is cut to a length that brushes over the edge of her shoulders, her friendly whiskey eyes popping against her teal sweater. The guy throws me a wave, a conspiring look in his blue eyes that narrow mine a little.
“Nice to meet you, Rae.” His sharp jaw lifts in a genuine grin, though I’m a little captivated by the playfulness in his gaze, that makes me believe he knows more about me than just my name.
But before I can ask, Julie catches my attention again.
“Hi, Rae!” She offers her hand, her full pink lips moving up and I take it with a smile in return.”So nice to meet you.”
“You too, are you into hockey?”
“Not at all. But you don’t say no to a pregnant lady.” She pulls a face, then shoots me a wink. “I’m more into sports that don’t freeze my ass while watching it.”
“Right!” Kayla chirps. “I’m going to get some beers.” She eyes Charlotte’s baby bump. “No beer for you, I’m assuming?”
“Kayla!” I seethe, as I hear the other laugh beside me.
“What?” She raises her hands in the air.
Blunt as fuck, she is. A little rude too.
“Water is fine.” Charlotte chuckles.
Kayla gets up, and I roll my eyes as she walks away.
“How the hell are you gonna get beers anyway?” I bellow behind her. “You’re underaged!”
Her warm smile flips over her shoulder as she throws me a wink.
“I’ll find a way.”
“I’m not gonna bail you out of jail.” My eyebrows pinch together.
“You’re underestimating my acting talent.” She says as she skips away.
Fuck, that girl is trouble.
A warm hand lands on my wrist, and I twist my head, looking into Charlotte’s mossy green eyes.
“Relax.” There is something comforting in her voice that makes me settle a little, but I can’t shake the feeling of suspiciousness in my gut.
I pull the sleeves of my sweater down my arms, hiding my hands in the fabric while I lean back in the seat. I watch the ice like a hawk, expecting someone to catch me off guard like a jack-in-the-box.
The smell of hotdogs has my stomach roaring, and suddenly, I realize how little I’ve eaten in the last week. I’ve been living on tea and biscuits, with the occasional piece of fried chicken, much to the dismay of Nana and June, but I just couldn’t get anything down my throat.
Breathing the fresh air is comforting for my soul for some reason, because all of a sudden, my senses are coming back to life.
When the lights go out, Kayla comes back holding three beers and a cup of tea, with a sweet smile.
Confused, I eye the three beers.
“Look who I found!” she booms, excited.
Without waiting for my response, a tall figure pops his head out from behind her back, two more beers in his hand and a hot dog in the other. I cock my head to look at him closely, and it takes me a second before I make out a red flannel shirt and brown styled hair.
No way.
“What are you doing here?” I give Bodi a shocked look while my heart rate speeds up once more. My head snaps back and forth between Kayla and Bodi. If I wasn’t one-hundred percent convinced something was up, I am now.
Wondering if Jensen is here too, I glance past Bodi, a bit dazed.
Part of me is dying to see him.
The other part is terrified.
“Don’t worry.” Bodi soothes. “He’s not here. I brought you a hotdog.” He holds up the bun as a peace offering of some sort, as if he’s scared I’m going to bite his head off.
Narrowing my eyes, I grab the hotdog out of his hands. “I thought you went back to Atlanta.”
“I did,” he explains while both he and Kayla sit down. “But Kayla asked me to come, and I never say no to a good game.” He winks, then switches his gaze to Julie and Jason.
“Jason! How are you, mate?” He moves past me, pulling his friend in a tight hug, then slaps his back like guys do. “How long are you in town for?”
“Long enough for a night of bar hopping,” Jason smirks, followed by a snort of Julie beside him.
“Bar hopping suggests multiple bars, Jason. You’d need to raise your tolerance before you’ll be able to move your ass to another bar after two drinks.”
“Ignore her.”
“What’s up, Jules?” Bodi leans in to kiss her cheek, replied by an unimpressed look from her. “You wanna come for drinks?”
“Nah,” she taps Jason's thigh. “Don’t wanna ruin his self esteem by outdrinking him.”
“You can come, Jules. My self esteem can handle it. Just make sure my brother doesn’t freak out when he hears you’re out on the town with his little brother.” Jason’s reply is playful, but I sense a sharpness in his tone that briefly raises my eyebrows.
“Shut up.” Julie rolls her eyes, then takes the beer from Bodi before taking a big chug. Bodi offers the other to Jason, then takes the one Kayla’s holding out for him, his hazel green raking over mine.
“Relax, Goldilocks. You’re gonna be fine.” He then takes the seat next to Kayla.
“Right.” I don’t believe a fucking word he’s saying, so I turn around to Charlotte staring at the ice. When she notices my eyes on her, she smiles.
“Look, I've been hurt many times. Conveniently, by the man I now happen to be married to. I understand your fear, but I’d never do anything to upset you.”
“I’m not scared you will upset me,” I mumble, when I notice Hunter walk onto the ice, then point my thumb at my cousin and Bodi next to me. “I’m scared they will.”
“It’s just a game, Rae. Eat your hotdog,” Kayla mumbles.
I take a bite of the thing, doing my best to push away the nerves that move through my stomach like wildfire. When the meat of the hotdog attacks my taste buds in the most delicious way, I devour the entire thing within a minute, until I let out a satisfied moan while Hunter starts to welcome the crowd.
He’s wearing his signature snapback with a Hurricane jersey and some washed out jeans, and glancing at Charlotte, I can see the pride dripping from her face.
“He’s not playing, is he?”
“No, they just asked him to make a guest appearance to promote the charity. Introducing the new team and new roster. He’s training the Peewee’s.”
“Better?” Kayla asks, while I slouch down in the chair, not really registering what Charlotte is sharing.
“So much better.” Satisfied, I place my hands on my stomach, listening to Hunter’s opening. After a small introduction of the charity chosen for tonight, the teams skate onto the ice, and the crowd gives them a loud applause.
“You know they asked me to play for the all-stars team?” he asks the crowd, and cheering erupts in the arena. “But I declined,” he continues, followed by an echo of boos that makes him chuckle. “I know, I know. But I promised my wife I wouldn’t fight anymore, and I’m pretty sure these guys won’t hold back once I get on the ice. I don’t need my ass kicked on the ice, or my wife will do the same at home.” His eyes search for Charlotte in the crowd, and when he finds her, he gives her a short wave and a wink. “I love you, babe.”
She rolls her eyes, her cheeks getting a bit flushed as people turn to find her, and a grin forms in the corner of my mouth.
“Quite the charmer, that husband of yours,” I joke.
“Don’t I know it.”
“Any players we know of the veterans?” I ask not to anyone in particular, when Hunter introduces the all-stars team.
“Haven’t checked. But I’m sure you’ll know one or two,” Kayla replies before Bodi gives her a small kick.
“What?” she screeches as I watch them carefully. She scowls at Bodi, then gives me her finest smile. “I mean, you’ve worked in the NHL. I’m sure you’ll recognize some of them, right?”
Before I can reply, Hunter’s booming voice catches my attention when he starts to introduce the all-stars. A few old names seem familiar, and I start to get a bit excited about the game. But when I think the game is about to start, he chuckles through the mic.
“So, to give the first team a handicap, our center, Korhohen, and left-wing, Jordan Pence, will be playing for the all-stars team!” Cheers go through the rink, and the Finnish guy skates over to the team, waving toward the crowd. “But to keep it fair, our newest player will be filling the void. This man just won the Stanley Cup.”
My heart stops.
Nope, this is not happening.
“Making him officially the best defender in the league.”
Then my heart picks back up, frantically beating against my ribcage.
“And we are very excited to welcome him into the Hurricane family.”
My lips part, even though I can’t seem to breathe.
Don’t say it.
“Give it up for Jared James Jensen!” Hunter’s words echo through the rink, and the crowd goes ballistic while the world seems to go quiet around me.
“Fuck you, Kayla.” I hiss, my eyes never leaving the ice.
Time freezes as I watch Jensen skate onto the ice with that knee weakening smile on his face. He skates around the ice, waving to the crowd, and I swallow hard when he gets closer to our section. I blink, trying to keep my emotions in check, but really, I’m like a damn bouncing ball. I want to disappear into the ground, hoping he won’t see me, and I want to run downstairs to wrap myself around his body all at the same time.
But deep down I know exactly what is about to happen, and in seconds, I’m trying to figure out if I’m ready for it.
When light blue eyes find mine like a lighthouse, I gasp, the world around me completely forgotten. He quickly comes to a stop, giving me that smile filled with lust and longing.
The entire rink grows silent, all attention going to Jensen before they all follow his gaze, and eighteen thousand people stare at me all at once. Goosebumps trickle my skin, and I’m paralyzed. His gaze pins me down in my seat.
“But before we play, there’s something Jensen has to do.” I barely register Hunter’s words coming through the speakers until the people around me start to whistle and clap in encouragement.
I glance around me, feeling freaking unsettled with everyone’s attention.
“What is this, Kayla?” I clench my jaw, plastering a fake smile on my face.
“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “Maybe you should go and find out.”
I move my attention back to Jensen, who’s crooking his finger at me.
Nope.
I shake my head, nervous as fuck.
“I will get you down here, Rae. Don’t make me.” It’s a clear statement, one that’s accompanied by a lopsided grin, but I cross my arms in front of my body, giving him a defiant glare, not sure how I feel right now.
Excited to see him.
Horrified to see him.
Hopeful, watching his smile.
Scared I’m wrong again.
“Just take the grand gesture, Rae,” Charlotte whispers in my ear. “You know he’s not going to take no for an answer anyway.” I twist my head toward her.
“I married an asshole, remember.” She winks.
I know she’s right. Jensen doesn’t half-ass anything. He goes straight for the win, without any apologies. Collateral be damned. I already knew that about him, but I guess I never fully understood how far he’ll go if he’s really set his eyes on something. He didn’t just join my road trip, he hijacked it. He didn’t take my heart when I offered, he stole it when I wasn’t looking.
“Not a chance, asshole,” I bellow at the ice, pursing my lips.
Chuckles escape from the crowd, and Jensen breaks out in laughter as he gets off the ice through the bench.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you!” He points his finger at me, then his eyes find Bodi’s.
“Get her down here, McKay.”
“You got it!” Bodi jumps up, his focus on the people in the rows below us. “You heard the man. We need the girl down.”
Before I realize what’s happening, Bodi scoops me into his arms, and I let out a screech.
“Bodi McKay, you little fucking liar! Put me down!”
“Sorry, Goldilocks.” I’m still scowling when I’m placed into the arms of the first man in the row below us, and I give Bodi a panicked glance.
“Bodi!” I hiss, but my attempts are useless. Within five seconds, I’m being carried from man to man like I’m the object in some relay race until the last man drops me right in front of the man who gave out the command.
Instantly, I’m mesmerized by his deep blue eyes, unable to say a word or even breathe.
“Hey, baby.” He smirks.
I frown, folding my arms in front of my body like a moody toddler.
“I’m not your baby .”
He pulls the front of my sweater, tugging me against his chest. Sucking in his fresh scent feels like coming home, and I have a hard time not burying my face against his body.
“ Fuck it .” It’s just two words, but hope swells in my chest when they reach my ears. For us, they hold a deeper meaning. They hold an answer for the questions we don’t want to address, but I know I have to. I know I could assume, and I can’t ignore it if I want to take the fear away.
“You broke up with Emily?” I ask, cautiously.
He nods. “Fuck it.”
“Your parents?”
He smiles. “Fuck it.”
“You don’t want to live on the East Coast?”
“I want to be where you are.” He brings his lips closer, brushing his nose against mine as he holds onto my sweater, pressing me against his body with his other hand.
“You do?” I can see the affection dripping from his eyes, and slowly, it feels like my heart heals just looking at him.
“Fuck it,” he says again.
My eyes dart to his lips, and I lick mine, desperate to kiss him.
“What about Della?” My hands move up his arms, a comforting feeling settling inside of me when I enjoy his body under my palms.
“She’s gonna move in with me. I’m going to be paying for her tuition.”
“Really?” I huff, swooning that he wants to take care of his sister like that.
“Fuck it,” he repeats.
“You can’t just say fuck it, and think that’s it.” That’s not how this fucking works. “We still need to talk. You hurt me, Jensen.”
“I know, baby. And I’ll regret that for the rest of my life. But I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll tell you everything.”
“No more secrets?”
“No more secrets. Just you and me. Fuck the rest.” The warmth of his breath fogs my mind, desperate for his kiss.
“Fuck it,” I whisper against his lips.
“Can I kiss you now without you biting my head off?” His hand cups my cheek, and I close my eyes, leaning into his touch.
I nod, smiling, and he gently places his lips over mine, exploring with a bucketload of affection. Around us, the crowd breaks out in cheers, and sooner than I want, he breaks our connection.
“I guess they approve, huh?” He presses his forehead against mine.
“I guess so.” A giggle comes from my lips.
“I’m sorry I hurt you, baby. I had to fix it first. I didn’t want to give you promises before I knew what was going to happen. When I’d come back to you.”
I bite my lip, butterflies flying through my stomach. “Are you here now , Jensen?”
“Until you kick me to the curb, Rae Stafford.”
“Then, fuck it.”