Chapter 29
?? From Auntie Kay
Just spoken to your mum. She told me about you and Nick.
Beside myself with excitement. Knew you two were perfect for each other.
Glad you’ve come to your senses and called off your Steven search.
When you have a moment, please email me with all the details.
Don’t leave anything out! Is it too early to buy a hat? !!! xxxx
My heart sank. She was so right. We were perfect for each other.
But was Andy also perfect for me, just like he was when we got together twelve years ago?
Or was he still the Andy who treated me like crap as soon as he started his fast-track career?
Or perhaps someone even worse? But what if he was The Steven?
I had to find out or, as Nick said, I’d be forever wondering ‘what if?’
‘Another text from Andy?’ Clare asked as we relaxed on the sofa after a late breakfast on Sunday.
‘No. Auntie Kay.’ I blew on my tea. Andy had already texted me twice to ask if we could meet to talk.
‘Are you going to meet him?’
‘Not today,’ I said. ‘I’m too confused. I need some space before I jump into something I might regret. Do you fancy a walk around The Headland?’
‘Is there a pub at the other side?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’ll get my boots on.’
?? To Andy
Sorry for not replying sooner. Can’t meet today. Got plans with Clare. Can you pick me up after work tomorrow? 5.45pm
Andy knocked on the shop door bang on 5.
45 p.m. the following day. ‘I’ve got something for you,’ he said when I closed the door behind him.
He reached into a large paper carrier bag.
My stomach churned as he pulled out a familiar-looking brown box tied up with cellophane and red ribbon.
‘I didn’t feel it was appropriate to give my business to someone else and get you flowers so I got you these. ’
It can’t be. Please don’t let it be the same as Nick’s gift. I reluctantly undid the bow and opened the lid to reveal the same mix of floral cupcakes and biscuits.
‘What’s wrong?’ Andy asked. ‘Is it a bad gift? You’re not on a diet again, are you?’
I blinked the tears away and tried to look pleased. ‘No. Nothing like that. They’re great. Thank you. It’s a lovely thought. Really. I’ll just pop them in The Outback. Wait here a second. Don’t move. Back in a sec.’
With an overwhelming feeling of sadness, I placed the box on the worktop in the kitchen area, next to the half-empty box from Nick. I swallowed hard on the lump in my throat as I re-read Nick’s message, wondering what he was doing at that very moment and whether he was thinking about me.
‘Where do you fancy going?’ Andy’s shout brought me back to the present.
I shook my head and threw a tea-towel over the two boxes.
Out of sight, out of mind. Maybe. Pull yourself together, girl.
Andy’s here and he could be Steven. You’ve dreamed about getting back with him for years so stop moping about someone you’ve known for five minutes.
Nick’s given you the time and space to explore this so stop hiding in the kitchen and get exploring.
‘I don’t mind,’ I shouted back. I grabbed my coat and bag and headed back into the shop. ‘Food or drinks?’
‘I was thinking both. Maybe we could start with a drink then I can take you out for a nice meal?’
I smiled. ‘I think we’ll play it by ear. It’s work tomorrow so I can’t do a late one. Exactly how long I stay out may depend on how quickly I’ve had enough of you.’
‘Then we may be out for a long time. I’ll treat you so well tonight you’ll never want to go home. My aim is to make sure you’ve never had enough of me.’ Andy flashed his most dazzling smile.
I shook my head. ‘That has to be the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard you say.’
He grimaced. ‘Sorry. It’s been a while. Maybe I need to work on my lines.’
‘Maybe.’ I pushed him towards the door. ‘Let’s start in The Purple Lobster and take it from there.’
Despite my best intentions to only give Andy a couple of hours of my time and get an early night, one drink turned into four.
Tucked away in a booth in a quiet corner of The Purple Lobster, we reminisced about the night we got together, the rest of our time at university, our graduation, and that last holiday in Rhodes before things went downhill.
I confessed about my disastrous last year with Jason and Andy told me about his on-off relationship with Kelly.
It was one of those nights where the conversation flows and the hours whizz by… just like it used to.
‘This is me,’ I said when we reached Seashell Cottage shortly before eleven. ‘I’d invite you in, but…’
‘I know. It’s too soon.’
I nodded. ‘I’ve had a great time, though. My sides actually hurt from laughing so much.’
‘Mine too. Could you bring yourself to do it again tomorrow night? Perhaps we can manage something more sophisticated than a bag of chips on the way home?’
‘The chips worked for me,’ I said. ‘But tomorrow doesn’t. It’s Christmas Eve.’
‘I know. Oh. I bet you have plans.’ Andy’s eyes looked full of hope. ‘Do you?’
‘Sorry, Andy. Ben’s coming home and we’re having a family get-together at Mum and Dad’s. It’ll be the first time in years it’s just been the four of us.’
‘Sounds nice. I’m assuming you’ll be spending Christmas Day there too?’
I nodded. ‘I’d invite you, but—’
‘I’m the git who broke their daughter’s heart?’
‘Something like that. Sorry. Plus, I don’t want to tell them about… this… until I know what this is.’
‘Stop apologising. I’m the one who appeared out of the blue four days before Christmas.
I’m the one who should be apologising. I realise my timing sucks.
I was so desperate to see you again that I didn’t think about the time of year.
Any chance you’re free on Boxing Day? Or the day after? Or the day after that?’
I studied Andy’s disappointed face. The glow from the moon made him appear so young and innocent…
yet incredibly alluring. Why did he have to be so damned attractive?
Oh, what the hell. Mum wouldn’t mind if I was a little late.
‘Pick me up at the same time tomorrow night. I can only give you an hour, absolute max.’
His face lit up. ‘You’re sure?’
‘I’m sure. Now get out of here before I change my mind.’ I pointed back up the road.
‘I’m going. But first I have to give you one of these.’
Andy reached out and gave me a hug. It felt good to be held by him, familiar and comfortable. He gave me a gentle kiss on the top of my head. That felt good too.
‘Tomorrow, then.’ He cupped my face in his hands and gave me a soft and gentle peck on the lips. ‘I’ll be counting down the hours. Goodnight, Sarah.’
Mmm, that felt good too.
But so did kissing Nick.
Christmas Eve in Seaside Blooms was crazy.
Thankfully I’d enlisted Elise to help and I don’t think any of us stopped all day.
She’d been so busy at school that we hadn’t even spoken for the past two weeks so she knew nothing about the Nick and Andy situations.
I was desperate to get her take on it but there was no chance of conversation in the shop.
We’d have to catch up later in the week.
Andy appeared at five-forty-five on the dot again, after everyone had gone, and took me to The Purple Lobster where the hour whizzed by.
Surrounded by Christmas revellers, we got swept away in the festive spirit talking about Christmases we’d loved as kids, our favourite traditions and the best and worst presents we’d ever received.
When Andy described his three best gifts, I blinked back the tears as I said, ‘I bought you all of those.’
‘I know. And that’s why they’re so special. Like the person who gave me them.’
The butterflies went into overdrive as I held his gaze. ‘I still have that bear you gave me for our first Christmas. I nearly wore a hole in him from hugging him after we split up.’
Andy smiled. ‘I’m glad you still have him. I thought you might have shoved him in a charity bag.’
I had done on several occasions but, each time, had been overcome with an attack of the guilts and retrieved him. I had, however, shoved him at the back of the wardrobe.
‘Wait here a second,’ I said when we reached the gate of Seashell Cottage. I ran down the path, unlocked the door and headed to the kitchen.
‘Here you are.’ I handed Andy a set of spare keys. ‘I can’t bear the thought of you spending Christmas Day alone in a hotel room. I know I won’t be here for most of the day but surely a cottage with a DVD player, a real fire, and a fridge full of lager is better than a hotel room?’
Andy beamed. ‘You lifesaver. I was dreading tomorrow.’
‘I’ll probably be back around teatime so, if you’re still here, we can spend some time together then.’
‘Sarah, you’re the best. Happy Christmas.’
He gave me another brief peck on the lips.
Then another. I knew he was testing me to see if I’d respond.
I didn’t pull away but I didn’t encourage him either.
Normally I wouldn’t read such a big deal into a kiss but I knew that the minute I kissed Andy properly, it wouldn’t just be a kiss; it would be me saying I wanted him back too.
Yet something seemed to be holding me back from taking that step, which was a little strange considering the Steven connection, the obvious chemistry, and how many years I’d fantasised about that scenario.
?? From Andy
Morning gorgeous. About to have xmas full English then going for long walk on the beach before a DVD fest at yours. Have a lovely day with your family. Can’t wait to see you later xxxxxx
?? From Auntie Kay
Happy Christmas from New York to my favourite niece. Missing you all. Are you spending today with Nick? Hope so xxx
?? From Clare
I hate xmas but I know you love it so season’s greetings and all that bollocks. Bah humbug xx
?? From Nick
I know I promised not to get in touch but I had to wish you a Happy Christmas. I hope all of your Christmas wishes come true. Thinking of you xx
It was lovely being home for a family Christmas although it felt strange not having Auntie Kay with us for the first time ever. The arrival of Nick’s text set the butterflies going again but so did Andy’s. Was it possible to have strong feelings for two men at the same time?
‘How’s it going with your new man?’ Mum asked over a post-dinner glass of Baileys while the men washed up. ‘Nick, is it?’
‘Yes. Nick,’ I said, ignoring the first question and hoping she was too full of Christmas spirit to notice.
‘I Skyped Kay on Sunday and she wouldn’t tell me about her travels until I’d told her what I knew about you two. She was so excited. She speaks very highly of him.’
‘I know.’ I kicked my shoes off and curled my legs up under me on the huge leather armchair.
‘He sounds like a lovely young man.’
‘He is. He’s the best.’ I sipped my drink then slurped an ice cube into my mouth.
‘Then why’s it over already?’
I spat the ice back into my glass. ‘How…?’
‘You couldn’t wipe the grin off your face on Saturday when he sent the cakes and you were glowing all day.
But something happened on Saturday night or Sunday because you’ve been distracted for the last two days and, when I mentioned his name just now, instead of lighting up, you just looked sad. Do you want to talk about it?’
I sighed. ‘It’s a long, complicated story.’
‘Would it have anything to do with Andy being here?’
‘Andy? How…? Have you developed a sixth sense or something?’
Mum put her drink down on the coffee table. ‘I saw him in town on Sunday. Major déjà vu moment. He hasn’t changed much.’
I closed my eyes and held my cool glass against my aching forehead. ‘Oh Mum, it’s such a mess. I don’t know what to do.’
‘You could start by telling your mum all about it before the men finish their chores.’
I reached for her glass. ‘You might need a top up on that.’
‘And he’s at Seashell Cottage now?’ Mum said when I’d finished, leaving out the part about Steven.
I nodded.
‘You can go if you want. I understand.’
‘No, Mum. I’m staying. Part of the deal was that I wouldn’t change my plans. I was always going to head home early evening to feed the cats and that’s what I’ll still do.’
‘How do you feel about them both right now?’
I drained the last of my Baileys. ‘Very confused. A few years ago, if you’d asked me what I’d do if Andy Kerr walked back into my life and asked to try again, it would have been a no-brainer.’
‘And now?’
‘I don’t know what’s stopping me. Am I scared of getting hurt again? Am I worried it won’t be as good second time round? Do I think he’s just on a charm offensive to get me back and he’s really still the guy he became after uni? Or is the truth simply that I like Nick more?’
Mum gave me a sympathetic look. ‘Do you know what you need?’
‘Another drink?’ I rattled the ice cubes in my empty glass.
Mum laughed. ‘Time. I know it’s a cliché, but let’s face it, Andy couldn’t have picked a worse time of year to walk back into your life.
Don’t let the fact that he’s going home in a few days push you into any decisions.
Tell him he can stay longer – if that’s what you want – or tell him he can go home without a decision but, whatever you do, don’t rush into anything you may regret. ’