Chapter 30
I left Mum and Dad’s at half four and texted Andy to say I’d be home in fifteen minutes. Ben had evening plans back in Leeds so he gave me a lift home.
Opening the door to Seashell Cottage, the aroma of mince and garlic hit me. He’d never cooked, had he? He’d always been hopeless in the kitchen.
Andy bounded down the hall, gave me a hug, wished me a Merry Christmas, and said I wasn’t allowed into the kitchen while he was creating.
He directed me upstairs into the bathroom where he’d run a hot bubble bath.
Scented candles glowed and soft music played.
He’d even perched a glass of wine on the window ledge.
‘Don’t panic,’ he said. ‘It’s not a ploy to get you drunk and naked. I just thought you might like a relaxing bath after rushing around for the last couple of months. Although,’ he added wickedly, ‘I’d be more than happy to scrub your back… or anywhere else for that matter.’
Blushing, I threw a towel at him and ordered him out of the bathroom.
Lying back in the mandarin and jasmine bubbles five minutes later, I felt incredibly relaxed, although the wine and Baileys had probably helped. I love baths and hadn’t had time for one since moving home. What a lovely thought and just what I needed.
Closing my eyes, my mind drifted back to the first time Andy had run me a bath.
It had been our first Valentine’s Day together.
We’d been to a Valentine’s Ball along with most of the students from our flat.
It had been a lovely evening until a scuffle broke out on the next table and I somehow ended up wearing a pint of Guinness.
Soggy and smelly, I had no choice but to leave.
Andy ran me a bath while I peeled off my ruined dress then he perched on the side and gently poured jugs of water over my head, rinsing out the stout.
‘I can’t believe our evening’s ruined.’ Tears of frustration poured down my cheeks. ‘It was our first Valentine’s together and some drunk idiots messed it up.’
‘Hey, it’s not messed up. If anything, they’ve made it better.’
‘How can you possibly think that?’
‘I get you all to myself.’ He moved his soapy hands onto my tense shoulders and expertly massaged them. ‘We’ll have other Valentine’s Days to celebrate together.’
We’d never spoken about a future together. ‘Will we?’ I whispered. ‘Does that mean you can see me in your life for a bit longer?’
Andy stopped massaging my shoulders and shifted his position so he could look into my eyes. ‘I can see you in my life forever. I love you, Sarah.’
I hadn’t wanted to be the one who said it first. Elise told me she’d always regretted being the first to say she loved Gary, wishing he’d said it first. I was glad I’d waited as it truly was a magical moment. ‘I love you too, Andy.’
Baths are great but the average bath isn’t quite big enough for two adults and our demonstration of how much we loved each other caused a little bit of water displacement.
Okay, a lot of water displacement. Which ran through the floorboards into the lights in the kitchen below and shorted the electrics in the whole flat.
And the one next door. And the other buildings in our quad. Oops.
I opened my eyes and reached for my glass of wine, grinning at the memory of us scuttling down the corridor to my room, Andy holding onto a pile of soggy clothes and towels and me clinging onto my bottles of toiletries; we couldn’t leave any evidence behind to show who’d caused the blackout.
Grabbing my hand towel from the sink, I sent Andy back out into the dark corridor to mop up the wet trail.
He only just made it back into my room, stark naked, when the lights came back on.
There’d been an investigation, but we got away with it.
Clare was the only person who ever knew it had been us who caused chaos that night. Well, I had to tell someone.
I lay back in the bubbles sipping my wine. It had been an amazing night. But our whole relationship had been brilliant, which was why it hurt so much when it ended. I’d loved him so much. Did I still?
‘Are you covered?’ Andy called from outside the door about ten minutes later. ‘I wondered if you were ready for a top up.’
I glanced towards my half-empty glass. ‘Go on, then. But no trying to peek through the bubbles.’
Andy pushed open the door and kept his eyes firmly fixed on my face as he headed towards the bath and topped up my glass.
‘Is it hot enough for you? I know you like it boiling.’
‘It’s perfect.’
‘What are you grinning at?’
‘Don’t read anything into this,’ I said, ‘but I was thinking about the first time you ran me a bath.’
He smiled. ‘The Valentine’s Ball. I was thinking about that earlier too. I wasn’t sure if you’d remember.’
‘Of course I remember. It was the first time you said you loved me.’
‘I don’t know why I took so long to say it.
’ He kneeled down by the bath. ‘I loved you the moment I saw you.’ He smiled tenderly and my heart started racing.
‘That night, I seem to recall telling you that I could see you in my life forever. Fast forward less than three years later and I let you slip away.’ He looked so vulnerable again and also so very attractive in the candlelight.
‘You have to stop punishing yourself,’ I said. ‘You’re forgiven. Let’s stop focusing on what might have been and focus on the here and now. One day at a time.’
Andy sighed and stood up. He tucked a curl behind my ear. I held my breath at his touch and my stomach flipped. ‘You’re an amazing woman, Sarah Peterson. Thank you for being so understanding.’
I smiled and nodded. I didn’t trust myself to speak in case I let my alcohol-fuzzy head take control and suggest we relive the night of the Valentine’s Ball.
‘I’m confused.’ Fifteen minutes later I stared at my plate of beans on toast. ‘Don’t get me wrong, Andy. This looks delicious, but I was sure I could smell mince earlier. Am I going mad?’
‘Ah! Slight change of plan. I tried to impress you by making a chilli. You know how I was never great at cooking? If it’s possible, I’ve got worse. I burnt the chilli. I may owe you a new pan. I think I welded it to the bottom.’
I laughed. ‘Don’t worry about it.’
‘I didn’t think there’d be any takeaways open with it being Christmas Day so I had a bit of a panic. Then I realised making you a big meal was a stupid idea because you’ll have had a huge dinner and probably only want something light. So, voilà!’
‘I’d definitely have struggled with a big meal. This is spot on.’
‘Did you enjoy your bath?’ Andy asked, when we’d finished eating. ‘Was it the right thing to do?’
‘It was unexpected but perfect. I mean that. Thank you.’
‘It looked pretty good. I was tempted to join you.’
‘You should have.’ Oh my God! Engage brain first.
Andy laughed. ‘You should see the look on your face. I take it you weren’t meant to say that aloud?’
‘No.’
‘Well, I’m glad you did. I know you’re not promising anything but for that thought to even cross your mind, it shows that you’re thinking of me as something other than a friend. If only for a brief moment.’
‘I…’ Maybe I should have stayed sober. My decisions when inebriated were frequently ill-advised. The phrase, ‘It seemed like a good idea at the time’ was invented for me after a few drinks.
‘Do you have any plans for tomorrow?’ Andy asked when we moved into the lounge.
It dawned on me that I’d been so busy that I hadn’t planned beyond Christmas Day. I wanted to see Elise but we hadn’t confirmed a day. ‘Not yet. Why?’
‘Would you do me the honour of spending the day with me?’
I smiled. ‘If you’re as good company as you’ve been the last couple of days, I might be able to cope with it.’
‘That’s a relief. I’ve organised a surprise for you.’ He looked very pleased with himself.
‘What is it?’
‘It won’t be a surprise if I tell you, will it? I’ll pick you up at half five.’
I spluttered on my wine. ‘In the morning?’
He nodded. ‘You should dress warmly. Lots of layers. And wear sensible shoes. Oh, and you’ll need a hat.’
‘What are we doing? Conquering Everest?’
‘Patience. You’ll find out tomorrow. I think you’ll like it. In fact, I know you’ll like it.’
Andy insisted on doing the washing up and leaving by ten so I could get a good night’s sleep. He gave me a gentle kiss on the lips again as he left. It was slightly longer this time but the fact that he wasn’t pushing me earned him massive Brownie Points.
My head felt fuzzy from a steady flow of drink across the afternoon and evening and my whole body felt weary. I blew out the candles, spread the dying embers in the fire, and was about to switch the lamps off when I spotted my laptop on the coffee table. Maybe just a quick look on Facebook…
My newsfeed was full of Christmas best wishes and comments from friends and acquaintances about their Christmas Day, predominantly referencing too much food, too much drink, too many sweets, and too much money spent.
Surely that was what Christmas was all about; too much of everything. One of the entries was from Nick.
Nick Derbyshire
5 hrs
Happy Christmas to all my friends and family
How was he? Was he sad? Had I ruined his Christmas? Feeling an overwhelming desire to connect with him I clicked onto his timeline and scrolled down it, building up a picture of the past week.
Skye Harris > Nick Derbyshire
22 December at 20:38
Are you OK? Tried phoning a few times & keep getting voicemail. Stuart says you seem down and your last post is very unlike you xx
Nick Derbyshire I’ll text you
Marcus Jones > Nick Derbyshire
22 December at 10:11
Thanks for finishing that job for us. Have a great Christmas break. We’ll catch up in the New Year
Nick Derbyshire
21 December at 23:46
I’ve had enough of this year. How long till the next one?
Skye Harris Cheer up you xx
Callie Michaels You OK big bruv? I’m only a phone call away if you need me xx
Nick Derbyshire
21 December at 01:33
Just had the most amazing evening ever
Callie Michaels Spill!!!!
Skye Harris This wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain young florist, would it?
Nick Derbyshire Might have!
Skye Harris YEEAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! You’re so perfect for each other. Fancy a coffee later to catch up?
Nick Derbyshire 2 p.m. in The Chocolate Pot, Skye? Callie – will call you soon x
I scrolled up and down between the few short entries that told such a story from elation to devastation. ‘Have I really caused all that? I’m so sorry Nick.’
With a heavy heart, I shut down my laptop and slowly padded upstairs to bed where I lay for the next two hours cuddling Mr Pink and staring into the darkness, trying to work out how I felt about the two men in my life.
When fatigue finally overcame me, I still hadn’t reached a conclusion but I had realised one thing: I hadn’t replied to Nick’s text.
It had come through while I was basting the turkey for Mum and I’d made a mental note to reply later when I had time to think of an appropriate message that didn’t come across as a brush-off.
I wanted to show him I still cared. Yes, Sarah, you showed you really cared by forgetting to reply altogether.
You absolute muppet. I hoped that my rudeness hadn’t caused him any further distress.
I reached for my phone and started but abandoned several replies. Nothing seemed right. I’d left it too late and I was too tired, drunk and confused to send something acceptable. I’d maybe try tomorrow instead.