Chapter 6
Madeleine
My manager, a heavyset gentle-giant of a guy named Bert who looked every bit of what a Bert should have looked like, caught me and Sapphire waving to each other as she and Britt headed out of the café, Sapphire looking more put-together now even though her eyes were still a little puffy and red. Bert gave me a pointed stare while he cleaned down the espresso machine brew head, and finally, he said, “That your girlfriend?”
“Oh—no. I’m still seeing Tristan.”
“Tristan? Who?” He furrowed his brow.
“You’ve met him. Back in May—tall guy, curly brown hair. I introduced you to him, told you he’s my boyfriend.”
He shook his head, bending over to see at normal human height as he scrubbed up inside the brew head. “Sounds like Tristan don’t come around here enough. What’s the point in having a boyfriend if you’re not gonna get him in to order things?”
“Didn’t realize my love life was a marketing vector…”
He laughed—he had the biggest laugh, the kind that slipped out just a little and then bellowed out into something bigger where it was impossible not to smile with him, and he swatted my way lightly with a cleaning rag. “I’m just messing with you. For real, though, you gotta get your man in here more often. Jess’s boyfriend comes in here and spends the whole afternoon just flirting with her over the counter, that cute shit, that’s what I wanna see.”
“Ah. I’m dating a guy working in finance, so, you know, I see him once a week for an hour. I have avoidant attachment issues, so it’s a dream relationship.”
“Listen to you talk. Think our health plan here covers therapy.”
“I’m not full-time, Bert, you know that.”
He chuckled. “Guess you’ve gotta switch to FT, then.”
I swatted him with my own cleaning rag. I didn’t go as lightly as he did, but the guy could get hit by a bus and not notice. I’d seen a five-pound bag of coffee fall from a shelf and hit him on top of the head and he hadn’t even looked up, just brushed the top of his head like it was a fly landing on him and continue on what he was doing. “If I work in customer service forty hours a week, there won’t be enough therapy in the world to save me. I’m good like this.”
“Someone say therapy?” Haley’s voice said, and I looked back at where she came out from the back, still tugging her apron on. “If anyone’s traumatized, lemme know, I can make it worse.”
“I know, Haley,” I said, as politely as anything. I had to give her props for self-awareness—Haley, who had started working here at the same time I did a year back now, was great at two things, music and causing problems. She’d bounced from one attempt to make it in the music industry to another, always playing little local gigs in pursuit of her rockstar dreams, breaking girls’ hearts and making latte art to pay the bills that apparently slamming a guitar and belting into a microphone in a small Chicago club didn’t pay.
She grinned and elbowed my side once she got her apron on, fluffing her pink hair out from under the hem. “Where’s the girl you’ve been lusting over?”
“Haley—Jesus, I don’t know what Britt told you, but I’m not lusting over her. She’s just my friend.”
Bert clapped Haley on the shoulder. “You see it too! I tell you, Hale, Madeleine was looking longingly at her just now.”
“Bert. Both of you.” I put a hand to my forehead. Haley put her hands on her hips, mouth agape.
“She was here and I missed her? Oh my fucking god. I’m gonna pretend to be sick and go chase her down.” She batted her eyelashes at Bert. “Boss, I’m sick, I have to take off.”
Bert chuckled. “You’re a funny one, Hale. Can you do the dishes before you get on register?”
“Ugh, dishes.” Haley slouched towards the back like she was being walked to the electric chair. She stopped at the doorway, looking at me. “When are you done today, Mads? I’m trying to scope out how much time I have to harass you about your precious gemstone.”
“I’m closing tonight, unfortunately.”
She grinned. “I’m literally so happy to hear that.”
“Haley, did you sleep last night? You look like a zombie.”
She scratched her head. “I was up until four hanging out with some pals, just partying it up a little bit before my beautiful, fragile youth slips away.”
“Uh-huh. Well, as long as you’re not hitting on Britt like I was worried about, we’re good.”
She paused. “Britt? Huh.”
That considering look was bad news. I shouldn’t have said anything. “Don’t get ideas,” I said.
She grinned at me. “I wouldn’t dream of stealing your and your new girlfriend’s thunder.”
“Ah, Jesus, I told you, she’s just my friend. I have a boyfriend.”
“Barely,” Haley muttered, heading into the back, and I pretended not to hear it.
Still, it felt on the nose that once I got off my shift at ten o’clock and made it back to my apartment—Britt was still out, having grabbed Ellen and Meg to head to a bar in Dearborn Station once she’d dropped off Sapphire at her hotel room—I lay there on the couch looking at my text chat with Tristan and wondering if he was ever finishing work tonight. It was ten minutes of agonizing over it before I sent a text.
Hey there, just got off my shift for the night, hope you’re doing okay
I set my phone aside and grabbed my tablet from by the door, pulling up my concept sketch. I’d finished it during my lunch break at work, still riding that wave of inspiration from Sapphire’s hotel room, but I wanted to give it a second pass, clean it up, tweak it here and there, and I even found myself putting some work in on my big technical project with the inspiration fresh in mind, and it was almost an hour later that I got a text from Tristan.
Just got home too, early morning tomorrow though so I’m going straight to bed, night
“You’re kidding,” I groaned, setting the tablet down and picking up the phone. Dude, I have the wildest story in the world, and I’m going to die if I don’t get to tell you.
It was another ten minutes before he replied. Thought you were telling Britt about it
I scowled. is that a man thing, where stories are single-use
He responded with a laugh emoji, and then, kinda, and then, sorry about the time crunch lately, promise I’ll get some proper time with you soon
Ah, whatever. I couldn’t get mad at him. It wasn’t like he was choosing to be this busy. hope you’ll be okay with all the stress right now, I sent. good night! love you
night, you too
I told myself to go back to my drawing and be normal about it, but it gnawed at me the whole time, a nameless anxious feeling turning in my stomach—this feeling that the apartment was too quiet right now. Finally, I set down my tablet with a frustrated sigh, and I texted Sapphire
Hey there, doing okay? sleeping right now?
I want to, but I’m having a hard time falling asleep… And then typed out too quickly afterward, don’t let me keep you up though I promise I’m okay!!
The girl was probably having a moment sitting there alone in the hotel room. I hit call, and she picked up after the first ring.
“Hi,” she said, her voice sounding breathless. “Um… everything okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good.” I kicked back on the couch, and I fumbled over my head for the light switch, turning off the overhead light so it was just the moody lighting on the fake stone wall and the city lights coming in from the window. “My boyfriend’s been so busy lately that we haven’t gotten a chance to chat, and I’m going to explode if I just lie here wanting to tell him this story but not being able to.”
“Oh.” She paused. “Do you want me to keep you company? I like talking to you.”
“Wanted to check in and see if you’re okay, but I guess ultimately, yeah, that’s what I’m looking for.” I barely recognized myself for it—I was a very independent person, self-sufficient no matter which way you turned it, and I wasn’t normally calling people up unless I had something specific to tell them, but—mostly I just wanted to make sure Sapphire was okay. Saying I wanted company was a nice way to make it feel more like an even exchange for her, so she wouldn’t feel too guilty.
“I’m not going to keep you up too late or something…?”
“Nah. I’m a nighttime girly.”
“Oh. Me too,” she laughed. “That’s probably why it’s hard for me to fall asleep… I’m used to going to bed at, like, two in the morning. Last night it was easy because I couldn’t stay up another second anyway, but I don’t have that luxury tonight.”
“Ah, well, all the better. This city’s fun by night. You’ll like living here.”
“What’s fun to do at night?”
“Well, that’s a hell of a question. I can think of some things people like.”
“What?” It took a second for it to settle in, and I heard the sound in her throat when she placed it. “Oh my god. Madeleine! I didn’t phrase that question the best I could have…”
I laughed, rolling over and picking up my tablet again, just idly picking at my design drawing while I cradled the phone between my shoulder and ear. “There’s lots around here. It’s a big city, you know? Everyone has their own likes and preferences.”
“Okay, well, let’s instead of talking about it like a politician, tell me what you like.”
“I love being there for my constituents.”
“Okay, okay, you’ve got my vote. But seriously,” she laughed, and I found myself smiling like a dork, starting a new concept drawing—my hand just working on its own.
“Lots of things between us. Britt likes to go clubbing or track down small bands. Ellen really likes art and goes to gallery showings. Meg helps host film events. Haley is trying to chase her dreams of being a rockstar. Me… I think you already know I’m into architecture. That sounds boring compared to everything else.”
She laughed. “I think it’s cool. So what, you go around and look at buildings?”
“I do studies. You can come with me on an architecture tour sometime and I’ll show you what I mean.”
“Ugh—Madeleine, you can’t keep spoiling me so much.”
I paused, feeling a smile play on my lips. “Can I not? Should I say sorry?”
“No. That sounds really amazing. I would love to. Just… most people aren’t this good, and I can’t let my standards get too high.”
“High standards are good,” I laughed. “So it’s a yes to the tour sometime? You probably haven’t seen much of Chicago either, have you?”
“I haven’t, yeah… it’s definitely a yes. I’m going to have to figure out—”
“Hilton reward points.”
“Oh my god, you’re going to keep pulling that out forever. Fine then! I’ll be selfish and let you give me everything I could possibly want.”
I bit back a smile, sketching out—I didn’t even know what, my pen doing its own thing. Chandeliers like in the Hilton Chicago. “Once this is all squared away, you can buy me some ice cream.”
“I’m getting you the best ice cream you’ve ever had, I swear.”
We kept talking like that for ages—I lost track of time, just sketching while we chatted and laughed over nothing, and it was somewhere deep into a meandering conversation that the door unlatched and Britt came inside, looking equal parts exhausted and satisfied. She gave me a tired smile, shutting the door behind her and hanging her bag up. Sapphire kept talking down the line, finishing her sentence, and Britt looked over, ears perking up.
Sapphire? she mouthed, and I rolled my eyes, waving her off.
“… so I’ve been to faraway places, too, but I’d be sheltered in those places, too—” Sapphire went on, but I lost her when Britt snatched the phone from my hand.
“Britt—hey! Give that back!” I reached for my phone, but Britt could hold things out of my reach even when I was standing up. Crashed on the couch, I never had a chance. She held the phone to her ear, grinning.
“Sapphire?” She leaned back against the chair. “Oh, just checking it’s you. Let me guess, Tristan ghosted her again so you were keeping her company?”
“ Britt. ” I slumped over the edge of the couch. “For god’s sake, woman.”
I heard Sapphire’s voice chattering down the line. Seemed like she was having fun, at least. Britt laughed.
“Ah, you two are cute. I love it. Well, don’t let me third-wheel. Sleep well, Sapph.”
“I’ll kill you,” I said, but Sapphire was laughing when Britt handed the phone back to me. “Hi. Sorry about that. A creepy woman just barged in and stole my phone.”
“The creepy woman seems nice,” Sapphire laughed.
“Eh… she’s okay, ish,” I said. Down the line, Sapphire yawned, and she answered in a sleepy haze.
“I like her plenty… I like the friendship you two have, too.”
“I could do without it,” I said, smiling despite myself. “Feeling able to sleep now, nighttime girly?”
“Mm. Probably. More importantly—are you? I’m on important duty keeping you company.”
“Ah, don’t tell me this whole conversation was just you taking pity on me.”
“Even if that were true, we’d be a hundred to one with you taking so much pity on me.”
“It’s not pity,” I laughed. “We’re just in this together.”
“Well, it’s never pity for you either,” she said, her voice small and sleepy now. “I like talking to you. It’s fun…”
“Same for me.” I felt Britt’s gaze prickling on the back of my head, and I just knew she was giving me that smug smile. I hoped she couldn’t hear Sapphire’s responses. She’d never let me live down I like talking to you, it’s fun. From a woman who I’d seen naked.
Where was my mind even going?
“I’m ready to wipe out, too, though,” I said, shutting my tablet off and setting it aside. “Thanks for taking pity on me.”
“Psh. If you want to pay me back, let me buy you ice cream.”
“Ah, smooth moves. And you tried to tell me you don’t have people skills.”
She giggled. “Goodnight, Madeleine.”
“Goodnight, Sapphire. See you tomorrow.” I’d said it without even thinking about it—we hadn’t discussed plans to see each other again tomorrow, but I couldn’t fathom the idea of not seeing her tomorrow, now that she was starting her job search. I was invested in this story to the end.
But it did mean I had to deal with Britt’s smug look when I hung up and set the phone aside, and I sighed.
“Listen, Britt—”
“I love her,” she said. “I’d been worried you’d gotten yourself tangled up with a weirdo. She’s amazing.”
That was better than I expected. I relaxed. “Yeah… a little out there at points, but she’s so sweet.”
She laughed, leaning against the door. “So, we keeping her?”
“Think you’ve decided for us.”
She stuck her tongue out. “Answer the question, dick.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I laughed. “It’s a unanimous household vote. We’re keeping her. And if the butler snatches her, we ride at dawn.”
“That’s what I’m talking about,” she said. “So? You know, right?”
“Know what?”
“Sapphire.” She grinned. “She has such a crush on you.”
And here we were. Should have known not to relax. I rolled my eyes. “Just because you deeply wish for someone to be gay doesn’t make it so.”
“Trust me. I’ve noticed Rachel Weisz is still straight, for some god-forsaken reason. Sapph told me herself.”
I wasn’t supposed to have a nervous drop in my stomach, feel my senses prick up as much as they did. I wasn’t reading into that… my head was just weird lately. “She told you she’s gay?”
“Yup. Admitted that was what she fought with her parents about.” She put her hands in her pockets, looking away. “Poor girl thought we’d be scared of her if we found out she’s for the girlies.”
“Oh… huh. That’s cool.” I sat up, stretching my arms out in front of me, sleep catching up on me all at once. It was almost two in the morning… I’d been talking to Sapphire for like three hours and didn’t even notice. “Still, it doesn’t mean anything. She likes me in that she’s very happy to have someone she can depend on, and I really don’t want you to make that weird.”
“I’m not telling you to get with her.” She came around to the other end of the couch, dropping down and sitting cross-legged in the corner, half facing me. “Although—it would be hot and I wouldn’t mind if you got too loud at night.”
“Britt. That’s disgusting.”
She cackled. “No, but seriously. I just want you to acknowledge that she likes you.”
I looked away. “For Christ’s sake… as a friend, yes, I think she does, and I’m very flattered by that and I appreciate it.”
“It’s not just for fun,” she said. “I mean, take it as proof that you can get better than what you’ve got. Look at the way she gives you attention. Does Tristan?”
Oh, god. Here we were, back on the boyfriend subject again. Still, when she said it, I couldn’t shake the thought of Sapphire talking about the way you look at things… “Tristan’s just a busy guy,” I said. “And I knew that when I got together with him. And—Britt, you know me. I’m not the type to get all starstruck and make someone my whole world. I want someone I can make reasoned, careful decisions about and around. We each do our own work, and we check in with each other and go back to our things.”
“Okay, but when does he check in on you? Or do you talk sometimes and he gets whatever he wants off his chest and goes back to his job?”
I sighed. “He has a hard job. Of course he’s going to have more to get off his chest.”
“When was the last time you even hung out in person?”
“I saw him Saturday…”
“You hung out with him, or you saw him?”
“I—” I pursed my lips. She folded her arms, kicking her feet out onto the table.
“When was the last time you had dinner together? Saw a movie? Girl, when was the last time you had sex with him?”
I wrinkled my nose, looking away. “Britt, you talk entirely too much about me having sex. If you want to have sex with me, I’m sorry, but I’m not interested.”
“Devastated. Now, answer the question.”
I felt this deep, sad feeling in my chest that I was absolutely humiliated by and would not in my life admit to, and I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Sex isn’t the only thing that matters.”
“Sure, it’s not. But it matters to you, doesn’t it?”
I sighed, feeling antsy now. “It’s really not a big deal. What’s most important is that he cares.”
She dropped her feet on the floor, standing up slowly, and she shrugged off her jacket, hanging it up on the rack by the door. “Suit yourself,” she said, finally. “Just maybe try to learn a lesson from Sapphire.”
I paused. “That lesson being…?”
She turned to the hall, walking down towards her bedroom, and she answered without looking back. “It’s okay to leave something just for the sake of looking for something that makes you happier. Ah, god, I’m bushed. Made out with a girl at the club and then she ignored me. Takes it out of you.”
She wasn’t exactly a walking advertisement for single life. Seemed desperate to do whatever it took to get a girlfriend.
Still, she was right about one thing. Sapphire was definitely a lot braver than I was.
I pushed the thought away to some dark corner, standing up, and I yawned. “Goodnight, Britt. Hope that girl sleeps with you in your dream.”
“Ha. That’d be nice. Should have seen her ass.”
“Okay, lovely, thank you for telling me. Goodnight.”
“Night, Mads.” She shut the door behind her, and I kept myself moving rote, picking up my stuff and heading to bed. It was only once I was tangled up in my sheets with the lights off that I found myself back in the quiet with my thoughts, and I pulled up my tablet to look at the design I’d sketched when I was on the phone with Sapphire.
Didn’t know what it was. But something about that girl helped me pull up the best inspirations. She didn’t even know how much she was helping me.
Maybe I should have told her, but… I’d probably get too embarrassed.