Chapter 19
Sapphire
My heart pounded the whole way back to my apartment—it wasn’t like we’d said anything specific, that we’d do anything necessarily, but my head buzzed with the thought, with—possibility. And I felt the presence of Madeleine next to me like she was all over me, keenly attuned to every atom of her presence without even looking her way.
I was really in deep with this girl, wasn’t I? I wondered if I was supposed to be scared of that. Like the calm in the eye of the storm, I couldn’t find any of that fear standing right in the center of it.
The building was quiet when we got back—the middle of the week and we were showing up at midnight, there wasn’t a lot going on, and I stuck close to Madeleine’s side making small talk and giggling over nothing as we slipped into the elevator and I hit the button for my floor, and we both glanced at each other as the doors shut, a silence settling between us for a second before some invisible force pulled me into her, and we reached each other at the same time, catching her in a deep, passionate kiss that swept me off my feet. I felt like a teenager in love—like all the feelings and all the wild rush of it all that I’d been denied all my life was here all at once—and I gripped firmly at the back of her shirt, tangled my hand in her hair, pressed my lips against her kissing sloppily and unskillfully, wild and dumb and drunk on the feeling, drunk on her.
We staggered out once we reached our floor, and I got my key in the lock, throwing the door open and stepping inside, turning back expecting us to resume where we’d left off in the elevator, but Madeleine threw the door shut and stepped into me, cupping her hands on either side of my face, and she walked me backwards instead, holding her face close to mine and keeping eye contact as we stepped back and dropped onto the sofa, Madeleine climbing onto me there on the couch, facing the windows all lit up with the Chicago skyline behind her, and she licked her lips with a smile on her face.
“Hey there,” she whispered.
“Hi,” I said, suddenly giddy with nerves, my hands on her hips. “You look awfully pretty tonight.”
“You’re frustratingly beautiful every single day and night.”
“Frustratingly?” I laughed, and she smiled wider, nuzzling her nose against mine.
“No, that’s not the right word. Maybe infuriatingly. I swear, I don’t know how you’re real. It’s not fair that you’re as beautiful as you are.”
I pursed my lips, swallowing back laughter. “Should I, uh, stop?”
“No. Absolutely not. Instead just let me be selfish and have you all to myself.”
I put a hand to my chest. “Oh, no. A beautiful woman wants to make me her own. What a dilemma.”
“Oh, I believe it.” She bent down and kissed softly at my neck, and it felt like everything in the world falling into the right place all at once, like all the world’s problems vanished in a heartbeat. I rolled my head back against the couch pillows and let her ease me onto my back, peppering small, soft kisses over my collar, my shoulder, my neck, on and on until it started getting ticklish, and I kicked at the cushions giggling, grabbing her without meaning to, and she laughed with me, going up and meeting my lips with hers, long and soft and sweet and so perfect I thought I’d freak out. I probably already was freaking out.
We deepened the kiss, moving in sync, nipping at each other’s lips, her tongue soft and warm against my lower lip, sucking lightly on hers, and I was hot all over when she broke off to whisper, “Sapphire?”
“Mm?”
“What would you like?”
Apparently under the surface and under all the things I’d grown up internalizing, I was a forward and confident woman, because I said without hesitation, “I’d like to have sex with you, please. If you’d like that too.”
“Mm.” She moved down to kiss more softly at my neck this time. “Yeah?”
“I mean, it’s not a hard question.”
“Not for me either,” she laughed. “You’ll remember I saw you naked not twenty-four hours after we met…”
“ Madeleine, ” I laughed, swatting at her shoulder. She grinned.
“Just saying, I’d been thinking about it… anything specifically you want?”
“I, uh, don’t know. I’m pretty new to this.”
She danced her fingertips up my thigh, just under the hem of my skirt, and I murmured a soft moan at the electricity of the touch. “Then… relax a bit, let me lead the way, and tell me if you want more of something, less of something… anything at all.”
It didn’t feel like I expected—I thought sex was supposed to be this wild, fiery thing where you went tumbling into bed together, rocked with passion until the bed shook and you finished sweaty and exhausted and satisfied. The whole idea seemed so… scary, so much, so intimidating, and I’d thought I’d understand when I got there, that it would make sense. But this was something completely different, something soft, easy, comfortable. Beautiful, soft, intimate time together with a woman I couldn’t stop dreaming about, exploring what made each other’s bodies feel good, what made each other’s hearts feel good…
Maybe that still wasn’t what sex was normally like. Maybe this was a me and Madeleine thing. After all, we’d already talked about how the two of us saw this whole thing as something different from how the rest of the world did. Maybe sex was no different.
I think I liked it, like this.
“I will,” I whispered, trailing my fingers through her hair as she kissed my collar, slipped down and kissed my waist, tugging my blouse up out of my skirt and brushing her lips over my skin just above the band of my skirt.
With the lights low and the windows cracked against the cool air and distant hum of the city, moonlight pale and soft in the room, it felt so romantic, Madeleine taking my clothes off painstakingly, kissing up my front, kissing the tops of my breasts. I tugged on her sweater, and she cooperated, let me slip it up off of her, and it took my breath away seeing how beautiful she was like this—even if it wasn’t my first time seeing it, I didn’t think I’d ever get used to it. I ran my hands up along her perfect skin, feeling every inch of her, and when I got to the hooks at the back of her bra and looked to her for permission, she bit her lip, looking away. I paused.
“Um… do you want to keep it on?”
“We can do whatever you like best…”
I dropped my hands. “I don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”
“It—doesn’t make me uncomfortable, just—” She shifted awkwardly, picking absently at the back of her hand. When she didn’t follow it up, I sat up a little, propping myself up on the sofa arm.
“Just what?”
“Just… want you to do whatever you like.”
She still wasn’t looking at me. Still, it seemed almost more like she was… embarrassed? She’d been so self-conscious and shy last time, too, and with everything Britt had said about her not feeling good enough, about her wishing she could have that loving attention…
I was willing to bet Tristan never gave her attention. And when he did, it probably wasn’t flattering. Was she just waiting for me to do the same thing? Expecting me to get bored, just try to get it over with? I couldn’t get my head around the idea of having Madeleine to be close with, to be intimate with, and brushing her off.
I might have just been biased, though.
I tightened my grip on the back of her bra strap, moving to look her in the eyes as best I could while she was pointedly watching the window. “What I would like,” I said, “would be to get you naked and make you feel good. If that’s something you’d like too, then…”
She bit her lip, straining her expression, still not looking at me. “Um… yeah?”
I felt a nervous laugh bubble up. “It’s not a hard question.”
“I see how it is.” She scratched her head, looking away in the other direction. “Uh—we can… do that, then. But if you don’t enjoy it or you want to stop, I promise that’s okay. At any point.”
“I know.”
“And—uh. I’m not very good at—” She gestured vaguely, struggling for words, and I gave her a second before I tried to fill in the blank.
“Um… receiving attention?”
“No. Yes… definitely yes, in general. But specifically. I mean…” She put a hand over her face. “Uh—it’s kind of hard for me to, uh… finish…”
“Oh.” I blinked fast. “I don’t mind… it’s okay if you can’t. Or if you take a while but still want to. I’m sorry if I’m not very good, so, uh—please tell me how to make it feel the best I can.”
“I mean—anything you do is fine.”
I scowled. “Ma’am, I don’t want to sit there doing something you don’t like. I want to make you feel good the same way you want to make me feel good.”
She shifted, looking down. “It’s just, I don’t want to be… demanding, or anything.”
“ I want you to be. Just for this. You have to be a little demanding when the moment calls for it. You know, like when I’m trying to give you what you want.”
She hesitated, hanging there for an awkward second, before she said, “Yeah?”
“Would you enjoy it much if a customer came in like oh, just make me whatever’s most convenient for you, I don’t want to cause problems? ”
She laughed nervously, finally looking at me. “So I’m a customer now? I’m not expected to pay for this, am I?”
“I’m not an escort. Just someone who loves to help out.”
“Help out,” she laughed. “Is that what we’re going with?”
I unhooked her bra, slipping it off of her and dropping it onto the floor, slipping my hands around to massage up her breasts, teasing my thumbs around her nipples and savoring the way she jerked into it with a small gasp. “It sure is,” I said. “Now, tell me… what you fantasize about. No—tell me what you would fantasize about if you weren’t too embarrassed to think it.”
She put a hand over her face, flushing a warm peachy hue. Seemed like I’d said the right thing. “Uh—we can stick to the safer stuff.”
“I don’t want to. I want you to use me for every dirty little fantasy you have.”
She made a noise in her throat, looking at me now with a deep, full-faced blush. “Um…”
I batted my eyelashes, looking up at her in that way I knew she liked and that I took no small amount of pride in the fact that she enjoyed it. “You know, if you like… I just want to do anything you want. Anything at all.”
“God, Sapphire—” She moved her hand up to cover her eyes. “You’re unbelievably hot, you know that?”
“I’m so glad… anything for you,” I whispered, trailing my fingers down her sides. My heart beat faster as I breathed, “Anything you like… I’ll do whatever you tell me to. And I’ll love every second of it.”
“God,” she groaned, dragging it out, rolling her head back, and I took the opportunity to kiss her waist, tugging on the band of her pants. She let out a crackling whimper, looking down at me, breathing hard, as she slipped her hand into my hair, holding me against her. “I-I want you so badly…”
I kissed again, pulling her pants down just a bit and kissing on the light lines the band had left on her skin. “You want me to do what?”
“God—”
“Anything at all.”
“You know you don’t—”
“ Anything. ”
“I want your mouth—on me,” she blurted, her voice crackling. “You’re so pretty…”
I bit my lip, flushing hard, my heart skipping a beat, and I slipped my hands forwards to undo her pants button. She gasped, breaking into a desperate little noise in her throat, as she slipped her hand to the back of my head.
“A-are you sure—you know you don’t have to—”
“I want to,” I whispered, brushing my lips along the front of her pants. I could feel her heat radiating outwards through it… my whole body reacted so powerfully, it gave me chills at the same time it sent heat blossoming through me. “I really, really want to.”
“Mm… god, Sapphire,” she whispered, her hand over her mouth, watching me with wide eyes as I pulled her zipper down, tugging her pants down to her knees. She dropped back to lie on the sofa while I tugged her pants off, and she gripped her hand tighter on her face while I kissed my way back up her leg, tracing my fingers over every inch of her soft, perfect legs.
She was so pretty like this… the freckles she had over her stomach and on her hips, lines from where her pants had sat a little too tight on her waist, the gentle curves of her hips, the shades of darker skin up to the edges of her underwear. So… real. And so perfect.
I tugged on the band of her underwear. “Can I take this off?” I said, and she nodded, the tiniest and quickest little movement. My body flushed with heat as I pulled them down, slowly, achingly, over her thighs, down until I could see her center, slick with her wetness… wet for me. I’d done that. I bit my lip, and I only realized I was staring when Madeleine spoke in a small, crackling voice.
“Uh—sorry if it’s…”
I wasn’t even entertaining whatever she was trying to say. I bent down and pressed a kiss to the top of her slit, lips brushing her clit, and her voice broke as she twitched under me, hips bouncing up against me.
“Oh—my god—”
“You’re perfect,” I whispered, trailing my fingers up the inside of her thigh. She groaned, rolling her head back against the sofa arm.
“Jesus Christ, Sapphire.”
“I want you to look at me, please.” I slipped her underwear down the rest of the way, tugging them over her ankles and dropping them on the floor, and she clasped her hand hard over her mouth, but she looked down at me through wide, quivering eyes, breathing hard as I settled in between her legs. “Mm. You’re beautiful…”
“You… you too,” she breathed, caressing her thumb over my cheek, and I bit back a smile before I closed my eyes, tucked my hair back behind my ears, and I bent down and dragged my tongue up along the length of her, tasting her. She made a short, sharp noise, crackling off into a whimper that sounded a little like my name, and I cracked my eyes again to look up into her eyes as I pressed my lips up against her, teasing my tongue on her clit.
She was so… soft. She’d clearly been hoping for the same thing as me—she was shaven clean, silky soft under my tongue, and the rich, heady musk of her taste washed out everything else from my senses. It felt a little—weird, at first, the thick, heavy sensation of it so dark on my tongue, but it only took a second to settle in, slipping my hands around her hips and holding her into me as I looked up into her eyes, sucking her clit in between my lips, teasing it with my tongue. Working out from the desperate jerks and gasping noises she made what she liked best, what felt best for her… how to position my tongue, how to move my head against her, how to angle my tongue and lips to suck on her by moving my tongue over her clit.
“God, Sapphire, ” she gasped, her voice shaky and crackling, the soft caress of her thumb on my cheek turning into a tight grip on the back of my head, clawing through her fingers. I could feel her quivering under my mouth… Madeleine, feeling good on my tongue. It sent heat spilling through me, thrumming deep down to my core, and I gripped tighter on her hips, working my tongue on her faster, and she groaned louder, rocking her hips to match my movements. “Sapphire,” she groaned, dragging out my name, saying it again, “Sapphire… god, you’re so—fucking—good—”
“Mm.” I pulled up just enough to speak, flicking my tongue over her clit and loving the wide-eyed way she looked down at it. “You too… I love doing this.”
“You—you know you don’t have to say that,” she said, muffled through her hand.
“I’m not just saying it. I love making you feel good…”
“Jesus Christ,” she groaned, rolling her head back, her voice stretching out into one long moan as I kept going, driving her on.
I didn’t have any real sense for it, for what slow or fast was, but it didn’t feel too slow, didn’t feel like it was too long before I felt her throbbing harder under me, and she spoke muffled so hard into her hand that I could barely hear her.
“Sapphire—god— Sapphire, you’re going to make me—I’m going to—”
“Mm-hm.” I looked up at her, batting my eyelashes like I knew she loved, nodding her on. Not taking my mouth away from her for a second.
“Is it—okay—?”
I nodded again, more enthusiastically this time, and she groaned again, louder this time, rolling her head back and gripping me by the back of the head, thrusting her hips up against me. A little rough, but I kind of liked it—the sensation of her taking me, doing what she wanted with me, as she grabbed me and ground herself on me, taking what she wanted from me —it burned through me with so much heat, so much need, I felt like I’d break, the way I needed her to come on me.
And she gave it to me—picked up the pace, going faster, until she broke out into a long moan, gripping me by the back of the head and grinding herself on my mouth, throbbing against me. I met her in every bit of it, going with her, giving her everything she wanted—felt her tightening under me, pulsating with heat—and I buried my face in tighter against her, working her through it, savoring every second of it until she relaxed again, dropping back onto the sofa, slumping back hard with one leg draping over the edge, breathing hard, and she relaxed her grip on me.
“Oh my god,” she gasped, trying to push herself up enough to look at me but flopping back. I sat up over her, wiping my mouth—coming away slick with her wetness all over my face—and I bit my lip smiling so wide at her it felt like it would split my face in two.
“Oh my god is right,” I laughed, all—giggly, giddy, excitement tingling through me. And some other things tingling through me. I should have taken off my underwear… they were about soaked through now.
“Uh—sorry,” she mumbled, looking away, clasping a hand over her face, and I laughed, shaking my head.
“Sorry for what? That was so good…”
She winced. “I shouldn’t have, uh…”
“Shouldn’t have what?”
“I don’t know—done—that.”
I stopped, frowning, something sinking inside me. “Um… did you not… did you not like it?”
“No—it’s not that. Just—” She covered her eyes. “It was weird of me to ask you for something like that… I hope you didn’t mind it…”
“ Madeleine. That was so good. I loved every second of that. And I’ll gladly do it again anytime you want to.”
She shifted awkwardly. “You don’t have to say that—”
“Look, I’m not whoever it was who made you feel like you were gross. Here—” I went up on my knees straddling her, and I took her hand and, before I could rethink it, moved it between my thighs, up to where I was embarrassingly sticky. She made a little noise in the back of her throat, and I felt heat pounding through me at the touch of her fingers so close to me… “Do you think I would have ended up like this if I didn’t like that?”
“Oh… wow.” She slipped her hand up higher, one painstaking millimeter at a time, and suddenly being on my knees over her didn’t seem so solid—quivering suddenly so much I thought I’d collapse on her. “You’re so… wet.”
“Um… yeah. You’re hot.”
“Wow.” And wow was right, because she slipped her hand up to where my underwear was absolutely soaked through, and the feeling of her fingertips electrified me with that tingling, coursing pleasure, and I almost fell over, my legs getting weak.
“Oh… oh, god, Madeleine.”
“God, you’re so sexy…” She sat up with me, and she finally took her hand off her face, capturing me in a kiss as she kept working her fingers over the front of my underwear, teasing over my—over my clit—I needed her in ways I’d never be able to describe, my whole body aching for those perfect, silky fingers, and I felt my face burn. “Sapphire…”
“M-Madeleine?”
“Can I… take these off? I want to feel you… closer…”
“ Please. ” I didn’t mean for it to come out sounding that desperate. Whatever. She could know I was desperate.
She wasted no time, which was exactly what I needed—slipped my skirt off and stripped me out of my underwear, and I thought I’d lose my mind as she trailed her fingers up my thigh. It felt like I’d explode if she so much as breathed on me—like I’d come before she even touched me—and I couldn’t help the cry that broke out of my lips once she danced her fingertips over me.
“Oh—oh, Madeleine —”
“You’re such a perfect… dream come true…” She bent down over me, catching me in a deep, hot kiss as her fingers worked over me, and I felt like she took me apart, moving so expertly, so perfectly.
I think I lasted about two minutes. The arousal was already built through me so much that I thought I’d shatter, and I couldn’t hold back even though I tried—her fingers running in small, tight circles over my clit built up my orgasm higher and higher until it exploded through me, washing out over my body, racking through every part of me, and I screamed her name into her mouth, breaking off from the kiss halfway through to throw my head back in a long, crackling moan that settled down to hard, heavy breathing, sweat on my brow, and a dizzy fog around the corners of my vision that I had to blink away desperately to properly see Madeleine like a dream sequence on top of me.
“Oh… wow,” I laughed. “Hi.”
“Hi there,” she said, breaking out into a lopsided smile. “Enjoyed your trip through the universe?”
“Um… cuddle me.”
She laughed, settling down on top of me, our naked bodies entwined, so perfect—every inch of us so perfect I felt like I could die just feeling her here. “Anytime you like,” she whispered. “Are you done here, then?”
“Do… do you want to keep going?”
She paused. I slipped a hand down her back.
“You can tell me if you do.”
“I got so turned on again seeing you like that, I just…”
“So that’s a yes?”
She bit her lip. “I want to come on you so fucking badly. Want to make a mess on your pretty body.”
Okay—wherever that had come from, I was here for it. For all of it and more. I hunched my shoulders in a nervous, blushing giggle, and I nodded. “Of course… anything for you, Madeleine.”
“Mm.” She bit down on a smile, a glint in her eyes, as she trailed her fingertips over my body. “I’ll give you a second, darling. Let you recover. Going to need you in the best possible state for what I want to do to you.”
God. If she just needed some affirmation for this side of her to come out, then I’d give her anything at all, because—that was—hot. Very very hot.
I batted my eyelashes at her, nodding shyly. “I’ll do anything at all, Madeleine.”
“That’s what I like to hear.” She caressed her thumb along my chin before she bent down and kissed me again, and I felt like I’d burst, everything about this was so perfect—everything about her was so perfect.