Chapter 20
Madeleine
I choked, spitting out the vile thing into my hand, and from the next room, I heard Britt cackling. I shoved the tray across the kitchen table, throwing the damn olive in the trash and shouting down the hall, “Brittney Thomas!”
“Must have fallen off a shelf and landed in the food,” she said, sticking her head out of the bedroom, damp hair up in a towel, wearing an oversized t-shirt and tiny pajama shorts. I scowled at her.
“What if I were allergic? Some people die from getting the wrong foods snuck in.”
“Then you’d have died the first time I did it. And I’d be in jail right now, still laughing evilly. So, I guess you’re back. Welcome home.”
“Thanks for the snack tray, you asshole,” I said, dropping my backpack by the door. Despite everything, I couldn’t help the dry smile. Maybe just from knowing one day I’d get my comeuppance and murder her with food. “Any other olives in it?”
“Yep, like six of them. I’ll stand here and watch you play Russian Roulette.”
“Take them out or I’ll play Russian Roulette with you. And I’ll load the chambers.”
“Girl, where are you keeping a six-chamber revolver, anyway?” But she complied, coming over to the kitchen to split open a block of cheese and pull the olive out, still looking all too satisfied with herself. I kicked my shoes off.
“There’s other ways to tell when I get home. Like listening for the door. Or texting me.”
“Eh—I figured you’d lie. Or sneak through the door. Wanted a foolproof way to catch you in the act.”
“Of coming back to my own home?”
She finished pulling a sixth olive out of a dollop of pate, and she popped it in her mouth, leaning back against the table and giving me that cheeky grin. “It’s hardly seemed like you live here lately, all things considered. Spending a whole lot more time out these days…”
Oh, I saw where this was going… I looked away, picking up a handful of almonds from the tray and eating them absently, watching lights from cars streak past through the nighttime windows. “Putting the makeup work on her resume was a good call,” I said. “She’s gotten more callbacks ever since the party. Interview at Ulta went really well, from what she said, so… we’re crossing our fingers.”
“She gushed to me about it. I’m already planning the welcome-to-the-minimum-wage-rat-race party.”
“See, I’m down for a party, but can we call it something else?”
She grinned, plucking up a cracker with pate and popping it in her mouth, speaking with her mouth full without even covering it, spilling crumbs, like the filthy animal she was. “Sure a party’s not going to get in the way of your private alone time, just the two of you, special special time special together?”
“Shut, and I cannot emphasize this enough, your mouth. Especially while you eat, you slob.”
She popped another cracker, crunching this one louder and messier just to make a point. “So? Spill.”
“You’re already spilling enough for both of us.”
She behaved herself, closing her mouth and eating properly, wiping the crumbs off her chest. She still spoke with her mouth full, but she covered her mouth this time instead of spraying crumbs, so coming from Britt, even that little bit was a win. “I’ve barely seen you the whole last week, minus Delaney’s party. You’re spending every second with Sapphire, aren’t you?”
I turned to the kitchen, busying myself boiling water. Probably too late to be having coffee, but whatever. I just needed something to do instead of looking at Britt eating like she just escaped from a barn. “Delaney’s party where you were like a lost puppy at Haley’s side the whole time… even while she’s flirting with somebody else.”
“Wow. There’s trying to evade the subject, and then there’s just outright low blows.”
“Just worried you’re getting your heart broken. Sue me.”
She put her hands up. “You never even told me whether it’s okay to shoot my shot with Haley, so I’m being a good friend and keeping my distance.”
I snorted. “Didn’t stop you with Shay, did it? Do you want coffee? Tea?”
“Hey, it’s called learning from your mistakes and growing as a person. I didn’t realize it was a big deal, and then I found out it was, so now I’m not hitting on any of your friends without permission. I guess I’m just the worst person ever in the universe for wanting to respect your boundaries, huh? I guess I should go die alone in the desert. I’d love some coffee.”
“You should go die in the desert. Just for the olive thing, though.” I poured the beans in the grinder, running it while I prepped the French press, and I turned back to give her a look while the water finished boiling. “So you actually do want to try hooking up with Haley, you’re just being a good friend and waiting for my blessing first?”
“Hey, you’re my best friend. You come first. Admit it, you’d do the same. Even though I wouldn’t stop you in a million lifetimes, if I told you not to date Sapphire, you’d at least hesitate.”
“Hah…” I focused on making the coffee once the water boiled, pouring in the grounds and letting it bloom, stirring slowly before I capped it up. “You know I don’t own Haley.”
“Oh, so now it is cool to date your friends without asking.”
I laughed. “Okay, okay. Just… don’t do anything stupid or get yourself hurt, okay? I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
She beamed, folding her arms and leaning on the corner of the table. “When was the last time I cared about good ideas? I care about cute girls.”
She cared about Haley’s lower-body workout routine and collection of tight-fitting jeans, but potato, potato. “Go for it. I’ll bake you a consolation cake when she breaks your heart.”
“You’re the best. Now, we’ve changed the subject for long enough. You and the precious gemstone. When did you start dating?”
I sighed. “Two days after her move-in.”
She paused, staring at me. I turned back to the French press, swirling it. It didn’t need swirling, but… “Wait, that’s it?” she said. “You’re actually admitting to it? Just like that?”
“Yup.” I didn’t look at her.
“Oh my god , and it sure took long enough,” she blurted, falling forward over the table so hard it nearly knocked the tray onto the floor—I had to lunge and catch the damn thing, but Britt didn’t care, just about hoisting herself onto the table towards me. “Seriously? So you’ve admitted it to each other and everything—”
“We don’t need to make this such a—”
“Shut your mouth,” she laughed. “Oh my god. So you’ve, you know—” She winked ostentatiously, and I sighed, hard, rolling my eyes.
“I’m not answering that.”
“Ooh, that means you have. How was she?”
An absolute walking, living fantasy. It had been just over a week now since our first date, and that time back at her apartment where she insisted she wanted me, insisted she enjoyed it, and… well, proved that she was telling the truth. We’d done it again almost every day since then, and every time it was so… gentle, sweet, adoring. It was miles away from anything I’d had before—Tristan had been good, strictly speaking, but it was always so focused on getting to an objective and finishing up. I’d kind of thought that was just how it worked. But all the soft, sweet little things with Sapphire… she and I went slow with each other, comfortable, exploring, experimenting, no rush, no pressure, and I’d never known it could be like that. That it could be fun, affirming, beautiful instead of a high-pressure performance.
And—she also really liked when I got a little bossy and told her what to do. So… well, needless to say, I’d explored it a lot. To good result.
I’d paused for a second too long, and Britt exploded out into laughter again. “That good, huh?”
“Shut up. I’m ignoring you until you ask reasonable questions.”
“Oh, yeah. That’s what it is. Not that you just got lost in fantasy wonderland thinking about Sapphire. You sure you wouldn’t rather be in her bed right now?”
“She’s out with Ellen right now.”
“You only stop when she has to go out in public, huh?”
“Mm.” The timer went off, and I busied myself filtering the coffee and pouring it. “Yep. Just going at it like rabbits every hour of the day otherwise. You know me. You know I have a job and classes, you don’t need to start fantasizing about me naked the second I’m busy.”
She grinned, shaking her head. “You know, I’m so damn happy for you. It’s about time you dated someone I like. Finally broke your streak of terrible taste.”
I slid coffee her way. “So, how’s work been for you?”
“Don’t even bother. Girl, you know it’s okay to be happy. She’s amazing. And she absolutely adores you.”
I pushed the coffee closer to her. “Work’s been that bad, huh?”
She rolled her eyes. “I’ll punch you in the nose. Seriously, what do you stand to gain from undercutting your own happiness, anyway? If I were dating someone as perfect for me as Sapphire is for you, I’d be bouncing off the walls, screaming and jumping and throwing myself a party—”
“And that’s supposed to be model behavior, is it?”
She laughed, sipping delicately, gingerly at the coffee. “Being happy when something amazing happens? Yeah.”
I looked away, feeling my face prickle, just a little. It wasn’t like I wasn’t blown away by Sapphire’s entire existence… the way everything just felt right when she was around, knowing all the little things about her and her knowing all the little things about me—the way we were building this language, this little world, that only existed between the two of us. It was so different from everything before—so different it felt like I was missing something, so right that it felt like I was doing something wrong.
And I guess maybe I was just terrified about what it might have been that I was missing.
“It’s still… new,” I mumbled.
“So? The obnoxious new couple phase is a great place to be.”
“I’m just a quieter person, Britt. You know that. We… celebrate in different ways.”
She scowled, studying me for way too long before she said, “Seriously, why’s it eating at you? You look like you’re scared of going back to her.”
I leaned over the table, cupping my coffee, holding it up to my face, breathing it in. “I’m not scared. Just… I’m not counting my chickens before they hatch, that’s all.”
She blinked twice. “What chickens?”
“It’s a figure of speech, Brittney.”
“No—here I thought maybe you’d taken up raising chickens. I know that. I mean, what are you even talking about? Are you afraid of her dumping you?”
“No—” Yes. Which was new. But that wasn’t what was on my mind. I sighed, sipping my coffee, and I set it down hard and paced over to the window, turning to the glass and watching clouds streak past overhead. “I’m just being realistic.”
“ What is this actual bad outcome you’re so afraid of and need to be prepared for?”
“Just—you know.” I waved a hand vaguely in the air, gesturing at her behind me. “Once the newness wears off and…”
She hung there in the silence before she said, her tone sharper now, “And what? You get bored of her?”
“No! Of course not.”
“And she gets bored of you? ”
“Psh.” I leaned against the window, staring down at the thin strip of the street below, cars backed up trying to muscle through. “Maybe in a way that sounds less self-pitying, sure.”
“Mads…” She paused, her voice softening. “She’s not Tristan.”
“I know that.” She wasn’t Tristan yet. She’d get a job, get to work on her career as a makeup artist, explore all those different hobbies she wanted extra time open for… it felt like I wasn’t allowed to enjoy the relationship now, knowing it was only a shell of what we were actually going to get, but wasn’t I also letting it go to waste by not appreciating what I had while I had it?
Britt put a hand on my shoulder, leaning against the glass with me. “Do you know that?” she said, her voice soft, and I looked away. Britt taking pity on me was the last thing I needed.
“She’s a lot cuter, for one,” I said, trying to deflect it but my voice came out thinly. She patted my shoulder.
“Answer the damn question.”
“Look, I just…” I leaned against the window, resting my forehead on the glass, the sharp cold of it against my skin pulling me out of the spiral. I spoke softly, voice small. “I’m not good at this kind of thing.”
“At what, talking about your feelings?”
“Yeah. Actually. I think that’s the first time you’ve gotten something right.” I closed my eyes. “I’d told her… once before… when we were talking about Tristan. About how that was kind of just how things worked, out in the world, you know? That people generally don’t have the time or inclination to lavish a whole bunch of attention on a partner… that it’s kind of just a fairytale thing we’re all told about, the soulmate and all that. And she said, basically…” I shrugged vaguely. “That she feels that way about it too. And I guess I started feeling like… you know. If she feels that way and I feel that way, maybe we could just… ignore what the rest of the world felt like, and just…”
“I think it’s mostly just Tristan who feels that way,” she deadpanned. “And some other douchey guys. And some girls, but let’s be honest, neglecting their girlfriends is really something guys have cornered the market on. Most people want a partner who’s the first person in their life.”
“That’s how everyone says it is in movies and TV shows, at least—”
“No, that’s how it typically is. You’re just used to dating people who talk over you if they talk to you at all, and now you’re projecting that onto poor Sapphire, who didn’t do anything wrong.”
I shot her a look. “What do you mean, projecting it onto her?”
She put her hands up. “Aren’t you obviously? You’re assuming she’ll start neglecting you too, when she hasn’t done anything to deserve suspicions like that. And if you try telling me something like her saying that just came from a place of naivety, then you’re really not being fair to her.”
I narrowed my eyes, studying her, a thick feeling in my throat. She shrugged.
“What? You said the same things to me when I was crying over Julie. Going all it’s not fair to beat yourself up on her behalf when she’s never asked you to, and I was so pissed off because you were right and I hate it when you are.”
I wondered… if it was that simple. Could it have been? It felt deceptive, but at the same time, the… logic held up. Putting my faith in it felt like stepping out into the abyss with a hang glider—like I’d fly or fall to my death, and the only way to find out which was to try.
“Stop glowering at me,” Britt said.
“I hate it when you’re right,” I said. “I’m still mad about the olive.”
Her expression flicked on a switch, and she glowed. “I know. That was the point.”
“Ugh. You’re annoying,” I laughed. I clapped a hand on her arm, stalking off to pick up my coffee and back towards the bedroom, but I paused at the door. “Uh… thanks. And I’m sorry… for the other time.”
She gave me a look. “What other time?”
“Uh. Probably a lot of times.” I scratched my head. “You were right about Tristan and I was… well… testy. A lot of those times. And I’ve taken a lot of things out on you when I was going through that…”
She softened into a big, mushy smile, leaning against the table. “Water under the bridge, girl. I’ve already forgotten all of it. Besides, you’ve been there for me when I’m the exact same way. It’s hard to get out of an unhappy situation. Sapph’s a lot better for you. Exactly the kind of wild romantic tale I always would have imagined for you… sweeping in and rescuing her in her darkest hour—”
“Yeah, yeah. Keep it to yourself,” I said, shaking my head, smiling to myself.
“So, when do I meet her as your girlfriend?”
I opened the door to the bedroom. “I, uh—I’m gonna ask her if she wants to come to the meet on Friday as my girlfriend, so by then at the latest, hopefully.”
She laughed. “For real?”
“I, uh.” I scratched my head, not looking at her, feeling my face prickle with a blush. “I mean, I really like her. A lot. So I guess it’s all fast, especially after the whole Tristan thing, but—whatever.”
“I’m positive she’ll say yes. Ugh, you two make such a cute couple. Now where the hell is my cute girlfriend?”
“Ah, shut up,” I laughed, stepping into the bedroom and shutting the door. I set my coffee down by the bed and dropped onto the pristine sheets—I hadn’t slept in my own bed in days—and pulled out my phone, finding a text from Sapphire just a few minutes ago.
hi beautiful!!! and a sparkling heart emoji, because I wouldn’t recognize her without it, and, just got back from Ellen’s place and I have something I want to tell you! i hope work went well!
I paused just long enough to open her contact picture—a shot I’d taken of her by the river, Marina City in the background, pulling her hat down against the wind—and I stared uselessly for a minute, my heart beating faster, picturing what it might be like to introduce her to everyone at the meet as my girlfriend Sapphire.
I’d really thought, so many times with Tristan, that if things ended between me and him then I’d just want to stay single and be comfortable in my own company. But it turned out all I wanted was right here.
I just really had to not screw this up.
ooh, something exciting? I sent back, and she was typing right away.
I mean if you want exciting then I’m currently cooking with no pants on
The girl knew how to deliver on news. is this my invitation to come over and see?
I mean, you always can, but I could just, she sent, and then a second later, I almost choked on my coffee when she sent a picture of, uh… well, no pants. A selfie angled down to where her sweater top only half-covered her underwear, and then…
Damn, but I was never getting used to this. Having a hot supermodel girlfriend send me pantsless pictures sounded like a good life to me.
maybe you can just tell me your news in person, I sent, and she replied with, I’m cooking two portions and a heart emoji, and I guess I was asking her my question in person too, because—well. It was one hell of a picture.
I finished my coffee, and I pushed out the door—thank god Britt was in the bathroom—and outside to walk at record pace until I was at Sapphire’s complex, and I bounced on the balls of my feet waiting for the elevator and then riding it up until I was at her front door, and I sent her a picture of myself standing in front of the door, hoping she didn’t mind I looked like a gremlin compared to her picture.
sadly I am wearing pants, I sent, and she replied with, I can help with that, with a heart emoji, and the door swung open before I’d managed to pull my thoughts back together, to where Sapphire was—still not wearing pants.
“Hi—hello.” I slipped inside, moving quickly and shutting the door behind me. “You’re looking to flash everyone?”
She covered up a giggle, trailing her fingers down my arm. “Just wanted to see your reaction… I’m glad you like it.”
I liked all of this—Sapphire’s home, warm in low lights and rich with the smell of tomato sauce cooking slowly on the stove behind her, the little touches of color and personality that had started coming into the space over the past week and a half, and of course, most of all, Sapphire herself, eyes shining as she looked at me.
And the fact that she wasn’t wearing pants.
“Definitely like it,” I said, stepping closer to her, slipping my hand around to her back. The sweet, almost creamy floral smell around her, it flooded my head with the dreamy feeling like I couldn’t understand how this was real. “Anything else you want to see my reaction about?”
“A few things. First of all is this,” she said, and she fell against me, pressing her lips to mine. I moved in and caught her in a slow, sweet kiss, my heart beating faster, and I thought—well, maybe it was okay to be nervous, giddy with excitement over this. Her lips on mine were so sweet, so soft, so perfect, I never wanted to stop kissing her, never wanted anything but this.
Something popped from the stovetop, and she muffled something against my lips before she turned back, hurrying over to stir the pot.
“Oh, god, I forgot to turn it down—”
I laughed, leaning against the back of the couch, shamelessly looking at her butt. “No worries,” I said. “I’m enjoying the view.”
She leaned a little more over the stove, deliberately sticking her butt out behind her. I’d really thought we’d break our streak tonight, with her having spent half the day walking around everywhere with Ellen and, I’d imagined, being tired, but… she seemed lively. And I was getting some ideas for where I wanted her.
And she seemed to like when I told her what to do. And I loved seeing her do what I told her to.
“You’re quiet all of a sudden,” Sapphire laughed, finishing wiping down the spatter from the stovetop and covering the pot this time, turning back to me. “Something on your mind?”
“Mm-hm.”
She smiled wider. “Something you want to share with the class?”
I licked my lips, biting down on a smile. “No. Something that should really stay between me and you.”
She ducked her head, a little flush playing over her cheeks. “Okay… safe place here then. Just the two of us.”
“I am thinking about… how good you would look pushed up against the wall like that. And my hands on you.”
She covered her face with one hand, laughing nervously. “Okay—let’s continue this conversation after dinner so I’m not too, uh… distracted?”
“Mm. Sounds good to me. I like the idea of you thinking about it.”
“Ah, god. Yeah. I will be.”
“Good. So… what else did you want to see my reaction about? I’d heard there was something else going on aside from you taking your pants off, but it wasn’t the first thing on my mind…”
She laughed, shaking her head, and she puffed her chest out a little, standing up taller. “So… next Wednesday.”
“You’re going to keep me waiting that long?”
“No, no—” She laughed, waving me off. “No, sweetheart. That’s when I start at Ulta.”
All the rest of my thoughts dropped like fifty-two card pickup, and I lit up, pushing off from the couch. “Oh my god, Sapphire, you got it?”
She clasped her hands at her chest, practically glowing, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “I got it! They called me back while I was out with Ellen and I was so mad she was the first person to find out and not you—”
I laughed breathlessly, rushing in and sweeping her up into a hug, and she let out a little squeal of surprise, falling into my collar and squeezing me tight. She’d really learned how to hug properly. Girl had come a long way. “I’ll take out my ruthless, deep-seated jealousy against Ellen another day,” I said, hugging her tight against me. “Oh my god—congratulations. I’m so happy for you.”
“It’s nothing that special,” she laughed awkwardly, and I put a hand over her mouth.
“None of that. It’s your first full job, and you got it fully on your own merits. So—how’s that for escaping from the ivory tower?”
“Ah.” She giggled nervously, hunching her shoulders, looking down. “I mean, it’s not like it’s a very cushy job or anything. I think I’d barely be able to make rent if I had to actually—you know—pay rent. And what if I hate the job?”
“Then you’ll be in a much better position to look for one you like better. This is such a big step forward for you. You’re going to do great. Besides—” I took a step back, folding my arms and giving her the most serious look I could muster right now. “Look me in the eye and tell me you really think you’ll hate a job where you get to talk about makeup all day.”
She bit her lip, ducking her head. “I mean, it does sound fun. But Britt said I’m just excitable about everything.”
“And it’s a good thing. You’re going to do amazing.” I paused. “I just hope you’re ready for Britt to show up there fifty times a week to harass you when she’s ostensibly busy.”
She beamed. “I’m always happy to see a friend.”
“Ah, you’re such a beautifully uncomplicated soul. It makes my heart happy. What kind of cake do you want? Britt’s going to throw a party for you.”
She stuck her tongue out. “Britt’s going to, but you’re not?”
I gave her my sweetest smile. “I’m giving you my reward tonight.”
“Oh, uh—” She lost her cool, looking down, blushing hotly. “Well, er. I mean. That works.”
“I know.” I brushed my thumb along the side of her jaw, and she gave me that half-lidded look that made my heart jump, and I felt the nerves kick in even before I realized I was about to ask. “Hey… Sapphire.”
“Yes, angel?”
“There’s a… I think I mentioned, Kara’s and Zach’s thing on Friday, you’re coming, right?”
“Mm. I mean, that was the plan. Assuming I don’t embarrass myself in front of someone new there.”
“You’ll do great. Um… I was wondering.” I looked away, all of my confidence gone up in smoke. “Do you, uh… do you think you’d like to attend as my—uh, girlfriend? There’s no pressure to, of course.”
She stared, wide-eyed, at me for a second—just a second, but long enough for me to regret everything I’d ever said, thought, or did, before she softened into the sweetest smile. “And let everyone know I have the prettiest, most caring and attentive girlfriend in the world? I would absolutely love to.”
I let out a breath of relief, my chest heaving, and I didn’t realize I’d been so on edge until I let it out, my head spinning a little.
This probably should have been too good to be true. But maybe that was just… what was it Britt had said? Projecting? Maybe I was just projecting.
All I knew for sure was that I really liked this girl. And I wanted to see where this went.
“Flatterer,” I laughed, trying to hide the nervous quiver I had, but I don’t think it worked. She smiled wider.
“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed. Were you nervous I’d say no?”
“I mean—kinda, yeah.”
She laughed, and she fell against me, capturing me in a kiss, and this whole thing was a dream—such a beautiful, happy dream, I never wanted to wake up. Desperately, direly didn’t want to wake up from it.