Chapter 61
YOU HAVE TO LET EVERYTHING GO
Rebel Pierce
Shock.
Disbelief.
Hurt.
That was everything I felt right now. “I did this,” I mumbled, wiping the tears from my eyes.
J.D. tightly embraced me, drawing me nearer as we walked away from the grave site, where my godfather’s casket was being lowered into the ground. The haunting wails of my auntie and the piercing screams of his daughters would forever echo in my mind. The devastation they experienced was so intense, it felt like a punch to the gut. If it wasn’t for me, none of them would experience this unbearable pain.
For the past week, I had to deal with the realization that the information I’d gathered on Agent Revels caused my godfather to commit suicide. Did I have any regrets? No because it helped the man that I loved get closure on a terrible part of his life and two innocent souls got the justice they deserved. But the truth destroyed the lives of people, I considered family. And the truth didn’t assuage the guilt I felt for that destruction.
My actions caused this. I’d heard it all week from my parents and my sister, that I should have minded my own business. But how could I have known it would lead to him doing something like this? They had so much disgust for me right now, I was even surprised none of them tried to keep me from coming to the funeral. Maybe it was because they didn’t know I was here since we stood behind the crowd of people here to say their final goodbyes.
“You didn’t do shit, Rebel,” he said, then kissed me on the top of my head. “He put that gun to his head and pulled the trigger instead of dealing with the consequences of his actions.”
Even though J.D. spoke the truth, accepting it was difficult for me. Even if I didn’t pull the trigger, the weight of guilt settled upon me like I had handed him the gun.
The man was like a superhero in my eyes, and he tainted that vision with his confession in his suicide note. He knew exactly what Agent Revels had done to Dani and Luca. He admitted to everything, and he knew he’d have to face the consequences. J.D. had been right the entire time. He was just as crooked as Agent Revels, but I still couldn’t let the guilt go.
J.D. opened the car door, allowing me to slide into the passenger seat. Since we received the news that they discovered his body, with a gunshot wound to the head and a suicide note soaked in his blood, it felt like I had been going through the motions without being present.
I never would have imagined that he would kill himself. I considered the possibility that someone with a vendetta against him sought revenge. For a brief moment, I even thought it might have been J.D. How stupid was that after he told me, he wouldn’t do anything to him?
J.D.’s door closing jolted me back to reality. I wiped away the remaining tears from my face, feeling the wetness against my fingertips. What was the point of crying? It changed nothing.
“I just want to forget all this shit happened.”
With his confession, not only did I lose someone I looked up to, but it felt like I’d lost my entire family because they blamed me for all of this.
As we pulled out of the cemetery, his grip on my hand tightened, providing comfort during my grief. The same cemetery Dani and Luca were buried in. Shaking my head at that thought, I couldn’t help but marvel at the amazing man sitting beside me. He came with me to the funeral of a man who was involved in the death of his family because he loved me. I didn’t even ask him to come because I didn’t think he should, given the circumstances, but because I needed him, he decided to be there with me.
“You’re amazing,” I said when I looked at him. “I don’t deserve you.”
He looked at me like nothing else in the world mattered. Like it was just him and me against the world. It was a look I was getting used to seeing more and more since he took me to Dani and Luca’s grave.
“I’m glad you think I’m amazing, but I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you. I’ve been stuck in the past for a long time and had a hard time letting go. You showed me there’s more to this life than living in the past. You showed me, I deserved to be happy again. You make me happy, Rebel Pierce.”
“You make me happy too, J.D.,” I said, wiping away the tear that slipped from my eye. “Even if it doesn’t seem so right now.”
“You have to let everything go, sweetheart,” he said, as we pulled onto the highway. “You did what was right. It’s always up to us how we handle the truth. It’s always up to us how we deal with the consequences of our actions. We hold the decisions in our hands. No one else.”
“I know, I just can’t believe he lied to me. To everyone.”
He shrugged. “He showed people what they wanted to see, Rebel. But I don’t believe that changed how he felt about you or his family. He just made bad choices, and, in the end, it cost him his life. It’s not your fault because you put the truth out there or how he handled that truth.”
“Where are we headed?” I asked, changing the subject.
I was tired of talking about everything and J.D. was right. It would just take time for it to sink in that this wasn’t my fault, and that I did nothing wrong.
“We’re going to the clubhouse to get my bike. We’re going for a ride.”
I couldn’t help but smile. He’d promised me when he thought I was healed enough that he’d take me on his bike. I was so excited. The way he had explained the feeling, I wanted to experience.
“But I’m not dressed to ride on your bike.” I looked down at my dress. It wasn’t tight, but it wasn’t a pair of pants. “I don’t want everyone seeing my ass if I can help it.”
He laughed. “I don’t want anyone seeing your ass either.”
I rolled my eyes.
“What you have on is fine,” he said, waving away my concern. “It’s long enough to cover everything.”
As we pulled up to the clubhouse, a surge of excitement washed over me. This had been a real shitty week, and I was ready for things to start looking up for me…for us.
Once we stepped out of the car, he immediately grasped my hand, guiding me towards one of the sexiest motorcycles I’d ever seen. It looked like something J.D. would drive.
Can a motorcycle be sexy?
I would argue that they could, and my man looked incredibly hot, so I could only imagine how stunning he looked riding on the back of this motorcycle. The color was a captivating, dark blue that shimmered in the sunlight, contrasting with the sleek, matte black. It wasn’t the typical shiny chrome you saw on motorcycles. It was different and I could see why he loved it so much.
My hands brushed along the body as he watched me with a smile. “How long have you been riding?”
He shrugged, placing the helmet on my head, and closing the strap around my chin. Then he gave me a peck on the lips.
“I’ve always ridden bikes,” he said, crossing his muscular leg over the body of the bike and settling on the seat. “It started with dirt bikes when I was a kid, then when I turned sixteen, I rode my first street bike. By the time I was eighteen, I had my first Harley. And I’ve had this one for a while. Climb on behind me and put your feet on the passenger pegs.”
“Okay.” I climbed on behind him then placed my feet on the pegs like instructed. “You don’t need a helmet?” I asked, wrapping my arms around his waist.
He looked over his shoulder. “I probably should wear one,” he said, then winked. “Hold on tight and lean when I do.”
I nodded, tightening my arms around his waist as he started the engine. He backed out of his spot, then pulled out onto the road. He placed his hand over the top of mine, as we rode out of town.
Within minutes, the city’s noise and commotion faded away, replaced by a serene silence. As I hopped on the back of this bike with him, I felt a sense of exhilaration and freedom wash over me. All the guilt, all the heartache of my family turning their back on me, disappeared. I understood why he loved riding because it was like nothing else mattered but the here and now.
Wrapping my arms tighter around his waist, he peeked over his shoulder at me with a smile on his face before he focused back on the road. The warm, humid air brushed against my skin as I leaned as close to him as I could. I wished we could do this until the day we died. Never had I imagined feeling so close to someone.
All too soon, he slowed down, and I recognized where we were at. Lake Norman was a place my parents used to take us when we were kids just to have family time. When we got older, it was just something we did less and less, but it held wonderful memories for me. It had been years since I’d been here.
He pulled to a stop and killed the engine. I hopped off the back, removed my helmet, and marveled at the breathtaking view. The scene before me was nothing short of stunning. The spot he chose was tucked away in seclusion, yet the faint hum of a boat and distant laughter could still be heard.
Off in the distance, the sun dipped below the tree line, casting a golden glow across the water. The air was filled with a serene stillness, adding to the beauty of the surroundings.
“It’s beautiful,” I said, as he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind, then he kissed the side of my neck.
“I come here a lot especially when I need to think. It’s relatively quiet and secluded. And the view is amazing.”
I looked over my shoulder. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
“I’m here for you, Rebel. Always.”