Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
He heard the crows again and saw their glowing red eyes, a tornado of wings circling him and filling the room with shrill cries.
Nelson took steady breaths and told himself they weren’t real, that he was hallucinating again.
This wasn’t the first storm of battle crows Nelson had experienced since he had arrived at his undisclosed location so it wasn’t as terrifying anymore.
There was no feeding schedule and Dùbhghlas seemed to put very little thought into keeping Nelson nourished.
It had to have been at least two days since he had been offered anything to eat or drink or tasted anything other than his own blood, sweat, and tears.
If Nelson was lucky and could nod off, they might wake him up with another blast of cold water to his face.
He must have snored last time—his nose was swollen and caked with blood—because one moment, Nelson was drifting into a beautiful dream about Nox, and the next, he was gasping and choking on ice cold water.
Thankfully, Nelson had recovered quickly and sucked up as much of the water dripping from the hood as he could with every heaving breath. He trusted the bucket more than the slimy, runny slop Dùbhghlas’s minions had tried to shovel into his mouth.
Another visit from the bucket might even be worth it, if the dream was really nice.
Why not? What else have I got to lose?
Once the birds had gone, Nelson pushed all thoughts of thirst and hunger away.
That was getting harder and harder to do because Nelson had never been this thirsty or hungry.
His soul pleaded for a tall glass of water and a turkey sandwich.
Nothing elaborate: just two thick slices of decent fresh bread, a slice of provolone, and some basic turkey.
A few pieces of lettuce and tomatoes would be bliss but Nelson would crawl on his knees over broken glass for that sandwich without them.
Stop thinking about food. Think about Nox.
He returned to a rainy morning at Coudersport—their last good morning at Coudersport— and settled into crisp, cool bedding and the taste of Nox’s lips as he laughed at Nelson’s weak attempt at a joke.
Nox’s lips were always sweeter when he was laughing and Nelson couldn’t resist stealing a taste when they were alone.
“I wish we were really here,” he whispered as they nibbled and pecked.
“We were real when we were here before. We left pieces of ourselves and we took bits of it with us,” Nox whispered as he swept his fingers through Nelson’s hair and stroked his jaw.
“We return to ourselves, not this place, when we find our way back and we can make this moment as real as we want to. You are the same man, no matter where you’re standing, and reality is in the eye of the beholder, is it not? ”
“I’m not feeling like I’m much of anything right now,” Nelson confessed. “I don’t know if I can make it.”
Nox’s brow furrowed. “Do you think you have a choice in the matter? You’re my Uaithne. You will hold on until I find you.”
“But if I let go, you’ll find me and we can be together again, right?”
Nelson didn’t want to let Nox and their friends down.
He wanted to go home and to be with them all again so badly and he knew that if he could just hold on, they would find him.
His heart broke at the thought of them finding him after he was gone and how upset they would be.
He was trying and he’d keep trying for all of them, but Nelson had never felt this kind of pain or thirst and he was so, so tired.
“You’ll find me and we’ll be together again?” he asked, needing to hear it one more time.
“We’ll always be together, Nelson. We’re together now, aren’t we?
” Nox took Nelson’s hands and interlocked their fingers, pressing their palms together.
A current of soothing, healing warmth washed over Nelson.
“We’ll always be able to find each other here and this is where we’ll always be safest and where no one can find us. ”
“When did you make this? When did you show me how to find it?” Nelson wondered but Nox shushed him.
“I didn’t make this. It’s always been here, you just never needed it before,” he explained as he bathed Nelson’s face in tender, worshiping kisses.
“You don’t need to let go to be with me again.
We’re together right now and there isn’t a single thing or being or force in this universe that could keep us apart. ”
His lips found Nelson’s and he moaned in relief as their tongues swirled and he tasted Nox’s breath and felt his presence all around him.
There wasn’t any more pain and Nelson wasn’t alone under a stifling hood.
He wasn’t tied to a chair and he wasn’t suffering the agonizing thirst or hunger as he drank from Nox’s lips and wrapped his arms around him.
For so many years Nelson had been touch-starved and had accepted that he wasn’t meant to be coddled or caressed.
His first encounters with sex were a barrage of sensations that overwhelmed any tiny flickers of arousal or pleasure that may have occurred.
All the skin-on-skin contact and intimate touching were so alien and uncomfortable, Nelson believed that sex and intimacy weren’t for him and unnecessary for his wellbeing.
Then, he met Nox and learned that sex could be so much bigger and more beautiful than two or more naked bodies seeking friction.
Sex with the right person happened on the inside, as much as the outside of the body, and could reach as deep as a person’s soul.
It could go so deep that it transcended physical touch and penetration, and the pleasure lasted longer and was stronger than a typical orgasm.
Nox had put a name to Nelson’s nascent sexuality and nurtured it.
Celebrated it. Instead of mocking or shaming Nelson for his inexperience or lack of “masculine” horniness, Nox explored and practiced different approaches to intimacy and he enjoyed them.
Nelson was never made to feel inadequate because of his lack of interest and muted responses.
Which gave him the space to participate and observe as an outsider, of sorts, until he could identify elements within the act of sex that appealed to him.
He learned that he loved being touched, especially when he wasn’t expected to get hard and to reciprocate or to help escalate.
Nelson was allowed to find pleasure in smaller sensations and take comfort in their connection.
Sex didn’t have to be carnal and explosive, it could be mindful and personal, instead of two separate entities racing for pleasure.
Maybe it was because of their unique bond, but Nelson was able to wade into Nox’s senses and emotions and experience them with a different set of tools and a vocabulary his own body didn’t possess.
Through Nox, the sensations of arousal and pleasure weren’t overstimulating and could be orchestrated and navigated.
There, sex was something vibrant and magickal that they wielded and reveled in together.
“You will not let go and I will find you.” Nox whispered his command.
He kissed it onto Nelson’s eyelids and scattered it all over his forehead, cheeks, and lips.
Their lips and tongues tangled, repeating his command again and again, settling it into Nelson’s soul and reinforcing it.
“They cannot break you. Not my brave, beautiful Uaithne.”
“No?” Nelson laughed softly, feeling foolish for doubting himself and for even considering defeat.
“Never. You are a gift!” Nox boasted. “And you would not be presented to a god if you weren’t perfect and built to withstand anything. You would not be a treasure if you could be so easily broken or replaced.”
“I don’t know about all of that…” Nelson scolded lightly. It seemed slightly blasphemous to hold himself in such godly esteem and to think he was worthy of that kind of reverence. “But I do know that I belong to you and that Dùbhghlas is damned for daring to separate us.”
“Damned, indeed. He will pay a heavy price for taking you from me and you will be there to witness it,” Nox added and gave Nelson a stern poke in the ribs. It tickled and made him jump and laugh.
“I will be there.” He would hold on.
“Of course you will. You’re my Uaithne and we will always be together.”
“We will always be together.”
They kissed again and their joy was profound. It was unstoppable, as vast and as ancient as the seas and the heavens, outlasting time. There would always be a Dagda and his Uaithne and Nox would always be tied to Nelson.
Warmth and delight radiated from Nelson’s core, growing stronger and making him lighter with every slide of their tongues and the sounds of their softly vibrating hums. Their hands splayed and pulled as they vanquished every iota of distance between them until they were one and their hearts shared the same steady beat.
A kiss became a prayer they spoke together, blessing their union and dedicating it to the universe.
It made their love divine and unbreakable and Dùbhghlas was cursed for believing he could stop them.
The soft glow of Nelson’s pleasure slowly built into a bright flame until it burst into a cascade of goosebumps, leaving him giddy and gasping.
Suddenly, there was the sound of a splash as a blast of frigid water hit Nelson’s face. His mouth had been open, causing him to choke and splutter but he quickly recovered and drank and lapped at the fabric covering his face.
“Way to ruin a good dream,” he said, his teeth chattering.
But Nelson couldn’t think of a better way to wake up, in this instance, and was intensely grateful when he noticed that his body wasn’t hurting and he wasn’t hungry anymore.