Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Three more days passed without any sign of Dùbhghlas or news about Nelson and it was becoming impossible to keep the voices in Nox’s head straight or know if his heart’s desires were still his own.
I could take away their light.
I could make the world as dark as my heart feels right now and let them all suffer until Nelson is returned to me.
I will break everything. I will destroy it all if I lose him.
This rage was so unnatural, yet so compelling.
And it was consuming him. It made Nox queasy as he stood at the study window, his soul seeking the night for any sign of its mate.
He fought so hard and sacrificed so much to defeat a god, and this was how he was rewarded?
All Nox had ever wanted was his own life and the kind of love his parents had.
He wanted to spread knowledge and love and simply live. Why was that too much to ask?
And for a god no less. Shouldn’t he have some control over his destiny?
Possibly a little input? He began to hear a drumbeat around the time he started puberty and a voice that wasn’t his own whispered incessantly that one day, he would be the bearer of Tuathe—an age of glorious light.
Defeating the Dagda should have meant freedom and relief but the drums grew louder and forces beyond Nox began pulling and demanding he answer a much more frightening call.
The urge to start a Hunt and rid the world of demons and monsters and assert his dominion over all the sun touched grew more powerful with each day. That godly urge was easier to ignore when Nox was with Nelson or teaching, but now, all there was was fury and fear and a deep desire for vengeance.
The world will become Hell and I will let it burn for an eternity if Nelson’s soul is defiled.
There was no telling what Hugh Dùbhghlas had done to Nelson or what the warlock was planning.
Smoak had cruelly reminded Nox that Dùbhghlas was capable of killing and necromancy and could create terrifying amalgams of undead things.
Dùbhghlas had made an art of trading with demons and stealing souls and Nelson’s would be too good and too pure to resist.
I will—
“Nox. Lad?” Merlin touched his arm, shaking Nox from his thoughts. “Come away from the window. You’ve been there for close to an hour.”
Nox shook his head, still searching through the night and listening for Nelson’s voice. “I’m fine.”
“You’re crying and your hands are bleed—”
“I said I’m fine and this is…!” Nox bit out, finally turning from the window and scowling down at his hands. He’d squeezed them so hard his nails had cut into his palms. “Do you think Nelson isn’t hurting?” he asked angrily, then gasped and reared back when his ear was flicked hard.
“Mind yourself, young man! Gather up those ugly thoughts and those vile desires and remember who you are. Remember what Nelson is and that this…” He flapped a hand at Nox angrily.
“This would not please him. He would want no part of what you are doing and whatever it is percolating in that head of yours.”
“I know, but—!” Nox started, then pulled in a deep breath and did as Merlin commanded.
He gathered up all the bitterness and rage and remembered how good Nelson was and how much he loved Nox when he was being good.
That was all that Nelson had ever asked of him and he would be disappointed if he knew how quickly Nox had cast aside their mission and his humanity.
“I’m sorry.” He bowed his head and gave Merlin’s cheek an obedient kiss for good measure.
“I was losing hope and venturing into someplace dark. Thank you for pulling me back.”
Merlin smiled softly, his eyes glittering with understanding and sadness. He missed Nelson almost as much as Nox did. “We’ll find him but you’ll be of no use to anyone if you don’t eat and keep up your strength,” he scolded and pointed at the soup, tea, and scones on the desk.
“I’ll try,” Nox said as he allowed Merlin to pull back the chair and obediently lowered into it.
He still didn’t have a hint of an appetite but he had to keep up his strength for Nelson.
And it would help his mood, Nox conceded.
He lifted the spoon to his lips to taste the soup and hummed as it warmed him and reminded him of cozy, autumn evenings.
“Clancy made this.” The creamy broth was scented with sage, rosemary, thyme, and truffles and there were a variety of mushroom pieces along with morsels of smoked chicken.
“Of course, he did. There’s only one meal I’m good at making but Clancy has always had a flair in the kitchen. Is it still hot enough?” Merlin asked and Nox waved him off.
“It’s perfect and I’m already feeling better. I’m sure you have better things to do than hover and worry about my soup. Scurry will keep me company,” he said with a nod at the cat perched on the corner of the desk.
Merlin’s eyes swept upward and he shook his head. “Can’t think of a single thing more important than this. Now, have a bite of that scone. He added orange peel and cardamom this time and they taste like they have the sun in them.”
“Very well,” Nox said and obediently broke off a corner of the scone. He popped it into his mouth and hummed in agreement. “Tastes like the sun.” He held his smile until Merlin turned and wandered to his desk. Nox’s lower lip trembled and his eyes stung and blurred as he worried about Nelson.
The coldness in his core scared Nox the worst, hinting that Nelson couldn’t see or feel the warmth of the sun.
Was he locked in a cell somewhere or underground?
Was that why they couldn’t hear or feel each other?
Their bond was eternal and indestructible.
It was a living thing that was both spiritual and magickal, yet Dùbhghlas had found a way to disconnect them.
If Nox didn’t know better, he’d worry that Nelson was dead.
But Nox was certain he would know if that force had been extinguished and where Nelson’s soul would go.
There were all manner of terrible possibilities between life and death but Nelson would never betray his own soul, no matter how badly Dùbhghlas tortured or cursed him.
That was a small comfort. Too small but it was just enough to pull Nox away from the brink. There was no telling what Nelson was going through while Nox was spiraling and lashing out. The least Nox could do was eat and find a way to be useful.
“Has Howard checked in?”
“Yes, yes,” Merlin said with a rapid nod. “He made it back to the store safely and Bryn and Everly are helping him with that new shipment of encyclopedias.”
“Good.” Nox sighed in relief.
It was good for them to do something normal and they would be safe with each other while they were away. He didn’t like keeping everyone imprisoned in the townhouse but he wouldn’t be able to handle the guilt if anyone else was hurt or taken.
“Stop worrying,” Merlin murmured as he searched in his bag. “Howard can handle himself and is ready to go home, whenever it’s time, but Bryn and Everly will make sure no harm comes to him today.”
Nox nodded despite his own selfish desire to keep Howard with them forever. “Where’s Fletcher and Shelby?” he asked and frowned at the foyer. “Why is the house so quiet?”
“They’re taking advantage of the beautiful afternoon and have gone out for a run with Arawn and Tighe.”
“A run?” Nox frowned as he started to rise.
“Down!” Merlin commanded and nodded at Nox’s tray. “You can certainly trust a hellhound and an Ossor to look out for them but Fletcher and Shelby are no slouches.”
“No, they’re badasses,” Nox agreed. “What about Tony? Have we heard from him today?”
“You had a text from him while you were meditating at the window. I took a glance and all is well on Pooles.”
“Good. What about—”
“Niall is in the kitchen with Clancy,” Merlin said with an even more forceful nod at Nox’s lunch.
“Awesome…” Nox grasped the spoon and made himself relax and dip it back into the soup.
Everyone else was taking care of their minds and their bodies while they waited for news.
They would be ready to roll out and fight at a moment’s notice so it behooved Nox to do the same.
“Thank you for lunch and for making me eat, Merlin.”
The older man paused in his search and smiled. “That is why I’m here, lad. You never have to worry about being alone and I’ll always make sure you’re dressed properly and well-fed.”
“Yes, you will.” Nox was incredibly grateful as he lifted the spoon to his lips. “I’m truly blessed to have you and I need to do a better job of remembering that.”