Chapter 20 #3
“I’m scared, El. Call it overthinking, paranoia, unresolved trauma—whatever the fuck lets you sleep at night.
But I’m terrified that you won’t take this seriously and you’ll end up like him.
Or that you’ll hide the truth from me until it’s too late.
That’s why I’m questioning this. That’s what’s making me hesitate. ”
His face shifted. The tension in his jaw faded, and for a split second, I saw it—guilt. Pure and unfiltered guilt flashing through his eyes.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I made you feel that way, Ellie. I would never do that to you, but I realize my words probably seem fickle to you now. So I’ll prove it to you.”
I eyed him warily. “How?”
He held out his hand. “Pass me your phone.”
I hesitated, then unlocked my phone and placed it in his outstretched hand. He didn’t say anything—just got to work, his brows furrowed in quiet concentration. I watched his fingers move quickly across the screen then after a minute, he handed it back.
“There.”
I looked down at the screen, confused. “What did you do to it?”
“I added the app for my Dexcom.”
I blinked. “What?”
He nodded. “Now you can track my blood sugar any time you need to feel reassured. Okay?”
I just stared at him.
“It’ll even send you notifications if my blood sugar drops too low or spikes too high.”
Silence.
“And it’s real-time, so you don’t have to wait for results.”
Still, I said nothing as something heavy settled in my chest and stomach.
“Elliot?” he asked, his voice softer now, like he wasn’t sure if he’d just crossed a line or built a bridge.
I swallowed, pressing my fingers to my temples.
“I’m sorry, I just—” I exhaled sharply, then looked ahead of me. “I lost my train of thought.”
The ocean stretched out before me, endless and darkening as the last slivers of sunlight faded into the horizon.
The breeze was cooler now, carrying the salt and the soft crash of waves against the shore.
I inhaled deeply, letting it settle in my chest and stomach, replacing that unfamiliar, heavy feeling entirely.
“Thank you for this,” I said finally. “It eases my mind.”
“Of course. I should’ve thought of it sooner.”
I turned to him, only to find he was already watching me. Always watching. It made my throat swell up.
I swallowed hard. “When you look at me like that, it makes my heart feel like it’s coming out of my throat.”
His gaze was steady, his expression unreadable—until his ocean eyes flickered down to my lips. “When I look at you like what, Peanut?”
The air grew heavier, and the shift between us was subtle but undeniable.
“How do I look at you, Elliot?” he pushed softly.
I went silent. He leaned in slightly, and instinctively, I turned away, fixing my eyes back on the water.
“Never mind,” I murmured. “We should go. It’s getting dark.”
El didn’t move.
“Upstairs has a bedroom,” he offered. “We can stay the night.”
I let out a slow breath. “Hm. I don’t think that’s a good idea. For either of us.”
His brow lifted, eyes narrowing just enough to suggest he already knew the answer. “Why not?”
Because I wasn’t sure I could trust myself.
Because if I stayed, I knew what would happen between us, and I wasn’t ready to go there.
Yet.
“You know why,” I said simply.
The silence between us swelled, but he didn’t push. He didn’t exactly pull away, either.
“I won’t try anything, I swear. I just want to spend time with you,” He assured. I glanced at him, then back at the waves. “It is gorgeous here. I bet the view from upstairs is even better.”
“I bet it is.”
“Hm.” Finally, I stood, brushing the sand from my legs. “Come on. Let’s go up.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
El ordered takeout from a local spot down the road, thankfully, because I was not in the mood to venture out from this gorgeous house. The city felt miles away. Hell, my life felt miles away.
The place was simple but cozy—salt-worn wood floors, faded curtains dancing in the breeze, and windows that framed the sea like art. It made me feel like the world had forgotten about me for a little while, and I appreciated that.
The atmosphere stayed light until bedtime. That’s when the air started to shift.
I didn’t have sleep clothes, so El offered me one of his shirts. It was the gentleness that got me. Always the gentleness.
By the time I stepped in the room, toweling off the ends of my frizzy hair, he was already stretched out on one side of the bed, propped up on an elbow, scrolling through something on his phone. He glanced up when he saw me and froze—just for a second.
He cleared his throat. “You want the window open or closed?”
“Open. I like the breeze.”
He nodded and pushed up to crack it wider, letting the cool night air drift in with the sound of the ocean. Then he settled back into bed, this time flat on his back, arms folded behind his head.
I slid under the covers and laid on my side, facing away from him at first. The pillow was soft, the room dark and still, the lull of the sea pressing in from all sides.
But I couldn’t relax.
Minutes ticked by. Maybe five. Maybe twenty.
And then I shifted onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. For some reason, in the quiet of the room, Esther’s words replayed in my head.
“El?” I whispered.
“Yeah?” His voice came low.
I hesitated, unsure if I should say it aloud. But I couldn’t stop myself. “Have you ever… been in love since your ex?”
He was quiet for a brief moment. “Why do you ask?”
“I’m just curious.”
“It’s not that simple, E. It’s complicated. Very complicated.”
I could feel the tension in the room, my pulse picking up slightly. “No, it’s not. It’s a yes or no question.”
He didn’t answer right away, just letting the silence linger. After a moment, he challenged, “Then you answer it. Have you been in love since your ex?”
I paused. I didn’t know how to answer that. “I… I don’t know.”
“Exactly,” he replied firmly.
“Well, do you wanna fall in love?” I pushed.
He let out a soft exhale. “I want happiness. I want peace. The person who’s meant for me will bring both.”
I swallowed, trying to push the unease aside. “Wow, you’re really dodging questions tonight.”
He chuckled, and I could hear the softness in his tone as he turned to face me. “Well, let me put it this way. I want love. But I want it the right way. The real kind. I’m not gonna force it. When she’s ready to fall, I’ll catch her. Okay? That answer your question?”
I nodded, though I wasn’t sure if it did.
“Y-Yes.”
“Good. Now go to sleep,” he said, his voice settling into a warmth that made me want to lean into him.
“Hold me,” I commanded.
He didn’t say anything, but his arm slipped around me, pulling me close. Our fingers strum against each other for a while before they finally settle and interlock.
“Good night, Peanut.”