Chapter 29
29
Natalie
Five days.
That’s how long Nick sat outside the hospital.
I never saw him leave or take a break, eat, or talk on the phone. No. Every time I walked by, I stuck to the sides of the corridor or peeked out a window to find him still there as if I hadn’t told him to leave.
Why?
Why does he stay?
If I left to shower and change my clothes, or even get fresh air, I used a different exit, not ready to face him. Five days of listening to how not only my dad had to fight for my loan but feeling foolish for falling for someone so calculating has me avoiding another conversation with Nick altogether.
My heart hasn’t gotten the memo.
I miss him and hate myself for being a traitor to my family. But there’s no longer an us in this equation. It’s him, and then there’s me. There’s just no other way around it.
Freshly showered and in clean clothes, I’m glad to have the stale hospital off me. I park my suitcase at the door and then retrieve my laptop bag and purse. None of it’s been unpacked from California. Cookie shipped it as promised, and it arrived safely the next day.
“How long do you think you’ll be gone?” Tatum asks, snuggled on the couch. Her face is clear of the face paint she wore dressed as a cat for Halloween last night, and I can see how tired she is by her bloodshot eyes. It’s the first Halloween we haven’t spent together partying since we’ve known each other. I gave that up the tradition to be in California, to be with Nick. Instead, I spent it in the hospital eating bite-sized Snickers at the nurses’ station every time I left my dad’s room.
I haven’t been on a run since the morning I snuck out of bed in LA, so not only are my emotions tattered but I also feel like crap. I sit next to her. “I don’t know. At this point, we might be in the Hamptons through Thanksgiving.”
“Should I ask about work?”
I rub my eyes, so tired from staying at the hospital and getting so little sleep. “I need to figure some stuff out. Just keep doing what you’re doing.” I grin over at her sipping her hot chocolate. “Workwise, I mean. I’ll be working remotely for the time being unless I have to be in the city for anything. I’m not going to fail my clients, even if I have to work for free.”
“I was practically working for free already.” Grabbing a pillow, I pop her with it. “Whoa!” She starts laughing. “You almost made me spill my cocoa.”
The laughter dies off, and we’re left with the silence again. I know what’s coming, but I can’t help but feel like I’m not ready to face it. I won’t hide, though. Not from her. She’s always had my back . . . unless a hot guy’s involved like Harrison in Catalina. God, why does everything have to come back to Nick?
Oh, screw it. Might as well get it over with. “Go ahead.” I curl around a big pillow. “Ask away. I know you’re dying to anyway.”
She blows across the top of the hot drink to cool it, and then whispers, “What are you going to do about Nick?”
I’ve been dreading this conversation, but I’ve held it in for too many days. I couldn’t talk to my mom, and Jackson won’t understand. Taking a deep breath, I exhale, and say, “I think it’s best if Nick and I go our separate ways and never see each other again.”
“That’s drastic for someone you were in love with six days ago. Was that love real?” Her tone is gentle, cautious, but caring.
I nod because I can lie to the world about it. I can lie to Nick and say I never felt love soul deep like I did for him. I can lie all I want to everyone else, but that won’t change the fact that I can’t lie to myself. I loved him with my entire being. I love him even now. And I hate myself for it.
“Then why won’t you talk to him?” There’s no accusation or judgment in her tone, just compassion.
“My heart is so broken, like me.”
“Your heart can be healed by a man who loves you so much that he’s waited outside a hospital for almost a week for you without complaint. Why are you doing this? You’re not just hurting him. You’re hurting yourself.”
“I’m trapped.” I fall back into the nook of the couch and bring my knees to my chest. Rolling my head to the side, I see a crease created from concern between her brows. “My family feels betrayed by the man I’m in love with. How do I get around this? If I choose him, I hurt them. I choose my family, which I have to, I lose him. It’s a no-win situation, so me dragging out a relationship with Nick won’t do either of us any good.”
She sits up and sets her mug on the coffee table. “It’s not an either-or situation. It’s hearing both sides at a minimum and then deciding what’s best for you.”
“You make this sound easy when it’s not. I won’t waste another minute on a man hell-bent on controlling my life. If the contract stands as is, I’ll be answering to his family.” I squeeze my eyes closed, wishing I wasn’t in this mess. “Anyway, you know better than anyone the problem Dane had with my company and how hard we fought over it.”
“That’s because he had small-dick syndrome.” Her jaw tightens as she grits her teeth. “He couldn’t bear for a woman to be more successful than him.”
“I wasn’t even making money then. It was just the thought of me becoming successful that enraged him.” I stand and start pacing, unable to sit still any longer. “Imagine the horror—a woman is more successful than a man. Sound the alarms.” I’m full of restless energy that I wish I could get out of my system, run away until I’m carefree again. But I know that’s not possible. I could run a thousand miles, but Nick’s not going to be forgotten that easily. Or at all.
Looking out the window, I say, “First snow is coming.”
“It’s already late.” She comes to lean against the window where I’ve perched myself on the sill.
I check my watch. “And so am I. I need to get back before he’s released.”
“Everyone’s off to the Hamptons then?”
“Yes. My dad will have a private nurse check on him, and his doctor is out there for the holidays.”
“I’m glad he’s doing well.”
I can’t help but smile. “Me too. My dad has made a lot of improvement over the past few days. They approved his release because they’re happy with his blood pressure and other vitals. He’s getting up a few minutes each day. His pain is being managed, so he’s been in good spirits. He’ll get to relax in the comfort and peace of the off-season at the Hamptons house.”
Moving back to the door, I wrap my purse around my shoulder and the strap of the laptop bag around my body. Taking the suitcase handle, I open the door with the other hand. I’m not rushing or running. I’m hesitant to leave, worried I’m forgetting something or maybe that things will change without me around, because I already feel a change happening inside me.
“It will be good to spend time out of the hospital with my family again. We have our monthly dinners, but those are formal events. The downtime will be good.”
“I know you’ll be working, but think about taking some time for yourself as well. I can handle anything extra that needs to be done.” She holds the door wide open, so I move into the hallway. Resting her cheek against the wood, she asks, “Will you promise me something?”
“Depends.”
That causes her to smile. “If you happen to run into him, give him five minutes. It might be eye-opening.” She doesn’t have to explain the him she’s talking about.
“Or heart ending.”
“At least you’ll be able to move on knowing the truth, and isn’t that closure worth the effort?”
In all the months Nick and I have known each other, we only dated a few weeks. I tsk , embarrassed to admit that to myself. How did I expect something so frivolous to last? “Or pain.”
She scoffs and then takes me by my upper arms, giving me a small shake. “Stop this. You don’t have to argue every little thing. The worst may happen or the best, or maybe the worst has already happened, and it will only get better from here. You have fifty scenarios swimming around in that pretty head. Instead of guessing how it will play out, take the lead and put it to bed.” She squishes my cheeks together. “Or go to bed with him.”
“Are those my only options?” I ask, talking through fish lips.
“Pretty much. Let me know how that all turns out.”
Wrapping me in her arms, she says, “No matter what happens, you’ll always be stuck with me.”
I release the suitcase to hug her. “Unless you actually give a guy your number.”
“Maybe if I meet the right guy.” Stepping back, she adds, “The right guy at the right time, that is.”
“Isn’t that the truth.” I tug the suitcase and start walking down the hall to the elevator. “Don’t have too much fun without me.”
“I never do. Take care, Nat, and send your dad my best wishes.”
Still trucking to the elevator, I wave over my shoulder. “I will.”
When I arrive at the hospital, the car pulls up behind Jackson’s black Range Rover. I hadn’t thought about the coincidence until now—Jackson’s new Rover to Nick’s restored model. Jackson hops out to grab my stuff from the back seat as the cab driver pulls my suitcase from the trunk.
I fold myself into the SUV and run my hand over the dash. The two vehicles couldn’t be more different, but there’s something sophisticated about the leather and design on the inside. My brother is more of a sports car kind of guy, but after he wrecked the last one, my parents surprised him with the SUV. This car never fit Jackson like it does Nick.
Jackson loads my luggage in the back, and I turn to ask, “Where’s Mom?”
“She’s riding with Dad. They left about ten minutes ago.”
Irritation burns through me. “Then why didn’t you pick me up?”
“You’re in the opposite direction. I wasn’t going to fight traffic.”
Annoyed, I grit my teeth and look out the window. The bench that Nick had been occupying is empty, and disappointment fills my chest. His constant presence has surprised me, but is that it? He’s gone? Forever? I can’t say that worrying about my dad hasn’t consumed me, but alongside that has been this war inside my head. Talk to Nick vs. forget about him.
I breathe what I think is a sigh of relief. Not having to face your demons is always a good thing, but I can tell it’s something different. It’s not relief I feel, but empty, like the bench.
Jackson gets in and starts the car. “Ready?”
I glance back one more time. Maybe he went to get something to eat or use the bathroom. Maybe he was called away or asked to move. Maybe he’ll be back the moment we leave, and I’ll never see him again. I pop the door open, and my seat belt flies off. Hopping out, I look everywhere, everywhere for where my heart might be.
“What are you doing, Natalie?” I hear my brother but can’t bring myself to leave.
What if . . . He once tossed what-ifs around like he did I do’s .
I hate that I smile thinking about him. I hate that I miss those phrases he used.
But what I really hate is that I miss him.
When there’s no sign of him anywhere, I climb back in the SUV and buckle in. “I’m ready.”