Chapter 21
Newton
I feel like a coward, leaving her alone in the bed before the sun even came up, but her fear of Nathan Adair had the power to bring up all sorts of shit from my childhood.
I know her struggle. I lived some of the same things. I know what it”s like to regret being a coward, to watch someone get hurt and do nothing to stop it.
The coffee running down the back of my throat tastes like battery acid and the second it hits my stomach, it threatens to make a reappearance.
”You”re looking like me right now,” Hemlock growls when he walks into the dark kitchen.
I don”t acknowledge the man. He isn”t speaking to me because he wants to have a conversation, and I”m not foolish enough to think he”s concerned about my mental health.
”Nothing to say?” he snaps as his ass hits the chair he always occupies in the morning.
”Do you really give a shit?” I snap back, my eyes trained in his direction.
He shakes his head as he lifts his cup to his mouth. I”ve sat here for ten minutes, waiting for my coffee to cool down enough to drink, and this psycho motherfucker just guzzles it like it’s cold water.
“No,” he spits, chuckling when I look away.
I know what the man is capable of, but I also know that he’s here for a reason. Still, it’s hard to trust Kincaid’s judgment when I’ve seen this man operate. He’s soulless, eyes empty and void of any feelings at all. It makes me second-guess his commitment to the entire reason why Cerberus exists.
We don’t speak to each other again, but before long, others come into the kitchen, and the mood begins to shift from dark and dreary to anticipatory.
We have a meeting scheduled this morning, and although it hasn”t been confirmed, I think it may be a new mission we”re scheduled to go out on.
A week ago, I would”ve probably lied about my wrist still hurting in order to stay back at the clubhouse. After Brielle”s confessions and the memories they brought back to life, I don”t know if I can stay here with her much longer.
I feel weak, like a child afraid of the dark, with just the thought of going back in there with her, but I also know so many parts of me want to be there to comfort her. I don”t want anyone delving into my past, but I”m willing to step up and help with hers.
I pull in a ragged breath, knowing that I better not get into the habit of lying to myself because I bolted out of my bedroom the second I got the chance. And to think I thought I”d worked through all of this shit in therapy. I guess some people never heal.
”Meeting in ten,” Shadow says from the kitchen door.
I feel like a complete asshole for not taking Brielle something to eat, but these meetings usually don”t last very long. We go over the dossier for the case and then we”re given assignments.
I have no idea what the woman would do if I”m sent off on this mission, and dread sinks inside of me as I walk toward the conference room. I can”t make up my mind. I need some distance from her, but just thinking about not being here with her makes my head spin. The woman is really fucking me up but knowing it doesn”t stop my eyes from darting down the hallway toward the room. It sure as hell doesn”t stop the pull to her I feel in my chest.
I recognize Eddie ”Ace” Yarrow when I spot him standing at the front of the room. The other guy standing beside him is another story.
He looks more like a criminal than anything else, so I know he has to be one of the covert operatives from ICE. We”ve had several meetings with Kincaid and the others about the possibility of a new chapter beginning closer to the East Coast in an effort to provide more domestic support for the fight against sex trafficking.
I take my normal seat at the conference table, putting me at the very back of the room. Although some don”t like the unspoken hierarchy of the newer guys being further away from the front, I like my positioning in the room. I can see everyone. I can observe their bodies” reactions to the things they hear. I catch the looks some of them give others they”re closest to.
Kincaid steps up in front of the two men just as Kid walks in and closes the conference room”s double doors.
”As most of you know, this is Special Agent Eddie Yarrow with the office of Immigration and Customs Enforcement,” Kincaid begins. ”They”re here to explain what they”ve been doing to bring down some of the sex trafficking rings throughout the US. Eddie,” Kincaid says, offering the floor to the man.
”You all know who I am,” he says. ”It feels like a lifetime ago that I sat at this table. I also know that there have probably been a lot of whispers about where I went and why someone would be insane enough to leave Cerberus. The company does a lot of good, and I”m not here to argue that point, but years ago, I saw a need that wasn’t being met. I can admit that I had a life goal of making Cerberus’s missions obsolete. I just knew in my soul that if I fought hard enough to end domestic sex trafficking, there would be no need for guys like you to run all over South America and Mexico rescuing people.”
My heart beats faster in my chest as he speaks. I know the man isn”t a motivational speaker, but he sure knows how to command a fucking room.
”I”m here to tell you that after twenty years of fighting the good fight, my goals have never even come close to being met. With the advance of technology, and criminals always being one step ahead of the good guys, the human trafficking industry is a bustling business that shows no signs of slowing down.”
A round of murmurs makes its way around the room. We all know how bad it is, and most days it”s hard not to feel like a failure even with our successes. There”s always one more, always someone waiting to step up and take the place of the guys we track down. Murders have increased because the people abducted are a disposable commodity. Many are abducting women and selling them in brothels in the same fucking neighborhoods they were taken from. They end up in a pile of blood, throats slit or bullets in their heads, before the traffickers move on. It makes it impossible to catch them in the act.
The existence of companies like Cerberus could very easily be the reason so many people are dying in these third-world countries.
”We”ve been given permission to fight a little dirtier than most people would consider humane, but we all know the people abducting and tracking others are far from humane to their victims,” Ace continues. ”What we”re offering isn”t like Cerberus. It”ll be lonely. Anyone wanting to join needs to know it will require you to do things that might make your stomach turn. It will involve a lot of immersion into groups that if you were in Brazil, you might put them down before they opened their mouths. It”s dirty work. It”s a lifetime of manipulation and immorality.”
Several people begin to shift in their seats as he continues to speak, and I fight the urge to do the same. I know what they”re asking needs to be done, but I also know my limitations. There”s no way I could go undercover in a world like that and not be triggered.
”It won”t be easy, and I know Kincaid has mentioned that becoming apart of this effort isn”t recommended for people with families. I”ll tell everyone right now, if you have any deep connections to anyone, you”ll be denied. If you”re married or have children, the answer is no.”
I lock my eyes on the back of Hound”s head. It wasn”t that long ago that Hound was the one asking all the questions about this new endeavor. He was the only one who spoke up, but now he sits there quietly, not moving a muscle.
”I know no one is asking, but I feel the need to tell you why I”m putting that rule in place. I don”t want there to be any doubt about how dangerous this job is,” Ace says. I watch as the man looks up to the ceiling as if he needs to gather his thoughts before continuing, and I just know what he”s going to share with us is going to be brutal for him. ”I know Kincaid provides a dossier on every person that has been a part of Cerberus, and I think that history is great. Knowing the people you fight beside and the people who came before you is important. I also know that the dossier has no information on Skid after he left the club.”
Several people in the room sit up straighter in their chairs, a captive audience to what he”s about the share.
”Noah Upton was my best friend from the time we were kids up until the day he died.”
My breath hitches in my chest, and I hear more than one person gasp. There”s always been chatter about what happened to Noah ”Skid” Upton. Some think he got into trouble with the law, and his information wasn”t added to other dossiers because Kincaid didn”t want another stain on the club. Some thought that maybe he had gone dark, disappeared,and they didn”t know what happened to him.
”Thirteen years ago, he managed to infiltrate a group that had major ties to the Cortez family,” Ace continues, his words pulling cuss words from several people around the table.
The Cortez family is responsible for so much destruction in Mexico and the United States. Followers of the family were the ones responsible for three murders in Beth”s hometown of Lindell, Texas, a little over a year ago. They”re a violent, nasty group of people.
”While he was undercover, he did what most idiots would do, he fell in love. I”m not saying it was a mistake, but it led to his death. Only the Cortez family didn”t leave it at that. By the time Noah”s real identity was discovered, he was three years, a marriage, and two kids deep into his job. He was leaking back information as much as he could, but he was so deep, it was almost impossible to get information back to us.” Ace clears his throat, then he proceeds. ”I hadn”t heard from him in over a month, and against my better judgment, I reached out to him. His wife found the burner phone and took it to her father, Alejandro Cortez.Noah had to watch as his wife, Alejandro”s own daughter, was killed. Then his two boys before they put him out of his own misery. The ICE records show that Noah Upton was a traitor to his country, but the man saved hundreds of women and children while he was undercover. I know that had I not made that phone call, he would’ve been capable of saving hundreds more.”
Silence fills the room, and we all know what he”s feeling. We”re all Marines, including Ace, but there”s just something different about losing your best friend. I can only imagine the devastation that caused him.
”So, know that if you decide to be a part of this program, there can be no connections, and no connections can be formed. You will be isolated and alone most of the time, and it will have to stay that way until you choose to leave.”
Ace looks to Kincaid. My boss is staring across the room as if he”s just now hearing the news of Noah”s death for the first time, but I doubt that”s the case. I don”t think Ace would share such devastating news with the club president at the same time he shared it with a group of men and women he hadn”t met until today.
”With all that being said, I came to ask if there”s anyone here that would be interested in joining.”
Heads turn, all eyes in the room on Hemlock and me. We”re literally the only people here that would even begin to qualify for something like this, but the thought of the woman asleep in my bed down the hall keeps my ass in my seat.
Hemlock doesn”t hesitate to stand.